Topic awaiting preservation: I love hate mail

I haven't gotten hate mail forever it seems... But I just recently got some:

quote:

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From: margareteporter@yahoo.com
Subject: possable lawsuite

chris ensill,
i recently went through my sons internet explorer history of websites that he had visited lately and found he had been visiting your web site ensellitis.com one of the stories posted on your website had the word shit in it it was the link of http://www.ensellitis.com/?p=6 i dont apprecate my son being able to see filthy curse words like that. please remove it and any other curse word you have on your site it will make it better it seems like a great site but the curseing really ruins it for me and other parents. if you do not remove these urse words i will contact the fbi and a lawer and sue you for my son learning this word from your site. we are catholic and do not wish to read that. pleease respond as soon as you can so maybe we can resolve this.

sincerely,
margarete porter

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Is this not hilarious? The FBI is going to arrest me for saying shit on my personal site?

Holy shit! That's hilarious. You should point her to Ye Olde Clue Shoppe. Her son will learn much more rude words by watching TV, or walking in the street.


Beside, you should edit your post to hide the name and email of that sad person.

poor ignorant wretches

I would counter-sue for sending an e-mail with atrocious grammar.

What the?... I can't help but feel bad for the kid.

Did you reply?
Your reply should be the word "shit" a few hundred times, methinks.

At least that women is true to her position about curse words and good manners. See, she don't use capital letters for fear to sound rude and be denounced to the FBI.

Despite this being such a great opportunity for sarcasm, I would personally get more pleasure out of reprimanding the woman for asking you to change your site as opposed to setting down some rules for her son regarding where he goes on the internet. On top of that, it would be fun to point out the absurdity of her expecting to be able to protect her children from swear words 100% of the time.

[edit: On the other hand, a "lawsuite" sounds pretty cool. Maybe a big hotel room for lawyers, or something.]


 

(Edited by Slime on 09-12-2005 00:51)

omg! filthy curse words! on a web page! no fucking way!

"i recently went through my sons internet explorer history of websites that he had visited lately"
- that kinda defines the worst kind of people right after murderers and rapists ...

My reply:

quote:

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Dear Margarete,
I always enjoy a good challenge,such as trying to read emails with a 90% lack of any shape or form of grammar. Hold on my waffles are finished cooking... ... ... Sorry, I like to make waffles from scratch, since you are apparently a house wife, I will let you in on a little cooking secret, go to church, and when you get the body of christ, spit it out, do that until you get about a 1/4 cup of it, then throw that in the mix. I call them Jesus Waffles, yum yum. Now, back to your email... I always enjoyed it when my parents would sneak into my room and pry into my personal life. However, being a member of Store Herbs In Tupperware (Or SHIT), I can not remove the "words" as you call them. SHIT has taught myself, as well as other members of SHIT, that you should never edit posts, SHIT has many rules against this. SHIT also teaches that SHIT members should help out non-SHIT members in as many SHITy ways as possible. These Jesus waffles are so good, I have a little blood of Jesus, to wash it down, yum. So I am going to use my SHIT contacts to get a hold of the FBI for you. Here it is, abuse@fbi.gov. The SHIT president (We call him SHIT master) got that for me, so please contact the FBI for me, I am to busy with SHIT. the lawsuite will be fine, but seriously, unless you are going to invite all of SHIT, I just need a single. Maybe with a mini bar so I can drink until satan comes up from Alabama and plays the fiddle with me. I am glad to see a woman takes the time to keep her son from seeing any form of cursing words, SHIT is completely against children being involved with the real world, SHIT is currently involved in a campaign to never let children see the light of day until they turn 40. I can play the fiddle really good.

I look forward to hearing more from you.

Cordially,
Chris EnsEll
Director of SHIT

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I would simply reply with the following:

quote:

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Fuck off & have a nice day!

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I am unorginal.

I just wouldn't reply at all. It seems fake to me.

That's what I was thinking. But just incase it is real, it's fun to screw with people...

Dude, that was just mean.

You could explain WHY her request is absurd, and note that if she wants to prevent her son from seeing ANY of that, she will need to closely control internet, TV, news, movies, and every other aspect of culture. But that is her responsibility, not yours.

You could try to go some way to inform the unknowledgeable world of the ways of technology, instead of spitefully keeping them all in the dark.

