Topic: Lock Tester Returns (Mwaahahahaha)

*Rameses Niblik the Third, the boring gimp that he was, was wandering the halls of the asylum looking for stuff to do. He noticed a humongous (4 feet tall!) wooden door with a giant padlock. If he hadn't been so bored, he would have walked right past it.

He was really bored.

After spending 142 hours picking at the lock, Ram realised that all he needed to do was turn the key that was in the keyhole. He opened the door, and a huge, pus-dripping arm reached out and grabbed him...

That's right folks, the Lock Tester is back!!!

When I can see further, it means that I am standing on the shoulders of giants. - Newton

ooooooooooooook....

Lock tester?

It's about bloody time you got here, I swear Vog sneaks into my cell every night!



-Jestah
Cell 277

........every second night to be precise!

back on topic though, wasnt the original lock tester thread like an evolving story or sumin? SHould be in teh archives I would think.

Yah...it were good, the second not as good, but not bad....hmmmm

Koan 63, written on the wall of cell number 250:
Those who Believe
Can
Those who Try
Do
Those who Love
Live

***izz falls to the ground in mad fits of induced laughter***

Izzay

...ummmmmmm...


________________
counterfeitbacon

...grabbed him, and put him in a very uncomfortable combination hammer lock while the inmates took turns picking his nose, and probing orifaces with unusual tools for starting this again. Ram took small notice of the squishy feeling the dripping puss gave his *dinner jacket*.
DB said " Wow. I`ve never seen Vps` mop handle quite that color before. No wonder he wears the rubber gloves."

All of a sudden the lights come up. Everyone turns to the door, and...

[This message has been edited by docilebob (edited 06-06-2002).]

. . . Doc is standing there with electrodes in his hand. The lines from the electrodes are stretching far into another room. In that room is Emps and Shii. Emps has a strange smile on his face as he is cleaning off a very dangerous looking chair. Shii is standing over a large container holding a few black pills.

Doc begins to speak and says . . .

Later,
C:\


~Binary is best~

'Let the cloning begin!'

WebShaman hears these words and begins to shake... 'Oh no, not more krotchmonkey clones!' *WebShaman stares in horror as....

... Suho1004 pokes his head in the door and looks around. "Oops. Sorry to disturb you guys. Well, back to shock therapy for me." He begins to whistle merrily as he walks down the hall, leaving WebShaman to continue staring in horror as ...

...as he realises that Suho has forgotten his pants , again. Meanwhile, ...

...counterfeitbacon has overdosed on his black pills and WebShamans stolen peacepipe...

Ummm.. excuse me... I need my shock therapy.... I have not had it in a month now....



'Me no here. Me go bye. Leave me message. Me reply.'

Wolfen's Sig Site

Follow me, Wolfen, we'll get you fixed up in no time.

*puts pants back on*

The shocktreatments turn Wolfens fur into that of a freshly salon-done poodle. Suhos pants fall down (again) and trips him up as he collapses in guffaws of laughter at Wolfens new hairdoo. At about this time...

Raptor comes down the hall, following the laughter. He peers his head around the corner and sees quite an amazing scene: Suho with no pants (he could've done without that sight...), Wolfen's stylin' new hairdo, and Emps standing over a *very* frightening chair.

Finally he says, "You guys are having a giant party without fish? What is wrong with you people?!" ~picks a trout out of the bucket and nonchalantly slaps docilebob and WebShaman with it~ "That oughta teach you!"

Raptor sets down the trout, turns around and...

Gets hit in the back of the head by the trout that Skaarjj, as always behind someone, picked up and threw at him. Skaarjj grabs Suho's pants, sprints down the corridor and uses the key he stole from Doc to open the door to the courtyard. He runs Suho's pant's up the flag pole, singing the national anthem of hte worlds only truly insane country:

'Australian's all let us rejoice,
For we are Young and Free'

Shit! He left the front door open and...

Koan 63, written on the wall of cell number 250:
Those who Believe
Can
Those who Try
Do
Those who Love
Live

...Suho comes tearing out, flapping in the wind. He bolts straight for the flag pole, shimmies up, put his pants back on and then refuses to come down again. He folds his arms in a defiant pose as he sits at the very top, only barely turning his head to look as...

He realises that his pants are still attached to the flag pole. And the security system has automaticly closed and locked the door. Meanwhile, the sporty looking, yet somewhat frustrated Wolfen is overcome by the odor of fresh fish, and tears into the truot Skaarjj is still holding in his soon to be missing hand.
in the midst of wolfens feeding frenzy...

...counterfeitbacon wanders in a drunken state out of his cell and sees Wolfen chowing down on the trout. Counterfeitbacon didn't have his breakfast or lunch today so he decides to steal the trout. Wolfen's eyes turn red and she turns to face counterfeitbacon as he stumbles down the hallway with the trout. She bares her teach, lunges and...

runs straight into a hastily constructed rice paper wall with ocncrete reinforcements.

