Topic awaiting preservation: a short guid to comparative religeons

alot of folks nowdays are looking how to archive enlightment, all knowingess, or a boner. whatever brings them plesure or truth, I have bought a t-shirt that has an intresting yet funny guid to comparative religeons. I am sure some of you have seen it, but it also might help people to chose the religeon here in Asylum...who whats to go through 1000 of pages of crap reading scripture just to get to know religeon? well enjoy!

quote:

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Taoism-Shit happens.
Buddhism-If shit happens, its not really shit.
Islam-If shit happens, its the will of Allah.
Protestantism-Shit happens because you dont work hard enough
Judaism-Why does this shit always happen to us?
Hinduism-This shit happened before
Catholicism-Shit happens because you are bad.
Hare Krishna-Shit happens rama rama
T.V. Evangelism-Send more shit
Atheism-No shit.
Jehovah's Witness-Knock knock, shit happens.
Hedonism-There is nothing like a good shit happening.
Christian Science-Shit happens in your mind.
Agnosticism-Maybe shit happens, maybe it doesnt.
Existentialism-What is shit anyway?
Stoicism-This shit doesnt bother me.
Rastafarianism-Lets smoke this shit.

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[This message has been edited by Ruski (edited 06-24-2003).]

Ruski:

Now that is some good shit...

i found this on a religion forum--hope they don't mind me borrowing it

Close-to-complete Ideology and Religion Shit List

* Taoism: Shit happens.
* Confucianism: Confucius say, "Shit happens."
* Buddhism: If shit happens, it isn't really shit.
* Zen Buddhism: Shit is, and is not.
* Zen Buddhism #2: What is the sound of shit happening?
* Hinduism: This shit has happened before.
* Islam: If shit happens, it is the will of Allah.
* Islam #2: If shit happens, kill the person responsible.
* Islam #3: If shit happens, blame Israel.
* Catholicism: If shit happens, you deserve it.
* Protestantism: Let shit happen to someone else.
* Presbyterian: This shit was bound to happen.
* Episcopalian: It's not so bad if shit happens, as long as you serve
the right wine with it.
* Methodist: It's not so bad if shit happens, as long as you serve grape
juice with it.
* Congregationalist: Shit that happens to one person is just as good as
shit that happens to another.
* Unitarian: Shit that happens to one person is just as bad as shit that
happens to another.
* Lutheran: If shit happens, don't talk about it.
* Fundamentalism: If shit happens, you will go to hell, unless you are
born again. (Amen!)
* Fundamentalism #2: If shit happens to a televangelist, it's okay.
* Fundamentalism #3: Shit must be born again.
* Judaism: Why does this shit always happen to us?
* Calvinism: Shit happens because you don't work.
* Seventh Day Adventism: No shit shall happen on Saturday.
* Creationism: God made all shit.
* Secular Humanism: Shit evolves.
* Christian Science: When shit happens, don't call a doctor - pray!
* Christian Science #2: Shit happening is all in your mind.
* Unitarianism: Come let us reason together about this shit.
* Quakers: Let us not fight over this shit.
* Utopianism: This shit does not stink.
* Darwinism: This shit was once food.
* Capitalism: That's MY shit.
* Communism: It's everybody's shit.
* Feminism: Men are shit.
* Chauvinism: We may be shit, but you can't live without us...
* Commercialism: Let's package this shit.
* Impressionism: From a distance, shit looks like a garden.
* Idolism: Let's bronze this shit.
* Existentialism: Shit doesn't happen; shit IS.
* Existentialism #2: What is shit, anyway?
* Stoicism: This shit is good for me.
* Hedonism: There is nothing like a good shit happening!
* Mormonism: God sent us this shit.
* Mormonism #2: This shit is going to happen again.
* Wiccan: An it harm none, let shit happen.
* Scientology: If shit happens, see "Dianetics", p.157.
* Jehovah's Witnesses: >Knock< >Knock< Shit happens.
* Jehovah's Witnesses #2: May we have a moment of your time to show you
some of our shit?
* Jehovah's Witnesses #3: Shit has been prophesied and is imminent; only
the righteous shall survive its happening.
* Moonies: Only really happy shit happens.
* Hare Krishna: Shit happens, rama rama.
* Rastafarianism: Let's smoke this shit!
* Zoroastrianism: Shit happens half on the time.
* Church of SubGenius: BoB shits.
* Practical: Deal with shit one day at a time.
* Agnostic: Shit might have happened; then again, maybe not.
* Agnostic #2: Did someone shit?
* Agnostic #3: What is this shit?
* Satanism: SNEPPAH TIHS.
* Atheism: What shit?
* Atheism #2: I can't believe this shit!
* Nihilism: No shit.

LOL, Thats one hell of a shit list.

[This message has been edited by tikigod (edited 06-25-2003).]

Ruski - I got a t-shirt for x-mas a long time ago just like that!
Always been one of my favorites, though when I wear it, I always feel like people are staring at my chest...




Cell 617

I really like these ones.

* Commercialism: Let's package this shit.
* Impressionism: From a distance, shit looks like a garden.

well lets put this shit in faq! when new suckers look for religeon we send them there

And who was it that said "I shit... therefore I am." ?

Forever ago I found "The Complete Religion Shit List." About 4-5 pages of that same shit.
And the Google Gods deliver...
http://www.infidels.org/misc/humor/shit_list.html

quote:

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And finally, the Argument From Shit:

1. If God were omnibenevolent, he wouldn't want shit to happen.

2. If God were omnipotent, he would be able to prevent shit from happening.

3. Shit Happens.

4. Therefore, God is not both omnibenevolent and omnipotent.

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Including:
Vacuum - That shit sucks.
Waldoism - Where *is* that little shit?
Unix - Shit Happened. Core dumped.
Surrealism - Shit is shiny and shaped like a Buick.

And the 3 Law of Thermodynamics.

And even my law: (Pretty accurate too )
Sturgeon's Law - 90% of everything is shit.

[edit: One of the great ones: Nonsequiturism - Route 176 goes south.

[edit2: And to answer your question: Descartes - I shit therefore I am.

[This message has been edited by Lord_Fukutoku (edited 06-25-2003).]

God & College - from the same site as listed above.


.quotes.

Haha that's just fantastic... I love it

Try also these ones :

The only thing I know is that I know shit happens -- Plato

Shit is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away. -- Philip Kindred Dick

It's not I'm afraid of shitting, it's just I would prefer not being here when it happens. -- Woody Allen

Gehehehe

Ozone Asylum FaqWiki:
Searched for "shit". Results:
Can you recommend any good online radio stations?
~~Yannah Quotes~~

i would like to propose a toast to whoever creates "the shit" FAQ
~cheers~


*shittiest thread ever*

well, maybe not ever, but it's the shittiest one i've ever seen here at the Asylum

-out-(house...hehe)

This is all so old...


Moon Shadow, I wanted to have a look at your photoshop, sigs and Bryce work but the links would not work for me... what do I need to do?

...xpi...

[This message has been edited by Xpirex (edited 06-27-2003).]

quote:

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This is all so old...

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pococurantism-same old shit

Yes, it is all old.

But so are mnay things that are both funny and true.

=)

And most of these are still pretty damn funny after all this time

Yep, your right DL... just that Iv'e seen way too many t-shirts and posters with this stuff on everywhere I've been for the last 5 years. Sorry, don't wanna be a party pooper.

Tolkienism: This is the One Shit.

Asimovism: No shit shall endanger the life of a human shit.

Cessism: Let there be shit.

Shitism: Shit!