Topic awaiting preservation: An embarassing thing happened to me on the way to the forum

I was in the supermarket the other day and was grabbing some shampoo and toothpaste and this lady came up to me looking embarassed. She explained that she was too short to reach the top shelf and asked if I could give her a hand. Being a good boy scout (well OK if I'd ever been one I'd have been a pretty poor one - I'd have got my 'World Domination' and 'Evil Plans' badges but that would be about it - too much shouting and saluting the Union Jack) I agreed to help and she asked me to get the purple box from the topshelf:

'This box of eyewash?'

'No the one to the left'

'Ah right this box of eyewash'

'No the one to the left of that'

'Ah this box of.... 24 condoms'

And of course it only dawned on me as I had my hand on it and was saying the above rather too loudly (I don't do much quietly). I turned around and she looked nearly as embarassed as me.

Possibly something that we reserved Brits would be embarassed about but I thought I'd share.

I think we've had embarassing story threads before but has anyone got any good ones we've not heard?

___________________
Emps

FAQs: Emperor

Did she say
"yes, that box should hold me until tomorrow"?

emps you fool!
that was a direct request to get it on with her! she was totally hot on you!

Your a very sick man Grumble....

Embarassing stories eh? Yah, my lifes chock full a them, lets see....


Oh yah. Grade 4. Swimming day:

On swimming day we'd all have a little extra baggie with our swimming stuffs in it. Ya know, swimmin trunks, bathing caps, sun screen, towel.... Anyway, we didn't have a pool at out school so we'd go on a little bus trip down to the local swimming pool. Got there, got changed, went swimming. All normal like. Several hours later and its time to hop back on the bus and go back to school. Much like a normal swimming day really.

Although, when were all being led back in the back gate of the school one of the teachers stops and picks up a pair of undies off of da ground. Apparently someone had lost their undies before we left! Not cool. Even less cool if they had ya name on em. First the teachers asked if anyone has lost their dacks. Of corse no one admitted it. I check mine just to be sure and yah, they were there.

But yah know what happened next. Well, the teacher started calling out my name. They were saying they were mine! Dumb fools! How could they be mine. I was already wearing mine! Anyway, I wander up to the teacher all embarrassed as the other kids were laughing at me. Guess what, they were mine. My lovely mother somehow decided that I needed two pairs to go swimming.... ??? eh, ok. Yah, your guess is as good as mine. One must have dropped out while I was wrestling with Jimmy on the way to the bus or something.

Not cool. Very not cool. I could have killed my mother for that one!




[This message has been edited by Dracusis (edited 06-01-2002).]

Yes...any request from a woman should be seen as an invite to carnal chicanery.

She was asking for it.

I bet she even wore scant clothing.


JEZEBEL!!!

She deserved what she got...

Which was a box of condoms and the service that she requested...period.


Nonetheless, foolish prepubescent male reactions aside, it reminds me of the first time I went to buy condoms.

Local pharmacy, scarce blocks from my parents' home. Some age of true stupidity, I suppose I was fifteen or sixteen. With the fierce swagger that only an underaged idiot can have, I marched down the aisles until I found the bastion of all things taboo: The sexual aides/prophylactic section.

I swear I could almost hear the holy host screeching out and the divine light falling.

Being the stunning intellect that all young men are at that age, and having barely even had sex by then, I remember hoisting the 24 pack and thinking that it should last me a couple months.

~cough~

Proud...Defiant...Ferocious...I walked up to the counter and placed my MANLY box of contraceptives down by the till. Looking up with a triumphant grin I came face to face with...

My neighbour. Or rather I should say I came face to face with my rather aged, sweet, churchgoing, disapproving, judgemental, mouthy, gossiping, bridge playing neighbour. I'm still not sure exactly how fast I managed to sweep that box behind me, but I'm likened to saying that I broke the lightspeed barrier that day.

For those wondering though, here's a bit of a tip for the story end: Pharmacists have cash registers at the back of the store as well.

