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_Mauro
Bipolar (III) Inmate

From:
Insane since: Jul 2005

posted posted 09-08-2005 16:33

Once upon a time, in the Ozone galaxy, came a boy called InI, a coder, who suffered from failure neurosis,
a common neurotic disorder, and didn't know it.

Such disorders can be reverted, quite easilly, and are not permanent, as opposed to manic depression,
schytzophrenia, and alike.

Luckilly enough, the core "ego" of InI was safe, the processes or intellectual and emotional development had happened normally.
As opposed to personality disorders for example, neurosis acts like a "plug" on top of an existing personality, an unwanted addition.

Common symptoms of such a disorder include constant hesitation (a difficulty to make decisions for oneself),
a tendency to badly define one's emotional boundaries (under or overreacting easilly), and two, or more, personalities
that co-exist, plus a tendency to cause onself's failures, and a sexual ambivalence.

By sexual ambivalence, I mean... I mean stuff like "sh*t he's turned into a wuss-bag-girly-man again and will WHINE again",
rest assured I love ladies, ladies, and feel free to apply for a potential good time

By different personalities, unlike shytzophrenia, a neurotic person like that InI guy
had two persons in him who "knew" each other, and were aware of each other: one was... quite like "Beavith",
a silly-agressive-provocative persona, the other was a lot more reserved, shy and reasonable, but still weak.

The end of the story? Both parties have merged into "_Mauro", thus becoming one strong individual,
who "could not care less what others think of him" but at the same time does control his temper and knows how
and when to behave (or not).

The moral of the story? Feed the right wolf,
achieve your own inner balance, and life will smile back at you.

I am enjoying myself in all possible ways nowadays...

Diogenes
Bipolar (III) Inmate

From: Right behind you.
Insane since: May 2005

posted posted 09-08-2005 16:50

You left out self-centred and totally egoistic as two of the flaws shared and amplified by the fusion of the pair.

Never let your sense of morals get in the way of doing what's right.
Isaac Asimov
US science fiction novelist & scholar (1920 - 1992)

kimson
Paranoid (IV) Inmate

From: age
Insane since: Jan 2005

posted posted 09-08-2005 17:01

Excuse my rudeness and feel free not to answer, but did you find out by yourself?

Diogenes
Bipolar (III) Inmate

From: Right behind you.
Insane since: May 2005

posted posted 09-08-2005 17:25

Nope, referring to your pair. It is impossible to be rude to me.

Never let your sense of morals get in the way of doing what's right.
Isaac Asimov
US science fiction novelist & scholar (1920 - 1992)

_Mauro
Bipolar (III) Inmate

From:
Insane since: Jul 2005

posted posted 09-08-2005 17:29

Well, self-centered and egoistic are -your judgement-, feel free to expand on it and make a point out of it: I may be
self-centered, or not, I may be perceived as such for posting stuff about me, only thing is, this, and the discussion that will follow,
"could" be of some help to one - or many.

Including the part where you make a valid point out of a random agression.

For having ever shared my sources and knowledge in the virtual world, and many things in the real world,
I don't feel egoistic. Again, feel free to prove me wrong.

kimson, no rudeness perceived on this one, I found out by myself that I had issues, yeah: it's utterly hard to
perceive a bias in your own perception, given the fact... all you have to analyse is your biased perception, but I found out due
to circumstances (mainly, for having lived a few months with a person who had a personality disorder,
and having seen the relationship go from absurd to the twilight zone and beyond).

I've met a therapist, chose to get one, who did wonders and is a wonderful person.

kimson
Paranoid (IV) Inmate

From: age
Insane since: Jan 2005

posted posted 09-08-2005 17:30

I was actually speaking to _Mauro

_Mauro
Bipolar (III) Inmate

From:
Insane since: Jul 2005

posted posted 09-08-2005 17:32

He knew it, let's see what he has up his sleeve aside random - casually funny - cynism

kimson
Paranoid (IV) Inmate

From: age
Insane since: Jan 2005

posted posted 09-08-2005 17:42

I am actually quite impressed you found out by yourself. It is probably due to the fact that it is not as serious as manic depression and such, but still, well done.
As for the "self-centered and totally egoistic" stuff, I have to admit that I can understand things like "strong individual, who "could not care less what others think of him" but at the same time does control his temper and knows how and when to behave (or not)" might lead to this kind of reaction. I myself thought "who does he think he is", but I might have got it wrong. I do not get the "egoistic" though.

_Mauro
Bipolar (III) Inmate

From:
Insane since: Jul 2005

posted posted 09-08-2005 17:45

Hmmm... yeah, I am a pompous fuck, but it borderlines "humour" most of the time, I do it for fun, and also because
I have grown into a little-too-much self-confidence. Still, it's me with my defects, and they feel a lot better than the whiney
wussbag I happened to be in the past.

kimson
Paranoid (IV) Inmate

From: age
Insane since: Jan 2005

posted posted 09-08-2005 17:53

Fair enough.

