Preserved Topic: Your final moments...

Was watching Almost Famous today before work and they went through that plane scare, where it was just about this close to come hurdling towards the ground. Everyone started freakin' and saying things they wanted to get off their chests... so here's my question to the whole lot of ya; imagine you're in that situation, and you are sure the plane is going to crash and you'll be dead in no more than five minutes from now. What would you do?



njuice42
icq 957255

*censored*

Well, yeah. Pretty much what VP said.

try to learn to fly?

I second that 'try to learn to fly'



Koan 63:
Those who Believe
Can
Those who Try
Do
Those who Love
Live

1) cast "fly"
2) cast "teleportation"
3) laugh at those that didn't play daggerfall

~this is not a signature~

Definately a quote.......

"Now I'll see if you're really there"

And by that I mean God/Satan, because I don't believe in either of them and people tell me all the time that I will go to hell for that.

quote:

---

. . . and you are sure the plane is going to crash and you'll be dead in no more than five minutes from now.

---

Since I have fear of flying, I would probably die, . . . without having to wait 5 minutes.

Sasha »

[This message has been edited by Sash (edited 04-29-2002).]

In this instance I don't think I would do anything but wait...what else is there to do? Even though I have the normal fear of dying, I'm pretty satisfied with my life so far so...maybe a bit of excitement, or thinking, of what comes next...if anything.

VP - so, what would you do with the other four and a half minutes?

i reckon i would jump out of the plane - at least i'll get a better view, and perhaps end up with a lower terminal velocity.

prayer definitely would be an option...
and apart from that, i dunno, i'll let you know if i ever find out though.



- - r e i t s m a - -
(tifkab)

Oooooh! Reitsma!!! BURN! I love it...

I know exactly what I'd do; grab the drink cart and try to make the best of that little amount of time left... I guess I'd also confess my deepest secrets to strangers next to me as well, just to, you know, freak em out. Hehehe... yeah... that'd freak em...

njuice42
icq 957255

reitsma -

What I do would depend completely who was on that plane with me. I'd given this one some thought before I came to reply - then I read reitsma's reply and almost fell on the floor laughing lmao

So if those closest to me were on the plane, I'd thank each of them.. separately, for being there for me when I needed them most, and telling them how much they truly meant to me. I would also tell them what a pleasure it was meeting them, and how great it will be to see them after the plane crashes. If they weren't there with me, then I would wish the very best for each of them, and hope that each one of them found true happiness in their life - isn't that what we're here for anyway?

I would try to bum some crack or some other super potent drug off of people so that I could enjoy the remaining few moments of my life free of anxiety and not have to worry about crashing (well ... in the drug related sense) or future side effects of the drug. Truth be known though, I'd probably shit my pants, then i'd spend the next 4 mins crying because not only am I going to die, but I have to spend the last 4 mins of my life in pants that I shat in.

I would definitely pray. What else could you do?

(You might even catch God in a merciful mood and get some divine intervention )

'in pants you've shat in'

Oh man... this thread is gold, baby, puuuuure gold...

njuice42
icq 957255

Yes, but not in those pants...unless he's the proverbial 'golden goose'.

'First you say it, then you do it'.

Man, that's killin' me!

After returning from the toilet (who wants to go out with dirty pants like SB - I think he quite liked the idea of going out high and dirty) I'd probably do what reitsma suggested and jump. I will have lightened the load and people do occasionally survive falls without a parachute (they usually break every bone in their body but thems the breaks!!) and you are far less likely to survive a plane hitting the ground (if it was the sea I might go with the plane).

At some point I'd like to think I'd have had a go at the drinks trolley and (at least one) airstewardess - although given the time constraints I'm not sure I could fit both in the toilet with me (although I'd have a go).

Emps

Lol!!! Now I can just imagine that!! 'C'mer Baby *gulps alcohol* Ahhh! Gimmme kiss! Damn door, won't budge! Whew! What stinks in here? And who's prayin' out loud?...' I would hope that the end comes quickly...wouldn't want to spend the last minutes of my life under such circumstances...

Wait a minute, are we all on the same plane going down together?

Now that would be a sight to see

Yeah, and you were there, dude...too bad there wouldn't be a chance afterwards to tell anyone about it...

A question for you crazy nuts that are gonna jump. Would you jump face down or face up. Face down you see your doom coming, face up It'll be a surprize.

