Topic awaiting preservation: If GOD gave you his/her powers ?

If GOD gave you his/her powers for a week, what would you do ?

Yes, this is based on a storyline from Jim Carey's latest film, " Bruce Almighty ", but i thought it would make an interesting topic.

Nothing.

There are few things i would do:

1) men would have the babies......just to see how they would cope with labour
2) Let them experience PMT
3) give some of the members a sense of humour
4)Make me have a date with emperor
5)Reincarnate Elvis
6)By the way I am completely stoned and have no idea what i am typing also i have no idea where this post is going

*Speechless*

^^^continue that trend^^^

:::krets.net:::

Well, I'd give myself the super-wish-giving-ball, so that I could always have Gods powers.

i'd start by wiping out the whole population of wales...... just to be on the safe side.

__________________________
Cell 1007::SST

Rid the world of SUV's permanently.

OR

Make them all clear and force anyone who wants to drive one to do so nude.

:::krets.net:::

clever man, then you'd get to see their inadequate peepees. You'd make a clever God

Jason

Stoned people are smart.

They should post more.

Then randomly sterilize themselves to protect the pool.

I was thinking more about the soccer mom's but hey Mabry, whatever floats your boat...

:::krets.net:::

unlimited knowledge of some sort.

1) give pink a brain.

2) smite the infidels.

3) relax by the pool with a very large margarita.

Sort of like pink's but with a few subtle differences:

1. As long as we could have them with some kind of tasty sauce.
2. I had Pre-Millenium Tension thanks.
3. I'm 100% behind this one though I'm probably thinking of different inmates.
4. Give the Emperor some kind of stealth technology and/or a big gun (I'm in favour of the 'and' now I think about it).
5. Reincarnate Elvis so we can kill him again in an even more embarassing way than last time (add JFK, Red Rum, Lord Lucan and Jim Morrison in there too and I'd be very happy).
6. Add some kind of breathalyser/drug test module to the Asylum (if we could hook it into the sterlising module as per DG's idea then thats good too).

[edit: and I might go for:

7. If God is a He I'd make him a She and vice versa.

Lets be honest there is something wrong and They are utlimately responsible and possibly a little sex change operation might sort things out]

I also quite like the Wales bit but then I'd have nothing to spit at from my local beach so..........

___________________
Emps

FAQs: Emperor

Install an Answering Service here

Thank you for calling on the Assylum

All our Members are busy at the moment. However your mental well being is very important to us and we will answer all requests in the sequence they are recieved.

For Faster service hit the # key for our internal menu:

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Sanity chamber, press F4

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( If you recieve a negative response, please refresh and and key in the following code 666 )

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Our computer shows that you have already been zapped today, please surf along and stop by again tomorrow.

Our offices are now closed for the weekend .

If you are calling after hours and need emergency assistance, please complete a google search for emergency and specify what emergency you have.


Thank you for dropping in and have a pleasant day.

I imagine that would cover a weeks worth of work and all the godly powers to get t his all set up and running.

sib

I refuse to be replaced by a voice mail system. If I had God's powers, I would imbue myself with the ability to administer shock treatments with my bare hands. It would give new meaning to the term "laying on of hands."

In all seriousness, though, God's power without His love and compassion? Well, most likely a majority of the earth's population would be fried to a crisp.

Make women experience the hell that is a siginficant other PMSing



.:[ Never resist a perfect moment ]:.

For me it would be lightning as I raise my arms for emphasis when I am angry.. nothing too ostentatious....but before I showed off like that i would feed the hungry.

Everyone would have health insurance.
I would be in harmony with everything on the planet...
There would be no war.
I would host a party for the world....I would expect everyone to show.

"whenever I find myself on the side of the majority, I pause and reflect. " Mark Twain

P.,S. I would demand suv's drive behind all other vehicles. They would not be allowed to pass.

"whenever I find myself on the side of the majority, I pause and reflect. " Mark Twain

I don't want to go on about SUVs but I was watching Arnie on TV explaining how much he liked Hummers and I thought it might be interesting to have the butcher's cuts of meat magiced on to his skin - it would be the ultimate expression of beefcake. So that might be something I might do if I had God's powers or sneak Wales onto the Axis of Evil list - I'm undecided

They also showed the ad for the new H2 (big yellow thing) and my word is it huge!! Are people driving around town or going to war??