And all was well in the neighbourhood...though I swear to god she kept eyeing me for some years...kinky old broad.

heh

GRUMBLE: Oddly that is what most people have said (including my Dad)!!! Perhaps I needed to turn on my best Sean Connery accent and say something like:

'Well my dear perhapsh I could help you ushe thoshe but I'll need the exshtra large shize'!!

To be honest she just looked thoroughly embarassed. I laways thought it was better to try chatting up the opposite sex in the grocery section ("I'm sorry I hopeless at shopping since my girlfriend ran off with my best friend could you advise me on the lettuce".

DG: Great story. A friend of mine had a touch of VD and had to get a cream for his affliction but it caused an allergic reaction so he had to go back to the chemist with another perscription and he walked up to the counter and it was the same girl who served him the first time (and she drank in our local) and just when he thought she hadn't recognised him she said 'oh dear, it hasn't been your lucky week has it love?'.


___________________
Emps

FAQs: Emperor

You know, I never understood why people are nervous buying condoms. It seems the me, the worst any sensible person can think of you is, your gettin' some and you are being responsible about it.

DigitalUbiquity

I've never bought condoms, and I'm not really one for being embarressed. However, putting on my first condom was slightly, umm... disorienting and painful. *snap*

I used to be quite the thespian, and my girlfriend at the time was really into role-playing. Interesting times that did border on emberrassing.

There was this one time, in a hotel room...




[This message has been edited by warjournal (edited 06-03-2002).]

Hmm,

Emps: reading that made me laugh so hard the brasilian PC shook,

DG: 15 and your getting laid hmm, and I couldn't help but notice, a man of your intellect, spelling neighborhood wrong oh well who cares that story was hilarious!

Has anyone here seen the movie Summer of 42? I think that was what it was called, oh well in case you haven't there was a scene where a 16 year old went in to get some condums (back then they called em rubbers, still do now somewhat) a good funny in fact. Ok there is a pharmacy on the beach, he walks in and its like a lil ice cream parlor/drug store/pharmacy/dollar general, and hes really nervous at first, so hes shaken and the man asks him what he wants, and the kid answers, UHh UhHHh Ice Cream! Then the man asks your flavor? STRAWBERRY!!!!! And so he lingers on and on and then he sais WAIT!! UhhHHh,... One more THinG~!!!! The man sais whats that? WHeRE do YoU KeEp YoUr RUbbErZ!?!?! And the man hits a switch and a glass case turns upside down and low and behold, RUBBERS!!!!! So he ends up buying a 12 pack, and the man goes, You uhh, know what these are for right? And the kid goes, UhhHHh YEA, UhHHHH, YOU FILL EM UP WITH WATER AND SHOOT EM OFF THE ROOF!!!!!! And the guys was like Ok just maken sure...

Pretty funny shit I tell ya...

[This message has been edited by InSiDeR (edited 06-03-2002).]

InSiDeR: Unfortunately this area of the world starts rather young, on average. 15 was when I started, yep...though the story more than illustrates the ludicrousness of me buying the econo-pack.

As for misspelling "neighbourhood", well, I didn't. Canadians have British spelling, or at least when we're taught in school we do. Most people slack and take the abbreviated "American" version of words like neighbour, colour, and honour, but dammit, we love the superfluous "u".

Or to quote from a famous movie. 'My twenty five cent insurance policy.' (movie Grease.)



'Me no here. Me go bye. Leave me message. Me reply.'

Wolfen's Sig Site

Oh so your canadian? You live in canada? How's it feel to live in America Junior eh? Old english my ass this is 2002 fuck the english system lets go to the metric system its hella easier...

LOL sorry that just struck me as funny...

tool

I know TOOL is a great band aren't they?

Wow DG, reminds me almost exactly of my first condom purchasing experience.

