Topic: Independent Animation Pages that link to <a href="http://ozoneasylum.com/backlink?for=28598" title="Pages that link to Topic: Independent Animation" rel="nofollow" >Topic: Independent Animation\

 
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GreenbackJack
Neurotic (0) Inmate
Newly admitted

From:
Insane since: Oct 2006

IP logged posted posted 10-31-2006 23:02 Edit Quote

I am an independent animator and I want to get some feed back on my
work. It was basically a one-man production so it is a little raw. Any notes would be greatly appreciated.

http://youtube.com/results?search_query=ponytail+and+stache&search=Search


If you like it please pass it on.


Thanks,

GreenbackJack

Tyberius Prime
Maniac (V) Mad Scientist with Finglongers

From: Germany
Insane since: Sep 2001

IP logged posted posted 11-01-2006 11:16 Edit Quote

Well, it's certainly shows a lot of work was put into it, and the style is interesting.

The story doesn't work very well for me, though, but I guess it's no worse than what
they sell as cartoons on the networks these days.

May I ask how long you spend on it?

Xel
Bipolar (III) Inmate

From: NY, USA
Insane since: Nov 2002

IP logged posted posted 11-01-2006 14:40 Edit Quote

First off, welcome to Ozone..

I'm an animation student so I'm not just spewing here... and being a rather harsh critic, as you asked for critique..

There is very little variety in poses and staging.. Basically the same perspectives back and forth. This makes it very dry and not dynamic at all. What little is animated apart from brief action moments is facial animation (eyebrows moving repetetively or speech) and even the speech/lip sync is fairly odd. Sometimes I feel like they are flicking their tongue at me, Heh.

Take a look at this page for a better look at the shape of the mouth during certain syllables. You might find it makes a big difference. http://www.garycmartin.com/mouth_shapes.html

Try out some different angles, different poses, not just the one dead-on "I'm looking at you" angle.. Add some variety to everything by making sure you never duplicate a pose *precisely*, mix it up. Better yet, storyboard the whole thing out and work with that for awhile until you are happy, then put your animation up against that.

As for your action moments, everything is fast and you can hardly see what happens except for a few spots. Slow it down, put in more drawings, the more you do the more fleshed out an action becomes. Don't move anything in a straight line, life moves in curves. Don't believe me, kick something, punch something, you never move straight unless you are purposely doing stilted movements.

Your characters have some personality but I don't really get engaged by them because they are the same all the way through. Again with the variety, they need new expressions and "moments". Take notes when you are drawn in by characters in other animated films, they all have little things they do that make them believable. There is a lot of detail that goes into them, not just glossing over everything and making sure you have the audio and lips working.

Wasn't particularly drawn in by the story. I'm not a writer so I can't give advice there, but I'd suggest running it through a fine-tooth comb. Get some friends to look at it and critique it, suggestions, etc.

All in all you have a good production, a good style to call your own and a pair of characters who you can definitely stick with, you just need to refine-refine-refine. And then refine some more.



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