SB: As I'm not an experienced jumper I doubt I'd have much of a choice.

Face first:
You'd get a really cool view
You'd have more of a chance of getting rid of the drinks trolley (and airstewardess) in time for hitting the ground (you don't need the extra weight).

Back first:
You'd be able to keep drinking on the way down
You'd probably be more relaxed when you hit (you wouldn't be able to see the ground coming and see the point above).
It might be strangely relaxing falling backwards just listening to the wind whistle in your ears.

[edit: and it when depend if SB jumped before or after me. If he jumped before (while I'm struggling to get a drinks trolley and stewardess into a toilet) then to avoid the filth trailing from his soiled pants I'd try and go backwards - I wouldn't want to spend my last moments plummetting towards the earth with a face full of SB's movements - no offence SB!!]

Emps

[This message has been edited by Emperor (edited 04-29-2002).]

Good point, Emps. Backwards it is, me and Captain Morgan be kissing the ground hello!

njuice42
icq 957255

you guys are sick.

. . .

eyezaer: Blame SB's loose bowels.

I should say if I'd been flying the plane my last moments would have been spent going 'it wasn't me' and 'I never pressed that button'.

Emps

I don´t know if you guys will have the time enough to decide if you´re going to jump face first or back first, but surely I would spend my last moments sticked to my seat yelling and shouting until my throat bleeds or a fat lady crushes me trying to reach the emergency exit first!!!!!!!!

Hey! Big girls need lovin' too...

njuice42
icq 957255

maybe I'd try grabbing a towel, sticking my thumb out the exit and THEN jumping.

'as observer, camly noticing all the events taking place in the last minutes before death'...beam me up scotty (potty?)....please?

Man, I still can't stop laughing! Emps said 'loose bowels'. Lol!!!

I think I would wait until they both jumped out...and then go face first...just to see if Emps could avoid being 'shat on' before impact...hope there is more bottles of Capt. Morgan on that plane...pass the bottle...on the way down...and try to 'avoid' the 'loose clumps'...

I would probably jump after the fat lady. She would be my shield from SB's shitte and I would have something softer to land on than just the cold hard ground.



'I'm not crazy; I'm just a sane person trapped in the body of a lunatic.'
WolfenMedia

okay, lemme run this by ya'll then...

We got SB jumping out first, crack pipe in mouth and feces trailing.
Recieving said feces is Emps (unfortunately), though his back is turned.
Then there's the fat lady...
...and me dry humping her on the way down...
Then WebShamen complete with bottle of rum
And finally Wolfen, happy to be above the whole mess of people.

Really, someone ought to contact John Gleese with this, it'd make the most amusing comedy I've seen in years.

njuice42
icq 957255

Oh man. I'm dying. I'm dying!!!! LooooL!!! Four point landing on the fat broad. Just hate to see the coroners report 'seems that they all jumped out of the plane...kinda hard to tell who jumped first...the fat lady kinda 'squished' all the evidence...well, except for this pair of underware...whew! *holds nose*'

Well, what the heck. I'm on Wolfen's tail ( ), still praying up a storm. Although at this point I'm pretty much praying I don't get sprayed by any excrement or bodily fluids (and that you'll all break my fall ).

My checklist now involves: drinks cabinet, air stewardess and umbrella - if I can float to earth like a nightmare version of Mary Poppins it might make for a cleaner landing (well fall at least). I'm also aiming to be last out of the plane - it looks like th ground will be so covered in bodies it should guarantee a soft landing (although not too soft - I'll be avoiding SB). In fact with all that weight gone I might just be able to to pull the plane out of its nose dive and land the plane with a bottle of Tequila in one hand and an airstewardess on my knee (thanks guys your sacrifice wasn't in vain).

Emps

I would just confess I am gay. Saved the plane in Almost Famous, why can't it save our's?

DigitalUbiquity

Actually, you would all probably be sucked into the jet's engines as soon as you jumped out of the door.

Well now that all depends on the plane we were all in. It would have to support the whole bin here, plus a drink cart, a pilot, a stewartess and a fat lady. I mean, hey, if it were a learjet or something we'd be pretty safe... I think. Except for the crashing and dying part, of course. That wouldn't be safe. It would be unsafe. Deadly even.

njuice42
icq 957255

Hahaha, I agree with njuice42, he should make a comedy of all this: "Crashing Plane Extravaganza"

You know thinking about this now, how come your seat cushion can be used as a floataion device but they don't issue parachutes? I've never parachuted before but I'm sure if the plane was on fire I put forth a college try. What goods a floatation device gonna do you after a belly flop from fifteen thousand feet? What goods it gonna do you on a trip from LA to NYC? Theres no ocean between LA an NYC.

