Topic awaiting preservation: what is worst?

I wanna know what is worst having a best friend and him stealing the grl you like or losing your best friend because your grlfriend took him away?

i think they both are messed up O.o but defently the second one is worst..... but then again i wouldn't know, it hasn't happened to me as I've been single all my life.

Was there anything to take away in the first place? Think about it.

I suppose both could be considered different ways of looking at the same situation, depending on who you want to blame. Is that what you're trying to figure out? Who to blame? Don't mean to be harsh here, but that's kind of what it sounds like. Either way, it sucks, and if that's what happened to you, you have my sympathy. On the bright side, though, you will get over it. It may take time, but it will happen.

I'm not sure if this came out the way I meant it...

One of my friends says "girls are the devil" No offence! But yah... bang on.

Definately my best friend stealing, from me. Because then it is his fault and intentional where as if the girl I liked took him instead, it wouldn't be his fault if he was attracted to her.

And ettie raises a point too. If she wasn't yours than he didn't steal her, very wise thinking there. And I guess the same situation could be in the event that she stole your friend, but he wasn't yours.

Then to suho's point. If your friend took your girlfriend or whatever, you have the right to be pissed about it, it's almost a reaction as opposed to a personality. If you try and bring up this subject to your friend, chances are he may say something immature like "Do you own her? Was she yours to love and honor until death do you part?" Well thats what my friends would say to me if I were in that situation. Immaturity sucks, take it from a hypocrite. There is realizing you are immature and then being immature. Of course that's no excuse for acting as so.

Not to wonder off subject or to pound your judgement into the ground... But I really hope you aren't the type that just wants a girlfriend, who just wants a boyfriend, just so you can put false love into a false relationship just to say... "Hey, I have a girlfriend." It's something that I see a lot and it is more than just fucking retarded. Once again not saying that's your case. Heh.

actually i mean....hmmmmmmmmm..what did i mean..? *L*....

I mean..if he did that was he your friend..and if she did that was she your girl?

i think

wait..

emm..yea ..that's what i meant..*L*

yours sounded better though...

*LOL*

ettie

quote:

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Definately my best friend stealing, from me. Because then it is his fault and intentional where as if the girl I liked took him instead, it wouldn't be his fault if he was attracted to her.

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You phrase this like only one person would be involved. If the girl "took" the friend then it wouldn't be his fault? You're implying it's possible for the friend to have no concious involvement. One person does not simply "take" another person.

True, one person can pursue another person, but the person pursued makes a decision whether or not to respond. Fault can still lie with the person "taken."

But, as I read the question, Reborn was asking if it's worse to a) have your friend "steal" a girl you like or b) have your girlfriend "steal" your best friend, thereby losing him as a friend.

Option B sounds worse to me, since I would be losing two established relationships. Of course, the loss of your friend is really a decision you make yourself, although he doesn't sound like he'd be worth keeping. (Neither would the girlfriend.)

As for option A, how much it would hurt would depend on one factor: Did your friend know you liked the girl? If you confided in him that you would like to pursue her, but he pursued her instead without discussing with you his similar feelings, he would have betrayed you. If he didn't know you liked her, well, you can't blame him for much.



  Offbeat, roadside Texas attractions. (A little Google bombing doesn't hurt.)

[This message has been edited by Wes (edited 11-19-2002).]

These ^ two sum it up beautifully.

eyezaer: girls ARE the devil!!

as for your friend and girlfriend...their both shits and aren't worth your time. they obviously didn't take you into consideration did they??
as for which is worse...i think both are equally as bad, as has been said previously, you can't take or steal someone who isn't wanting to be stole or taken. if this is what's happened to you, then i'm truly sorry for you. it would be devistating for someone to loose two sources of comfort in one fail swoosh! i think you've turned to the right place though hope things get better for you soon!!
how about a group hug?!

reborn, I think a shotgun would solve all your ills.

<edit>This is not meant to be taken as real advise. Any attempts by anyone to act upon anything said in this response proves them to be asinine and I wash my hands of all responsibility of anyone so mentally ill-equiped. Thank you, and I now return you to your discussion.</edit>

[This message has been edited by St. Seneca (edited 11-19-2002).]

LOL St. Seneca...

In response to the topic... Wes has it right on.

