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Suggestions With Guilt
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I'd be careful about touching the topic of a father's death too early on. I would let her know I do care about her: arguments happen, but in the long run, friends remain friends, the real ones I mean. I would treat her normally and would try to change her mind, not too actively, but by being there. Calling her twice a week, less, more, depending on how she feels about it, inviting her out, casually. While treating her normally, I'd keep in mind she is in a state of shock, and would be very cautious about that. I've been a total moron myself in a similar situation in the past, but in the long run, you can sometimes solve that by *acting* on the root cause, and showing you are there for her. ... It's obvious you have very positive feelings for her, maybe more than that (none of my business). Oh, and about the argument you both had... again, none of my business, but it has that feel of... Couple stuff. [quote] if I dont, I do not know how long it may bother me. [/quote] A lifetime, two maybe, until you do something about it, because it sounds like "unresolved feelings". And the underlying discussion behind your argument sounds like... hell, you brought it up: it sounds like she is challenging you about something you are sensitive about. I've grown up with -weird- but loving parents... weirdly weird though, and had to give up the childhood and take responsibilites I wasn't prepared for early on. This inner pain has impacted my "outer" relationships for a lifetime, see, my inner game was not balanced, not.. resolved. I started to really be myself only recently, by understanding whoever they were, whatever the reason that had caused the havoc I went through, I had to take responsibility for my words and actions, and stand for myself independently of who they were and why they had been ~absent~somehow. .. It's hard, she was right about that and you may know.. you probably do know. But it's cool and rewarding. .. Don't let guilt eat you up, don't be too straightforward and strangely caring, act on your guilt, by being there for her, and answering the "why did it touch me so deeply" question to you. Act on what bothers you, you will certainly feel better afterwards. Doubt sucks.
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