Topic awaiting preservation: Soldiers guilt (Page 1 of 1)

My father was a Vietnam Vet. He served honorably. He was wounded and received the Bronze Star and several purple hearts for his injuries.He contracted the worst form of malaria....the kind that affects the brain. He had "flashbacks" that drove him crazy. He drank to forget and it made matters worse of course. It was nothing for my mother to awaken being strangled or hurt in other ways as he dreamed of war....

He joined the Vietnam Vats Against The War and they kept him "centered" for awhile. He was in and out of vet hospitals that were in most cases shoddy to say the least. My older siblings told me one time they were at a drive-in movie and were on their way to get popcorn when a helicopter flew overhead and he hit the ground..he was so embarrassed.....(They lived by Ft. Drum) In 1983 my mother who was pregnant with me came home from work to find him hanging in our garage.......I tell people he died in Nam because he did really.

I hate war and it is for this reason that I am against it except for self defense. I hope the returning vets receive more care than my Dad or most recently the vets from prior gulf wars did...... many were denied they had the illnesses they contracted. i.e. Agent orange (Vietnam) and Gulf war Syndrome. The troops deserve far more than they receive . Once the war is over forget it.. I heard it is starting to change...but I can tell you most of the "homeless" I have come across are vets. They need care.....I can't even imagine killing another person. Most 19 year olds are not prepared for it either. It breaks your heart. I know this is a heavy subject but perhaps we could discuss it?

"whenever I find myself on the side of the majority, I pause and reflect. " Mark Twain

*sigh*

Yeah, that's a heavy and difficult subject, for both those directly suffering, and those indirectly affected...like family. My uncle never fully recovered from the Nam...he died last year. I have had my problems, being a vet myself...thank god I haven't had flashbacks now, in years...but the memories (and the effects) remain. Nobody really cared about my state...especially not the military. Even my family has a hard time with this issue...it's basically a silent one.

I feel for you, if that is any consolation. It's as I said, a very...difficult thing, to talk to somebody about...or even explain, especially to someone who hasn't been through the...experience. What can I say? I killed people. I saw friends die...it certainly altered me, in more ways than one...I certainly didn't come back a functioning member of society...I had to re-think major parts of my life...and come to terms with myself. It wasn't easy...it still isn't, to this day. I lost something very valuable...something I didn't know I could lose, a piece of my humanity. I have reconciled with myself, that I can never get it back. I'm certainly not going to go into the very intense emotions that I went through, then and now...I will say, that there is a monster that slumbers inside, that I fight against every day...and that I fear. It should have never been allowed to get out...but I also have to admit, that it is a part of me...I don't really know how normal people can accept this, but they do...well, some do...others...well, maybe they fear it. Fear me. I don't really know. I never asked.

Maybe Tom will say more...but I doubt it. Sorry if this is no help...it's something really personal, for me.

Thank You WS......I'm sorry I stirred up the bad memories....I was watching the news and looking at soldiers coming home and well...my mind was taking me back. First of all thank you for your service to this country. I was against the war but never against the soldiers. I just want to make that clear. I think i was hoping people would take a look at what is not talked about much...the suffering of our servicemen after a war. How important it is to make our government realize our feelings....to support the man/woman after the war is over. To realize these people may be in pain after the flag waving is but a memory.

Any vet who does not want to answer this posting I will understand...I am sorry WS.....my father never wanted to talk about it and never did I'm told except with other vets.... I hope you are happy and have those who care to listen to you if you do wish to talk. Truly.

Thank you for sharing
Sherrie

"whenever I find myself on the side of the majority, I pause and reflect. " Mark Twain

hmmmmm I guess this was not a good idea.....I made a mistake? Have patience I will learn.

"whenever I find myself on the side of the majority, I pause and reflect. " Mark Twain

Damn, that really sucks you guys. Luckily for me, my family has never really had any type of war involvement, except for one person. He was in the gulf war and he got gulf war syndrome. He can?t really go out in the sun to much, and if he does he has to wear long sleeves and a hat all the time. If he doesn?t he gets burnt really bad and his skin is constantly peeling. He is pretty quiet, but he has told me some strange stories about how the Iraqi?s would sit in a bunker, a whole bunch of them, and they would fly over with their helicopters and take out hundreds of them at a time. He said it was horrible. I don't know if really relates here, but I just thought I would mention it.


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