_Mauro
Bipolar (III) Inmate

From:
Insane since: Jul 2005

posted posted 09-08-2005 18:00

(to make a little more sens, for those who missed it:

"going to a therapist" is often perceived as a shame. Admitting it publicly too.
While nobody asked for me to admit it, and the Asylum could carry on not knowing I've taken care of my issues,
admitting onself's limits is the only way to change things, and my little story is here to tell you just this: feel
some of your behaviors can get out of control? Deal with it, it'll only make your life better.

The mind, like the body, can be affected by diseases, and while some therapists are failing at communicating and helping for real,
some are just amazing.

So... when someone has mental issues, the general mindset about these issues and having them cured is "I can't admit I am looney,
can't admit it to me and to the others, it would be a failure, I can't admit I am a weirdo, can't deal with it..."

Ends up in one freaking giant loop.

When you admit having issues and go to a good therapist having thought this over and over,
you make his work easier, and the benefits are almost immediate - I have to stress the words "GOOD therapist", some are bad.
)

WebShaman
Maniac (V) Mad Scientist

From: Happy Hunting Grounds...
Insane since: Mar 2001

posted posted 09-08-2005 19:03

May I ask the purpose of this thread?

kimson
Paranoid (IV) Inmate

From: age
Insane since: Jan 2005

posted posted 09-08-2005 19:28

He said it:

quote:

_Mauro said:

this, and the discussion that will follow,"could" be of some help to one -
or many.


... but probably also for himself

poi
Paranoid (IV) Inmate

From: France
Insane since: Jun 2002

posted posted 09-08-2005 21:00

_Mauro: Glad to hear you're fine. Failure neurosis seems quite common. How did you recovered from it ? Did you take some drugs or was it just a work on yourself with the therapist ? I should investigate a bit on that topic, because I feel my brother is in such a state of mind.

Beside, is the faith centric point of the link you gave a coincidence or did faith helped you in any way ?

Arthurio
Paranoid (IV) Inmate

From: the dungeons, corridor 13, cell 3736
Insane since: Jul 2003

posted posted 09-08-2005 22:22

InI? In the darkest and dimmest parts of my brain I think my own little paranoid self (only in the ozone universe) is starting to remember something. Damn that was a long time ago for my memory. Glad to have you back.

Well done with the disorder thingie.

hmm ... but khm ... _Mauro, what do you do now? still code? or what?

edit: InI made 4869 posts and we didn't notice a thing. Is that the irony of life? ;P

(Edited by Arthurio on 09-08-2005 22:27)

Diogenes
Bipolar (III) Inmate

From: Right behind you.
Insane since: May 2005

posted posted 09-08-2005 22:40

Oops! Sorry Kimson, wasn't paying attention thought it was Himself.

As for the rest _Mauro, I'll just chalk it up to catharsis.

Never let your sense of morals get in the way of doing what's right.
Isaac Asimov
US science fiction novelist & scholar (1920 - 1992)

Ensellitis
Bipolar (III) Inmate

From: Kansas City, MO , USA
Insane since: Feb 2002

posted posted 09-09-2005 02:34

I go to a therapist once a month, I use to go twice a week. I use to be one of the biggest pricks in the world. There is nothing wrong with it, everyone has problems, just some of us have a harder time then others dealing with them... Glad to see you faced your demons, kicked their asses, and are back with us. However, if you leave again and I have to see the post removed thing again, I'll track you down.

_Mauro
Bipolar (III) Inmate

From:
Insane since: Jul 2005

posted posted 09-09-2005 14:03

Hmmmm... thank yous, good question poi, and yes I was talking about me-myself and I for educational purposes,
WS and Diogenes. Anyway.

@poi, just work on myself, plus I was going up all these past months, getting a good certification in English,
an utterly cool job, and such. Accumulating successes was oddly stressful to me, because real failures, ones that mattered,
were my biggest fear, therefore successes were scary as well.

What's really odd about it, is the day
something snapped inside myself. I just woke up perceiving myself, my surroundings, and life in general in a different light.

Moving from a subconscious, and deeply rooted lack of self esteem to a positive relationship to myself happened just like this.

That had been the description made by the therapist herself the very first time I saw her: "keep doing things that help you
explore and asses your own choices, stress will grow with each one of your personal successes, but at some point you will begin to see
things differently."

@Arthurio, gettings a Microsoft MCSE, plus HDI (help desk institute) and ITIL certifications, working as 2nd level
support for Philip Morris in their worldly headquarters, and studying software engineering at night.
I do code, yeah, more languages, better code.

NoJive
Maniac (V) Inmate

From: The Land of one Headlight on.
Insane since: May 2001

posted posted 09-09-2005 15:19

Mauro:
A while back in a different thread I mentioned the following which, you may find informative.
I've long contended that we don't really know who were are until we're in our mid 20's and this study (and others like it,) have helped me understand why. It may help you and others too.

quote:
The brain's center of reasoning and problem solving is among the last to mature, a new study graphically reveals. The decade-long magnetic resonance imaging (MRI) study of normal brain development, from ages 4 to 21, by researchers at NIH's National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) and University of California Los Angeles (UCLA) shows that such "higher-order" brain centers, such as the prefrontal cortex, don't fully develop until young adulthood.

http://www.nimh.nih.gov/press/prbrainmaturing.cfm

Some interesting comments http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/shows/teenbrain/talk/
For more google "teenage brain maturation"

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