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Kriek
Maniac (V) Inmate

From: Florida
Insane since: Jul 2001

posted posted 09-23-2002 22:58

Stupid Lawyer Questions
I dont know how many of you have seen these, but these are actual documented questions asked by real lawyers..thought you guys would get a kick out of these..
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"Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?"

"The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?"

"Were you present when your picture was taken?"

"Were you alone or by yourself?"

"Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?"

"Did he kill you?"

"How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?"

"You were there until the time you left, is that true?"

"How many times have you committed suicide?"

Q: "So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?"
A: "Yes."
Q: "And what were you doing at that time?"

Q: "She had three children, right?"
A: "Yes."
Q: "How many were boys?"
A: "None."
Q: "Were there any girls?"

Q: "You say the stairs went down to the basement?"
A: "Yes."
Q: "And these stairs, did they go up also?"

Q: "Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't you?"
A:"I went to Europe, Sir."
Q: "And you took your new wife?"

Q:"How was your first marriage terminated?"
A: "By death."
Q:"And by who's death was it terminated?"

Q: "Can you describe the individual?"
A: "He was about medium height and had a beard."
Q: "Was this a male, or a female?"

Q: "Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?"
A: "No, this is how I dress when I go to work."
Q: "Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?"
A: "All my autopsies are performed on dead people."

Q: "All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?"
A: "Oral."

Q:"Do you recall the time that you examined the body?"
A:"The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m."
Q:"And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?"
A:"No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy."

Q: "You were not shot in the fracas?"
A: "No, I was shot midway between the fracas and the navel."

Q: "Are you qualified to give a urine sample?"
A: "I have been since early childhood."

Q: "Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?"
A: "No."
Q: "Did you check for blood pressure?"
A: "No."
Q: "Did you check for breathing?"
A : "No."
Q: "So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?"
A: "No."
Q: "How can you be so sure, Doctor?"
A: "Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar."
Q:"But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?"
A: "It is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere."


mogg
Obsessive-Compulsive (I) Inmate

From: Hinckley, Leicestershire, England
Insane since: Sep 2002

posted posted 09-23-2002 23:04

lol...nice, where did you find these?

Kriek
Maniac (V) Inmate

From: Florida
Insane since: Jul 2001

posted posted 09-23-2002 23:10

Friend of mine e-mailed it to me

Lord_Fukutoku
Paranoid (IV) Inmate

From: West Texas
Insane since: Jul 2002

posted posted 09-23-2002 23:45
quote:
Q: "All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?"
A: "Oral."

Q:"And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?"
A:"No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy."


lol, some of those are pretty good. Now the people in the CS lab are looking at me like there's something wrong...

[edit: Haven't been able to spell "something" correct ever since I stepped foot in this place...]
________________________________________________________________
-- Jack of all trades, master of that which has my attention at
the moment.

Unoriginal Cell 693

[This message has been edited by Lord_Fukutoku (edited 09-23-2002).]

WebShaman
Maniac (V) Mad Scientist

From: Happy Hunting Grounds...
Insane since: Mar 2001

posted posted 09-24-2002 10:25
quote:
Q: "Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?"
A: "No."
Q: "Did you check for blood pressure?"
A: "No."
Q: "Did you check for breathing?"
A : "No."
Q: "So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?"
A: "No."
Q: "How can you be so sure, Doctor?"
A: "Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar."
Q:"But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?"
A: "It is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere."



Man, that's killing me....*all my colleagues are looking at me as if I've lost my mind...*

Gilbert Nolander
Maniac (V) Inmate

From: Washington DC
Insane since: May 2002

posted posted 09-24-2002 18:16

"What foot do you wear your right shoe on?"

-^^-
--::--
\___/

Lord_Fukutoku
Paranoid (IV) Inmate

From: West Texas
Insane since: Jul 2002

posted posted 09-24-2002 19:45
quote:
"What foot do you wear your right shoe on?"


Not real sure about the rest of you, but I wear the right shoe on my right foot, and the right shoe on my left foot.

Why would you want to wear the wrong shoe on either foot?

Gilbert Nolander
Maniac (V) Inmate

From: Washington DC
Insane since: May 2002

posted posted 09-25-2002 18:14

Huh?

WebShaman
Maniac (V) Mad Scientist

From: Happy Hunting Grounds...
Insane since: Mar 2001

posted posted 09-26-2002 13:09

Hehe...so you can 'start the day off on the wrong foot'...

Obviously...

Or if you are 'missing' a foot, I guess...

Lord_Fukutoku
Paranoid (IV) Inmate

From: West Texas
Insane since: Jul 2002

posted posted 09-26-2002 17:42
quote:
Not real sure about the rest of you, but I wear the right shoe on my right foot, and the right shoe on my left foot.

right shoe = correct shoe... playing with the english language a bit, ya know, right, correct... yea... nevermind...

I think that one just earned me an extra trip to the basement...

wanders back to "God?" thread

[This message has been edited by Lord_Fukutoku (edited 09-26-2002).]

Gilbert Nolander
Maniac (V) Inmate

From: Washington DC
Insane since: May 2002

posted posted 09-26-2002 17:58

Ohhh, I got you.... Right as in direction, and right as in correct.

-^^-
--::--
\___/

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