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velvetrose
Paranoid (IV) Mad Librarian

From: overlooking the bay
Insane since: Apr 2001

posted posted 10-31-2004 04:08

some people are too serious, so i post this in hopes it will lighten up this forum

A Pagan Goes to Hell

A Pagan dies, and to his great surprise finds himself standing before some pearly gates. The guy in charge looks him over before asking, "Can I help you?"

"Where am I?" asks the Pagan.

"Beg your pardon?" the other guy asks. "You're in Heaven, of course."

"B-but I don't believe..."

"Hmmm" (squinting his eyes) "are you one of them Pagan folk?" the gatekeeper asks, his mouth curling in mild distaste.

"Yes, I am... I believe I'm in the wrong place, which way is the Summerland?" our Pagan friend asks.

"It's been 'temporarily' shut down for repairs," the gatekeeper said with an ironic chuckle, "ever since we took over...err...I mean... since the people found their way to the true path."

"Whatever," says the Pagan, "What do I do now?"

"I'm sorry sir, but you must go to Hell. No Pagans allowed here."

"WHAT? Hell? But I don't believe in Hell!"

"Sorry, those are the rules, just follow the downward path to the left."

So our Pagan friend walks down to Hell, only to find the doors open. He warily goes in and looks around to see beautiful meadows, and animals happily roaming the surrounding woods. "Hmm, so far so good."

A voice behind him made him all but jump out of his skin. "Can I help you?"

"SHEESH! Give a guy a heart attack, why don't you?"

"Ahem... a little too late for that, isn't it?" the guy said with a smile.

"Who are you, anyway?" our friend asks.

"Why, I'm Satan," the other one said with a slight bow.

"Satan?!" said our friend as he started looking around nervously.

"At your service... you're the Pagan guy Pete called us about, right?"

"Pete... oh the guy in Heaven, yes..." he said, eyeing Satan carefully. "What's gonna happen to me now?"

"Well, you can hang out, there's some great fishing going on in the lake beyond these woods and, if you follow the road down this way, there's refreshments and a little market not too far and to your right. I believe the Pagan meeting grounds are just behind that hill..." Satan went on.

"Are you serious...?" he finally asked. Satan grinned at him innocently.

"Why shouldn't I be?" Sudden understanding filled Satan's eyes. "You don't believe the rumors, do you?"

Suddenly, in answer to our friend's growing fear, the vault of the skies opened with a thunderous groan. A soul, plummeting through the sky, screamed in terror, his screams drowned by the opening of a yawning chasm full of fire and brimstone. The stench of sulfur thickened the air. Thousands of howling, suffering, tortured voices echoed through Hell. When the screaming soul finally fell into the pit, the ground shut closed with a sickening thud that rattled the earth.

Our Pagan friend all but soiled his undies as he yelped in terror. "And what was THAT all about?"

Satan rolled his eyes, and made a dismissive gesture with his hand as he said with a distasteful grimace. "Oh, just ignore that..." He rolled his eyes again. "My Christian guests refuse to have it any other way!"

----------
before you lambaste (sp) me, read the title of the thread.

poi
Paranoid (IV) Inmate

From: France
Insane since: Jun 2002

posted posted 10-31-2004 04:17

So the life after death, is just like normal life ... except that you are (already) dead and there's a guy called Satan that trick the Christians. Sounds like a funny place



(Edited by poi on 10-31-2004 06:31)

Bugimus
Maniac (V) Mad Scientist

From: New California
Insane since: Mar 2000

posted posted 10-31-2004 14:21

I'm pretty serious lately but I'm not going to lambaste you, velvetrose

: . . DHTML Slice Puzzle : . . .

WebShaman
Maniac (V) Mad Scientist

From: Happy Hunting Grounds...
Insane since: Mar 2001

posted posted 10-31-2004 14:31

*chuckles*

I X I
Paranoid (IV) Inmate

From: beyond the gray sky
Insane since: Apr 2004

posted posted 10-31-2004 20:14

I like that one, thanks for sharing




...Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most (ozzy osbourne)

Gideon
Bipolar (III) Inmate

From: rooted on planet Mars, *I mean Earth*
Insane since: May 2004

posted posted 10-31-2004 21:35

Do you really believe that that will happen velvetrose, or is it just something you found lying around somewhere?