[edit: Oh and georgetwn girl do you mean that lightning thing doesn't already happen to you? I think Suho1004 needs to up the voltage - eventually you build up quite a charge and given the cheap synthetic carpets, furniture covers, straightjackets, walls, etc. its not suprising their is a lot of problem with discharges around here. vp: the bucket and mop over here please!!]

___________________
Emps

FAQs: Emperor

What would I do?
Make people experience a spontaneous orgasm every 2-3 hours.
If that doesn't calm the general angry, hateful state of the planet, I don't know what will.

ROTFLMAO!!

If I had GODLY powers... hmmm... I'd make all of the Twilight Zone, Outer Limits, Doctor Who's, Tales from the Darkside shows real.

Oh... and I'd make a holodeck real too. How fun would that make D&D?

GrythusDraconis
"I'm sick of hearing that beauty is only skin-deep. That's deep enough. Who wants an adorable pancreas?" - Unknown

quote:

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Wales onto the Axis of Evil list

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I agree with that emps, a good way of get rid of the Welsh Assembly

quote:

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of stealth technology and/or a big gun

---

Oh emps, we would have a wild date with that scenerio..........mmmmmmmmmmm

I think i would do one last thing if i had god powers:

Make DL-44 less..............predictable......

God powers ? Hum the most intelligent answer I came up would be : educate mankind

I will save you from my twisted other thoughts

_________________
Without change, something sleeps inside us, and seldom awakens. The sleeper must awaken. -- Frank Herbert

~checks stalker proximity detetcor~

Emps.......Darling.......hunny bunny..........What do you mean? No date?

LMAO........Rofl


But you said yourself the figures don't lie! You took the love test!


[This message has been edited by pink (edited 04-26-2003).]

Dont worry Emps, you can have a date with me fella, but NO tongues ok ? Deal ?



[This message has been edited by axleclarkeuk (edited 04-26-2003).]

i like WJ's answer best.. but what would you do with those who insist on a smoke and a nap afterwards?

i'd make it so that I'd have those abilities permanently. Then I would probably make world peace, kill Osama, get us to Mars, stop the sun from exploding, blow up a sun in a distant galaxy.

Not in any particular order, of course.

pink: Technically I didn't take the love test you did. I'm also not Emperor I am The Emperor (Emperor just makes it easier to log in and out), however, that only makes matters worse:
www.lovecalculator.com/love.php?name1=the+emperor&name2=pink

However, as we are always on the look out for brood mares to carry the Imperial Seed I'll send my doctors around to assess you but be warned the insemination process of my people is unpleasant and painful - I tend to blame the barbs on the inseminating stalk but the scientists blame the lava-like Seed. Birth is usually fatal and often amusingly explosive.

axleclarkuk: If you are interested the scientists are working on a machine that works on human males too (they have added barbs for nostalgia's sake).

___________________
Emps

FAQs: Emperor

GROOVY baby........ Come on down!!!!

P.S. your not putting me off....kiss kiss

teenageers...

28 year old nerds...

Emp: definitely will get my charge...hehe < runs down the hall raises her sleeves and gets ready for the jolt>......That is much better..now I am a force to be reckoned with.....puts on sunglasses.

"whenever I find myself on the side of the majority, I pause and reflect. " Mark Twain

Ahhhhh Romance is in the air..... It is Spring..

"whenever I find myself on the side of the majority, I pause and reflect. " Mark Twain

WJ...........one word.......mercy.....

"whenever I find myself on the side of the majority, I pause and reflect. " Mark Twain

ummmmmmm Insider + DL-44 try a little older.....

I think you missed my point pink =)

With you DL-44, i try to.......... (Miss the point that is)

If I were granted god-power, the first thing I would do is change a few things about the whole aging process.
To start with babies would no longer be born cute. We would all start life butt-ugly and would gain a measure of good looks each year. By the time someone reached their 70th b-day, they would be stunningly beautiful.

Then I would make a few design changes to the human body. We would all have a prehensile tail, I've always wanted one of those. Knees would bend fowards, backwards, and sideways. This would greatly improve my dancing. Testicles would be moved to a more protected location. Breasts would be moved to the back, facilitating more eye contact(I'm a bit undecided on this one. I kinda like the current setup).

Also, humans would lay eggs, no more of this pregnancy nonsense.

Children would be born with a mute button and parents would have a button that, when pressed, would force them to really listen to what their child is saying to them.

Last but not least- multiple orgasms for men, just to be fair.

You mean men dont already have multiple orgasms ? Damn !! I must be an exception to the rule.