As for my most embarassing story, well it happened this last memorial day weekend. My girlfriend has one of her summer houses up on a lake in Pennsylvania and I went there with her and a few of her girlfriends to spend the long weekend. We left Friday afternoon and came back Tuesday. Anyway, I've always been in pretty good shape and at college I decided to work out even more. We decided to take the boat out early Saturday morning to go tubing. I was showing off in front of all the girls who haven't seen me topless since last summer and was bragging how since their just girls (don't take any offense ladies, only in kidding) they couldn't knock me off the tube. Anyway we went around the lake a few times and I was first sitting indian style on the tube. Then I turned around and rode backwards. I did some dances to show off and then I let go and grabbed on real quick with my feet dangling in the water. I was going for a while when I noticed my girlfriend was mortified and the lake got cold awfully quickly. Apprently I lost my bathing suit a good 5 minutes ago and we didnt have any towels on the boat, so I sat there in my birthday suit until we got back to shore ...

Which of course led to more condom buying.

-Jestah
Cell 277

It is an embarrassing topic for me. I've never fully understood why and I'm not particularly interested in knowing why... it's just a very personal thing I guess.

Great stories, all.

. . : slicePuzzle

quote:

---

its hella easier...

---

Did you just say "hella"?

I don't know if that's what DG was referring to, but I have to say it for myself:

tool

Insider man, why do you keep pointing out that you're in Brazil? We know! You mention it in every post you make: "My brasilian PC shook" wtf is up with that?!

And the first time I bought condoms -

Oh, wait.

Whenver buying condoms I like to find the oldest person working a register and go through their isle.

If they give me any kind of disapproving look I just wink at them. Usually that turns them red in the face and they look right back down at the business at hand.

LOL

Funny thing that, my mum said she went down the store the other day to by condoms but couldn't reach them . . . . .

~We're not here for long, we're here for fun~

I think its funny how embarassed people get when buying things like condoms.

To this day I walk up to the register and toss them on the counter trying to be all suave hoping the middleaged lady on the register doesn't notice that Im sweating buckets.

-Jestah
Cell 277

This thread is depressing me... Man, I gotta meet a woman.

Hmmm...two things going on here...

The condom thing (or how I embarrassed the hell out of myself)...no, never had that with condoms...but of course, there were other things...I think they should stay in the past...I embarrass myself enough these days without thinking about the past...

And then there is this strange attitude...Insider, why are you making such a public spectacle of yourself? Just doesn't make all that much sense, really...

When I was younger and would have to buy condoms, I prefered to overcompensate for any 'embarassment' by also buying a bundle of rope, shish-kabob skewers, aligator clips, or whatever incriminating objects I found that would make the cashier embarassed instead.

On a similar note, when I worked at a grocery store as a bagger, one of the more interesting purchases I bagged was a 5lb sack of mixed nuts together with a do-it-your-self enama kit.

When I go to buy condoms, my girlfriend is usually with me so it's not really that big of a deal. I just slam the box on the counter, grab my girlfriend, and we stare at the cashier with shit eating grins on our faces > The cashier's usual response is "Enjoy!"

On a side note, I've never understood the term "shit-eating grin." I don't think that's something I'd be grinning about. Just me.

Wes: ever see the look on a dog's face when he's been caught slobbering up a big steaming pile?

I'm guessing that's where the phrase came from And that's one more reason I hate dogs.

You HATE dogs?! How can anyone hate all dogs? Poodles and other small yippee dogs (terriers) I can understand, but shepards, rottys, boxers, labs, etc! How could you dislike them? *tsk*tsk*

I racked myself on one of those jungle-gym dome bar thinggies back in third grade. Let's see here... I've also fallen, many times mind you, whilst in public... but nothing compares to what happened to me one day at school, 8th grade...

I was standing around, just sortta talking to my friends about what we're planning on doing after school, as the normal routine before the first class would have it. The busses were just rolling off, the bells were no more than ten minutes away from ringing.

Now, I'm not the most attractive man in history (tell us it ain't so, njuice!), and I was one fugly kid, as well. So I'm standing there, minding my own business and talking to a fellow ner... buddy, and I hear it, to my left. A sweet, mellodious voice. It was, yes friends, a female.

A female? Chicks? Talking to me? Willing to jump at the chance to converse on a normal plane to an actual human female that may (or may not) actually have an attraction to me, I quickly turn and find three girls walking up the sidewalk, towards my little crew of misfits and... well... we were in the computer club... that explains us.

