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I will change everything about myself.
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>> I seem to reject anyhting that sounds like be happy and think positive and it will all work out. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ You SEEM to, well phrased ,) And knowing this from the start makes me persist : no matter how you respond, you do respond. >> What has meaning is the knowledge about what I can do, but is that not self esteem and realization? ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ No, it is not yet - knowing that the water does not kill does not remove the fear. Conscious knowledge is not emotional knowledge : you can be aware of a talent you have, and misuse it. This is pseudo self-esteem in Nathaniel Branden's objectivist theories. Ask Kant also. >> I seem to reject anyhting that sounds like be happy and think positive and it will all work out. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ This is the consequence of a challenged self-image, visible from the many repetitions in your "style" : at some level, a happy yourself is not what you want down inside because you are not familiar with that. But you have come to a point where you must opt between the current pain and a path to resolution, so unfamiliar grounds are the only road. You ARE unconsciously calling for some kick in the ass, which is why, you won't get any from me. Clearly, this is the battle in you : the being who is starting to realize he deserves more, and the old you striving to exist in pain. >> What kinds of hobbies entertain you most? Etc... -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- >> The ones where I build and create. >> I want to create. I want to see things that I have made. This is part of your purposes. Congrats for having defined them through confusion, clearly, and several times. Many people do not get to that point.
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