Do not rebuke a mocker or he will hate you, rebuke a wise man and he will love you.

metahuman
Maniac (V) Inmate

From: meme-contagion
Insane since: Aug 2003

posted posted 10-31-2004 23:27
quote:
Gideon said:

Do you really believe that that will happen velvetrose, or is it just something you found lying around somewhere?

I suppose you lack a sense of humor. The joke illustrates an important concept you've yet to understand: belief is not reality; belief is delusion.

_____________
Disclaimer. All opinions by metahuman use objectively defined terms. Use Princeton University's WordNet if you are uncertain of the actual meaning. Have a nice day!

UnknownComic
Paranoid (IV) Inmate

From: 2 steps away from a los angeles curb
Insane since: Nov 2003

posted posted 10-31-2004 23:42

Yes Gideon.

Only those people who insist on believing in hell will go there.

As a matter of fact, because the afterlife is a realm of energy, only you can prescribe the torment you will receive through the energy of your mind. All the slights, unjustness, and judgements you have cast on others will come at once to pummel you into afterlife subservience. And of course all the guilt you have from touching yourself and others in an unclean way fractures your mind. So you will punish yourself.

That's why it's best to deal with those issues while still alive.

Once dead, your consciousness enters the lower levels of the death conscious realm. You say goodbye to the material world and it's people, then move on to the upper levels.

Peratory is the first upper level of death consciousness, where you must face your actions and decide on your own next course...

If you decide you need to go to heaven or hell, that is where you are sent.
If you decide you need to explore the cosmos of the material world... you go there. Perhaps stopping by a distant quasar in your joourneys to see if the astronomers knew what they where talking about. Some, may decide that hopscotching through blackholes will be fun for a while... It's all relative. You can choose from an infinite array of paths to follow. Some will only have two choices. Others more... it depends on the enlightenment you achieved during the material phase of your existence.

You decide, after a careful recounting of your past life where next to go.

{This is illustrated in the story by Satans insistance;

quote:
Satan rolled his eyes, and made a dismissive gesture with his hand as he said with a distasteful grimace. "Oh, just ignore that..." He rolled his eyes again. "My Christian guests refuse to have it any other way!"

}


Now perhaps you died in an addle-brained state and are too confused to decide. You can either stay in pergatory or go back to earth to try to taste the material world. Countless vain attempts to interact with the material world and its people will either drive you mad [where you will spend eternity trying to rattle chains and get the attention of those still living in the material world - Thats why we have ghosts. poor misguided creatures.] or back to pergatory.


It's important to choose wisely once dead, but if things get out of control you can always go back to the well of souls to be reborn into the material world and try another go at it.

Either way, enjoy life now and have a Happy Halloween. Mmm, candy...

______________
Is This Thing On?

Webbing; the stuff that sticks to your face.

(Edited by UnknownComic on 11-01-2004 01:35)

Skaarjj
Maniac (V) Mad Scientist

From: :morF
Insane since: May 2000

posted posted 11-01-2004 06:34
quote:
Gideon said:

Do you really believe that that will happen velvetrose, or is it just something
you found lying around somewhere?



Gideon: It's a joke, you know, one of those things people laugh at. Get over yourself. This does not need to be turned into yet another religious debate. If you want to debate religion go and do it in one of the actual religious debate threads.

velvetrose: I love it, that joke made my day.


Justice 4 Pat Richard

Gideon
Bipolar (III) Inmate

From: rooted on planet Mars, *I mean Earth*
Insane since: May 2004

posted posted 11-01-2004 18:23
quote:
UnknownComic said:

Only those people who insist on believing in hell will go there.



Hey, Skaarjj, I know it was a joke, I just wanted to know if anyone really believed it was true, and someone does.