"Hi!" I said back, beaming a nice bright smile. Half expecting an instant look of horror and dismay, I held back anything else that I wanted to toss out at her. Remarkably, I got a smile!

Woo! Cloud nine baby! So what if I haven't already scored? I'm worth the wait for some sweet little thing to come by and pluck me up, aren't I? Damn right I am. I'm gonna go out with this girl, this cute little blonde with a red skirt, I'm going to go out on a date with her. Get steady. This is the one.

I decide to make another move, completely oblivious to my friends behind me.

I turn slightly more towards the clique of girls approaching, looked directly at the blonde girl, I waved. I decided, 'Steve' (my name's Steve), 'Steve... make your move man, introduce yourself to your future girlfriend. Do it.'

"My name's Ste-..."

They walked right past me, one girl turning slightly and catching the end of quite possibly the most accumulated act of courage in my entire life up to that point. She started giggling. I knew, deep down, that my frozen smile, my hand, still in the air, was my last stance.

I was going to be cremed. This was going to be bad. The giggling caught the attention of the other two, who turned to get filled in on the joke... then the giggling of three morphed slowly into a steady laughing of three. Quickly from there, to a breakdown of hillarious guffaws directed at me and my attempt at contact with a person outside my league.

The other girls they were waving to joined in as well.

As did my "friends".

*binks*

And that was that. Damnedest thing to ever happen to me. Can't shake it, neither, just revel in it for a while. Like a dog, eating feces. Then grinning.

I'm sure you'll all be happy to hear that since the 8th grade, I've matured about fifty-fold what I was then, both mentally and physically, and have had my share of ventures in the world of relationships... but deep down... I'm still a nerd.

njuice42
icq 957255

*sigh* That really gets to me...

Ok, one of my worst moments...don't really know if one could say it was embarrassing...but it was surely one of the worst moments of my life:

I used to play football, you know, pop-warner when I was younger. I played split-end on offense, and the safety on defense. My greatest idol at the time was Lynn Swan (yeah, I had number 88). And I was good. Real good. I led my team in touchdowns, there wasn't anything I couldn't catch, no run that I couldn't run...until that day...

It was the most important game of the season...this game decided if we went to the state level...and we were playing a regional game...the game was very hotly contested...and with the last 30 seconds ticking down...we were behind by 4 points...but we had the ball.

The quaterback, David Craig (can still remember the names, they're burned into my skull, it seems, just like that whole day) called the play...4th down, we're going for it...the long bomb! I was ready...the ball was hiked....I was like quicksilver and lightning, and soon left the defender behind me...i looked over my right shoulder...the ball came through the air in a perfect spiral...everything was perfect...the ball came nearer...I could hear no sound, other than the blood pounding in my ears, and the faint whistle of the wind through the holes of the helmet...I stretched out my arms, the ball going narrowly over my head...the perfect pass...and straight through my outstretched hands...

How in the hell did that happen? The ball went between my hands...if I had caught that ball...I had the winning touchdown in the bag...I had never had that happen before...

The team ate me alive...

I cried...on the field, with my helmet off.

Later, we even got hate mail from a few Fathers...we didn't go to state because of that one missed pass....at school, it was even worse...I had more fights that month than any other in my lifetime...

As I look back now, it was an important lesson to learn...that we are not infallible. But then, it was the end of a universe...

[This message has been edited by WebShaman (edited 06-05-2002).]

Jestah: I've just gotta say man...ONE of her holiday houses? How many does she have?

Koan 63, written on the wall of cell number 250:
Those who Believe
Can
Those who Try
Do
Those who Love
Live

Thats real rough WS. It brings me back to junior year in high school when we were playing in the Long Island baseball championships. Late in a tied game, a batter from the other team hit a double up the middle and there was a man on second. The man on second rounded third and the center fielder threw to to the plate, it was a close play but the runner knocked me on my ass and I dropped the ball. Needless to say I wasn't invited to any parties that weekend. I got the same sort of hate mail though. Coaches wouldn't talk to me till next season. It was terrible. All I kept saying was I had a two run shot in the 3rd, but no one cared

Well lets see, she lives on Long Island with me. She has summer houses in Pennsylvania, Florida, Hawaii, Arizona, and Maine. Her dad has an apartment in NYC but I've never seen it.



