Preserved Topic: Thoughts on life.....

I have been contemplating my life alot recently.. more than usual.. (thats worrying)... I guess I still havent found my 'slot' yet, and I am not getting any younger.. (who is?).. so whats it all about?. I mean.. how does one divorce oneself from a life time of one thing.. how does one let go of what one knows and feels safe with.. for the possibility (the risk) of finding my 'slot'? How does one unlearn ? and reach out for the new.. what am I missing?

whats important?.. how to get back a lust for life? .... its such a big world and such a short life...

This might seem peculiar thinking for some of the younger poeple here, but might strike a chord with some of my age peers...

and nope I am not particularly down.. just contemplating is all ~Vp~ "whats it all about....... Alfie?"

Build. Rage against entropy.

I think you've been talking with me too much Vp.

I am a person who suffers from sever depression, in many forms. But I can now say that I am happy.

The reason I am happy is because I have come to accept things.

1) I am going to die, I can not comprehend what that means, but I bet it will be nothing at all. A total void that I can't begin to comprehend.

2) I am just a cog pusher. I push my cog and I get other cogs to push.

The place where I find happiness is in pushing the right cog for myself. There is happiness everywhere you just have to be open to it. It might be looking at the special person who walks by. Or listening to a friend place a great song. Or having an nice chat with cool people.

There are many things.

I don't expect much from life, and because of that I find myself happy. When I attempt to look for greater things in life, that are just not there, I feel sad. Why contemplate our greater purpose, much better minds have, and have come up with nothing but theories they can only prove to themselves. Why waste the time. Enjoy every second you can. Stop worrying about the day to day, the year to year. If you are un happy change. Work hard at something you enjoy. Don't be tied down. Life is short, smoke em if you got em. Why even worry about it.

The way I feel, any pain I take is far better than anything death could possibly offer. And by feeling this way I appreciate life. I can see the trees as green, the people around me as perfect, and that is all I could ever ask for.

Accept the fact that you will not know the answers and move on, be happy. And live.

As I have been doing the same lately VP, I'll ask you this question.

Are your decisions for your life being held back by necessity (family obligations) or by the feeling of uncertainty about changing from what you know?

I can fully understand the feeling of safety in what you have, (I have been doing the same thing for 21 years) and the frightening thought of leaving it for an off hand shot at something your "pretty sure" you think you want to do. I have obligations to my wife and kids that keep me from throwing caution to the wind, and following a different work path that I think I would like better. But, if I have to weigh the happiness my family gives me all the time, against the drudgery of a job that I really don't want to be doing any more, but puts food on the table.... The happiness wins out over the drudgery.

I guess what I am saying is, that we can really get stuck on one particular section of our life, and let it consume our thoughts. But if we put into context with all the other parts of our life, sometimes it doesn't seem so unbearable any more.

If my ramblings do not ring true in your case, then maybe it could be time for you to follow your heart and throw caution to the wind. Although I'm not happy in my current job any more, and am not prepared to leave it's security, I envy those who can and do.

I truly believe the man who goes to work at a job that he loves, regardless of how much he is paid, is a rich man indeed.

Forgive me if I haven't helped you with your thoughts. It's late, I'm tired, and I may be very disappointed in myself when I read this in the morning, but your post did strike a cord with me (yes I am one of your age peers), and I felt the need to reply.

Hope you work it out soon.



- Resolutions, Of All My Fruitless Searches -

Whoooaaa.....you all are scary................life itself is a miracle...so your a miracle......so miracles do come true.

So whats the problem........your life is living proof that you can and already are exceeding in life.

You have control over your senses and can do in body motion what robotics are slaving away trying to duplicate.

You process oxygen food and water into fuel................what machine can do that.

And your worried about existing in a vacume................your bodys doing the hard part....you get the easy part.

If you need a change then plan for it.........save enough to fall back on and follow your dream.

I ate my share of popcorn and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches when strugling as an artist............and back then strugglin was a lifestyle.....(eh-Doc-O)...................QUITE WINNIN AND DO IT............................tried to say that nicely...:-)......................dont fear........you have time to recover

worried about the best way to approach this subject, threep starts conservatively:

"my only warning is to be careful.
it is so common for people to decide to themselves:
'right, im not happy now, but if i strive towards this new goal, ill be happy'."

thinking back to similar experiences of his own, he continues.

"before too long, they have reached their goal, and may be happy for a fleeting moment in the content derived through completing something, but this quickly dissipates. so they usually set another goal, and another, until they look back on their life, and realise that they spent all their life chasing happiness."

3p pauses for internal reflection.

