Topic: Erotic Writing

Ok, i have no idea where this should be posted, if posted at all, but i have told a friend that i will see if i can help her. If it does not belong in here, then please feel free to move it to the relevant section.

I have a friend that has longed to be an erotic writer, but she feels thqt she is not good enough, even though i have constantly praised her work. So i asked her if she minded me posting it for an independant review, to which she agreed to. So here is it is.

Warning this link contains text of a sexual nature, those offended by such material should not click it

The emphasis is on the story and style rather than the format, so please bear that in mind if commenting.

Many thanks



[Emp edit: Removing links as it isn't the content of the thread that caused it to be locked]

[This message has been edited by Emperor (edited 05-20-2003).]

I would gladly participate in the movie recreation of your script .... haha....

Ill gladly direct a movie based from this script.. Too short though... I should write one..

----------------
So what if I am clinicly insane, Does that mean I am a danger to what is known as socieity? Wait it does...

Regards,
Thaadeous Edward Ozone

Shutting this one down...and moving it.

I moved this thread to here first...before shutting it down. Is stuff like this allowed here? I think not...but I could be wrong.

[This message has been edited by WebShaman (edited 05-17-2003).]

I don't see why not, he didn't directly post anything in the forum, he linked to it. It is an "adult" story but it's nothing you can't read by picking up a Danielle Steele novel.

:::krets.net:::

i must have the edited version of danielle steele's books then... i've been robbed!!

for me...there's a difference between 'steamy' and 'explicit'... that was explicit.
with the infinite about of space on the web, i would imagine that there's probably somewhere out there that's more appropriate to get help with writing smutt (i sent axle a link to that place).
maybe it's just the 'mommy' in me...but there's alot of young kids that visit here... THAT is not really something they should find HERE! but....that's just my opinion....

__________________________
Cell 1007::SST

Ok, I've written the Doc on this one...we'll see what he says.

Ok, when you have got approval or not from DOC himself, perhaps you could help with some suggestions as to the overall feel of the story, i really need to give her some feedback whether positive or negative.

Many Thanks

BTW. Whilst seeking assistance from DOC himself on this post may feel the right thing to do, but surely there are enough people with authority in Asylum to make a decision. Why not just consult amounst yourselves and deal with it that way ? Just a suggestion.



[This message has been edited by axleclarkeuk (edited 05-18-2003).]

OK my opinion: Its porn and we have a no porn policy. Granted it was to stop people posting pornographic pictures but it also goes for written porn - hell I had one thread closed early on in my career here because I posted a link to the 'Stop Clown Porn Now' site and someone else dropped in a link to squirrel porn.

There are also probably better places to discuss this - the Asylum was never conceived as a one stop shop for everything. I believe you have been contacted with a few suggestions on this anyway

Some suggestions:

1. Plot.

2. Try using some kind of erotic thesaurus as there is a large overuse of the word cock.

3. It is poorly written:

quote:

---

freed his engorged reddened bulk of his

---

___________________
Emps

FAQs: Emperor

Thanks for your comments Emperor, you seem to know the subject very very well.

As far as plot is concerned, i'm sure that it was not meant to be a full "blown" (excuse the pun) story, it was just an example of her style, many thanks, and i will pass on your comments to her.

Well Axle, the reason I wrote the Doc is because people have different opinions on what porn is, and what it is not...as one can see. It is particularly hard to draw the line with text...

Also, irregardless, of what 'we' may or may not think, the Doc pays the bills around here...and if reprecussions came from letting this thread live, well, Doc would be on the receiving end...so, I wrote him on it instead of just closing this one...because, as I said, it's really a tough call...in a grey area, so to speak. I didn't want to appear overzealous with just outright closing it, though I was tempted to.

I think it's relatively safe to hold here, until the Doc answers...

The poster has demanded we remove all his contributions, less he takes legal action.
We have done so.
Now Tyberius Prime expects him to start complaining that we removed his 'free speech' since this message will replace all of his posts, past and future.
Don't follow his example - seek real life help first.

Have you considered the fact that Axle asked about the appropriateness of posting htis, and the people you made your little tirade against were simply responding to that enquiry with their opinions Ini? And then repsonded with their thoughts on the material - as Axle asked for?

Nobody is attempting to censor anyone, so chill.

The poster has demanded we remove all his contributions, less he takes legal action.
We have done so.
Now Tyberius Prime expects him to start complaining that we removed his 'free speech' since this message will replace all of his posts, past and future.
Don't follow his example - seek real life help first.

Here's my 0.2c...

About a year ago i posted a site for review in the review forum, it was a site i created for a glamour photographer, and yes it contained nudity... However I did the same as axle and warned people in the link of what they were gonna see when they followed the link. so here i see no problem.... And was advised by the MS's around that if adult content was to be put forward for review to drop it into the appropriate forums AWAY FROM THE MAIN OZONE FORUM. and to only use text linkage as you did with the appropriate warnings.


now as for the content within that link, i have seen more worse language used in some threads: if fact to illustrate a point: do a search on the word F..k it appears in just over 200 threads... if we are worried about language, hell why not tone it down in consideration of our younger viewers. ok given that those are not pornographic threads but the language is no worse than the text in that piece we are talking about now.

now to the actual storyline itself:

Axel to put it bluntly; tell her to do some research into the subject, i.e. how to wite it. That piece is very badly written, full of cliches, to put it bluntly if she tried to get it published they would laugh at her.... Trust me on this, i showed it to someone who knows...

It may have sounded harsh i am sorry, but with all honesty if thats her style she either needs to:

a:change it (ie learn how to write in AN EROTIC STYLE, and how construct a scene properly)
b:give up now
C:try writing something else.



