Topic awaiting preservation: George W. Bush's Resumé

Past work experience:

I ran for congress and lost. I produced a Hollywood slasher B movie. I bought an oil company, but couldn't find any oil in Texas; company went bankrupt shortly after I sold all my stock. I bought the Texas Rangers baseball team in a sweetheart deal that took land using taxpayer money. Biggest move: Traded Sammy Sosa to the Chicago White Sox. With my father's help (and his name) was elected Governor of Texas.

Accomplishments:

I changed pollution laws for power and oil companies and made Texas the most polluted state in the Union.
I replaced Los Angeles with Houston as the most smog ridden city in America. Cut taxes and bankrupted the Texas government to the tune of billions in borrowed money. Set record for most executions by any Governor in American history. I became president after losing the popular vote by over 500,000 votes, with the help of my fathers appointments to the Supreme Court.

Accomplishments as President:

I attacked and took over two countries. I spent the surplus and bankrupted the treasury. I shattered record for biggest annual deficit in history. I set economic record for most private bankruptcies filed in any 12 month period. I set all-time record for biggest drop in the history of the stock market. I am the first president in decades to execute a federal prisoner. I am the first president in US history to enter office with a criminal record. In my first year in office, I set the all-time record for most days on vacation by any president in US history. After taking the entire month of August off for vacation, I presided over the worst security failure in US history. I set the record for most campaign fundraising trips of any president in US history. In my first two years in office over 2 million Americans lost their jobs.

I cut unemployment benefits for more out of work Americans than any president in US history. I set the all-time record for most foreclosures in a 12-month period. I appointed more convicted criminals to administration positions than any president in US history. I set the record for the fewest press conferences of any president since the advent of television. I signed more laws and executive orders amending the Constitution than any president in US history. I presided over the biggest energy crises in US history and refused to intervene when corruption was revealed. I presided over the highest gasoline prices in US history and refused to use the national reserves as past presidents have. I cut healthcare benefits for war veterans. I set the all-time record for most people worldwide to simultaneously take to the streets to protest me (15 million people), shattering the record for protest against any person in the history of mankind.

I dissolved more international treaties than any president in US history. My presidency is the most secretive and unaccountable of any in US history. Members of my cabinet are the richest of any administration in US history. (The 'poorest' multimillionaire, Condoleeza Rice has a Chevron oil tanker named after her). I am the first president in US history to have all 50 states of the Union simultaneously go bankrupt. I presided over the biggest corporate stock market fraud of any market in any country in the history of the world. I am the first president in US history to order a US attack and military occupation of a sovereign nation. I created the largest government department bureaucracy in the history of the United States.

I set the all-time record for biggest annual budget spending increases, more than any president in US history. I am the first president in US history to have the United Nations remove the US from the human rights commission. I am the first president in US history to have the United Nations remove the US from the elections monitoring board. I removed more checks and balances, and have the least amount of congressional oversight of any presidential administration in US history. I rendered the entire United Nations irrelevant. I withdrew from the World Court of Law. I refused to allow inspectors access to US prisoners of war and by default no longer abide by the Geneva Conventions. I am the first president in US history to refuse United Nations election inspectors (during the 2002 US elections).

I am the all-time US (and world) record holder for most corporate campaign donations. My biggest lifetime campaign contributor, who is also one of my best friends, presided over one of the largest corporate bankruptcy frauds in world history (Kenneth Lay, former CEO of Enron Corporation). I spent more money on polls and focus groups than any president in US history. I am the first president in US history to unilaterally attack a sovereign nation against the will of the United Nations and the world community. I am the first president to run and hide when the US came under attack (and then lied saying the enemy had the code to Air Force 1).

I am the first US president to establish a secret shadow government. I took the biggest world sympathy for the US after 911, and in less than a year made the US the most resented country in the world (possibly the biggest diplomatic failure in US and world history). I, with a policy of 'disengagement', created the most hostile Israeli-Palestine relations in at least 30 years. I am the first US president in history to have a majority of the people of Europe (71%) view my presidency as the biggest threat to world peace and stability. I am the first US president in history to have the people of South Korea more threatened by the US than their immediate neighbor, North Korea. I changed US policy to allow convicted criminals to be awarded government contracts. I set all-time record for number of administration appointees who violated US law by not selling huge investments in corporations bidding for government contracts.

In the 18 months following the 911 attacks I have successfully prevented any public investigation into the biggest security failure in the history of the United States. I removed more freedoms and civil liberties for Americans than any other President in US history. In a little over two years I created the most divided country in decades, possibly the most divided the US has been since the civil war. I entered office with the strongest economy in US history and in less than two years turned every single economic category heading straight down.