Poor Wolfie...she has a dented muzzle. SInce CFB is still in hte forfront of her mind, she continues to chase him down the corridor, Skaarjj behind them all the while. The come around hte corner and stoip dfead in their tracks as the see Wakkos doing...

Koan 63, written on the wall of cell number 250:
Those who Believe
Can
Those who Try
Do
Those who Love
Live

[This message has been edited by Skaarjj (edited 06-19-2002).]

The can-can!! Wohoo, look at those legs!! In between kicks, he stuffs his moth full with pills in the left, and 'shrooms in the right...and of course that mumu looks absolutely gorgeous...I think he got it from njuice...CFB, Wolfen and skaarjj all stop and stare in amazement as wakky says...

"Hey guys, want some?"

Nobody can decline such an offer, and, as a matter of fact, nobody does. They all grab some pills and shrooms, while mahjqa tries to sneak out of this madness. Just when he seems to reach the door, he stumbles over...

...njuice's flattened, flounder-esque body, as he slithers about, trying to make sense of all the madness in here! He slowly slithers into the middle of the room, getting stepped on repeatedly from the chaos that ensues over the pills and mushrooms. Soon enough, juice reaches Skaarjj and begins to tug at the mumu when out from the shadows...

njuice42 Cell # 551
icq 957255

as she gazed at the spectacle the thought of actually joining it had hitherto been so far at the back of her mind that, if some advanced speculations on the nature and shape of the many-dimensioned multiplexity of the universe were correct, it was right at the front;
but what the heck... it seemed someone had left some ethanol bottles around, so arthemis joined in too, waiting for someone else to continue the story while singing "goodbye sobriety" to herself...

...comes another one of the Skaarjj clones. He looks at njuice tugging at the mumu that his orginator is mysteriously wearing...thinks for a moment...thinks for a moment longer. Decide's 'What the hey' nad start's tugging on the mumu too. The original Skaarjj finally realises this and...

Koan 63, written on the wall of cell number 250:
Those who Believe
Can
Those who Try
Do
Those who Love
Live

... gets up on a chair and starts yelling and screaming for attention. He then points out that the Skarjj's are clones and that abb has had an overdose of the ...blue... pill in behind the 4-foot-thick locked-20-different-ways door. Everybody rushes up to the window in the door and ...


[ Padded Room #623 ] [ a-bb@gmx.net ]

*Wonders in and trips on a big a$$ lock and just fall through a crack in the floor...."arrgghhh"*

-- DS --

Points and laughs...and laughs...and laughs so hard he falls off his chair and through the same crack...thne realises he's quite large and can't fit anyway...

Skaarjj gets stuck in the crack, his legs waving in the air, and the mumu looking like a big, floral throw rug around him. All of a sudden...

Koan 63, written on the wall of cell number 250:
Those who Believe
Can
Those who Try
Do
Those who Love
Live

...a loud cracking sound rips through the halls and rattles the entire Asylum as the floor beneath Skaarjj gives way, and he goes plumeting downwards, njuice and the clone in tow. Luckily for him, however...

njuice42 Cell # 551
icq 957255

...he landed right in the middle of the Asylum's laundry room. Skaarjj's face landed right in the middle of Schizoboys soiled trousers (ewww). He gets up...

....and projectile vomits half digested trout all over njuice, the clone, Darkshadow, and the poor sucker ( as yet to be identified. we`re still digging him/her out) that just happened to e working the laundry that day, and then skips on down the hall behind the clone.

Meanwhile, behind the *Door Where No One Goes*...

...abb was still overdosing on blue pills. the door opens...


[ Padded Room #623 ] [ a-bb@gmx.net ]

*now back in the crack, DS shouts for "help!!!" but......*

-- DS --

it was already too late. The giant Galamahugan Jorfelglobber from behind the *Door Where No One Goes* had already grabbed DS within its giant gooey mandibles of glop. DS continues screaming "HELP!!" but....

then. . . suddenly, Darkshadow summons his powers from the shadowy depths. Transforming himself into nothing more than a silhouette on the floor. The giant Galamahugan Jorfelglobber screams in defeat as it looses its grip.



Later,
C:\


~Binary is best~

Njuice slithers into the mumu and exits, stage left, complete with mumu and bag of blackies... but as he begins to head for the door...

njuice42 Cell # 551
icq 957255

....... The giant Galamahugan Jorfelglobber grabs Njuice's leg from the crack where darkshadow fell through .......

only to be saved in the nick of time by the timely entrance of WebShaman! With a bloodcurdling warcry, WebShaman swings his tomahawk...and severes the hand of the giant Galamahugan Jorfelglobber in one fell blow! WebShaman stares in horror, however, as....