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Website

I would of kindly informed her of why her request is absurd, and do anything I could to be kind. However threatening me with a law suit is not a good way to start an email, if she would have been more diplomatic in the whole situation when initiating contact, I would have bent over backwards for her.

I'm on the side of 'Fake/ Phoney.' Any way you can check?

If she is for real wouldn't you just love to watch her read your reply... I've heard but never actually seen someone get their nickers in a twist. =)

Sadly she is using Yahoo! Mail, so can't use that as a source for checking if it is fake. I have an IP, but I don't know if that would really do any good except get an ISP and general location... If it is real, then yes, I would love to read her response to the reply. I would love to see her face if shesaw porn in her son's history, too. And I know what history is now since the first part of that email described it for me

quote:

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Ensellitis said:

However threatening me with a lawsuit is not a good way to start an email, if she would have been morediplomatic in the whole situation when initiating contact, I would havebent over backwards for her.

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Didn't you ever learn that two wrongs don't make a right?

I'm not saying she isn't an idiot (since she is, and I was really cracking up about that email of her's, because she's so stupid), but you don't have to be an ass. Being an ass to idiots just perpetuates their stupidity. And there are enough idiots in the world already.

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Website

[Shit] I really like your pixel art/animation header, nice work! [/shit]

Ensil, your reply is a hoot. Whether the recipient is having you on or is sincere (sounds like Jade to me) is irelevant.

Never let your sense of morals get in the way of doing what's right.
Isaac Asimov
US science fiction novelist & scholar (1920 - 1992)

I'd try to figure out what her son's email is so you can tell him how to turn off his browse history.



.:[ Never resist a perfect moment ]:.

Or publish the hate mail. Just hide some part of her name and email so only her son will find out who sent it.

Such emails are the reason to have a disclaimer saying that by contacting you through your website the persons agree to see the content of their messages published.

Excellent idea poi. I'll go ahead and do that.

Seymour, not sure if [Shit] means you are being sarcastic or not, if you are not: thank you, otherwise: Oh well.

Anyways, still no reply, so either she decided not to continue with it, or just never gets online.

A quick little post on my site about it. And look, I was civil about it!!!

quote:

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Ensellitis said:

A quick little post on my site about it. And look, I was civil about it!!!

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See, and it's much more amusing and reasonable the way you did it there. And, with any luck, the kid will read the post before his parents know it exists. ;D

But why do you mention IE? You should tell him to download something evil like Firefox or Lunix the 1337 hax0r 05 or something, heh.

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Website

yeah i guess that could have been a little confusing. I guess I was trying to be sarcastic about the stupidity of the lady and give a compliment on your site all at the same time.

quote:

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Iron Wallaby said:

quote:
Ensellitis said:

A quick little post on my site about it. And look, I was civil about it!!!
See, and it's much more amusing and reasonable the way you did it
there. And, with any luck, the kid will read the post before his
parents know it exists. ;D

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I agree - its much more fun to poke fun like that.

I do think it may be a friend having a joke at your expense. I have pages of degrading filth on my site and swear like a sailor (where appropriate) and no one has asked me to revise anything.

___________________
Emps

The Emperor dot org | Revenant: The Zombie Magazine | Wonders | Justice for Pat Richard | FAQs: Emperor | Site Reviews | Reception Room

if I went 'round saying I was an Emperor just because some moistened bint had lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away!

yay you quoted me ^^

If you end your reply with

'And if you are going to send me hate mail, please use spellcheck and some form of grammar?'

you may want to change 'peace' to 'piece' in the first sentence of your ending paragraph.

Peace,
Norm

quote:

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you may want to change 'peace' to 'piece' in the first sentence of your ending paragraph.

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Um, I was making my peace, not making a piece...

No, norm's correct. You have said a piece, and made peace. but unless you actually simply uttered the word 'peace', you haven't said a peace. Since piece is an improper noun (in this case) and peace an adjective (feel free to correct me if I'm wrong, I could very easily be), you cannot have 'my peace', since you can't have "[personal pronoun] [describing word]" and leave it at that. However you can have "[personal pronoun] [improper noun]" and leave it at that.


Justice 4 Pat Richard

Ok, I changed it. I looked it up, and you guys are right *slaps self*