Topic awaiting preservation: Lock Tester III for those of you who have been around long enough to know what I mean

Remember a while ago, we did one of these, and it went on for ages? Well, we did, and I thought it might be nice to do another. So, get those creative juices flowing, and here we go...

*It was a quiet night in the asylum. Almost too quiet. A lone inmate walked down the hall, accompanied only by his black pills and his hallucinations. A door swung open in front of him...

...he stepped through, and was instantly sent to the ground in spasms by Shoe Ho's prototype thundergun. "Bwa ha haaaah!" he exclaimed. "Distance therapy! Soon, I will cure the world of their delusions! Or... no, definitely cure!"

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"Alas, the Master had miscalculated the amount of isulation on his handle (easy for an insane Enlish major to do) and after uttering a terrifying 'oops', he too went down in spasms..."

Spasms so strong inmates at the far end of the hall...

... ducked under their beds, believing that an earthquake had hit the asylum.

The walls and floors shook in sympathy with the tremendous force of the Master's spasmodic tremblings, as just as everyone believed the entire building was about to collapse, the most spine-tingling wail issued forth from the mouth of Shue Ho, and as the wail rose, highe and higer in pitch until the very glass of the windows began to show signs of stress, words formed in the desperate cacophany, and shoe Ho, teeth grinding, eyes bulging, muscles still twitching and shuddering superhumanly, began to speak ...

" ...

"Damn, who vetoed that high-performance fuse for the main power line?!"

to which a passing Inmate, who usually lived very in head at times, thought:
"Not again" whilst speaking "you, old fool".
It is said we'd know a lot more about the nature of the asylum, if we only knew why the passing Inmate had thought this.

In came a nurse, *the nurse*, actually, with a band aid the size of...

...axle's Prince Albert. But before she could apply the bandage, Suho (ahem) leaped up, lightning flashing in his eyes and electricity leaping from his fingertips.

"It has finally happened!" he exclaimed. "I am at one with nature!"

And with that he ran screaming down the hall, administering impromptu therapy to hapless inmates unfortunate enough to get in his way. A deep and uncomfortable silence settled over the hallway, until it was finally broken by...

[Note to PT: You have mocked me the last time, friend. You and me, the playground, after school...]

... the deep rumble of the main gates, drawing apart to let in a black coach, drawn by 6 horses, the colour of terror itself. Eyes bloodshot, nostrils flared, panting vast clouds of steam from the exertion of their wild ride through the night, they clattered to a halt in the courtyard.

After a long moment of silence, punctuated only by the deep, rhythmic breathing of the exhausted horses, the coach door opened, two brightly malevolant eyes pierced the air, searching the grounds, and slowly, unfolding the journey's discomfort from his aching bones, down from the hidden interior stepped ...

[This message has been edited by trib (edited 07-15-2003).]

Doc Ozone. Hair disheaveled and eyes sunken. His gaunt skin showing the tendons beneath. Apparently the honeymoon was over. He looked around, slightly confused. Why did I come back? he asked himself. Lifting a shaky hand, he covered his eyes and shook his head.

Then, more footsteps from behind him. He momentarily lifted his hand from his disbelieving eyes, turned, and saw...



[This message has been edited by warjournal (edited 07-15-2003).]

himself, thirty seconds ago, sheilding his eyes... something strange* must be going on here, he realized.

Footnote:
* stranger than usual, anyway...

that this thread was best put in the P&S forum and moved it there......

His suspicions were substantiated when he turned back to continue his walk and caught sight of himself, looking back at himself looking at himself back there.

"Could this be the temporal paradox?" he thought. "Has Suho finally blown the ultimate fuse, the one which protects the cosmic clock?"

His musings were brought to an abrupt end as, with a maniac cackle of glee, the ex-Suho, (who had now renamed himself Shokko-man) leapt from the shadows wearing a silver lurex suit, brandishing a lightning rod and throwing off sparks .... as the Doc bent to pick up a suitably sized rock (he called it Sudden Impact Therapy - it was remarkably effective) ... Suho ...

[This message has been edited by trib (edited 07-15-2003).]