[This message has been edited by axleclarkeuk (edited 04-27-2003).]

axleclarkeuk: Our definitions of "Multiple Orgasms" must differ. If not, my knowledge of human physiolgy is off, not to mention that I must now question both the methods and the validity of my years of research. This will necessitate more experimentation. Ahh.. the sacrifices we must make for science.

One more thing I would change... I would remove the ability to Hate. Unlike anger, which can be a very useful and nessesary tool, Hate does not ever help or solve anything, it just causes more problems, and unfortunately tends to be highly contagious.

If I were to be gifted with godly powers... I would:
1.) Find where all the dead people go.
2.) Return the planet to an Ice Age... because mile high glaciers are just cool.
3.) Bring back the Wooly Mammoth.
4.) Take away all current weapons for modern day warfare. (Planes, carriers, bombs, guns and our current favorite, WoMD, etc...) Once they disappear, the knowlege to create them would also disappear. In their place would return swords, flails, halberds and the like. Somehow I think people would be less eager to go to war if they had to be within 3 feet of the person they were killing.
5.) Bring back Douglas Adams.

georgetwn girl: Ah, my bad. I've been so swamped with work these days that I haven't been able to keep up with the shock therapy sessions. Come on down to the basement and we'll get you hooked up--you'll have lightning dribbling from your fingertips in no time.

If I had God's power's I would make thunder smell like really bad farts. And I would proclaim over the land...."This is what it smells like when God farts."

I think after this, it should take care of the reduction of the population because all the people would be trying to make it stop raining and they would all die of hunger.


-Quotes-

[This message has been edited by Gilbert Nolander (edited 04-28-2003).]

You're a sick man, Gilbert. But that's why we love you.

"this is what it smells like, when god farts"

Now, sing that to the tune of 'when doves cry' and you've got yourself a hit gilbert

Oh my God... that was hysterical. I don't think I've laughed that hard at a post in a while...

Definitely a 9 on the mirth scale.

Force George Lucas to do four more Star Wars movies (VII - X).

Force the Farrelly brothers to stop making movies.

Make humans immune to all diseases now and forever.

Give humans a life span of 10000 (just to see what we look like when we're 7230 years old).

Make myself immortal and omnipotent (like Q from Star Trek).

Give all people satellite TV.

Yes indeed, the world would become an interesting place with me as God.

quote:

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Force George Lucas to do four more Star Wars movies (VII - X).

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Um, can I amend my answer up there? I'd like to change it to this:

"Kill RN3 before he forces George Lucas to do four more Star Wars movies"

Or maybe just "Make sure George Lucas never comes into existence in the first place."

[This message has been edited by Suho1004 (edited 04-29-2003).]

~notes suho's name on list of infidels to smite~

Oh yeah I forgot... I need to make dragons real too. Just cause it'd be cool.

GrythusDraconis
"I'm sick of hearing that beauty is only skin-deep. That's deep enough. Who wants an adorable pancreas?" - Unknown

Hmm... upon further consideration, I have determined that the second option would be too harsh. The first trilogy was good--I just wanted to avoid the further anguish of Lucas foisting yet more crap on us and completely destroying my childhood memories...

So I'll just strike RN3 with lightning and be done with it.

May I make a suggestion? Just give Lucas the intelligence to write a decent story, stop relying almost entirely on CGI and leave the direction to someone else.

Midichlorians -- give me a freaking break...

My point exactly! Everything was fine until Lucas became mentally ill and decided he could direct. Personally, though, I think it would just be easier to kill him now.

And yes, midichlorians... when I saw that in The Phantom Menace I wanted to scream like a wookie and stab Lucas with a lightspork.

First off... NO! Lucas won't do four more movies... Timothy Zahn will. He wrote the books following the original trilogy anyway. So make HIM make movies. I want to see Chewie's claws anyway...

GrythusDraconis
"I'm sick of hearing that beauty is only skin-deep. That's deep enough. Who wants an adorable pancreas?" - Unknown

begin subthread, what would you do if GOD gave you George Lucas's powers



.:[ Never resist a perfect moment ]:.

ROTFLMAOSBIH

GrythusDraconis
"I'm sick of hearing that beauty is only skin-deep. That's deep enough. Who wants an adorable pancreas?" - Unknown

Suho 1004.
Thank you. I will be right down... She puts on funny little wizard cap and the robe with the stars.....says don't blame me....it was Mum who put the fantasia decorations in my childhood bedroom........

"whenever I find myself on the side of the majority, I pause and reflect. " Mark Twain