You could always land in a really deep lake... or a swimming pool even...

njuice42
icq 957255

Hmm... Beekay has a point. We'd most likely be chopped into a big, bloody mess.

Unless someone threw a beverage cart out of the door, first. Then that would get sucked into the engine and blow it out (hey, it works in the movies...). This would ensure us relative safety upon jumping out, and would ensure that the suckers who stayed behind would go down even faster .

*throws beverage cart (the one that Emperor isn't clinging to) out the door first, then jumps*



[This message has been edited by Suho1004 (edited 05-01-2002).]

Not the beverage cart! You son of a bitch! How are we all going to get pissed now? What were you thinking?

DigitalUbiquity

We could chuck the fat lady out first, she'll surely take care of that engine. Of course, that hurts me, as I won't have something plump to pump on my way down

njuice42
icq 957255

Well, njuice, if you're willing to make the sacrifice, I would rather throw the fat lady out than the beverage cart. But we'd better decide quick... before DU beats me to a pulp





What does it mean?

*thinks*

Death to a fellow inmate.... humpin' a biggie on the way down... death... humpin'...

I'll get back to you.

njuice42
icq 957255

I'd skin the fat lady (1.5 min), hold her epidermis out the door to dry (1 min. given the speed), (while holding epidermis) remove her intestines, dry and pull (.5 min), assemble parachute with skin and intestines (1.5 min), quickly attach assembly to backpack cusion provided by airliner and strap it on (30 sec), deposit carcass into jet turbine to nullify suction, pinch ass of stewardess, wink, jump, decelerate like a dragster to safety.

Ok, let's get this straight...there is now a tug-of-war over the fat lady. One wants to throw her out first, one wants to hump her, and one wants to skin and gut her... moral of the story : if you are a fat lady, don't fly.

Good thing Suho1004 didn't throw out the drinks cart...hand me a bottle, Mr. Jones....*the tune of Counting Crows rings through the planes loudspeakers...'

Man, this thread is crackin' me up big time...hope it gets archived in the Hall of Fame...it's hilarious! Just read it from start to finish....if you get through without laughing, then you are already dead...

I think this would be one of the funniest sketches that I have seen in a long time...but only Monty Python could do it real justice...I can just picture Michael Palin saying 'Oh, sorry 'bout that, old chap, but I just shat me britches.' And then all of them standing around the door, discussing what to do with the fat lady....and taking swigs of the bottle...

Indeed. But now take into consideration that this fat lady must be wearing a mumu of some sorts, that's gotta do wonders for wind resistance and whatnot, right?

njuice42
icq 957255

njuice, are you going to let Thumper skin your ride?!

Oh, and just in case everyone forgot, Emps has got one of the drink carts all to himself! What ever happened to democracy?

Um, I got dibs on the sake... there's sake on this flight, right?





What does it mean?

Emps just drank the last bottle of sake....its true, I saw it...don't try to deny it, Emps! *the looneys take a break from the fat lady tug-of-war to glare at Emps* Pass the trolley, Emps!!! Whoops! It just got sucked out the door...gang way! I'm coming, trolley....oh drats!! The trolley just took out the engine...all that good booze, going to waste...and speaking of waste....I think SB was here before me...gives one a new perspective on 'jet-propelled...'

I love sake (it has been too long since I had any - 5 minutes according to WS!!). Democracy be damned I've got the drinks trolley (in the toilet) and you'll have a fight on your hands if you want to throw it into a jet engine I can tell you (tip: I haven't yet lost a fight over a drinks trolley in a jet plane plunging to earth yet - it must lend a sense of urgency to things). Anyway This must be a big jet and there are doors behind the wings so all those that have thrown themselves out and been instantly converted to something the colour and consistency of strawberry milk shake must be feeling pretty silly round about now!!

Anyway I'm not hogging all the booze - there is a spare bottle of Malibu here (coconut flavour drinks make gag) and I'm no big fan of Tia Maria so go wild with that too.

What we could do is find the fat ladies luggage and get out all her mumus and stitch them together and parachute the whole plane to the ground!!

