On trying to maintain ones equilibrium — OZONE Asylum, home of the Mad Scientists

Philosophy and other Silliness

On trying to maintain ones equilibrium

This page's ID: 30793

Edit Post

Who can edit a post?	The poster and administrators may edit a post. The poster can only edit it for a short while after the initial post.

Your User Name:
Your Password:
Login Options:	Remember Me On This Computer

Your Text: Insert Slimies » Insert UBB Code » Close Last Tag \| All Tags UBB Help	The first thing to do in such a situation, is to keep [b]firmly[/b] in mind that it is never personal - that is, the person was not personally intending to insult [b]you[/b]. After all, the person does not know you. So how could it be personal? The next thing to do is to realize that you control your reaction. This is paramount to seizing control of your emotions and the situation. In the situation you have provided, you injected the coloration that led to your emotional condition (your reaction) - that, in turn, colored the responses further (from both of you). Any other person will pick up this emotional condition near you, that is aware of your presence - this occurs naturally and most of the time, unconciously (non-verbal feedback). So your interviewer may not have even been aware of how they were being influenced by your condition, but it still influenced the reactions to your emotional state. Non-verbal clues such as the look on your face (mostly mouth and eyes/brows), the position and set of your body, and if appropriate, the space that you choose to maintain between you and the other person. To that comes such verbal clues as tone of voice and word choice, as well as the speed at which they are spoken. This often results in a downward spiraling series of action-reaction responses. As first impressions are the most important when it comes to "cementing" how one feels and acts/reacts to another, it is very important to be aware of how one can influence such to ones advantage, and to avoid getting into a negative reaction chain. If you are ever in such a position again, first take a deep breath. I know, that sounds cheesy, doesn't it? But it does a simple thing - it relaxes the body, and it buys you something very valuable when you are emotionally impaired - time. Time to think clearly. Then if you feel that you are still offended in some fashion, then politely draw attention to this, and attempt to get the other person to be aware that their approach is offensive, without actually being offensive about it. Most people, especially in a formal environment (like a workplace) will try to accommodate polite requests, if it is not too much trouble or unreasonable. So a reaction to the first situation, where your first name was called out, would be along "Would it be alright with you if we stuck to last names, please Mr./Mrs.____ ?" Present this request with an easy smile, perhaps even with an extended hand (gesture of non-verbal content, requires that one be well trained to realize that one is being manipulated on several levels at once). The extended hand indicates cordialness, politeness, and friendliness, reinforced with your pleasant facial greeting (smile), plus the pleasantly worded request. It will take someone very well trained to avoid accepting your request as reasonable in this case (or they are already emotionally charged - see below). If you win this first battle, the rest becomes even easier for you, as you first are in a winning position now (you have requested something and received it, which tends to make one happy, or at least happier) and you have demonstrated to yourself that you can take control of the situation, should it be necessary. This gives you a much more confident position to handle from. These things will be reflected in your body language, and your non-verbal clues will influence your interviewer (unless they are extremely well trained in such, which most are not). As long as you continue to use such methods in such situations, things should go relatively well, all things considered - certainly much better than the opposite. Notice that the main thing to do is to maintain control over your own reaction (emotional state) and to try to change the environment to one more positive for yourself, to positively reinforce your own emotional state in order to manipulate the emotional state of others positively and to your advantage. This is the secret to such situations, IMHO and experience. Try to keep in mind that such encounters are rarely personal in nature (how could it be personal, the other person does not know you personally and probably has never met you before, nor you them). The only thing that could happen that is almost impossible to influence one way or another is that you trigger an emotional response in the other based on their hardwired muster that comes from relationships with Father/Mother or siblings. Such situations either go extremely well (positive muster -> instant like) or extremely badly (negative muster -> dislike/hatred). Normally one can recognize the latter due to the almost palpable wall of hostility coming from the other (based on no realistic reason, one can normally logically induce this). Note that such can also be based on a previous bad experience that the other person has just had (argument with superior, etc), but still, that person is now emotionally charged, and it will be very difficult to change that. In such a case of having to deal with a person that is negatively emotionally charged, even a seasoned, well-trained person in how to influence people with verbal and non-verbal techniques will have a challenge on their hands. This is because one will have to first de-escalate the other person first, to get them into a mental state where they are able to process information again (not emotionally charged, which blocks the ability to reason, and to accept incoming information). Normally one will try to initiate verbal contact, and get the other to try to think - for to think, one has to put aside the emotionally charged state to do so. In your case, for example, a question can start this process "I am not sure about this question [insert the question here] - what do you think that it means?" and present this question with a geniune plea for help, complete with facial mimic and body language. You may need to repeat such attempts in order to establish rapport. Questions like "I have not done something like this for a long time, and things were much different back then, so could you please explain things to me?" is a nice way of establishing rapport, for example. In this instance, you are signaling non-resistance and are asking for help from the other - you are relinqueshing control to the other, empowering them. This will give you something very valuable - first time to analyse, and second you do not provide a target for the emotions to discharge on. Once you get the person de-escalated, then you can get them where you want them pretty easily. [url=http://faq.ozoneasylum.com/397/]WebShaman[/url] \| [i]The keenest sorrow (and greatest truth) is to recognize ourselves as the sole cause of all our adversities. - Sophocles[/i] Loading...
Options:	Enable Slimies Enable Linkwords

« Backwards — Onwards »

Show Forum Drop Down Menu