Topic: R.U.T.M.M.O.M.B.

The acronym stands for:

Resisting. Urge. To. Murder. Momma. Of. My. Bebe.

This is a rant/discussion of my fragmented family situation, probably not that amusing, so feel free to skip it.

Still here? Cool.

My ex-wife Shannon's been on my case for a while to call about this statement she's gotten from Geisinger Health System saying she owes them over two grand. It only applies to her daughter Brooke and I haven't gotten one bit of correspondence about it. I'm really unsure of what to do at this point... here's why.

For those of you new to the drama, my ex-wife and I agreed in front of the domestic relations rep that since I had covered both kids under my insurance at Armstrong I would continue to do so. This was the same meeting where it was established Shannon makes more money than I do so I needed to pay a certain amount of child support. We both live at home, we both have cars. She has two mouths to feed but I am (as of now) sending just over $260 every month towards them: obstensibly it's for my son, but any realist - my girlfriend for instance - would tell you that both kids 'benefit' from it.

Now, $2000 is nothing to sneeze at. I had a hospital bill much higher than that ($5000+), and not a dime was covered by my insurance because being diagnosed bipolar after an extended nervous breakdown and requiring medication and therapy for years afterwards is clearly a pre-existing condition. *cough*facists*cough* However the agency through which I was working to pay that bill off has not taken money from my account in a while nor have they contacted me. It's possible UPMC has written me off. But that's beside the point of this post.

So as I was saying - both living with parents, both maintaining jobs & cars, and I send child support so my kid can eat. I pay for my insurance out of my pocket, roughly $200 of my net income every month, a big reason why I don't have my own place yet. Shannon, as far as I know, has Medical Access and insurance her job pays for on top of it.

She is also still smoking (though she's not smoking Capri's anymore, so that's a dollar less she spends per pack) and quite an avid drinker. ...More on that later if necessary, for those who do not know the full extent of it. So she is supporting these habits in addition to everything else.

I only drink on occasion (a shot or two at the weekly poker game at my friends Shawn & Courtney's) and only smoke my pipe or a clove when LARPing. I might smoke the pipe more if my parents allowed smoking in the house but I understand why they don't. Once the patio furniture is up... but again I drift from my point.

My point is I don't know if I should find away to make this bill of hers "go away," or just tell her that Brooke is her kid and she should call Geisinger to set up payments herself.

I love Brooke. I miss her. She's a delight (if something of a brat, but all little girls can be as I have discovered) and did call me 'Daddy' for a while. But she is not my daughter, by biology or adoption. We just cohabitated for a while, and as much as I wanted to adopt her, every time I looked at the adoption papers I got the feeling that something was wrong. Maybe it was tied into the very nature of my marriage, maybe it was knowing that her father could pop up at any moment and start making an ass of himself court-wise, I don't know. I do know that I never signed the document, especially after I started going mad.

I don't want to be an ass, or an asshole for that matter. The more diplomatically and smoothly all of this gets handled, the more inclined Shannon will be to let me spend more time with my son Matthew. I will go to court over my right to see him if necessary, but I consider it a measure of last resort (for which I am stockpiling ammunition already). I'd rather Shannon and I, as adults, find arrangements that work for both of us. The bimonthly visits are starting to wear a bit thin for me; I want to see more of him. Hopefully Shannon and I can find a way to make that happen that doesn't inconvenience her and doesn't force me to retain legal counsel.

I can't help but think telling Shannon that Brooke is her responsibility and I'm not going to make that Geisinger bill go away will be used against me in that measure and I will be forced to make this a court matter. I know if she cut back on smoking and didn't drink as much she could easily free up enough money for monthly installments until she gets a better paying job, a raise, or something else occurs (if I was written off, she might be as well eventually - but again, I don't know if that was the case).

I know a lot of you can sense some of the fear that I'm feeling. I acknowledge that I'm afraid. I'd be stupid not to. But I won't let the fear paralyze me from doing what I need to do in order to survive and prosper. I embrace my fear, and I'll try to harness it and the energy it brings in order to improve myself rather than break myself down. But how do I direct it? Do I focus it inward and gather the strength to find a way to, as Shannon put it, "take care of it"? Or do I project it outward in telling Shannon she needs to take responsibility for her daughter and stop expecting me to be guilted into doing everything she tells me?

This was rather long and if you made it this far I really appreciate it, and you have my thanks. I tried to stay on-point and not type in circles too much. I hope I am clear on who and how I am.

If you have advice I would be most thankful to hear it.

~~~
Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. - Albert Einstein


(Edited by Gothmatum on 08-22-2006 20:08)

Maaan, sounds like the sorta fun that can only come from broken relationships

fwiw: I'm of the "if ya can't duck and run, hit it head on camp"; the first choice being my usual line of defense. Seriously, ya always seem to eventually come out in front by, if necessary, forcing people to face their own responsibilities rather than always helping them out of a tough spot.; the shorter term method of fixing the problem rather that the cause can often, and usually does, come back ta bite ya on the arse

Good luck!

[sense] Organisation is anathema to organisations [/sense]

Gothmatum:- Did u tell her ???....and how did she take it ??

~Sig coming soon~

After going through divorce and a very bitter court battle running over 4 years to secure my visiting rights for my daughter in a foreign country, I can relate somewhat to your situation, Gothmatum.

The one thing I keep coming back to, is that Brooke is not your daughter (neither legally or naturally), right? And you do not have to pay child support for her, correct?

If the above is the case, then WHY are you worrying about whether you should or should not pay for some sort of medical bill for her?

I see no legally binding reason for you to have to.

Now, you may wish to. That is purely within your rights to offer to your ex. It may even help your situation with your son (perhaps) in the way of obtaining more time with him. But I see no reason that you should be compelled to do so.

WebShaman | The keenest sorrow (and greatest truth) is to recognize ourselves as the sole cause of all our adversities.
- Sophocles