...the giant hand springs to life and jumps over to njuice, where he prepares to scalp him...

...as njuice squirms frantically to get away! Deciding that it now has come down to a matter of life and death, njuice decides to reach for the closest weapon... anything that can be used as a weapon, at least... Ah hah! He spies WebShamen's trusty peacepipe sitting comfortably in his holster. With everything he's got, njuice reaches over, retrieves the pipe and...

njuice42 Cell # 551
icq 957255

...smokes up a storm. He gets so high that the monster looks like a giant peice of meatloaf. Njuice trys to eat the moster and...

the monster gets pissed off and bites njuice in return, only this time njuice was... BUM BUM BUM.... DECAPITATED!!!! Thats right, the monster bit NJS head right off! So InSiDeR Leaps from his cell after hearing all the comotion, slaps the monster in the face a few times and sais, shut the fuck up im trying to sleep in a totally conseiled room with pillows on all 6 walls for insilation and I can still hear your annoying nonsence, spit his head out and go to bed before I smack you again, right then the monster...............


___________________
tri-eye

suceeds. Everyone gathered looks at njuice in a new light (Webshaman had just rpelaced the globe), got scared and ran...

Koan 63, written on the wall of cell number 250:
Those who Believe
Can
Those who Try
Do
Those who Love
Live

...but at least the headless flounder still had his trusty dusty mumu! Blindly, he sets the pipe back into WebShamen's holster, then proceeds to pat the monster's pockets down for loose change. Hey, heads aren't free... During his searches, on the left side of the monster's Docker slacks, second pocket, he found...

njuice42 Cell # 551
icq 957255

wakky's secret stash of meds and 'shrooms! Njuice quickly stuffs them down his throat (eeewww! That's messy!). All the meds and 'shrooms cause a freak mutation, and a new head grows in place of the old one...it's...it's...oh maw god, it's the head of Krets! The new Krets head immediately starts spouting obcenities...

'Dammit! Who's been fucking around with my body...and you! Yes, you fuckwit, I'm talking to you! Get that peacepipe out of your ass! Stupid, dumbass moron. And who let all you freaks into my cell? How am I supposed to get anything done with all you jackasses causing such a ruckus?'...the spewn words just go on, and on...

WebShaman futilly tries to do just that, grumbling about blind idiots who can't discern a holster from a hole in the ground, as...

...Suho finally manages to climb down from the flagpole and get the front door of the Asylum open. He takes one look at the scene before him, then reaches over and pulls a lever on the wall. A loud whooshing sound is heard, and Suho is sucked through the halls and back into his cell. Those who remained behind, though, still had to face...

The wrath of Webshaman, as he finally finds his peacepipe (I thought something felt funny back there), and goes on a scalping spree.

'Wheee! A scalping we will go, a scalping we will go, hi ho the tomahawk-o, a scalping we will go!' They all sing, Skaarjj staying behinhd Webshaman all the time in order to aviod being scalped. Lucky he did, cause just then, out of Doc's secret trap-door-o-matic came...

Koan 63, written on the wall of cell number 250:
Those who Believe
Can
Those who Try
Do
Those who Love
Live

... 'Hall of the Mountain King'... and if you thought the spree was bad now, the music only seemed to drudge up a hatred for scalps long sustained. Clumps of hair, skin and bone go flying as WebShamen quickly spins into a tornado of chaos! As everyone in the room runs and hides, WebShamen stops, looking up at the ceiling. His face, what was once a gleeful, sadistic grin, slowly melts into a frown as he sees...

njuice42 Cell # 551
icq 957255

DG's bare head...which basically meant the scalpin' party was over...after examining the rather fine specimens from his endeavors, WebShaman carefully cleans then lights the peacepipe...'Ahhhh...nothing like a good smoke after a scalpin'...as curls of smoke waift through the room. All of a sudden...

Skaarjj walked in drinking some apple juice. Points and laughs at his hapless, scalpless clone. Clone gets up ,and Skaarjj and his clone start fighting. Punches go everywhere, untill one of the clones punches mises Skaarjj, swings around and hits...

Koan 63, written on the wall of cell number 250:
Those who Believe
Can
Those who Try
Do
Those who Love
Live

The Krets mouth, which was full in-swing, the obscenety stream un-ending...until now! The fist lodges itself firmly in Krets gob, the force of the blow ripping the newly mutated head from njuices shoulders...causing another swift mutation...and njuices normal head grows back (if you can call that normal).

At about this time...

Patrick begins to run from wall to wall of his paddin' cell all the while humming Comfortably Numb in his head. Patrick smells Webshaman's pipe when...

___________________________
Cell 650 | | MetalHead