Preserved Topic: Standup comedy!!! (Page 2 of 2)

*bump*


Code - CGI - links - DHTML - Javascript - Perl - programming - Magic - http://www.twistedport.com
ICQ: 67751342

Bump?

7 months later, and all you can say is "bump"? Like...."entertain me"...?

You could at least have bumped it with a new joke.

A Catholic priest and a rabbi are walking along a busy street when the priest spots a young boy walking towards them a little way down the block.

"Hey," he says, "let's go fuck that little boy."

"Yeah!" Replies the rabbi, "out of what!?"

:::11oh1:::

a steak goes down the stairs. Suddenly he realized that he hasn't legs and goes back.

in line with SPyX's up there...

Why is a pool table green? You'd be green too if someone racked your balls all night long.

What do Pygmies and a nude womens Olympic team have in common? Pygmies are a group of cunning runts.

Later,

C:\


~Binary is best~

[This message has been edited by CPrompt (edited 11-19-2003).]

Oh C:\ - that last one was really bad...

joke for you NYCers.


Whats the difference between a Manhattanite and a hooker?

Hookers are nicer.

yah, yah, apologies- I had to go, but after digging up this thread and deciding I had to bump it, I didn't want to just shut down and lose it... so I bumped it and decided to make it up later... now- being later- this is me making up:

A woman goes to the pharmacy in her local drugstore and asks for some arsenic. When the pharmacist inquires the reason, she coolly remarks, "It's for my husband, I'm going to kill him."

After recovering from the initial shock, the pharmacist tells the woman that he cannot sell it to her, to which she replies by producing a picture of her husband with the pharmacist?s wife.

"Sorry, didn't know you had a prescription."


Code - CGI - links - DHTML - Javascript - Perl - programming - Magic - http://www.twistedport.com
ICQ: 67751342

I've done about 4,791 stand-up comedy routines. I hope one day to do one that the audience will like.

Ok, I have a dirty one here, delete it if it is to much.

Once there was a hippie that took a bus ride, and saw this good looking nun that he really wanted.
The nun didn't want him that bad though, and gave him an immediate no.
When the bus stopped, everybody got off except the hippie, and the bus driver asked what was wrong.
"Well, I really want that nun, but I don't think I'll ever get her."
"Hey, I'm gonna give you a tip." The bus driver said. "Every night at twelve o' clock the nun goes to the grave yard to pray. Put on a coat and sprinkle glitter in your beard. Then hide on the grave yard, and when she comes, jump up and say that you're God, and she'll do whatever you say."
"Great, thanks a lot!" The hippie replied and got off the bus.

So the hippie waited until midnight, and did as the driver said.
When the nun came, he jumped up and said:
"I'm God, and I want you to fuck me!"
"Ok, but can we make it anal, I don't want to lose my virginity." The nun answered.
The hippie, or God, agreed, and so they did it.

When they were finished, the hippie took of his coat and said:
"Haha, I'm the hippie!"
And the nun took of her hood, and replied:
"Haha, I'm the bus driver!"

[EDIT] Sorry for the thread-kill. :/ [/EDIT]

[This message has been edited by ZupiCo (edited 11-22-2003).]

I thought about releasing a compilation CD a long time ago, but I realised afterward that it was a good thing I'd completely forgotten about it. You see, what it was basically going to be was a collection of songs you would absolutely never play at a funeral. To understand the seriousness of it all, simply listen to this playlist.

Another One Bites the Dust
Ding, Dong, the Witch is Dead
See You Later, Alligator
I Never Really Loved You Anyway
Highway to Hell
I'm on Fire (Bonus cremation single)

Q: What does KMart have in common with Michael Jackson ?

A: The both have young boys pants half off.

--

dyslexic man walks into a bra.

Did hear about the magic tractor ? It turned into a field.

The Pope said if Michael Jackson touches any more children he'll have to make him a priest.