Preserved Topic: "Cyber-Stalker"

Hey i need some Help

my girlfriend recently Split up with her husband who isnt exactly the kind of guy you would give the husband of the year award to
anyway
she moved back in with her parents
and he then proceeded to "stalk" her online by makeing fake accounts in 2 chatrooms she and her brother run
he then procceded to get server acsses and download the message board files so he didnt have to keep tabs on her and so on
he's know harrsing her through emails and so on

the guys usinng freeserver as an ip wich means his ips always diffrent

now what i would like to know in your honest opinon is there anything she can do?
i mean leggaly and in ways of makeing sure he cant get into the chatrooms and so on

any help would be greatly appreciated

I think the problem starts at

quote:

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my girlfriend recently Split up with her husband

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synax thanks for stateing the ovbius.

so anyone?

Pugz can probably give advice on more legal stuff but even though he uses a different IP each time you still want to log it so that you can maybe complain to freeserve to get the account canceled.

Mainly log everything and if it continues go to the authorities



.:[ Never resist a perfect moment ]:.

Change the password!

depends on how much she's attached to those chatrooms/boards.
just stop visiting them, get a new pseudonym and start to filter (even outlook express has a 'block mails from this address') feature) his emails.
(layman's law advice, do not follow ;-) )
Then get a divorce and a restraining order.
A restraining order means that he won't be allowed to come close to a certain distance to her, is not allowed to call her or otherwise mollest her. If he doesn't follow the order, call the cops and they'll take him away. Right, pugzly?

so long,

Tyberius Prime

I almost didnt post because I would handle it in a way that is not necessarily best legally however I have very little faith in our justice system or those who serve and protect us so this would just be me. If Pugsly pops in his advice may be the one you choose to follow but if it were me.....

First, information, since you have intimate access to his wife you now have any infomation she does. Your biggest problem will be if this guy is fringe with a good ammount of liquidity and little ties to keep him from slipping off the earth. So..threat assesment. How important was your 'girlfriend' to him as a wife? Intelligence level? Temperment? History of violence? Is he armed? If yes, does he have any specialized training, military, police, etc? If no, how is his proficiency in hand-hand? He have knowledge of explosives?

Depending on the info you get from her you will choose your next path...

How about a Man-to-Man with him, I would ask him politely to chill the fuck out in my friendliest manner, I have found this to be effective for me since I am 6', 260lbs with a shaved head and big furry a goatee...I have been told I look like a mean ass biker, works for me but it may not work for you...your results may vary. After that I would start with his family, depending on his familial structure and his closeness to them I have found it effective to pay a visit to the parental units as a concerned friend/co-worker of the wife. Often a persons family can exert some degree of pressure on an individual. This will vary with the individual but how much does this ex-husband have to loose, is he established in the community or busisness? Problems and allegations made against him can exert more social pressure on him if he is entrenched in the illusion of community. The less this man has to lose the harder it will be to resolve with subtle social engineering. Does he have any criminal record? Is he on probation? Is he involved in anything illegal? If you can arrange to have the law take him out on any of those issues it will also be nice.

Realize you have stepped in it, you need to know him better than his own mother, knowledge is your edge because hopefully he dosent know shit about you. I dont know what hobbies you had before but your new one should be making sure that this guy gets chilled out because this will hang over your head until you know he has. Keep your head up and your eyes open. Paranoia is simply a heightened sense of awareness.

You cant un-fuck her and as such you cant un-fuck yourself but you also need to be aware that a woman who will hop from one overlapping realtionship to another has some serious issues and you need to take stock of this situation you have found yourself in and wonder if shes worth it. Its easy to fall for the whole 'damsel in distress' routine but some bitches thrive on that sort of drama so you need to take a cold hard look at what you got yourself into.

But hey this is just me and I am saying all this as a person who would be putting your adulterous ass in a world of hurt if I were in the husbands position so...Good Luck!!

Dude
she isnt just hopping from one relationship to another
she met me and we fell in love
moaiz --her husband wasent exactly treating her great
i've already had the man to man with him
and have come to killing the fucker

he hit and attemped to rape my girlfriend so that explains why shes with me now
i want to try and get it all done legaly because if i go and beat up the creep and then it comes legal im not really going to look great Am I?
as for the adultery thing
yes they split up becuase of me but i know she wasent that happy with the relationship before i came into the lime light , the guy treated her like shit
when imet her , her self essteem was low if i said her hair was nice we would have a massive argument just because she couldnt take a comliment
she was stil living with her husband at the time
seperate rooms and so on
and then she left him to move back in with her parents and then me and her got togther
so i think its less of hurt
i think he's just realised that she wasent gonna take his shit and still be the loving wife
he thought she would be
and as for the 'damsel in distress' comment dude i dont think she is but shit that could be me just being nieve
but dude i think shes worth it and i seriously doubt she is looking for drama


But thanks for your imput non the less

Tyberius Prime- Shes Attached her and her brother created and run them
so theres wuite abit of attachment

so that isnt really a option
and the divorce is getting sorted asap
and whats the deal with a restraing order
does She (we) have enough grounds to request one?