-Jestah
Cell 277

Yeah, funny how the mistakes really stick in ones memory...

One always wonders, deep in the back of ones mind, what would of happened if it had gone the other way...

Wistful thinking...

Your girl has all that??!!??

PARTY@Jestahs!!!! C'mon, let's get down in one of the Beachhouses...the drinks are on Jestah! Don't 'drop the ball' on this one...

WAIT!!!!

Emps didn't you say you were a monotone, you could only hear and talk in 1 monophonic tone?

I don't even know if I should tell this.

In America you have to go to drivers Education to learn how to drive. Anyway, you drive around with this old guy for about 2 hours and he yells at you all the time. Anyway, I had to fart real bad, and so I figured why not. The problem was that when I farted, something extra came out, this something was rather juicy. I was wearing kackie shorts to make it worse. This happened at the very beginning of the 2 hour experience, and I just sort of sat there driving the whole time with my underwear filled. The guy never said a word about it, and neither did I.

The End.

-^^-
--::--
\___/

I think SB is about to get company...hehe...they can compare underwear...'Now this particular trophy happened in an airplane that was going down...'

Gilbert: I think you should wash your britches with SB's. He'll probably let you use his washing machine.

Man, so many embarassing things happened to me when I was young that I wouldn't know where to start. Was never to embarassed about buying condoms, though. My best friend and I had a thing worked out where we would go buy condoms together. We used to take a box or so up to the register (we made sure the cashier was a guy) and slap 'em down. Then I would look at Dave and say, "You think that's enough?" And he would say, "You're right, we'd better get the economy size packs." After he ran back to get them he would say, "That should hold us for a while." Then we would both smile suggestively at the cashier. Believe me, you have never seen items rung up and bagged faster.

WAIT!!!!!!!!!!!

InSiDeR: I genuinely have no idea what you are talking about (possibly me joking about being tone deaf??) or its relevance.

GN: It might have been best to keep that to yourself (in more ways than one). However, it reminds me of a tale I've just been told. A respected member of the community (a former headmaster) informed me that he was on his way back from Spain and was waiting for the ferry at Santander and thought he'd have a stroll up the queue of cars and show of his new tan in his lightly coloured t-shirt and shorts (hmmm a clue perhaps) but when he returned to the car his wife leaned across and whispered to him 'you do realise you've sat in dog shit'.

___________________
Emps

FAQs: Emperor

Well WS, her father has all that. I'm just hoping she inherits all that

Wow GN, thats real bad lol. I hope you were the only kid in the car. Its funny, for me at least once you get on the topic of embarassing stories, more just come to you. I remember when I was real little, probably about 7 or 8 me and me and my family were at a summer house on Fire Island when I really had to fart. My mom was entertaining guests when I decided then was as good a time as any to let one rip, so I did. All was going according to plan and no one noticed it was me when I sat along side my mom on the white velvet chair. She shreiked in horror when she realized I shitted all over her chairs.

[This message has been edited by Jestah (edited 06-06-2002).]

Hmmm...this thread is getting really 'shitty'...

Anybody else want to come out of the closet? I guess SB isn't feeling so alone, now...maybe you all can start some sort of club, or help group...

Hehe...'My name is (insert appropriate name) and I shat me britches...'

Yeah, you could call it SA...

Laughs out load at webshaman. Co-workers look over concerned... Well, back to work.

-^^-
--::--
\___/

Oh so that tone deaf stuff was just a joke?

InSiDeR: Sort of - we had a musical apptitude test in school when we were 10 and everyone else was issued with a musical instrument except me (not even a triangle or some cymbals - how badly wrong can one go with them as longas you don't throw them or hit someone with them); I'm a terrible whistler (my firends and famaily take great delight in getting me to whistle Axel F) and I can't sing for toffee but tone deaf? I doubt it.

