fuck, what to do! — OZONE Asylum, home of the Mad Scientists

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fuck, what to do!

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Your Text: Insert Slimies » Insert UBB Code » Close Last Tag \| All Tags UBB Help	Web: Yeah, I've questioned my motives plenty of times; I know also that one of the reasons I wish it would work is because I'm emotionally insecure and masked it for two years with other addictions. I guess people are addictions too. I guess if I can give a little segue about myself, because of "my motives:" I wasn't addicted to heavy drugs but after a bad accident I got addicted to painkillers (vicodin, oxycontin, morphine) and started filtering the acetometaphine out of them, mixing them with some alcohol and drinking it like energy drinks to normalize myself. Probably half a bottle of vicodin a day, which was expensive too. But after those stopped working one of my friends told me to try heroin, and I did, OD'ed and got sent to a drug counselor. Funnily enough even though I was doing that, and some other drugs and dirnking, I never lost my GPA or was ever seriously intellectually threatened during debate in class, who knows why. But at least I stopped (got caught, I Guess) before things got worse and I fucked up completely. But that was to mask the fact that until two yeras ago I was totally emotionally insecure and antisocial. I got "forced" out of it by people and "normalized" but never learned to cope because of some emotional damage. I don't really want sympathy for it, but until my last relatioship I'd never actually experienced "love" beyond having sex. That got ripped apart because I was emotionally distant and she cheated on me, so I left and had to reevaluate my life. So maybe my motive is that I found someone I like ,and could really learn to love, and she feels the same. So in that sense it's selfish. I dunno, I don't have "demands" as a "boyfriend" or even as a friend, I'm generally a pretty easy-going person. a "people pleaser" I guess. He can't actually move out because that would entail dropping out of high school (he's a super-senior) and having to get a GEd, then not going to college (which he will in october). I mean, I feel bad for him. I can't figure out [i]how[/i] to walk out though. Because I see these people every day for two hours in class, and after school (because of scheduling). I'd still be in contact. He can't really "mvoe out," and I couldn't even be a friend to her, or him, and we both need that. God, I feel immature writing that. I'm not really sure if I'm being naive, but maybe that's due to age. I don't feel I'm naive. Bruce: Yeah, I guess it's hard because this is the first "meaningful" relationship I've ever developed. We bot htalk openly and aren't gaurded around each other. I've never actuallyt experienced that before. I don't know how to give it up, because when I think about it I start shaking like I need a cigarette or something. Maybe it's an addiction? but that ties in with the "enmeshed" relationship. Because I don't want to be fucked up for life. And I don't think people should experience something like this at our age? It just seems ridiculous. But thank you all for the advice. I will think it over, it seems good and I respect the people here, especially given their age and life experience. [small](Edited by [url=http://www.ozoneasylum.com/user/4153]cfb[/url] on 03-19-2006 02:23)[/small] Loading...
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