Thanks for your advice
.Trigger

Trigger: A one word answer; yes

A restraining order can be applyed for in the case of physical or mental abuse, or stalking, real-world or virtual.

Koan 63, written on the wall of cell number 250:
Those who Believe
Can
Those who Try
Do
Those who Love
Live

moaiz...nice sig!

Ok, let's stop and consider some points here.

I get the impression that she is still married...if so, why? A divorce should be the first thing to consider, here...

Second, it sounds alot like she has 'Battered Woman syndrom'...and unless you have a lot of experience in dealing with such cases (and it doesn't sound like you do), then she needs to get into councilling as soon as possible...and the only thing you can really do that would be helpful here is to be supportive and understanding...even if the relationship 'fails' because of it (which is a real possibility).

Third, are there children involved here? I hope not...otherwise, you have the worst case scenario here...without a 'quick' solution in sight...

Fourth, does her family know, and are they involved? Are they supportive (of her)? If they don't know, they need to know...you both need all the support and help that you can get. If they know, but don't want to get involved, you have a problem...especially if they are not supportive (of you).

The next bit of advice may be hard to swallow...but you need to consider it.

You need to do some 'house-keeping'...that means you need to set some priorities, and get some things straight. First of all, you need to consider the above points. That comes first. Next, you need to get your head together...you (and her) are probably (and it sounds like it, why else would you ask us for advice?) in emotional turmoil, which is a very hard place to think straight from. The advice from Moaiz has some good points...know your enemy. Information and evidence is the key here. Collect as much as you can and save it! It may become crucial to whatever court stuff you may have to go through...hearsay is not very good evidence...

Also, you need to consider the fact that this guy (the husband?) may be dangerous. Know what you are up against...many have paid a terrible price because they underestimated the danger...don't be unrealistic. It's very easy to get a weapon...and because he has already demonstrated that he can and will use violence to establish his will, you need to consider that.

Ok, then you need to consider how you wish to handle the situation...are you going to take the High ground, or the Low ground?

The High ground...doing it the legal way. First, the divorce (if it hasn't already been done). That's a must. This will solve a few things. It will 'cut' the last legally binding ties, and will then give you a small advantage...of the moral question. Right now, you are 'morally' in the wrong...if she is still married (I know, that sounds wrong, but think about it...what if it was your wife, and she told this other guy the same story that you have heard...how do you think you would react?). Then the restraining order as soon as you can get it...do you have evidence of the battering? Pictures, witnesses, medical reports, anything. I sincerely hope that you do...because not only will it help in court, but it will also remove any questions of lying...which is very important (trust me on this...I've gone through this type of stuff a lot...and seen a hell of a lot more...and my mother works in a shelter for battered women).

Well, Moaiz pointed out the Low ground pretty well...so I won't go into that (BTW Moaiz, I've re-evaluated you...I have now put you in the 'very serious' catagory of people...and there are not that many I've put in that one...)

As for the 'protective' role...it seems to me that you've already taken it...whether or not you realize that. Moiz hit the nail on the head when he questioned her motives...as she is coming from a 'destructive' relationship (and that is apparently the case, as you say she has/had very low self-estiem)...many women that have gone through such a traumatic experience often confuse love with kindness/gratefullness...and this confusion is inside...that's why I suggested councilling...it could be that she needs some time to live alone...to get herself sorted out, and to get her feet under herself...not very conducive to a relationship at the moment...but if she really loves you, then that won't change. Time can be a great ally...especially in situations like this (thus the understanding and supportive part...it may be that you will have to let her go to do this).

Now, why is that? Well, women (and men, as well, though it's a lot less talked about) coming from a traumatic relationship, esp. a violent one, have a raised tolerance for abuse i.e. for them, abuse has become 'normal' (and therefore, a 'sign' of love)...and non-abuse (love, kindness, etc) is 'not normal' (and therefore, not a 'sign' of love)...and the same goes for the abuser. Of course, I don't know how long she has been in an abusive environment...but most such environments start back in childhood...otherwise, she most probably wouldn't of stayed in the relationship...(however, it differs from case to case...get her into councilling now! And you could inform yourself on this, there is plenty of information out there...)

So you are in a very difficult situation...on the one hand, you have stress from without...on the other, stress from within. You need to gather as many allies as you can...also, getting her away from the abuser and into counciling can only be good for her...and for you (though it may not seem like it, it really is the best way to go).



[This message has been edited by WebShaman (edited 07-15-2002).]

Thanks Guys
all of you
I think you've all helped me decided whats going to happen next and i appreciate your advice alot your a good bunch of guys