___________________
Emps

FAQs: Emperor

Geesh don't you guys have the quarter machines in the bathrooms at gas stations?

Why fart and waste it, when you can **** and baste in it?

Now, I have a much more embarrassing episode than the 'britches' thing...but as this forum is no place for 'porn' stuff, I'll refrain from telling it...

Thumbs up, Jestah! Go for it, man...maybe someday you'll be strutting around as a 'richie'...who knows?

Just don't forget to invite us to the party in the Beachhouse....

lol do it yourself enima roflmao, why not just stick a super soaker up ur ass hehehehe

I've eaten dog food, dirt, snot, plant food, tree sap, shampoo, and a fly once flew up my nose.

umm.....good for you?

This shits old man, and embarassing. I was a little fuckwad in this thread.

edit: when did I stop being a little fuckwad?

[This message has been edited by InSiDeR (edited 12-22-2002).]

and once I drank a glass of rotten milk... Yummy! Same consistens as cotton cheese.
Once upon time a friend of mine was laying on the beach and an evil seagul flew by and
airbombed his back... still he insisted it was sun lotion. So he asked a old lady if she could
rub it in unaware of that she had a weird fetti... and on on on on on.... Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

The poster has demanded we remove all his contributions, less he takes legal action.
We have done so.
Now Tyberius Prime expects him to start complaining that we removed his 'free speech' since this message will replace all of his posts, past and future.
Don't follow his example - seek real life help first.

Hmmm..... not too many embarrassing thing have happened to me, only two things that I remeber. I'm a rollerblader, so I grind rails and jump stairs ans stuff like that. So one day there was this marathon thingy running past this rail I was skating, so I decided to show off, but instead I nutted myself in front a few hundred runners. The other time is when i went swimming on a field trip. After a few hours they called out the name of my school, but I didn't hear it. So about 20 mins later this lifegaurd is like hey, some guy over there wants to talk to you. It was someone from my school and they said we were supposed to leave 15 mins ago. So I quickly got dressed and stuff and when i got on the bus everyone was pointing and laughing at me.

Do unto others before they do unto you

Well.

This has certainly been an entertaining thread.

I have no condom stories to share, nor incidents of inadvertant public nudity, but ....

A couple of seasons ago I had to go to a hotel to take a group photo of some organization or other. It was a really large bunch, and they were slow to gather. I got there early and set up the lights, put the big camera on a tripod .... I'm using a view camera for this - the "old fashioned" kind you view and focus from under a dark cloth. The group is slow to form. More people come, and I have to back up, climb my step stool, put the dark cloth over my head and refocus. More people come and I have to back up again, climb my step stool, put the dark cloth over my head and refocus. This repeats itself about four times, and I'm starting to sweat by this point, 'cause I'm running out of room to back up. I do it one more time, and hear about 300 people gasp simultaneously as my head collides with the door frame I have now managed to be standing under.

Yes - it hurts like hell. Yes, it is *extremely* embarassing. What do you do? You wave nonchalantly, make like everything is fine, take the stupid photo and slink off to a corner to lick your wounds.

I hate it when that happens....

stared at this thread before deciding to share this moment.. i was 22 at the time..
i went for a pap smear, am up on the table, the young resident has the swab, looks, pauses.. goes out and returns with a resident doctor who looks, pauses, frowns.. they go out and return with an older doctor - obviously the teacher. he looks, looks again, leans back against the table behind him. in his best professional voice- the one that says the news is not the best: young lady you have what appear to be seeds inside of you. -oh- the condition is most unusual.. -embarrassed and relieved i stammer.. oh they are.. he shakes his head.. you see my bf likes pomegranite juice so i douche with it.. i didn't realize it ... left.. bits.. of...... seed....

lovley...more than I needed to know!

yay... lucky me! I didn't understand that... my bad english I'd guess.

I apparantly insulted a celebrity when I was six. Don't ask me who he was, I don't know either.

I was six. My memory was crap then.

I was six. My memory was crap then.

[edit] and still is [/edit]