If the 'girl' is your girlfriend in both cases... well... then it doesn't much matter who started what or who finished it. It's all arbitrary at that point. If you love your friends as you love your... uh... loved ones, then the hurt isn't going to be any less either way. Quit trying to think around it, wash your hands of them, and move on.

"Betrayal is a Poison that can't be purged from your soul. It's mark will forever Taint you against those that Betrayed you."
(Me, on Honor and Betrayal)

GrythusDraconis
Prince of Gold - Lord of Dragons

[This message has been edited by GrythusDraconis (edited 11-19-2002).]

suho there is no need for you sorrow because I just wanted to know if I was wrong.I know it wasn't friendly like but I really love this grl that I am with.the thing is that my friend liked her and this only didn't happen once to him it was twice in a row.his other best friend stole or took the grl he liked.then again we both whom "stole or took" the grl really love them and care for them more.I would also like to ask am I still the bad one in this situation?or it was just the weird way of love telling him that they aren't worth his time cuz there is no way for him to get them?

I don't know.. lol this *** thinking about it. but I really love this grl..

what is better a best friend or the grl you wanna be with for the rest of your life?
which one is worst to lose? this is what I am going through now.I chose the grl I wanna be with for the rest of my life.does this mean I am a bad friend? I lost my friend over a beautiful and loving grl am I the bad one or is he for being jealous??who lost more him or me?

It is better to have loved and lost then not to have loved at all unless that love was a lie.but then a gain when I love again the question is REBORN..

If you both liked the same girl you did not steal it from him because she was not his to begin with. The fact the he liked her does not make her his, besides you also liked her as well, you can't ignore your feelings just because someone else likes the same girl even if that someone else is your best friend. This girl, she choosed you instead of him, so he never had a chance to being with because she likes you not him. Losing a best friend sucks ass, but here comes the question, can he be considered your best friend? I mean after all, if he got mad and jelous instead of happy cause you got this girl, was he truly your friend? Well, he not getting the girls he wanted, well you don't always get what you want do you? I'm sure he gets many oportunities but he just has to learn how to use this opportunities instead of whinning about he not getting the girls he wanted. After all, if you look around, the world is full of girls. You don't have to feel guilty, you did nothing wrong.

thanx blinkie you r great but, my guilt for what happened is killing me worst then the shotgun that St. Seneca said to use.but, in the end just the thought of the grl that i got won whatever... just makes me happy that betrayed the trust of my bestfriend.I guess your right though I liked the grl since ninth and right now I am in eleventh and he's only liked her for a little while.to be exact over the summer only.... but I still think I was the party at fault.but then again should I deprive myself of the one true love in my life???

question of the day:"should anybody deprive themselves of possible true love just because of there best friend???"

It is better to have loved and lost then not to have loved at all unless that love was a lie.but then a gain when I love again the question is REBORN..

[This message has been edited by reborn (edited 11-19-2002).]

reborn you are not guilty of anything, you are not to blame. Depriving yourself of true love just because a lil crush your best friend had on the same girl is stupid.

I know I shouldn't feel guilty but I do. but I feel guilt it think because my friend doesn't have a grlfriend and that everyone he likes lands up with one of his good friends.and all I wanted to know is if I was wrong for betrying his trust.I thought I was but now I think that love is at fault.

------------------------------------
It is better to have loved and lost then not to have loved at all unless that love was a lie.but then a gain when I love again the question is REBORN..

Hmmm.... I think I understand where you're coming from. I was in the same situation once before. If I'm understanding the situation correctly he'll come around and understand that he had his chance and never made his move. Or she shot him down. You can't wait forever. I'm getting married to the girl in my situation and my best friend and I didn't talk for.... uh... years. We're better now but that... twinge is still there in him. I feel it whenever we're around each other. Give it time. If he is truly your friend he'll release his jealousy in favor of that friendship. If he isn't... mourn and move on. There will be other friends. Sorry for my harshness before but it sounded as if there as some actual betrayal happening in there... I can't abide that. By my very, very strict sense of Honor and Loyalty... you aren't in the wrong. He might view things differently however. Like I said, He'll always feel that betrayal, whether it was real or not. I know things will settle out soon enough, even if it doesn't feel like it right now.

