Preserved Topic: Poetry

On the drive to work i suddenly felt incredibly inspired
I came with this incredible one liner..i thnk it qualifies
as a euphemism?

a sneeze is nothing but a misdirected fart

is that brilliant or what? should i get i copyrighted?
btw, i swear i did not rip this off, i know most of you
are thinking this is shakespeare or twain but NOPE
i wrote this.

have an idea for a novel next.
k, time to work. gotta punch in.

Uhhh...no more shock treatments for you, ShootingStar...and maybe you should cut back on the meds...(and I though wakky was 'over-the-edge'...) *Sheesh!*

WS: What do you mean no *more* ..more like not *enough*

So if he's blowing his nose is he really wiping his *** <lol>

ROFL!!!! *wipes tears from eyes* Never looked at it that way...hehe, maybe he does need more meds...

or is it the other way around?
a fart is nothing but a misdirected sneeze?

is it true that if you fart, belch, and sneeze at the same time
you will die? does anyone have factual links?
i really want to know.

thats insulting

ShootingStar: OK, first we have to clear up what "euphemism" means. A euphemism is a less direct or offensive way of saying something that might be taken as harsh. For example, we say "he passed away" instead of saying "he died." That's a euphemism.

Secondly, where's the poetry? I was expecting something quite humorous from you...

i'm sorry, i feel terrible now

Heh. No need to feel terrible. Just give us some poetry!

How about a limerick?

A philosopher once, named Descartes,
Was explaining himself to a tart.
"Since I think---I exist,"
He remarked, as he pissed;
"But what does it mean when I fart?"

A limerick, great! Did you write that?

There was a young fella called Dave,
who kept a dead whore in a cave,
.............

No perhaps not wise!!!

Emps

I once heard some giggling at work - to which a chap replied:


"Was it like a sneeze only better?!"




~ daren't say its not original - but it kinda tickled me! ~

Suho:
In passing, I know what euphemism means...i meant aphorism, and i realized
my error as soon as the form processed my input (i hit submit). These 2
words are incorrectly and unknowingly interchanged in forums around the world
on a daily basis..but in my case, I possess a vocabulary that could shame any
6 year old and send him crying shamelessly to his mommy.

ok, so this post bombed...i'm going thru a very difficult time at work, combination
of a boss who makes Stalin look like Mr. Rogers and the threat of a layoff
during the summer due to lack of work...i deal with this crap through humour
rather than anger (or try to) but it doesn't always work.

have a great day everyone (or great evening depending on your time zone and planet)

There was a young lassie from Morton,
Who had one long tit and one short'un.
On top of all that,
A great hairy twat,
And a fart like a six-fifty Norton.
-Anon
note: we had a 750 Norton growing up, great bike

There was a young fella from Sparta,
A really magnificent farter,
On the strength of one bean
He'd fart God Save The Queen,
And Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata.
-Anon

That's definitely some inspired poetry there.

As for the vocabulary, heh, that's what I'm here for--to jump on your split-second mistakes. And I know you'll do the same for me when the time comes .

[Edit: And why do you say the post "bombed"? There's no such thing as a bomb in this forum. I also looked at the time difference between your first post and mine... you do know that you can edit posts, right? If you make a mistake you can always just go in and change it. I always notice at least one or two errors in my posts after I submit.]




[This message has been edited by Suho1004 (edited 05-10-2002).]

Suho:
I rarely edit my posts, certainly never for sphelling meestakes.
afteralll, why shuld i bother when 99% of posters on the
internet think that definately is the korrect
spheling for definitely.
i like my posts raw......with all the messtakes showing
my vulnerablietyyy and humanenest

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Suho: No didn't write that one... nor this one:

"Given faith," sighed the vicar of Deneham,
"From the lusts of the flesh we might wean 'em.
But the human soul sighs
For a nice pair of thighs,
And a little of what lies between 'em."
---

There was a poor freak from Berlin
Whose balls hung from under his chin.
Despite Nature's joke
His morale never broke,
Though shaving did cause him chagrin.



[This message has been edited by NoJive (edited 05-10-2002).]

ShootingStar: Has anyone ever told you that you have a gift for comedy? That's some funny stuff.

I just edit my posts because I'm anal retentive...

NoJive: I especially like the first one--and I really wish I hadn't read the second.

Why thanks Suho, I enjoy your posts as well.

The classic limerick, in my book, is the man from Nantucket.

Are you referring to the original Nantucket limerick, or one of the more "modern" versions?

There was a young girl from Cape Cod,
Who dream't she been............


yah, same as Emps, better not finish that! LOL

I'm talking about the very endowed man
from nantucket, who wished his chin was
more akin anatomically to femal genitalia.

that's the classic...all others are cheap
ripoffs.

I know which one you're referring to, but I think the classic is this one (you can find this one--and the series that followed--by clicking the link in my previous post):

There once was a man from Nantucket,
Who kept all of his cash in a bucket,
But his daughter, named Nan,
Ran away with a man,
And as for the bucket, Nantucket.

Considering it was written in 1924, I'm pretty sure it's the original one. What amazes me about this limerick is that they started it with Nantucket and managed to keep it absolutely clean. A sign of the times we're living in, I suppose.

And what's with all this starting-a-limerick-but-not-finishing-it stuff? I believe that's a crime in some parts of Ireland!

Speaking of Ireland, here's a limerick of my own creation (I wrote this sitting in a pub in Dublin, drinking a pint of Guinness):

There once was a lad in Dublin
Who asked why his Guinness was bubblin'
Said a man by the door,
"Have a few pints or more--
With such questions you'll no more be troublin'."

Hey, what can I say? This was after I had already had those few pints.

Well, at least it's clean...

It's not a limerick, but my favorite poem of all time is...

I saw the bird
the bird was pointy
he aniont my head
anionty, anionty, anionty


I dunno who the author is.

DigitalUbiquity

The limeriks I posted are from "The New Limerick" {Second Series} A friend just recently passed the book my way and it is a scream! Certainly not for the faint-of-heart. The table of contents is enough to make 'some' people blush.

(1) Little Romances. (2) organs. (3) Strange Intercourse. (4) Oral Irregularity. (5) Buggery. (6) Abuses of the Clergy. (7) Zoophily (8) Excrement (9) Gourmands (10) Virginity (11) Motherhood. (12) Prostitution (13) Diseases (14) Losses (15) Sex Substitutes (16) Assorted Eccentricities (17) Science Fiction (18) Chamber of Horrors.

"This is the largest collection of limericks ever published, erotic or otherwise.
Of the 2750 printed here, none is otherwise."

Any requests? <lol>

From "Organs."

An old Ozark farmer with bunions
Supported his sore feet on trunnions.
This let his dong dangle
At just the right angle
To use it for plowing the onions!

Suho
I guess I stand corrected, from a chronological perspective, on the Nantucket
issue..but I still prefer to think of the version I know as the most humorous, if not the original.

NoJive
Speaking of dangles, most mechanical physicists today reflect on the dangle
in a much more rigourous scientific context. are you familiar with these theorems/laws:

The Western version (attributed to Albert Einstein)

The angle of the dangle is directly proportional to the
heat of the meat provided that the thrusts of the busts
are constant.

The Soviet version (author unknown)

The angle of the dangle is directly proportional to the torque of the
pork ... taking in to account the lick of the dick and the stick of the prick.

It's interesting how limericks, more than other types of poetry, seem to lend themselves to obscene/ribald subjects. And yes, the original Nantucket limerick is a bit bland, I must admit.

I am so pleased that there is a whole chaper of limericks on 'Abuses of the Clergy,' just the chapter name makes me giggle.

DigitalUbiquity