Preserved Topic: Death Star to Open Day Care Center [joke]

After months of speculation, it was confirmed yesterday that the Death Star, the Empire?s vaunted, planet-destroying space station, has added a new, state-of-the-art day care center to its already vast array of capabilities. The massive four-room day care center, which, according to Grand Moff Tarkin, will ?provide a safe and fun learning environment for tots between the ages of one and four,? has already begun spring enrollment and is expected to be fully operational by June 1.

The new Sunshine Death Star Play and Learning Center provides battle station parents with a fun and safe environment for their children. The Imperial Emperor himself has overseen games of Duck Duck Goose encouraging the tots to ?feel the hatred.?

?Nothing can stop the Sunshine Death Star Play and Learning Center,? the Imperial Emperor said via holograph. ?With its four classrooms, outdoor playground and experienced staff of licensed day care professionals, no other facility can match its awesome instructive power.?

Though still several weeks away from full strength, the Sunshine Death Star Center is already up and running. Among the most popular activities there are finger-painting, storytime and Duck Duck Goose, which the Emperor often helps lead.

?Feel your hatred flow through you,? he told 3-your-old Jenny Bates, as she energetically chased fellow toddler and ?goose? Michael Phillips around the outside of the circle. ?Give in to your hatred!?

Disaster was narrowly averted last Friday, when the center took a field trip to the nearby planet Bespin. At the end of the day, minutes into the shuttle ride back to the Death Star, adult chaperone Darth Vader locked eyes with 4-year-old Matthew Schumpert. ?Wait,? said Vader, probing deep into the child?s mind. ?There is another Schumpert.?

Vader sensed the presence of Katie Schumpert, Matthew?s sister, who was still back at the Bespin gift shop purchasing souvenirs. He ordered the shuttle to turn around and averted am embarrassing situation for the new day care facility.

Vader later added: ?Join me, parents looking for a safe, dependable child care alternative, and together we will rule the galaxy.?

In addition to enjoying many fun games and learning activities, children at the Sunshine Death Star Day Care Center have already gotten to witness the destruction of several planets out the center?s giant bay window.

Last Friday, in the middle of a coloring activity, the planet Alderan was blown up, delighting 23 of the 24 children who witnessed the devastating power of the battle station. The sole exception was Libby Phelps, 3, whose family was vacationing in Alderan at the time of its destruction. She was frightened by the loud explosion and began to cry upon realizing that her mother, father and younger sister were now dead. The emperor?s elite squadron of imperial guards leapt to action, removing the girl from the room and giving her some ice cream treats to calm her.

According to Death Star officials, the idea for the center sprang up after a number of parents complained about the lack of quality, affordable child care options on the Death Star.

?As a stormtrooper and father of three, I?m very excited about the new day care center,? Death Star citizen Ralph Sedgwick said. ?It?s a safe, nurturing environment, one in which my child will learn.?

Added Gail Lindon: ?For years I took my daughter to work because I couldn?t afford a nanny. Do you have any idea how hard it is to operate a tractor beam with a two-year-old pulling at your leg??

As excited as most are about the new day care center, a few extremists have expressed concern about its proximity to the Death Star?s reactor core.

?There is an opening in the Death Star?s main shaft that leads to the core,? parent and dissenting voice Annette Voss said. ?If a small rebel ship were to somehow break through the deflector shield and enter the shaft, it?s possible it could hit the reactor core with a single, well-placed proton torpedo shot and destroy the entire space station.?

Experts, however, scoff at Voss?s theory, dismissing such a shot as ?a million to one.?


CEO

what?

Hah, funny

Wait, the Death Star has an 'outdoor playground'? I'll bet it's hard to keep the sandbox in one piece.

ouch the Mad Scientists are a tough crowd

[slipping back into my jacket and walking back to the padded cell/laboratory]

CEO

It is funny man, don't get me wrong. I had a blast reading it. ooo....blast that could be a D-Star pun.

{if my "hah, funny" didn't seem sincere, then I'm sorry, 'cause it was. =) }

*laughing at myself*

It's all good guys .. this was just for entertainment .. funny or not .. I found it funny myself .. so hey .. I thought share it .. btw the jacket is alittle tight .. can I get a new one!

and as well .. I'm kind of picking on you guys because only those with Mad Scientist labels have responded to this joke .. I guess my joke was not a good one .. the irony me being a Lunatic and you three a Mad Scientist and I got a "what?" "hah, funny" and what f1-error said .. nevermind .. I have a weird sense of humor

ok lock me up boys!
*laughing*

and I guess I should change my name to 'sYntAx eRRoR'

CEO

Looks like somebody has just recently discovered The Onion : www.theonion.com ... I used to read that newspaper ocassionally when I was working in Maine. That article is amusing, but I read it over a year ago.

it was pretty funny, though..

I did read it in the john and, well, let's face it, anything's funny in the john (A.K.A My Imperial Throne)....

tskull@techie.com">
"War is a series of disasters which result in a winner." --Georges Clemenceau
ICQ: 67751342

HEY SHHHHHHH .. Human Shield .. they aren't suppose to know where it came from .. I'm going to lose all my jokes now because they are going to go to the Onion now!

sheesh!

yes .. the Onion is a great site for amusing jokes

CEO

HS beat me to it. I read that well over a year ago too. People were passing it around where I worked.

Hey check out this picture of Bill Gates made up to be one of the Borg from Star Trek!!! That is the coolest thing ever!!!! I better email it to everyone and their dog and say,"PASS THIS ON" at the bottom!!!

Sorry, I think I'm having stress. I hope you could sense the sarcasm. I get sick of "The next cool thing" especially when it is really old. No offense to anyone, the Death Star thing was slightly amusing to me, I just hate internet trends.


Putting the Green back in Mean... er... wait... DOH!