Topic awaiting preservation: online relationships...stupid? (Page 1 of 1)

I would like to hear your oppinions on online and long distance relationships, as well meeting people online and so on, bla bla bla....

are they stupid? normal? not worth it? you tell me!

i know several couples that met online and are still married years later

edit - Doc met his SO online and they are still together

[This message has been edited by velvetrose (edited 04-02-2003).]

Sometimes is works out, and many other times it doesn't. But that sounds a lot like couples who meet offline

Actually, I love having friends that I met through the internet. I feel pretty close to a lot of people here and in reality, I don't have a lot of 3d friends.

So I don't think it's stupid at all. I'm always joking about how "geeky" it is but I actually thinks it's great.

. . : slicePuzzle

i think it's like any other relationship.

as long as both couples are open communicators, honest, and good judges of character, it should work fine.

if one takes a realistic look at it, you can see the merit behind it:

deciding to start a relationship based on a few smooth lines over a few smooth drinks seems a far less sound practice than one that begins with countless emails and chat sessions - the caution that is applied to e-relationships is very healthy, and quite rewarding (most online couples will be in communication for months before the relationship is taken any further).

the reasons for starting the relationship are also much healthier - a 'real world' relationship is 'distorted' by the following factors:

• distance
• appearance
• charisma/presence

these, and other 'shallow characteristics (like age, race, fashion sense, etc) strongly influence average joe's selection of a mate, yet have very little influence on the solidarity of the relationship (with the exception of sexual attraction).

these factors, however, have a far lesser influece on average joe's selection of a mate in the virtual world - perfectly suitable mates that joe would reject in 3d-land (for example, an indian lady, or some woman on the other side of the planet)are given a chance online.

the style of communication that people are involved in online can also aid a more educated choice of partner. people are often less self-conscious, and more honest online, and more likely to say exactly what they think or feel, when they may hold back in the real world. (of course, people can be manipulative and deceptive online too, but that's where the 'character judgement' comes in - along with the verification of the person in the real world before a relationship is begun.)

in many ways, the online forum simply amplifies human relationships - they can be far more intimate and rewarding - but also far more deceptive, dangerous and destructive than 'normal' relationships, and as such, need to be approached with caution - and with restrained infatuation.

double post!

as an example of everything i said, i quote velvetrose:

quote:

---

Doc met his SO online and they are still together

---

this is no suprise - you can see from his posts, and website that doc communicates very effectively online. his posts are always gentle, honest, and well composed. many of us could claim (with pride) to know the doc, even though we have never 'met' him - this is because his posts not only communicate his message, but also his character, and so vividly.

Well, ruski, is it that you want to meet someone off the net? or are there OTHER reasons for your question. I'm going to take it in good faith that your sincere. Online relationships have there place. As someone has mentioned before they do end up alot more intense than normal relationships as you are saying things with out embrassment. You also dont't see they bad habits on a day to day basis. You can chosse when you want to talk to them, and (AS a woman) you get to spend time doing what you want to do,(errands, shopping, kids)
So all in all, its fab!
But the down side is you obviously cant tell whether the other person is lying, and unless they give you facts you can check out, you are on faith.

Take care

i think there's both positive and negative aspects to consider. i have a few great real life friends that i actually met online, folks i just got to know over a period of time from places like this. i've also had several dates with girls i've met online in a variety of different places (some that were actually singles/dating sites, i'll admit). they were all nice people, and while i didn't dislike any of them there's only one i met that had any potential. a few i still talk with online or on the phone and have become great friends.

on the negative side i think about some loooong hours wasted online chatting with people that suddenly dissapeared, one or two that got oddly attached very quickly and seemed to have some potential mental unstability, and hours spent looking at profiles of different people looking for "her". you also build up a certain false sense of reality when you've chatted with someone for a while, expectations about how they are, how they look, how they talk, etc. when that actual moment of meeting in real life comes, you just may discover they're not quite as fetching in person as they were in ascii, whether its visually or personality-wise. my experiences weren't too negative in that respect, tho i've talked to females with absolute horror stories of online-initiated dates, non-smokers who smelled immensely like smoke, those who neglected to mention their photos were from 8 years ago (when they'd since gained 40 lbs and quit worrying about personal hygiene), etc.

my end result? i've been dating an absolutely beautiful, amazing girl for just over 8 months now. i met her when i saw my friend talking to her and had to butt in and introduce myself the one thing i learned thru all of this is that if you're looking for something (or someone) you'll rarely find it. not to say you don't have to take some initiative and get out there, but just let nature take its course and you'll be far better off.

chris


KAIROSinteractive

Personally, I find that any relationship build on honesty, sincerity, communication, and just being oneself, irregardless of whether it is online, offline, far left, right, you name it, is a good way to start.

One just needs to be true to oneself, and to have a bit of self-confidence. It also doesn't hurt to love yourself...how can you love someone else, if you don't first love yourself?

I like real life...all those subtle non-verbal clues are far more important than words...and tough to lie with.


WebShaman

I think that the net has opened up a whole avenue for those people who do find it difficult to express in person. Whether these persons end up lying totally about themselves i dont know. But with what web said, i find anyway ,you kinda get frustrated , sometimes, with those subtle non-verbal clues lmao!.

I've always found it incredibly difficult to trust people over the net. It's a personal thing, gotta see the face, the body language of the other person, voice or text alone isn't enough for a relationship, IMO. Then again... I've made my share of mistakes...

njuice42 Cell # 551
icq 957255

Well, I can't really add all that much to what's already been said here, but I do have my own opinions, of course.