Emps

Stay tuned for next weeks episode of 'the Asylum goes on a picnic...' You don't want to miss a thing...and don't forget to invite the fat lady...

Dogpile on Emps, he's got the last drinks trolley!

*short interlude of stark, raving mad looneys attempting to get through the door to the lavatory - shouts of 'hey, that's my leg! Give me that bottle! Ouch! That was my eye! Are you the fat lady? - followed by indescriminant grunting noises'
...it's officially a ruckus! Emps takes a swig of the bottle, brandishing his swiss army knife (with the corkscrew part out) here and there like Erol Flynn, shouting 'you'll never get this trolley from me alive!' (with unswallowed alchohol running down his chin), SB complaining 'guys, c'mon, I've really got to go (does little dance)...too late, oh jesus lord allmighty, I've shat meself!' WebShaman, totally lost in the cacophony, tries diving out the plane after the first trolley, humming to the tune of counting Crows...only to be stopped by the fat lady (who is stuck in the doorway, and being pulled in three different directions at once...). Over the loudspeaker comes the Captains voice 'ladies and gentlemen, we've just lost the starboard engine...please do not panic...'

No! God, what have I done?! And no sake left! Aaaaaahhhhh!!!

*rushes off to strangle Emps, tripping over the fat lady's mumus on the way*

(And if any of us ever make it out of this and you make your way to Korea, drop me a line and we'll share a few bottles of the good stuff! )



What does it mean?

[This message has been edited by Suho1004 (edited 05-02-2002).]

I would call it 'the longest 4 minutes of your life...'

It could only happen here...

Man, I love threads like this...

Thumper how did you get a knife on this plane to skin the fat lady with?! I'm suspicious! And while you're choppin' her to bits to make you're parachute, I think I'll just use her dress. Plus, if there is some fabric left over I could make a diaper or perhaps a new pair of pants.

Now I know what that thing is 'hanging' underneath that sig....and to think I thought it was a brain all this time...

Boy, I wouldn't want to be a fat lady...not only is she getting a pretty rough amount of treatment here, she's also being stripped naked...by Diaperboy!

Just love this thread, laughed the whole way through

*runs and helps Suho strangle Emps*

-= Veneficuz =-
"Mundus vult decipi. Ergo decipiatur."

*watches the scuffle, quietly slips around them, grabs the fat lady and starts bangin'*

... oooh.... go ahead, skin her, I'll be done in a second ...

njuice42
icq 957255

Geeesh I'm getting on a plane Saturday. I hope I forget what I've read here by then.

Osprey: As long as you don't fly SB Air you should be fine!!

~realises that Suho1004 and Veneficuz are trying to strangle him and brushes them off like insects (Tequila has that effect)~

njuice42: Not on my watch - thats brodering on weirdo serial killer territory!!

~kicks njuice42~

This was only a hypothetical thought experiment after all and its gone very 'Lord of the flies' very quickly!!

Emps

*drops a rock on Emp's head*



njuice42
icq 957255

There are no rocks on airplanes!!! Here use this... *hands Njuice a very stinky bag*

Rocks I can cope wiht but that...

~jumps out of plane~

I am not afraid of flying itself but I know for a fact that I don't want to die in an airplane crash so that is why I do not fly. If one crashes into me while I'm driving or if I get hit by a semi, at least I didn't have to suffer those last few *minutes* of sheer terror in a plane.

But to answer the question, I think I would say a really quick prayer just to let Him know I'll be needing a room and then I would hope I could console Schitzoboy as much as possible about sitting in his beshatted trousers. You know, things like, "look on the bright side your pants were already a shade of brown" or "do you think you're the only one here who lost control of his bowels, deal with it!"

BTW, I just saw that movie about a month ago and that part was really well done, especially that last revelation that was shouted. LOL.

. . : newThing

Hehe...

*continues to strangle Emps with Veneficuz's help; has a much easier time of it now that Emps is no longer struggling, mistakenly believing that he has brushed his attackers off like flies (Tequila has that effect)*

Whoa!

*suddenly breaks off the attack when the stinky bag enters the picture*

Poor Emps...





What does it mean?

*slowly takes a peek into the stinky bag, grimaces, and tosses it aside, only to have it caught by the fat lady... whom gobbles the bag up without thinking twice (or questioning what's in it)*


((btw, the rock on the head was an homage to Lord of the Flies, as "Piggy" gets the rock dropped on his skull near the end ))

njuice42
icq 957255

Oh, well in that case...

