Preserved Topic: Life.. (Page 1 of 1)

U think is possible to love someone all the time, does love exist??, How you know if u r in love....??. is it possible to love after a beeing broken hearted??, is it worth it to kee p looking for the ONE ..........

It's hard to breath when u you feel u belong nowhere, new country..., different languages, different cultures, different PRINCIPLES, is there a destiny??, how to know what am i supposed to learn from this, it's hard to learn when barely breathing..., and love hmmmm seems to be just an illusion, a reflexion of me, my fears and dreams....

100 tears

Lala

Wow. Someone is hurting right now .

Believe it or not Lala, I know exactly how you feel. I went through similar emotions and doubts when I first came to Korea, but unfortunately I didn't have a forum like this where I could share my feelings. There were nights where I honestly contemplated jumping off bridges. I certainly hope you are not at that stage.

In sociological terms, what you are feeling is called "anomie"--it is when you are at the point where you are beginning to drift away from your native land but you are not yet adapted to your new culture. But you don't need or want to hear sociological explanations right now. I think what you need to hear is that I was there once, and I made it through.

I'll be honest with you, your post really brought a tear to my eye, because I can still quite vividly remember when I felt the same way. When I first came here I deliberately avoided contact with other foreigners in order to speed up the acculturation process. What happened, though, is that I ended up all alone, with no friends and no one to reach out to. I spent my nights in the abyss of depression, and it was only my activities during the day that helped keep my mind off of things. I tried to use alcohol as an escape, but that just postponed the issue.

I felt stifled, like you do now. It sometimes felt like the weight of the entire world was crashing down on my chest. I too wanted someone to share my hopes and fears with, and for a brief time I had a girlfriend--until her parents found out about us. I despaired of ever finding the one and I wondered if I hadn't made the worst mistake of my life.

Then I met another girl, and I began to realize what love is, and that there really is such a thing as true love. We were married one year to the day after we met, and we have been married for over five years now. She is my soulmate, she is the one, and it wasn't until I had stopped looking that I found her. So yes, I want you to know that anything is possible--do not give up hope.

I want to say something else, too, although some other people here might not appreciate this. If you do not feel the same way, then please feel free to disregard what I am going to say--but I want you to know that I'm telling you this because I feel for you in your pain right now. Human love is fallible, and even though I know my wife is the one for me, there are times when we disappoint each other, and times when we hurt each other. But the love of God is unfailing--He will be there for you when there is no one else. I had forgotten that when I first came here, but I found Him again and now I know that I need never be alone again. Maybe you believe in God, or maybe you don't. Or maybe you're not sure. I just hope you can take my words the way I mean them--in compassion.

What are you supposed to learn from all this? Who knows? Actually, only you can know that, and you will only discover what it is later on. We may not be able to see the significance of the events that occur around us at the time they occur, but later on we will be able to look back over the road we have traveled and see how far we have come. Until the day this mortal coil goes back into the earth, though, there will always be a road behind us and a road ahead of us. The only thing I can say to you is look back with fondess over the road you have traveled, look forward with hope to the road yet ahead, and learn to cherish the moment on that road where you are now.

Keep breathing... you'll make it through

Lala, love does exist. I can tell you that with certainty. Suho1004 has answered you in the most caring and heartfelt way. I cannot fully understand the situations you have both described because I it hasn't happened to me but I can extend my assurance to you that it is worth moving forward. Keep checking back here and I think you will find plenty more people who can help you through some tough times and I also agree about trusting in God for He will never let you down even when all else fails. Never give up!

. . : newThing

Thanks for your words guys, they meant the world for me!!! , u made me cry suho1003, and YES i believe in god, its just that is hard to keep the hope sometimes, but you really reconforted my soul with your words........., 3 words.... same meaning:

GRACIAS
THANKS
MERCI

100 smiles

Lala

Lala, you don't know how happy I am to hear that . I'm so glad that I was able to be a comfort to you in your time of need. I know how hard it can be to keep the faith sometimes... but He will never forsake us.

Keep smiling , and we'll be praying for you. And if you ever need someone to talk to, don't hesitate to drop me an e-mail (my address should be in my profile).