"me? am i happy? well....
let's say i have a destination, not a goal.
and as long as im heading towards that destination, im feeling fantastic."

he smiles, and continues with non-asylumnistic tasks.

person

VP, your post got me thinking along several lines..
first: contemplating your life = being introspective, nothing to worry about.. imo, a positive attribute

as to finding your slot.. i wonder if in fact, there are several slots any one of us could fill.. i had a friend who's dad used to change occupations every 6 years no matter how successful he was and he apparently was successful because he succeeded in providing for his family.. my friend said his favorites of his dad's occupations were photographer and ceramicist... least favorite taxi driver :}

i think what he did satisfied his need to experience the world from different angles, something most of us never get to do unless we are willing to take chances... but is it fair to take our families into the peanut butter and jelly sandwich mode if we can provide better by staying with a job that is less than satisfying? and why is the job less than satisfying? i, personally, have found many different jobs satisfying because of the ppl i worked with... (my longest running job, stay-at-home mom, is about to end).

DC's advice to plan ahead sounds quite reasonable, but sometimes the best laid plans of mice and men.... so begin small.. make those changes which lead to the status you want in life... and let your decisions reflect the direction you are moving in.. or just DO IT!

you ask what's important? that is a personal choice, but the things that have stood the test of time are still generally what is considered important.. being true to oneself and family values too...

slight shift in thought here...
how does one divorce oneself from a life time of one thing.. how does one let go of what one knows and feels safe with.. for the possibility (the risk) of finding my 'slot'? How does one unlearn ? and reach out for the new.. what am I missing?"

okay, first two questions here: imho you will divorce yourself and let go from what you feel safe with when you find yourself driven from what you know by your hunger to know something different.. whether you will find your 'slot' there or not is anybody's guess.

unlearn? forget it. you may put knowledge on a back shelf of your mind when you are ready to reach out for the new because the old no longer satisfies you physically or morally, or socially or spiritually or emotionally.. (edit) or creatively...

what are you missing? hehe, you won't know until you try or look or experience

lust for life? are you in a funk? different ppl have to fall different dephths into the pit before they feel the need to climb out.. imho.. avoid pits. they are depressing and time consuming to get out of.

i have a feeling you know all this stuff that ppl have shared with you today, but you just needed to hear it repeated back to you to verify your own thoughts?? you do say that you are not particularly down but just thinking... ? my own problem in moving forward is fear of success.. still working that out .... hope you aren't afflicted with that problem!


~velvetrose

[This message has been edited by velvetrose (edited 05-25-2001).]

[This message has been edited by velvetrose (edited 05-25-2001).]

ah, fuck it.

drink another beer and make a pretty picture


or, sell all your shit and set out cross country.....and drink another beer and make a pretty picture

which country?

thanks all for some of your thoughts... funny ole life eh ? beats the alternative though! hehe...

*takes DL's advice and cracks open a RR... * the cross country will have to wait a while.. images to create!

~Vp~

Lot of wise words spoken here ~vp~.

I guess I've been a lucky guy in many respects. I got into trucking after quitting as a firefighter in '77, a decision that wasn't easy to make. Like butcher, my allegiance lies with my wife and family, and any thoughts I have about moving on are outweighed by the risks I place them in. However, I'm fortunate in being married to a wonderful lady who feels as I do that lifes too short - you're a long time dead.

I guess you need to ask yourself whether the industry you're in is the one you'll stay with, but under a different paymaster. If not, what other aces do you have to play, if the answer is none, then as Doc C said, putting something aside to fall back on whilst you take the plunge is sound advice.

One thing I've always done, is never to close a door. Leave on friendly terms, you'll never know when you may wish to return (like the prodigal son), and if you were half decent at what you did, you'll probably find they'll take you back on. I left my Dutch employers in '93 and went back in '95, ironically we now work together as business partners, with both our companies co-operating in cargo exchange movements.

If you're single, then go for it. If you feel as strongly as you do and you don't make that move, you'll be forever wondering...what if.

Btw, your age has got nothing to do with this, believe me.

butcher summed it all up

I truly believe the man who goes to work at a job that he loves, regardless of how much he is paid, is a rich man indeed.

quote:

---

" If your find a job that you truely love then you will never work a day in your life "

---

I can't remember who first said that but it makes a world of sence to me.

> " If your find a job that you truely love ..."

Heh. Nice work if you can get it.

Vp, you think you still haven't found your 'slot'? Want to start something new? I had similiar thoughts and here is what happend: It started about two years ago. It started with not being happy at work. It was my first real job after studying. I liked the people there a lot, but it seemed to me, I should stop working in consulting. Every few months a different customer, a different project, but mostly not the work I wanted to do. So I quit and got a new job. Work is okay, but now, I don't like my work mates. And that was very hard for me, because I like having fun and making jokes. Nobody there for me. Nothing to talk about. And again, I feel like being in the wrong place. I thought about it a lot. In addition to not being happy at work, two of my best friends moved to different cities - too far for seeing them very often. I really felt terribly lonesome. Not only the wrong place to work, but also the wrong place to live. So it seemed to be time for a change again. But this time I was afraid to: What if the change turned out to be wrong again? And I was not sure what to change: work, living place? I started looking for the opportunies I was willing to choose from: I could stay, I could move. If I would move, I had to take a new job, otherwise I could choose. I started thinking, what was important for me. And I found out the following: The most important thing for me is, that I feel safe and warm. I need a place with good friends. But also a place where I can be alone without feeling lonesome. This place is my hometown, the place I grew up. I still had some friends there although I left this place 12 years ago. But I was not sure, if it would be the right choice. Then I went on holiday with those old friends and some of there friends. I've got to know a lot more people and some of them became close friends. That was it! Each time I visit them I know I belong to this place and these people. Now the decision to move was easy. All I have to do now is to find a job. This may be not so easy, because there are not so many companies that will need my skills - but I'm sure it's only a matter of time.