Records and References:

I have At least one conviction for drunk driving in Maine (Texas driving record has been erased and is not available). I was AWOL from National Guard and deserted the military during a time of war. I refuse to take drug test or even answer any questions about drug use. All records of my tenure as governor of Texas have been spirited away to my father's library, where they're sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public review. All records of any SEC investigations into my insider trading or bankrupt companies are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public review. All minutes of meetings for any public corporation I served on the board are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public review. Any records or minutes from meetings I (or my VP) attended regarding public energy policy are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public review.

For personal references please speak to my daddy or uncle James Baker! (They can be reached at their offices of the Carlyle Group for war-profiteering.)

Will you vote for me?

Hahahah.. http://www.themedianews.com/DAGGER/Front%20Page/the_world_according_to_USA.htm



[This message has been edited by Xpirex (edited 09-11-2003).]

I love stuff like this. It mixes truth, half-truth and outright falsehood in a highly entertaining manner...

Yeh it really made me laugh too... but, there's enough truth for it to stink..



[This message has been edited by Xpirex (edited 09-11-2003).]

xpirex - where did you get this information?

I hate to say it but that all sounds about right....don't look at me, I didn't vote for him...But I didn't vote for that Shmuck Gore either! We just had an all around sucky election, which was probably rigged might I add.



- Biggie

- Face the Present
- AIM: MASKKKK

01001101011000010111001101101011011010110110101101101011

And which election wasn't?

Wow, what an excuse: "I shot the guy, yes your honor, but stuff like that happens all the time..."

Maybe I´m naive but I expect elections in first-world-countries not to be rigged.

It was less an excuse then a statement about whether or not I think people should feel surprised by it. They shouldn't. If they don't believe that elections have been rigged before they've been snowed for far longer than they think.

First world country... there is no first world and maybe your expectations are too high. Politicians are human. Human's with power are (usually) easily bought. That has been evident throughout history. WHY would you expect things to be different here? Reality, my friend, sucks as hard as you think it doesn't. (I should correct myself, As hard as you don't want it too.)



[This message has been edited by GrythusDraconis (edited 09-11-2003).]

Yeah, but, according to britney spears, "we should just trust our president in every decision that he makes and we should just support that"

So...if britney says so, I'm sold..... =)

The worst part of your sarcasm, DL, is that some people actually have that sort of mindset (that is to say, taking to heart everything our pop stars say).



[This message has been edited by Raptor (edited 09-11-2003).]

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...some people actually have that sort of mindset (that is to say, taking to heart everything our pop stars say).

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And some people don´t even need Britney Spears to tell them that they should follow their leader without question...

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It was less an excuse then a statement about whether or not I think people should feel surprised by it. They shouldn't. If they don't believe that elections have been rigged before they've been snowed for far longer than they think.

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It seems logical to assume elections (including in the US) have been rigged before, without anyone noticing. Sh!t happens, indeed. But if the evidedence is on the table (And IMO, concerning the last election, it is), I don´t expect people to be surprised. I expect them to be outraged.
And I expect some consequences being made, simply because I assume that manipulating an election constitutes a crime in the US.

Thanks for the laugh, Xpirex I also remember reading similar hilarity when C*****n was in office.

The scary part about it though is that there are probably quite a few people who think that qualifies as a fair, balanced, and accurate assessment of Dubya so far.

. . : slicePuzzle

Well, i certainly isn´t fair and balanced, but some of it is certainly true and summed up nicely. Some of my favorites:

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I was AWOL from National Guard and deserted the military during a time of war.

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All records of my tenure as governor of Texas have been spirited away to my father's library, where they're sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public review.

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I became president after losing the popular vote by over 500,000 votes, with the help of my fathers appointments to the Supreme Court.

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I am the first president in US history to refuse United Nations election inspectors (during the 2002 US elections).

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I am the first president in US history to have the United Nations remove the US from the elections monitoring board.

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I am the first president in US history to enter office with a criminal record.

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I appointed more convicted criminals to administration positions than any president in US history.

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I am the all-time US (and world) record holder for most corporate campaign donations. My biggest lifetime campaign contributor, who is also one of my best friends, presided over one of the largest corporate bankruptcy frauds in world history (Kenneth Lay, former CEO of Enron Corporation).

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All records of any SEC investigations into my insider trading or bankrupt companies are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public review.
All minutes of meetings for any public corporation I served on the board are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public review.

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I presided over the biggest energy crises in US history and refused to intervene when corruption was revealed.

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Any records or minutes from meetings I (or my VP) attended regarding public energy policy are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public review.

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I attacked and took over two countries.

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I dissolved more international treaties than any president in US history.

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I set the all-time record for most people worldwide to simultaneously take to the streets to protest me (15 million people), shattering the record for protest against any person in the history of mankind.

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I am the first US president in history to have a majority of the people of Europe (71%) view my presidency as the biggest threat to world peace and stability.

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Hmmm... I guess that it is true that anyone can become President in this great and free country of ours... Unfortunately.