Closed Thread Icon

Preserved Topic: ROFLAMO Pages that link to <a href="https://ozoneasylum.com/backlink?for=22719" title="Pages that link to Preserved Topic: ROFLAMO" rel="nofollow" >Preserved Topic: ROFLAMO\

 
Author Thread
DmS
Paranoid (IV) Inmate

From: Sthlm, Sweden
Insane since: Oct 2000

posted posted 07-28-2004 21:00

I got this in the mail to day and I just had to share it:
****************
Subject: man vs shopping


I never have quite figured out why the sexual urges of men and women differ
so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. And
I never figured out why men think with their head and women think with their
heart. And I never yet have figured out how the sexual desire gene gets
thrown into a state of turmoil when it hears the words "I do."

One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed. Well,the passion
starts to heat up, and she eventually says, "I don't feel like it. I just
want you to hold me." I said, "WHAT???"

So she says the words that I and every husband on the planet dread. She
explains that I must not be in tune with her emotional needs as a woman. I'm
thinking, "What was her first clue?" I finally realize that nothing was
going to happen that night, so I went to sleep.

The very next day, we went shopping at a big, unnamed department store. I
walked around with her whil e she tried on three different, very expensive
outfits. She could not decide which one to take, so I told her to take all
three of them. She then tells me that she wants matching shoes worth
$200.00 a pair to which I say OK. And then we go to the jewellery
department where she gets a pair of diamond earrings.

Let me tell you. She was so excited. She must have thought that I was one
wave short of a shipwreck, but I don't think she cared. I think she was
testing me when she asked for a tennis bracelet because she does not even
play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I told her that it was OK.
She was almost sexually excited from all of this, and you should have seen
her face when she said, "I'm ready to go to the cash register."

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No, honey, I don't feel
like buying all this stuff now." You should have seen her face. It went
completely blank. I then said, "Really, honey, I just want you to HOLD this
stuff for a while."

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "You
must not be in tune with my financial needs as a man."

I figure that I won't be having sex again until some time after the Spring
of 2008 but godammit it was worth it.
*******************************

I just utterly, totally love it!


/Dan

{cell 260}
-{ a vibration is a movement that doesn't know which way to go }-

butcher
Paranoid (IV) Inmate

From: New Jersey, USA
Insane since: Oct 2000

posted posted 07-28-2004 21:31

Man it sure was funny!!

Thanks for sharing Dan.

-Butcher-

At0mic_PC
Bipolar (III) Inmate

From: Columbia MS USA
Insane since: Apr 2001

posted posted 07-29-2004 03:06

lol


The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made. --Groucho Marx

mas
Paranoid (IV) Mad Librarian

From: the space between us
Insane since: Sep 2002

posted posted 07-29-2004 07:58

wow. ha. thats nice. i will keep that in mind

| T | E | P | L

White Hawk
Paranoid (IV) Inmate

From: out of nowhere...
Insane since: May 2004

posted posted 07-29-2004 13:11

I sent that one to my ex-girlfriend a year ago. Didn't do much to patch things up...

njuice42
Paranoid (IV) Inmate

From: Gig Harbor, WA
Insane since: Feb 2002

posted posted 07-29-2004 18:58

Hahaha, that's pretty durn funny right there. Thanks DmS!

Cell # 551
icq 957255
msn njuice42(at)hotmail.com

Luxo_Jr
Maniac (V) Inmate

From: Stuck inside a Pixar short film
Insane since: Apr 2001

posted posted 07-29-2004 19:45

HILARIOUS! LOL

"You know you have been doing 3d too long when you walk into a church and think, "God, the polycount of this place must be huge!"

Luxo_Jr
Maniac (V) Inmate

From: Stuck inside a Pixar short film
Insane since: Apr 2001

posted posted 07-29-2004 19:49

HILARIOUS! LOL

"You know you have been doing 3d too long when you walk into a church and think, "God, the polycount of this place must be huge!"

docilebob
Maniac (V) Mad Scientist

From: buttcrack of the midwest
Insane since: Oct 2000

posted posted 07-30-2004 16:35

Now, that`s funny.

It`s a new Millenium, girls. Watch out.

Alexer
Bipolar (III) Inmate

From: Juneau, Alaska
Insane since: Jun 2004

posted posted 07-30-2004 17:54

That made my day Seriously

code-headed intern

CPrompt
Maniac (V) Inmate

From: there...no..there.....
Insane since: May 2001

posted posted 07-30-2004 19:07

that's good. i'll have to share that

Later,

C:\


~Binary is best~

I X I
Paranoid (IV) Inmate

From: beyond the gray sky
Insane since: Apr 2004

posted posted 07-30-2004 19:58

right on the money




...Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most (ozzy osbourne)

Skaarjj
Maniac (V) Mad Scientist

From: :morF
Insane since: May 2000

posted posted 08-01-2004 14:54

Damn funny, although my sisters would like to kill you now

AlterEgo
Nervous Wreck (II) Inmate

From: The Dark Side of the Moon
Insane since: Jul 2004

posted posted 08-16-2004 12:31

Got me Rolling On the Floor Laughing Ass My Off, as you put it.

alter ego n. 1. Another side of oneself; a second self. 2. An intimate friend or a constant companion.

LaSun
Bipolar (III) Inmate

From: the dark one with no windows
Insane since: Sep 2001

posted posted 08-16-2004 12:59

something tells me we don't have many girls in the asylum these days ...

i don't get it.

sun
//like, honestly//

LaSun
Bipolar (III) Inmate

From: the dark one with no windows
Insane since: Sep 2001

posted posted 08-16-2004 12:59

something tells me we don't have many girls in the asylum these days ...

i don't get it.

sun
//like, honestly//


see?

(Edited by LaSun on 08-16-2004 13:00)

RhyssaFireheart
Bipolar (III) Inmate

From: Out on the Sea of Madness...
Insane since: Dec 2003

posted posted 08-16-2004 13:28

Oh, there's a few females lurking around, I think.

I thought it was hilarious as well though. I'll have to cross-post that to a few other places I read regularly.

"Not in tune with my financial needs.. " ehhhe

_____________________
le coeur du feu
Qui sème le vent récolte la tempête!

« BackwardsOnwards »

Show Forum Drop Down Menu