Listen, UnknownComic, there are many things in the here and the hereafter taht I don't understand, but one thing I know is that people have no way to influence where they are going in the hereafter. We don't have that kind of power. If we can't even have power over many things in this world like pain, suffering, and death, we can't even try to have an effect in the afterlife. What sort of evil being would give easily corruptable people that kind of powerful decision? Some of us can't even handle the death of a pet, let alone deciding our fate in the afterlife. If I don't have that much faith in people, then I find it hard to believe that a being that is more intelligent than I would have that much faith in people.

I do have faith in a being that does understand how infallible we are, and loves us anyway.

Do not rebuke a mocker or he will hate you, rebuke a wise man and he will love you.

UnknownComic
Paranoid (IV) Inmate

From: 2 steps away from a los angeles curb
Insane since: Nov 2003

posted posted 11-01-2004 19:32

He he he, thanks Gideon....

I knew you would not be able to resist.



Move Along Folks, Nothing To See Here! Just A Monkey Dancing To The Grinder!

______________
Is This Thing On?

Webbing; the stuff that sticks to your face.

WebShaman
Maniac (V) Mad Scientist

From: Happy Hunting Grounds...
Insane since: Mar 2001

posted posted 11-01-2004 19:42

^ ROTFLMAO!!!!

Religious nuts, anyone? Get your religous nuts here! Piping hot religious nuts!

How about you, sir?

DL-44
Maniac (V) Inmate

From: under the bed
Insane since: Feb 2000

posted posted 11-01-2004 19:44

Or, as the popular bimper sticker says:

quote:
It's your hell, you burn in it



Amaruuk
Nervous Wreck (II) Inmate

From: 5 square miles surrounded by reality
Insane since: Jul 2001

posted posted 11-01-2004 20:18

I come back to the asylum and read this. Awesome post, I love it. : ) Made my Monday morning.

Amaruuk

"In order to be an immaculate member of a flock of sheep, one must above all be a sheep oneself."
Albert Einstein

Tao
Paranoid (IV) Inmate

From: The Pool Of Life
Insane since: Nov 2003

posted posted 11-01-2004 20:57

WebShaman are those religious nuts roasted? That's the best kind
Gideon, when you said:

quote:
I do have faith in a being that does understand how infallible we are, and loves us anyway.


Did you mean "fallible"? You did diddn't you?

:::tao::: ::cell::

metahuman
Maniac (V) Inmate

From: meme-contagion
Insane since: Aug 2003

posted posted 11-01-2004 23:26
quote:
Gideon said:

. . . .one thing I know is that people have no way to influence where they are going in the hereafter.

1. How do you know this? Define "hereafter"?

2. If people have no way to influence their "afterlife", what good is "God"? Actually, what good is prayer, worship, and being Christian? According to you, nothing.

Moreover, if people have no way to influence their "afterlife," then free will is impossible and humans are reduced to mere puppets of an emotional "God" who also seems to be unable to create an immovable rock that he can't lift.

Sorry, Gideon. I mistook you for a Christian. I didn't know you were an atheist.

_____________
Disclaimer. All opinions by metahuman use objectively defined terms. Use Princeton University's WordNet if you are uncertain of the actual meaning. Have a nice day!

Skaarjj
Maniac (V) Mad Scientist

From: :morF
Insane since: May 2000

posted posted 11-02-2004 02:21

ok guys, and I think I'll have the agreeance of the velvetrose when I say: If you are going ot insist on debating this, go do it in one of the existing religious debate threads or start a new one for it. This thread in particular doesn't need to turn into one.


Justice 4 Pat Richard

Bugimus
Maniac (V) Mad Scientist

From: New California
Insane since: Mar 2000

posted posted 11-02-2004 04:27

Gideon, UC was just trying to get your goat. He succeeded. You've to take a step back sometimes and not let people play you like that.

: . . DHTML Slice Puzzle : . . .

WebShaman
Maniac (V) Mad Scientist

From: Happy Hunting Grounds...
Insane since: Mar 2001

posted posted 11-02-2004 09:07

Bugs! Now you've gone and spoiled our fun!!

Drats!

Gideon
Bipolar (III) Inmate

From: rooted on planet Mars, *I mean Earth*
Insane since: May 2004

posted posted 11-02-2004 18:23

Yeah, Tao, thanks. I guess I was a little hasty in that last post.

