Preserved Topic: My companies new policies. . . (Page 1 of 1)

quote:

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DRESS CODE:
It is advised that you come to work dressed according to
your salary, if we see you wearing $350 Prada sneakers & carrying a $600
Gucci bag we assume you are doing well financial and therefore you do not
need a raise. SICK DAYS:
We will no longer accept a doctor statement as proof of
sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to
work.

SURGERY:
Operations are now banned. As long as you are an employee
here, you need all your organs. You should not consider removing anything.
We hired you intact. To have something removed constitutes a breach of
employment.

PERSONAL DAYS:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days
a year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.

VACATION DAYS:
All employees will take there vacation at the same
time every year. The vacation days are as
follows:
Jan. 1, July 4 & Dec. 25

BEREAVEMENT LEAVE:
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
you can do for dead friends, relatives or coworkers. Every effort should
be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements.
In rare cases where employee involvement is
necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late
afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour
and subsequently leave one hour early, provided your share of the work is
done enough.

OUT FOR YOUR OWN DEATH:
This will be accepted as an excuse. However, we require at
least two weeks notice as it is your duty to train your own replacement.

RESTROOM USE:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the
restroom. In the future, we will follow the
practice of going in alphabetical order. For instance, all
employees whose names begin with 'A' will go from 8:00 to 8:20, employees
whose names begin with 'B' will go from 8:20 to 8:40 and so on. If
you're unable to go at your allotted time, it will be necessary to wait
until the next day when your turn comes again. In extreme emergencies
employees may swap their time with a coworker. Both employees' need
supervisors approvial in writing for this exchange. In addition, there is
now a strict 3-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three
minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, and the
stall door will open.

LUNCH BREAK:
Skinny people get an hour for lunch as they need to eat more
so that they can look healthy, normal size people get 30 minutes for lunch
to get a balance meal to maintain their average figure.
Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch because that's all the
time needed to drink a Slim Fast & take a diet pill. Thank you for your
loyalty to our company.

We are here to provide a positive employment experience.
Therefore, all questions comments, concerns, complaints,frustrations,
irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations,
contemplations, consternations or input should be directed elsewhere. Have
a nice weekend.

Management

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Later,
C:\


~Binary is best~

ROTFL!!! That rulz!!! Er....I hope that is a joke...it is a joke, right?

wuhahahahah...
the restroom one is great!

Yeah, the restroom part had me laughing out loud.


Cell 270

hhehhehehe

...that's fucked up...

*prints out to take to work*


Harmonizing new illusions...
ICQ: 67751342

Yeah they were a joke. We have been giving our GM a hard time about some of the policies around here. This was an email that he sent to all of us.




Later,
C:\


~Binary is best~

LOL, loved the restroom part

_________________________
Anyone who has lost track of time when using a computer knows the propensity to dream, the urge to make dreams come true and the tendency to miss lunch.
- copied from the wall of cell 408 -

ROFL - I liked 2 weeks notice for death

-tiki