Emps, I think Njuice is calling you fat.

... I think I got lost somewhere back there hehe... I'm sure Emps ain't fat, let alone a fat lady... in any case,

*begins to swat at everyone with a rolled up issue of 'Air Digest' screaming "Flies! Fliiiiies! Horrible, Horrible creations of God! FLIES!"*

njuice42
icq 957255

At this point WebShaman, after downing the whole bottle of Capt'n Morgen, notices that the fat lady has gorged herself on SBs 'No. 2s' and promtly empties his gullet *nasty choking sounds...or is that Emps?* which helps to lubricate the dry-humping...

Well, it didn't take too long for this to turn into a horror flick, did it?

*runs screaming from the fat lady and njuice, then rummages through the galley to find one last little bottle of sake.*

Aaaah... yes!

*glug, glug, glug*





What does it mean?

The captain sure does bring out the weirdest in people

*nimbly dances over to WebShamen, raises the rolled up magazine...*

njuice42
icq 957255

It is probably a flight to the annual asylum convetion we're on

* runs away from Emps when the stinky bag arrives and goes to the medicine cabinet gulping down all of the pills that are left *

-= Veneficuz =-
"Mundus vult decipi. Ergo decipiatur."

Uhhh...Veneficuz? Those aren't pills...those're droplets from SB...oh, man, not only is the fat lady aggoblin'...

Well I do get mistaken for a woman occasionally but I've lost weight so I doubt I'd be mistaken for a fat woman - just an oddly shaped, bearded one and I don't think njuice is that drunk yet!!!

I do hope no-one is strngling me as I leapt out of the plane yesterday to avoid SB's underwear (or was that underware - I don't think we ever got to the bottom of the that one if you'll excuse the pun). Now that is some fall - perhaps the Tequila is playing tricks with my mind (checks bottle - hmmm it appears to have something like a little catepillar floating in it oh well that can't be too important).

SB = soiled britches?

Emps

Lol!!! SB='soiled Britches'!!!

Hey, Emps...that reminds me of this (the cattapillar in the bottle, that is)

'One pill makes you larger, and one pill makes you small
And the ones that mother gives you, don't do anything at all

Go ask Alice, when she's ten feet tall

And if you go chasing rabbits, and you know you're going to fall
Tell 'em a hookah-smoking caterpillar has given you the call'
- White Rabbit - Jefferson Airplane

Kinda goes with the flow, as SB would say...

*sways to and fro, tripping over himself to get to Emps*

Heey baby... we got bout tzhriee minutz lefft... letz go git us sum more comfortabable--

*falls down*

njuice42
icq 957255

I think the soiled britches thing is going to "stick" for some time... much like ~Vp~'s mop and Izzay's pear fetish. You've got to love this place!

*peeks into the cockpit*

"Excuse me captain, can you stall this crash a lil. We're having too much fun back here!"

Oh sheesh! What've I done. I hope this doesn't get turned into a google bomb

Just curious but how did the VP's mop thing get started? Is that thread archived?

[This message has been edited by Schitzoboy (edited 05-03-2002).]

That's a very good question...I know that it is not in the Hall of Fame...and that it occured very early in the history of the Asylum...I think that both Slime and DG know...and, of course, VP.

Be quiet...the captain is speaking *Ladies and Gentlemen, the crash has now been posponed for three minutes due to the extra drag from the fat ladies mumu...have a nice flight* Oh, good, more time for drinking...*pulls out tomahawk* It's scalpin' time!!! C'mer Emps!!! Give me that bottle. *Loads peacepipe with extra-strong 'shrooms from wakkys secret cache* Ahhhh, that's the only way to fly...jesus, where did all these entrails come from...oh, look, njuice42 has slipped on them and fallen down...*trods over njuice42* Ok, Emps, that's a good chap...*moves closer*...now just give us the bottle, nice and slow like...

<rusty memory> if I recall correctly, whenever a thread got a bit messy I would break out me mop, janitor style so to speak, kinda stuck since , heh

</rusty memory>

~walks off dragging mop heading towards the East wing~

so are you all dead yet... so we can close this monster thread?

Um, if we jump out of the plane we all die Wile E. Coyote-style deaths, right? You know, where he falls off a cliff, there's a long whistling sound, and then a tiny puff of dust and a bang at the end--and then in the next scene he gets up from his coyote-shaped hole at the bottom...