Persevere, Love and Loyalty will win out.

GrythusDraconis
Prince of Gold - Lord of Dragons

this does put a different spin on it....if neither one of you were going out with her at the time and was just oggling her from afar...then i don't feel that you did anything wrong.
if your friend had been the one to end up with her would you be hurt and jealous?? chances are.... probably. it'll take time for him to get over it, but eventually he will (usually). i think it's good that you do feel some guilt, that shows that you do care for your friend, but don't let it eat you up

Reborn: Yeah, if there were no established relationships, then I don't think you technically did anything wrong. That being said, though, I can understand why you might feel guilty, especially if you knew how your friend felt. Now, like I said, I don't think you actually did anything wrong--and if I were in your position, I probably would have done the same thing--but I'm not going to belittle your feelings and tell you that you shouldn't feel guilty. The fact is, you do feel guilty, and nothing that anyone says here is going to make that go away. There's no doubt that the situation sucks, but sometimes you've got to do what you've got to do and be prepared to accept the consequences. In your case, the consequence is that you feel guilty, and your friendship with this friend is on the rocks. But weigh that against the positives: you say you really love this girl. If that is so, than isn't she worth it?

Life very rarely hands us 100% winning situations. Generally it's all about trade-offs, and we have to weigh the good against the bad and go with what we feel is right. Sometimes in order to gain we must first lose. So the bottom line is not whether or not you should feel guilty. You do feel guilty, and that's just the way it is. But you have gained something that you would not have had if you had let fear dictate your course of action. In time, the guilt may subside, but it may never fully disappear. You will learn to deal with it, though. And it will be a lot easier to deal with if you look at the situation as it really is, rather than focusing on only one aspect of it.

I'm not sure if this is making sense. It makes sense to me, but maybe that's only because I'm the one who's saying it. I've sacrificed a lot of things in my life, but I do not regret a single one of those sacrifices, because what I have gained far outweighs what I have lost. I left behind my native land, along with my family and friends and everything and everyone I had ever known and loved. That's a pretty big sacrifice, for me at least. And at times it still sucks. I miss having really close friends, I miss my family, I miss Guinness (how did that slip in there?), I miss all sorts of things. But my life is far better than I could have ever imagined, and I cannot begin to count the things I have gained, and if I had to do it all over again I would make the same choices.

Our situations might be a little different, but the principle is the same. This is life. This is reality. And this will not be the last time you will have to sacrifice something to gain something else. The sooner you come to terms with that, the easier it will be for you to adapt. It will never become easy, just easier.

I don't know if this came out harsh sounding, or perhaps uncaring, but I meant it in a genuine and caring way. Hopefully I've been able to successfully communicate at least that.

Reborn- grab that Edgar Allan Poe book I gave you and read The Cask of Amontillado..

btw, call me..


Code - CGI - links - DHTML - Javascript - Perl - programming - Magic - http://www.twistedport.com
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Well if your girlfriend left you and went to your best friend, do you really have a best friend?

Later,
C:\


~Binary is best~

Hypocrisy....now thats what I call a lie, becouse it never happened!

It did happen, even if u deny it. You're 2 ashamed to admit that u lost this girl to Reborn. Seriously, I'd take him over you any day.

heheh what a joke ok believe him

quote:

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what is worst having a best friend and him stealing the grl you like or losing your best friend because your grlfriend took him away?

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Yes.

. . : slicePuzzle

ruski, why would I belive you?

cant you just fuck out of my life when I already told you huh? or you are that stupid that dont understand no shit they are told

lmao, no Ruski, I'm not stupid, you're just so easy to annoy. Oh and I can post messages here if I want, that's why it's called a message board not "ruski board". As far as your life goes, I don't care about it =) so don't let your ego fool ya. I think I fed ur ego too much... Oh well, "frenchy" as you call him was better >.> Anyway, I don't have to do what you tell me to because you're not the boss of me. If you don't wanna talk to me then don't, what are you doing replying to my messages? I don't care if you do or don't. Your ego is so big it's eating your brain cells, what you expect me to disappear out of the face of the earth just cause you want me to? The world does not work like that.



[This message has been edited by Blinkie (edited 11-25-2002).]

Um, am I the only one who is incredibly confused as to what's going on here?

What's this button do?