Preserved Topic: Anyone ever been divorced?

I am going through it now and man dose it suck! That is why I have not posted in the past week. I never thought that it would come to this and now, well, it just sucks.

Never been married thank god. Any kids? I think those are the ones who take it the worst. My parents got divorced when I was 4 and I think I still carry some baggage from that. (hard to tell though I wouldn't know what life was like with both parents.

Otherwise I wish you well hopefully this is the best thing for both of you.

piece
mike


Walking the Earth like Kane

Havent found a 'victim' yet !!!! so divorce is only a messy concept to me!... wish you luck with yours... (I guess one can wish someone luck with a 'divorce'?) <img border=0 align=absmiddle src="http://www.ozones.com/forum/smile.gif">

Never even gave it much thought until about a month ago, a very close friend of mine was on the verge of divorce, had the lawyer started and everything, but managed to work it out. We had a lot of long talks and it was just gutting him. I can definitely sympathize, it's an ugly, ugly thing. I wish you well; and talk to somebody you can trust.

JKMabry

I have not been divorced, but I've seen it happen to people close to me. It can get very ugly. My thoughts and prayers are with you, seriously. Stay strong.

I hope people wont thrash me for this, but here goes:
My next door neighbors divorced a couple of years ago. Their eldest son is a classmate of mine, and we know each other since we were 2 years old or so. He used to be a sullen, self-effacing guy, and even started drinking at some point. ever since the divorce, he is a totally different guy. He is funny, he says hi to everyone he sees on the street, he got a girlfriend and he quit drinking a long time ago.
In short, it seems to me from a next door point of view, that sometimes divorcing has good effects. I think the kids suffer a lot more seeing their parents fight all the time than having them seperated. I bet it can be painful and needs a lot of help and support, but for the long run, i think its usually better.

Never Pet a Burning Dog
Rend

I don't think anyone is going to tear you a new one over that post Rend.

If they do, they'd best rip into me too, as I've seen the same thing in some instances. I think it's like anything, all dependent on the people involved, and the situation itself. Divorce isn't easy on anyone in a family...but sometimes going through the motions of a marriage is even less so.

Jackal, I think I speak for everyone when I say we hope for the best for you, and as little pain as possible in the process.


Peter



ICQ:# 10237808

Rend, I'm sure there are times when divorce is the best solution. The ideal situation is to have to loving parents committed to each other and the kids but that's just the ideal. None of us ever attain the ideal situation. It does depend on the people involved.

Perhaps we should be less concerned with divorcing and more concerned with building strong committed marriages.

With all of that detached discussion out of the way, the good news is that after you are through this thing, Jackal, you will be a stronger person for it.

There are so many adjustments we have to try to consider if we are going to ask for wisdom and intellectual growth? Relationships morph for the better or the worse and you need balance to sift through the data for explanations for what happened (and what IS happening). Time lends distance and perspective, but insight and honesty allows for learning. Your relationship is not over however- it has changed. I have been counseled that hate is a powerful emotion so don't permit it to enter into the vacuum while you do your homework now. Love is always the answer. Not trite, but very much to the point that you need it to grow and cope with the next phase of your tie with someone that you loved before. And we are always wondering about Love, no matter what our dilemma or delights.

No kids involved, that makes it a lot easier. I do agree that it can be better than living in house where you are always walking on egg shells though. Things are still up in the air at this point. Nothing is for certain. I just hope and pray that te deceisions made in the coming days and weeks are the right ones.

Jackal, sorry man I can somewhat relate. Although I'm too young to get divorced and my parents are still together, right now it only seems as a matter of time. My dad slept out on his boat a few weeks ago with other people from his offfice, it was an office party he through on the beach. Anyway my mom couldnt make it and from what one of my moms friends swear that he got with his secratery(sp?). Anyway it gets a little confusing because my moms friend is not the most reliable person in the world and since no one else claims to have seen them and my dad swears it never happened the house is just weird. My mom is taking this very serious and not talking to him much right now. They dont sleep in the same bed anymore and are never in the same room. No one in the family seems to know whats going on but my dad told me hes very scared at whats gonna happen ...

Sorry, sorta getting a lil off my chest on that last post ... sorry if it went lil too off topic ...

Jackal I feel for you Bro....if you wanna talk drop me an email, I know what you're going through....

Sorry to hear about your folks Jestah. Mine got divorced when I was about 6. I dont remember much, but I do remember how odd it felt in the house. That much has always stuck with me.

It is not an easy thing for anyone that is involved. My wife and I were staying at my fathers place because we got to far behind on bills. So now him and my step mother (My dad re-married when I was about 8) are involved as well. I would'nt wish this type of confusion or pain on anyone.

Thanks for the offer Phil, don't be to surprised if I take you up on it. TTFN!

Thanks a lot Jackal, anyway if you dont mind me asking, how long have you and your wife been married. I dont think it was said previous to this post, if so, then well forget I exist ...

We have been together two years and marriedonly a year. We were friends about 6 months before we started dating.

She is coming back into town today from a big business trip she has been on the past week, so we are going to sit down and talk to night and this weekend to decide what exactly is going to happen. Man, I never thought that this would actually happen. You always know in the back of your mind that things can change and people can change, but you never expect it to happen. At least, not to you.

I'm not married, nor am I likely to ever get married... But I know a thing or two about loss.

About three years ago, I met someone while I was in Rome just touring around Europe. He and I immediately hit it off, and we became very close friends. I ended up staying there for two extra weeks with him, and then I went home.

I came back home and was raving about him to everyone I knew, I was so happy. Anyway, one thing led to another, and he ended up surprising me on my 18th birthday to come live with me--he and his parents were, suffice to say, rather well-to-do folks in Rome, so they could easily afford to do something like that. His parents loved me, and I loved them too.

Anyway, the long story short comes to that he went out to go visit his parents after we were living together (and had, for all intents and purposes, gone through with the marriage, though not legally by any means). He had a lay-over in Omaha and was killed in a mugging gone wrong.

So yeah, I know about loss. I began to blame myself for the whole fiasco, because I told him that his parents missed him and wanted to see him and that he should go visit them...so on my request he left.

But since then I've learned an awful lot about people and relationships.

To address divorce...I don't see how there's too much difference between death and divorce. In either case, something important about a relationship changes. It'll never be like it was, even if you stay together.

But then again, if you stay together, things can change for the better. *smile* I hope it helps to know you're not alone.

My deepest sympathy for your loss twItch^. I too have had to deal with loss in a similar manner.

It is never easy, but if it is handled the right way, it can make your life better, and make you a better person.
Only time will tell for sure how things are going to work between my wife and I. In any event, I don't regret ever being with her or ever loving her and I never will. She helped to make me the person that I am, and the person that I am, I like.

My prayers and thanks to everyone here for their understanding and support. It could not be more appreciated.