UC, you are right, I could not resist. You may have put that on there to deceive me, but I did not know that. Even if you don't believe that (which I hope you don't) if someone else might have, and I thank you for the oppertunity to speak my heart. Thanks UC.

MH-
1. After life? After we die? Is that what you are looking for?
2.

quote:
metahuman said:

If people have no way to influence their "afterlife", what good is "God"?
Actually, what good is prayer, worship, and being Christian? According to you,
nothing.


God is lots of good, and I will talk of that later, but if you would look closely at my post you would see that man can do nothing.

"It is by grace you are saved...so no man can boast" (sorry I don't have the verses, but it is the best I can do under the circumstances.)

Do not rebuke a mocker or he will hate you, rebuke a wise man and he will love you.

Gideon
Bipolar (III) Inmate

From: rooted on planet Mars, *I mean Earth*
Insane since: May 2004

posted posted 11-02-2004 21:13
quote:
Ephesians 2:8
8 For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God; 9 not as a result of works, so that no one may boast.


Here is the quote, I'm sorry I didn't have the resources earlier.

Do not rebuke a mocker or he will hate you, rebuke a wise man and he will love you.

metahuman
Maniac (V) Inmate

From: meme-contagion
Insane since: Aug 2003

posted posted 11-02-2004 21:42
quote:
Gideon said:

God is lots of good, and I will talk of that later, but if you would look closely at my post you would see that man can do nothing.

If that is true, then it is useless to talk of "God." It is useless to talk of religion, Christianity, your beliefs, and it is useless for you to attempt to persuade others to join your sect. If "man can do nothing," then existence is useless as well as is your "God" for faith is ineffectual.

By the way, you can talk all you want about your "God" but that's all you'll ever accomplish: talk. After all, talk is useless for "man can do nothing."

_____________
Disclaimer. All opinions by metahuman use objectively defined terms. Use Princeton University's WordNet if you are uncertain of the actual meaning. Have a nice day!

(Edited by metahuman on 11-02-2004 21:42)

UnknownComic
Paranoid (IV) Inmate

From: 2 steps away from a los angeles curb
Insane since: Nov 2003

posted posted 11-02-2004 23:32

Ya know, I could've just said that when we die we turn into pink butterflies that are eaten by green ants that jump into the sky to bring us down.

No one really "knows" what happens after we die... we're dead. Other than that, its all fairytales used to assuage the minds that cant except the unknown.

It's unknown...

And, it wont be known until we each take our own personal journey to that place. And eventually we will ALL get to find out for ourselves.

Some scholar once wrote;

quote:
all people who are bitten by spiders, die.



But no one has a monopoly on theories of what happens after we die. And no one can prove their theory except by dieing.

Lets's just keep the initial post in perspective. It was funny, it was not dogma being proselytized...,


IT WAS A JOKE!

....written in joke format, and it was fairly humorous.

______________
Is This Thing On?

Webbing; the stuff that sticks to your face.

Gideon
Bipolar (III) Inmate

From: rooted on planet Mars, *I mean Earth*
Insane since: May 2004

posted posted 11-03-2004 17:59

Okay UC, now you fell into one of my traps so to speak. You see, I know what happens after death because a man nearly 2000 years ago died and came back to life. He knows what lays on the other side.

You know what? If Jesus hadn't been raised from the dead, then He would have just faded away like all the other men who claimed to be the Messiah (except He did do miracles which were rather exciting). He wouldn't even be know to us now, but He endures to the end of the age...

quote:
UnknownComic said:

written in joke format, and it was fairly humorous.


It may have been written in joke format, but I didn't find it that humorous. I found it sad. Even if it was a joke, all jokes have an opinion behind them, and a reason for being spoken.

MH- I guess you are right. I did have the wrong wording there. I meant to say man doesn't need to do anything. Sorry about that.

Man is like the little four year old that pleads with mommy to help make a cake. Mommy can do it very effectively by Himself, but He allows us to work. Our good works are shown because of our faith in Him, and His Grace for our deliverance. Not by works, not by prayer or anything else. Those stem from faith and deliverance, not the other way around.

Do not rebuke a mocker or he will hate you, rebuke a wise man and he will love you.

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