.....lifted his hand as Doc Ozone was about to release the the rock......this immediately killed the impact of the rock....Suho had eventually gotten some skills....he was the ONE.....

... and a half ...

Even with the extra arms he had attached to improve his ski boxing, Shokko-man was no match for a tackle that came from behind. With a whiz and a pop from Shokko-man's impromtu static discharge, the baseball hat that his assaulant was wearing went flying into the air. The figure stood up, wearing an awlful, multi-coloured coat. Then came the shrill, cracking voice from a teenager not yet done with puberty.

"Doc! Doc!"

It was Marty McFly. Yes, something was seriously wrong with the 2nd, 3rd, and 4th dimensions.

Marty scrambled to his feat, leaving Shokko-man in the dust, and ...



[This message has been edited by warjournal (edited 07-15-2003).]

... totally ignoring the fact that his left leg, below the knee, was still in the process of emerging from either the 4th or 5th dimension, leapt to the assistance of the Doc, only to stumble, one-and-a-half-leggedly across the still prostrate form of Doc, pinning him to the ground As if this wasn't enough, he then inadvertently ground an elbow in Doc's guts as he raised himself to look for the rest of his leg ... which was, by then, rapidly arriving, and reassembling itself just below his knee ...

"Hmmm .. one and a half again", thought Doc as he recovered. "I'll bet this is sonething to do with the golden Steve .. the one that Mean is always talking about .. it's time to investigate further"

With no further ado, Doc threw Marty onto the growing pile of bodies which originated as Shokko-man, stood up, and headed off in the direction of ....

...The Gurus' Network, a vast webwork of shimmering cables that stretched from Los Angeles to Copenhagen, suspended along the great electrical-potential tree of the earth's magnetic field! Somewhere at its center sat Mean, once the Despoiler of a Thousand Worlds, now enlightened, meditating at the nexus of the GN like Krishna at the center of the cosmic lotus. But before he could reach the center, there were dangers to confront...

Cell 1250 :: alanmacdougall.com :: Illustrator tips

.....terrible dangers of the highest order, above the whine of electrical cables he could hear a whoosh! then another. he looked up, the hair on the back of his neck standing, as he saw the shapes come closer, then, the unmistakeable emblem. "oh no" he said "not them"
"yeeethhhhhhhh" came the reply. Slitherin! There was only one hope now.....




[This message has been edited by Morph (edited 07-16-2003).]

...but that hope was being used, leaving only a few cupfuls of despair and a jug of...

Pants.

Cell 1250 :: alanmacdougall.com :: Illustrator tips

Yes .. pants ... the dimensional rift was widening ... and as Marty and Shokko evapourated into a hyperdimensional pattern of flat planes and tiny rectilinear blocks, the breath from the panting horses solidified and fell, with a series of deep plops, into dimensions 2,3 and 5 of Doc's mug ...

"Hmm .. ", thought Doc
"Arrgh ... ", thought the non-pirate Marty
"Shock ..", lectric shock ... lectric ... ", thought Shokko (some things never change)

... at which point, to save his trusty sidekicks, and despite the fact that it was congealed horse panting ... Doc swallowed the contents of his mug in one gulp, pulling the pants down into the three visible dimensions and restoring a small equillibrium field, just long enough to reconstitute the rapidly deteriorating Shokko and Marty, and belch up the biggest gust of horse-breath halitosis the world had ever known.

"Come on you two ... there's oddness afoot - Let's away to the GN immediately" Yelled the doc, over the dying echoes of his belch ...

Meanwhile, at the other end of the web, in the heart of Guruland, stranger things were afoot ....

And what a strange foot it was too...large and purple, with with warts and 18 toes...

Such a foot could only belong to one person...

... or so they thought, but with 18 toes it did, in fact belong to one and a half people, one third of whom were currently struggling to come to terms with paradimensional ethics in a parallel universe, but whose other two thirds represented a self-contained, three-dimensional manifestation of ...

[This message has been edited by trib (edited 07-16-2003).]

Yannah! Since she was in fact trying to come to terms with herself, she would often not say what she was thinking, but what instead came to mind...could she in fact be this myterious walking inmate who thinks one thing and says another*? Maybe...the imates present begin persuing Yannah down the corridors to try and ascertain if...

