Topic awaiting preservation: I have a friend who needs support and advice. (Page 1 of 1)

My friend's, let's just say in Grade 11 right now, and his dad want's his family to move back to his old country. But he doesn't want to because he's not certain of what he's life would be out there. He decides to be admitted in a certain Military Academy just to get away from his dad. He's been commenting and arguing about this problem with his dad but his dad won't listen to him. He really wants to stay in the country where he's living right now. What do you think he should do?

ADVICE WILL BE MUCH APPRECIATED.
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| "The past will always attack the present with the pain of your memories." - Seiichi Kirima |
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(Edited by Yannah on 11-11-2004 02:08)

I'm sorry, Yannah, but you've not provided enough information to comment on. At least not for me.

: . . DHTML Slice Puzzle : . . .

We don't always get what we want.

That said, I would strongly suggest that the friend sit down with his parents, and attempt to understand why his parents have decided to do this, if possible.

At that age, it is not always obvious as to why something as traumatic as moving has to be done.

I think he should do everything that he can to get a two way communication path going. If his parents love him (and I am sure that they do, I would hope that they do), then I am sure they have what they feel are very good reasons for doing what they are doing.

Other than that, I have to agree with Bugs here.

Well my friend's mom already left with his sister to their old country and he's not that sure if his dad loves him.
What information do you want? Maybe I could ask.

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Deviations | My Detention Room | My Poetry Cell | My Own Domain | Support and advice needed. Now!
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| "The past will always attack the present with the pain of your memories." - Seiichi Kirima |
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(Edited by Yannah on 11-11-2004 12:01)

He might be leaving soon, I believe on the 16th of Dec. 2004 is what his father have in mind.

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Deviations | My Detention Room | My Poetry Cell | My Own Domain | Support and advice needed. Now!
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| "The past will always attack the present with the pain of your memories." - Seiichi Kirima |
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quote:

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Well my friend's mom already left with his sister to their old country and he's not that sure if his dad loves him.

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Why didn't the Dad go with? Something tells me, that the parents are not trying to destroy their sons life. They probably have very valid reasons for doing what they are doing.

If he is not sure that his Dad loves him, I suspect that there is a massive communication problem. But that is just my perspective from the outside.

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WebShaman said:

quote:

Well my friend's mom already left with his sister to their old country and he's not that sure if his dad loves him.


Why didn't the Dad go with? Something tells me, that the parents are not trying to destroy their sons life. They probably have very valid reasons for doing what they are doing.If he is not sure that his Dad loves him, I suspect that there is a massive communication problem. But that is just my perspective from the outside.

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Actually that's the problem, they don't communicate calmly. The dad would always reaise his voice whenever his son starts questioning him in a lower voice.

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Deviations | My Detention Room | My Poetry Cell | My Own Domain | Support and advice needed. Now!
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| "The past will always attack the present with the pain of your memories." - Seiichi Kirima |
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Hmm... I was going to suggest that he talk it over with his dad but that may not be possible. He may try discussing it with his mom or (if this makes since) discussing it with his father through his mother. Otherwise he should try to look at it from his parents view then his view and decide whats best on his own.

History is nothing but a fable that has been agreed upon.
-Napolean Bonaparte

He already talked to his mom about his mom told him to convince his dad to let him stay, and that's what he did. His dad said that if they don't like staying much longer in their old country they might go back. MIGHT!

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Deviations | My Detention Room | My Poetry Cell | My Own Domain | Support and advice needed. Now!
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| "The past will always attack the present with the pain of your memories." - Seiichi Kirima |
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I really doubt that they will go back if they move; he'd have to move back to his current country when old enough.

I'd say that he really has little choice besides discussing with his father, however uncomfortable it may be to have his father yelling I think it's probably the course he needs to take (unless it could result in injury). If his parents can't be persuaded, tell him to think very very hard over whether or not it's worth it to be admitted into a Military Academy.
Make your own choices in this matter, take what advice you will--but remember what we say is just ADVICE and it's your responsibility to determine if it's good advice or bad advice.

- James
Google Boards | Great Big Blog

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tntcheats said:

I really doubt that they will go back if they move; he'd have to move back to his current country when old enough.I'd say that he really has little choice besides discussing with his father, however uncomfortable it may be to have his father yelling I think it's probably the course he needs to take (unless it could result in injury). If his parents can't be persuaded, tell him to think very very hard over whether or not it's worth it to be admitted into a Military Academy.Make your own choices in this matter, take what advice you will--but remember what we say is just ADVICE and it's your responsibility to determine if it's good advice or bad advice.

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Me?
He'd be better off to a Military Academy atleast he wouldn't have to depend to his father's money to go to University.

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Deviations | 5464 | My Poetry Cell | My Own Domain | Support and advice needed. Now!
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| "The past will always attack the present with the pain of your memories." - Seiichi Kirima |
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If it were me I would want to try and keep my family together, but I don't know the whole story, only he and his family does. It is sometimes neccessary to leave your family if the cause is great enough. I guess it kinda depends on the country, what his reasons for staying here are, what some good things would be for going to this country, some bad things. He is just going to have to weigh these things and he shouldn't come to a conclusion very quickly.

One thing about psycological stuff for moving is that I know from experience that children don't adjust well to moving durring their childhood years, especially during highschool. It is a very difficult manuver, and he shouldn't do it unless he really thinks it is a good idea.

And I agree whole heartedly-these are only suggestions and advice, we do not know this person, nor his whole situation, and this is only something he and his family can decide.

Do not rebuke a mocker or he will hate you, rebuke a wise man and he will love you.

I don't think he'll be in good hand if he stays with his father.

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Deviations | 5464 | My Poetry Cell | My Own Domain | Support and advice needed. Now!
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| "The past will always attack the present with the pain of your memories." - Seiichi Kirima |
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Is there an actual reason why he wouldn't be in good hands staying with his father? If his father is just unpleasant why not just move and then move back in another year when he's 18?

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Jestah said:

Is there an actual reason why he wouldn't be in good hands staying with his father? If his father is just unpleasant why not just move and then move back in another year when he's 18?

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Well, his dad is some kind of a person who thinks he's all that but he's not. And when he's not in the mood he'll get mad at him for no reason.

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Deviations | 5464 | My Poetry Cell | My Own Domain | Support and advice needed. Now!
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| "The past will always attack the present with the pain of your memories." - Seiichi Kirima |
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Yannah -

There's a large difference between that and someone who is abusive. You haven't posted anything to imply that your friend's father is doing something wrong. Instead, it sounds like your friend is just upset because he's moving. I'm sure it's upsetting to leave the life you knew but I imagine his parents are moving for good reason. The reality is though your friend is almost an adult. For the time being he has little choice in where he lives but in another year or so he'll be 18 and old enough to choose where he wants to live.

Edit: Actually, that's assume in whatever country he lives in 18 is the legal age in which someone becomes an adult.

(Edited by Jestah on 11-22-2004 06:17)

My friend's dad had hit his sister a lot of times. And his other sister as well. Actually, his dad had hit all of them, he threw hot chicken stock to their mom before.

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Deviations | 5464 | My Poetry Cell | My Own Domain | Support and advice needed. Now!
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| "The past will always attack the present with the pain of your memories." - Seiichi Kirima |
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Well, if that's the case then he should be abandoned and forgotten. I know it's hard to get justice in cases where the father has beaten and/or abused children and justice is never served.

- James
Google Boards | Great Big Blog

I know, and he knows.

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Deviations | 5464 | My Poetry Cell | My Own Domain | Support and advice needed. Now!
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| "The past will always attack the present with the pain of your memories." - Seiichi Kirima |
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