What do I want to say? I think you should really get to know what is important for YOU. Than you know what to do. Go through your opportunities. FEEL what the could/would mean to you. Then you may be able to decide more easily. And if you made a wrong decision, well it will hurt but don't give up trying to find out what is the best for you. Talk to your partner, familiy or friends. Tell them what's on your mind. Let them participate. This is very important. Hear what they have to say to you. Don't make lonely decisions.

Puh, I'm not sure this will help you the slightest bit... But I felt like telling you these things.

This is kinda weird, First I can`t believe I overlooked this thread for this long. Second, I was just discussing these crossroads of life with a new friend via email, and I, (being an age-peer) am having the same thoughts.
I was going to colege in 82 studying comp science and graphic arts. Cobal was the coming thing.
would have graduated just in time for the autocad revolution and the advent of the public web a few years later. Point is your never know where a choice will take you. ( except in hindsight)
Now, I`m looking at options for going back to school. ( kids are all growd up ) To learn a new trade. The one I`m in now, I been at for almost 25 years, and it`s taking me nowhere fast, and I hate it, but it`s kept a roof over our heads. Seems time to move on. Logistics is the only problem. Pay the bills and go to school. People do it all the time. Sounds easy, right? Well, anyway..

Finding your slot ? That`s the big one, eh ? Why am I here ? Well, don`t know. But experience tells me that this information will probably not run up and bite me on the butt. Things you want never do that. So, I`m gonna go look a bit. See what happens.

Divorce yourself ? Divorce, I understand. You just move on. That part of you will always be part of you. You just don`t get to play with the toys anymore. The only way to let go is to let go. Even if you do it in baby steps.

Over the years I`ve become pretty good at starting over. ( due, sometimes, to circumstances beyond my control ) and it`s never easy, but methinks the lust for life you seek will return with new things, and new places, and new toys.

If all else fails you can always go beg for your old job back. That`s my plan.





If you try to fail and succeed, which have you done ?

<edit> And don`t froget your towel. </edit>

[This message has been edited by docilebob (edited 05-30-2001).]

Wow, cool thread. Glad I was sent here by [b]MissTerry[/] from the main OZONE forum! I really should have been reading this yesterday, when I was still a birthday boy and in a reflective mood, heh. I feel lucky in that when I was just turning 30 I had a *really* deep drunken conversation with a friend of mine, my life was not going the right places, too many stupid goals I had set myself, why wasn't I happy? All I ever wanted was to be happy!

...(stopped and thought. Hey!)...

So from that point I made a huge effort to forget all of my old misguided "goals" and replace them with my new, much simpler and more basic goal - I would be happy.

Hmm, it didn't mean instant happiness, but it made it *so* much simpler to evaluate what I was going to do and why, in light of these simpler rules. Contrary to what you may think, living a life devoted to my own happiness did *not* make me a selfish person, one of the things that makes me happy is helping others, how cool. You probaly wouldn't want to make this decision if other peoples happiness wasn't necessary for your own, you might turn out to be a real prick! <g>

While this decision seemed to take me in the *direction* of happiness, it didn't make me automatically happy, like most goals the final stage remains far in the future, but I've managed to come closer to my goal than I ever would have before. By nature I'm a pretty down person, even though most of my casual friends would say I seeem *so* happy all the time, at the core I'm nearly clinically depressed, so this was *not* an easy goal I set myself. Still, it gives me a good baseline to evaluate any decision that comes my way. YMMV, but I just wanted to share in this thread. Back to welcoming MissTerry!

Your pal, -doc-

Just wanted to say I really appreciate everyone's comments given me some food for thought and different perspectives.. thanks all.. your a great bunch of fellow loonies

regards ~Vp~

Well, VP, I had this problem too. After the Gulf war, my life was a bit messed up. I won't go into what I did there, but afterwards, I just didn't 'see' myself being in the military anymore. So I decided to throw it all away, got out, went to college (looking for something new, something to make me happy, a reason to live again). Didn't find it there. Left the country. Ended up in Germany. Then, somehow, I don't really know why, I found (or it found me) web design. It seems that everything that I've done previous to that has lead me here. Now I am happy. Go figure.
The one thing I learned from all that: Life is precious. It could all end tomorrow. So, find out what makes you happy, and do it. Because maybe, you won't get a second chance. Being 'safe' just doesn't cut it. It's your life.

Someone, maybe Doug Adams, once said:
"a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush...but sometimes the bushes are more interesting" and I live ny that. Gave up $80K/yr to do something enjoyable that allowed me to be outdoors all the time. Life is a risk, take it.

~the sigless sig~