*Note for the bewildered: See TP's second post in this thread

... there could be any evidence that her tongue was in anyway connected to her brain, or even if there was a brain at all. Or maybe two entirely independent brains. Or three or four, spanning multiple dimensions simultaneously. Or maybe it was just a lump of mashed potatos and gravy... Oh pleeeeeease say there's gravy at least, horror of all horrors for there to be no gravy. Otherwise we'd all...

[This message has been edited by Lord_Fukutoku (edited 07-16-2003).]

...cease to exist. For, what had been guessed among physicists and doctors around the world was indeed true. The universe was a cosmic gravy train, spanning billions of light years, and if gravy ceased to exist...


RN3, the Sigless Wonder

[edit] good sig? bad? pathetic? [edit]

-RN3-

... the cosmic peas would never stick to the galactic meatballs, and the entire universe would roll off its own plate.

Yet again, haplessly we stumble upon the cosmological one-and-a-halfness of it all .. gravy ... or should we say ... gravity ... where did the other third of the word go?? If he was to get to the bottom of this riddle, the Doc needed all the help he could get.

With that thought in mind, Shokko and Marty rounded up a huge bundle of random, and totally disconnected ramblings, and with a shock or two, a lot of pounding from a rather hard baseball hat, and a liberal dose of bagoong, managed to reforge them into a passable semblance of Yannah ...

Fit for the fray at last, the three of them hunted around in search of enough elves and dwarves to form a fellowship, politely refused Axle's offer of a quick look at the one ring, and set off in search of the Doc ... who was, by that time, already ...


[This message has been edited by trib (edited 07-17-2003).]

...one-and-a-half leagues from his goal. the air crackled with the very energy of a thousand abandoned asylumites, clawing at his legs from cracks and fissures in the ground thought to have been long scabbed over. knowing the time was coming, he had no choice but to pull the infamous and all powerful glass orb from his pocket.

The orb pulsed and throbbed in time with his now racing heart, he held the orb aloft.....


~We're not here for long, we're here for fun~

.. and yelled alour the words of power ... GLASS SPHERE TUTORIAL !!! ... immediately, all fell silent around him as ...

except for shukko man, who had morphed back to suho, the trusted english doctorate aspirant inmate for a second, whispering 'that should be spherical glass tutorial', at which the Doc gave him a mean look.

.. and explained in his nicest manner that tutorials don't have a shape, spherical or otherwise ... and then continued with his ...

[This message has been edited by trib (edited 07-18-2003).]

holy quest, passed down straight from the right half side of his brain, to...

a castle filled with French soldiers with outrageous accents. They began firing small animals at him, one of which...

... looked suspiciously like a small block of plastic. Too late Doc saw the wire trailing behind it ... too late the inscription, feared by all in the web world ... too late he put his hand up to fend off the flying RJ-45 as it lodged in his left ear ...

A soft "click" confirmed that his brain had just connected directly to the internet, the last analogue thought which went through his head was "dammit!! Low bandwidth !! ... why me?? ... ".

Looking over his shoulder he caught a last glimpse of Shokko, Marty, and the random blob of disconnected thoughts, hastily reassembled in the likeless of Yannah, all clutching Shokko's rod and diving down the end of another wire in a shower of static ...

... and then the world faded into a background blur of old, black and green, 1970's DEC terminal display characters ... (why .. WHY ... in the 21st century do they still use green on black in the movies??) ... scattered randomly along the sprawling silver threads of the net which radiated out in all directions. Seeming to be standing at the very centre, Doc could see the packets of traffic flitting along the threads, and there, subtly hilighted in electric blue, was the thread he knew he had to follow ... hop 1 on the route to ...

[This message has been edited by trib (edited 07-22-2003).]

Coonabibba, that tiny but beautiful tropical island inhabited by a lone mad scientist without a beautiful daughter. That's not to say he had any daughters... he was fairly young, and fairly mad. Anyhow, he can see till next tuesday when he looks out over the sea from the top of a pine tree, and therefore was ready for the Doc himself, ready to hand him...

the Holy Grill, upon which Jesus cooked the steaks at the last supper.