First of all, when I think "relationship" I think of any relationship. But I guess you're talking about romantic relationships. Do I think they can work? Sure. As has been pointed out already, they have worked in many cases. Would I want to meet someone that way? Probably not. When it comes to romantic relationships, I'd rather see the person face to face from the start. And there's also the fact that my wife would probably chop off my manhood if I met someone on line.

Online friends are a little less risky, because you are generally more logical and less vulnerable. For example, if I found out that Bugs was actually a priest in the Church of Satan and regularly drank rat blood for breakfast, I would certainly be shocked and disappointed, but I don't think it would plunge me into a depression like a failed romantic relationship would. That's why I feel comfortable having online friends.





www.liminality.org

thanks that was really helpful of you guys

I think I heard all I needed to know....LOL suho, dont get too seriouse :P

anyway, I really wanna know what is like to have a long distance relationship with someone....is it worth it or not?

I mean like if people are communicationg from several states away, is there any change they ever meet???

I met my husband online 6 years ago. It was through work but still online. He was in The Netherlands and I was in North America and through work we struck up an email and ICQ friendship. We eventually met up, he ended up moving here a while later and we married a year afer that. The whole issue of trust didn't really enter into the picture as I already knew who he was through work.

We had a long distance relationship, across an ocean and it wasn't much fun. I don't recommend it. We knew he was going to move here so it wasn't so bad but I can't imagine an open ended long distance relationship personally. If there's a goal in sight then yes, other than that I don't think I'd do it.

Yes i agree with Amerasu, there has to be a goal insight, otherwise interest will be lost. And ruski that would be up to you no? IF you had the money, and you both agreed you would like to meet what would stop you?

my mom met a guy online and married him....they've been married nearly 3 years now.

__________________________
Cell 1007::SST

i'm in one right now.... it helps if you dont solely rely on the internet alone, talking on the phone helps a lot.. then again, its only a 5 hour drive for me to see her. She is the best thing that will ever happen to me, and i can think the wonderful internet for completing my life.

If anyone ever tells you that internet-started, or even solely internet relationships are bullshit... i want you to smack them, because that is a farcity. As a lot of people have said, trust is the hardest aspect of an internet relationship but if you love the person and you're honest with them, its just like any other kind of relationship, even more open than most. Internet relationships allow unadultered, pure thought.. which some people have a hard time expressing.... if you and your mate are so compatible, then online relationships are fine, hell... mine is.

"Salting the back of a snail... My turkish prison is knowing that i fit in...."- Glassjaw

So obviously sanzen this discription wasn't true for you then,

Quote:

picture the scene ...

you arrive, you scan the crowds for someone looking for someone ... suddenly you exchange eye contact at a distance ... across the vastness of an airport concourse you recognise that look ... that need ... that yearning ... and it all comes home to you with the splat of a wet fish in the back of the neck ... you just arranged a dirty weekend in a motel with someone who resembles a cross between a moose, a used clothes store and a half ton of industrial quality lard !!

Sorry trib, love ya

I will quote a friend : "Internet relationships show many things about the personality of the person, especially that he/she is enough desperate to seek love over countries and continents."

And that's so true. I know a Netherlander (translation ?) and an American that are in love right now with Internet. And I too am quite found of an American person... It says much about our personlaties and day to day life.

Sorry don't agree with that, the internet has brought people withthin our reach that we would not normally get to meet. I've been in my home town chat room, and its frightening!!!!! The fact that people get talking further a field might be because there far more interesting than people on there door step!

i think its interesting that some people find it odd to meet someone online after talking to them for a while, yet those same folks will sleep with someone they just met in a bar.

an extreme example, but still a valid point i think.

i mentioned i met a good friend of mine online, i actually met him about 2 yrs after i'd known him when i had an interview up in dallas and i needed a place to crash. my mom freaked at the idea, throwing out 'what if he's a stalker/psycho' type scenarios. my response was that if he was he was a darn dedicated and patient one after two years and he deserved the chance to kill me after all that effort

chris


KAIROSinteractive

I think the fact that the online world is still relatively new also plays a part in some people's fears. There is always a fear of the new and unknown involved. This is why people who have never had an online relationship (friendships included) before, like my wife, don't understand how other people can have them.

Not sure if that came out right...

Some of my online friends I consider my best, online relationships are like any other, you just don't see each other as much if at all. That's about the size of it.

testimony to the extent of my online relationships =)

good folks out there!

Jason

[This message has been edited by JKMabry (edited 04-04-2003).]

LOL, Fig.

My only online relationship (romantic) was a total bust. If you treat it like any other relationship and take your time and decide if ti's what you really want. they yeah but it should take a damn sight longer to figure out online than in person, if you ask me. I jumped in to fast and paid the price. Be careful and you'll be fine.

As far as online friendships go... That's all here. This is where you all are. I consider a good number of you here friends. Whether that is reciprocated or not... hehe I dunno. nor do I know if that matters.

I will say this though. With all of you here that I can bear my soul to and talk to and get consolation from and debate and argue with... there is still something to be said for real hugs and knock your teeth out fights.

GrythusDraconis
"I'm sick of hearing that beauty is only skin-deep. That's deep enough. Who wants an adorable pancreas?" - Unknown

How are online friendships any more revolutionary than penpals? Same people just different tech, yes?

. . : slicePuzzle