Thanks again Suho1003 u r a such a nice person .

Thanks a lot.

Love: It´s a very difficult word to explain. To be honest, I don´t think anyone can explain it. It´s so confusing, and yet so simple that nobody can tell you when you are in love; you just know it. It´s so great that deffinetly it´s God´s work. It´s what makes life possible, it gives meaning to existence. But the problem with true love it´s being broken-hearted by someone. Your entire soul belongs to that person, but he/she sometimes choose to throw it away. But you always keep a little piece of soul, deep inside your heart. And to recover from being broken-hearted, you help that piece of soul to grow just as big as before. Then you try again. When you find the right person, his/her soul and yours unite and help each other to grow. That´s the beauty of love.

I feel that I ALMOST know your pain. You see, my father is Brazilian, but I had grown up in the U.S. up to the age of 12 when I studied at the International School of Brasilia for one year and learned Portuguese. That part was okay because I was still young enough and most people spoke English at the school.

Where it got painful was when I became kind of a delinquent in school around age 17 my Mom sent me to live with my Dad. I know it's not a fair comparison, because a) I had family there and b) I was already a reasonable Portuguese-speaker. But you have to put this in perspective of what my life had been.

Sophomore year in high school was like a social awakening for me. I had always been kind of shy and reclusive except with a very few select friends. But after Freshman year I virtually ran away from home. There was perhaps 100 people at my high school who all formed a large social group. We skipped school, we did drugs, we got kicked out of every business establishment in Minneapolis for loitering, but we had a strong community.

So when my mom sent me to Brazil, I lost my girlfriend, my friends, and really my whole social context. I hated every minute of it, and the worst thing was there was nothing to do. Absolutely nothing. It was the off-season from school, and though I tried to take a Portuguese class, there wasn't anything really appropriate for my proficiency. I didn't relate to Brazilians (I didn't even relate to most Americans still), and I found it difficult to understand their sense of humor. Thankfully I had a loving family that always tried to make me happy, but I couldn't get over the fact that I had been uprooted from everything I knew and loved. I put myself through unbearable anguish, and looking back it seems like it should have been so easy to just enjoy my situation (I had a maid cleaning up after me, 3 meals cooked a day, didn't have to work, dad gave me money whenever I wanted, etc. etc).

Anyway, the point is that I went through all this internal strife from which there seemed to be no escape, but afterwards I know a lot more about what it means to be human. I think of love as a general emotion, not tied merely to romantic interests, but also to all aspects of one's life. Because at the time, I missed my girlfriend terribly, but what I really missed was all my friends and the fun we used to have together.

What I have to say to you Lala, though you may not know what you are supposed to be learning, you ARE learning. Does love exist? Most certainly or you would feel nothing. How do you know if you're in love? Still tryin' to answer that for myself, but I would caution against subscribing to the notion of true love. People are people, and I don't think it's difficult to love, but I do know it's impossible to be perfect. I think the trick is finding the right balance between trust and prudence. A lot of people go straight from total trust to total coldness, and that makes me sad.

Good luck to you, and I know that you will feel better one day.

-jiblet

YES, it's true I'm learning, ... me too, i used to have a maid back in my country, i was VERY spoiled, now i value that women and all her qualities (patience, love), I've also learned how important is to keep identity , sometimes you want to be different to "fit", now i know very well that i have to be myself ALL the time and not to be afraid of beeing different, I've learned to listen to my mom, oh yes she is rigth almost all the time .

Hmm Love...., I'll have to learn to wait.....

100 Lessons

Lala

Well, Lala, it seems you've come to the right place, eh? Where else to find comfort but at the Asylum? The padded walls, the medication, the nice doctors in white coats...

Oh, by the way, Suho1003 is my cellmate; I'm Suho1004. But my cellmate says thanks for the thought anyway .

Well, this much I know is true...you can't love anyone else until you first love yourself. Only then are you in a position to truly love someone else. That has been my experience...

I also find that over the long run, life has a funny way of working things out...just remain true to yourself, work hard, and be honest. Only you have to accept (and, yes, love) the person in the mirror. Of course, it's really nice when you find somebody else that does, as well.