[This message has been edited by tomeaglescz (edited 05-19-2003).]

axleclarkeuk:

quote:

---

Thanks for your comments Emperor, you seem to know the subject very very well.

---

I am familiar with both genres and while there is a grey area between them I'd class it as porn (just my opinion as DL pointed out) and as Tom has also pointed out, not very well written porn

To clarify about Tom's site review I think I said something along the line of that kind of glamour photography site was fine (as far as I was concerned) but I wouldn't have been happier with anything harder.

We either have a no porn policy or we don't - as we currently do have one I'll interpret things in that light. I think the big debate would be what is classed as porn and what isn't - now there is one for P&S

___________________
Emps

FAQs: Emperor

Thank you for your comments. I have yet to get in contact with her, but should do within the next few days, but am sure she will be thrilled with the response.

Well, Ini, I moved it down here, because of the possibility that it could be considered porn - which the Doc has expressly forbidden.

My personal opinion aside (I have nothing against porn personally), this is really a question of is it allowable? Because I am not sure, in this case...I made the decision to move it here...instead of outright closing it, pending a decision from the Doc.

Now, I do think this is important, to find out...for future cases. As for letting the MSs decide the issue...point is, we may (or may not, depending) allow this...but it all boils down to one thing - is it porn? If it is, and it is allowed to stay, and the Doc gets in trouble because of it...well, I guess one can see what I mean here...we just need a ruling on this. That is my thinking on the subject.

I think that maybe you are mistaking personal opinion, with 'official' duties, Ini. Personally, I could care less, in that sense. However, my duties do entail watching for porn, and shutting that type of stuff down...but then, you should know that. I do tend to take my duties somewhat seriously, thus the actions involving this thread. But that is just me, I guess...

Having a clear understanding of what is, and what is not, considered porn would help much, especially in cases like this.

The poster has demanded we remove all his contributions, less he takes legal action.
We have done so.
Now Tyberius Prime expects him to start complaining that we removed his 'free speech' since this message will replace all of his posts, past and future.
Don't follow his example - seek real life help first.

Yes, most of us are. But that isn't the point - some of our members are not...and I don't think the Asylum has an 'Official Porn Disclaimer' warning, or somesuch...we just have a general rule 'No Porn'.

That's what the Doc wants...that's the rules (and no Warez, either...). I personally think that is only because of the possible consequences...but maybe writing the Doc on this would turn up more...but as I said, personally, I'm not all that interested...I'm sure the Doc has his reasons, and if he really wanted me to know, he'd post it, or drop me a mail. In end effect, the only thing that matters is that it is a rule, and as MSs, it is our responsibility to adhere to them as best we can.

I wrote the Doc to clarify the issue...nothing more, nothing less.

The poster has demanded we remove all his contributions, less he takes legal action.
We have done so.
Now Tyberius Prime expects him to start complaining that we removed his 'free speech' since this message will replace all of his posts, past and future.
Don't follow his example - seek real life help first.

Wow, stopping smoking? That's great! Yep, I'll smoke a round to that *passes peacepipe*

And no worries, nothing is getting out of hand, here...just some clarification.

nnoooooo!!!!!!

you quitting?!? why??


Code - CGI - links - DHTML - Javascript - Perl - programming - Magic - http://www.twistedport.com
ICQ: 67751342

The poster has demanded we remove all his contributions, less he takes legal action.
We have done so.
Now Tyberius Prime expects him to start complaining that we removed his 'free speech' since this message will replace all of his posts, past and future.
Don't follow his example - seek real life help first.

Awww...... lookies, its all luvvy duvvy in the ASYLUM again, lol

WS, I totally agree with your points, and whilst i can see how it MAY or MAY NOT be seen as porm, it depends on whos eyes you are looking at it with.
Moving it down here, IS a good idea, seeking advice IS a good idea and I personally would not wish DOC to get in trouble for something that is a grey area with regards to the ASYLUM rules.

Anyways, on with the show !

Why is it that every time something goes awry in here that someone has to email Doc? Part of the point of him creating Mad Sci's is entrusting us to make decisions about the appropriateness of topics/comments/images/etc.

Sometimes it's like a bunch of little kids getting in an argument and one finally exclaiming "I'm calling my mommy!" I'm sure Doc has far more important things to worry about, don't you?

I think axle handled it fine, he linked to it and warned of the content. Like someone else said, I've seen plenty of comments in here that were far more crude and offensive than what was in that story.

:::krets.net:::

[This message has been edited by krets (edited 05-19-2003).]

OK, I have just received this in my e-mail and beleive it to be written in a better matter than the last one.

Warning, this link contains yet some more erotic material that some members may find offensive, the names have been changed in order to to provoke smiles. By clicking this link you agree discuss the matter in a manner that may help the author with future writings. Please dont tell Daddy. Thanks



[Emp edit: Removing links as it isn't the content of the thread that caused it to be locked]

[This message has been edited by Emperor (edited 05-20-2003).]

Axle: I think you are taking the piss.

___________________
Emps

FAQs: Emperor

Did someone change the dosage in the pills? *eyes pills closely*

What's in these things, anyway?

I would like to turn Krets and anyone elses attention to this thread...I find it somewhat relevant to the situation - What have we become?

And this from the Doc

quote:

---

DocOzone:

I think what we need to concern ourselves with is something more like "Try and avoid links to sites that may be too inappropiate for minors", or something like that. We have a lot of girls here, and more than a few 14-15 year olds, I'd hate to have their parents forbid them to come here.

---

In light of that, this thread is closed.



[This message has been edited by WebShaman (edited 05-19-2003).]