At least I hope that's the way it works, 'cause the ground's getting awfully close...





What does it mean?

Why didn't I think of that!

*picks up in flight phone and dials 1-800-ACME-INC*
*waits a couple of seconds*
*helicopter flys by flaming decending plane and tosses in a package*
*SB opens package labeled AIR BRAKES*
*opens floor panal and tinkers around for a few moments. Screws and springs flying everywhere*
*pulls hard on lever labeled AIR BRAKES and crosses fingers*

*comes to, wipes drool from corners of the mouth and blinks unknowingly at everyone in the plane*

We're dead?! ALRIGHT! NAKED TIME!

(cause you all knew deep down that someone, somewhere in this thread was getting nekked... hehehe...)

njuice42
icq 957255

No! We're not dead yet! For God's sake man, put your clothes back on!

Oh, the horror, the horror!

Now I know what they mean when they say "a fate worse than death"

*huddles in the corner in a fetal position, rocking back and forth and weeping softly*





What does it mean?

*runs for the door, going to jump out of the plane to escape njuice, but stumbles on the fat lady and finds a bottle of sake under a seat which i quickly grab - gulp, gulp, gulp *

-= Veneficuz =-
"Mundus vult decipi. Ergo decipiatur."

It's okay, everyone... this isn't the first time my nudity has frightened a plane full of people, and I'm sure it won't be the last.

Bon Voyage!

*hurls self, free as a bird (hehe in more ways than one) out of the plane, taking the fat lady with him*

njuice42
icq 957255

*Suddenly, as Schitzoboy pulls on the AIR BRAKES, the plane comes screeching to a halt a mere hundred meters or so from the ground*

*Looking out the open door* Hmm... too bad njuice couldn't have waited a few more seconds...

OK people, rescue crews are on the way! Please remain seated and we'll have you on the ground shortly.

*counterfeitbacon casts Globe of Invulnerability*
*counterfeitbacon casts Slow*
*counterfeitbacon casts Sanctuary*
*counterfeitbacon plays Baldurs Gate II to much*

*WebShaman casts disintigrate on counterfeitbacon* Hehe, I do too.

Yah! Saved by Acme! *waits until plane is a couple of meters above ground, then hops out onto the rather flat njuice42*. Too bad, baby, ya should of waited...oh, well, all's well that ends well...and for christs sake, njuice42, put some clothes on...publicity whore...

*counterfeitbacon casts Power Word: Kill on WebShaman*
*WebShaman makes saving throw*
*counterfeitbacon says: "DAMN!"*


[This message has been edited by counterfeitbacon (edited 05-06-2002).]

Reminds me of a shirt I saw on the net once: "Jesus Saves ... and takes half damage" damn, I shoulda bought that shirt. actually I should be looking into new pants instead

*slowly stands up, dusts self off, looks around...*

At least I'm not the only nudist around here!

*Gleefully holds up a large blue spotted Mumu and grins*

njuice42
icq 957255

Until the fat lady lands *whooomp!* directly on njuice42. She grins sheepishly, looks a bit strange, then says 'Oh, something's stuck to me bum'. Stands up, attempts to see what is clinging to her bum, turns in circles, gets dizzy, and falls down. Yup, any landing that you can walk away from is a good one...

*WebShaman does finger of death on counterfeitbacon* Always loved that spell...just always wondered, which finger...

lol

Somebody pleeeeeaaaase make the fat lady start singing !!!

*struggles for air.... waving hand begins to claw at the fleshy pillows... then stops... and falls limp*

njuice42
icq 957255

*eye watches on surveillance cameras* Well, This has gone as well as could be expected!

. . .

*counterfeitbacon wonders in awe at the amount of posts on this thread*
*counterfeitbacon now realizes that he is pathetic*

Is this a record for number of postings?

There have been longer I'm sure.

Right then now we've survived the obviously fatal crash who fancies nipping down to the pub/bar? There looks to be one just on the other side of that spooky looking misty moor.

~wipes njuice42 from shoes and wanders off~

Emps

God knows I could use a pint right about now...

*staggers off toward the pub with Emps*

Oooh, a Pub! C'mon Njuice42! We're missing all the fun! Whata're ya whinin' about? That's only a flesh wound! *scrapes Njuice42 together* There ya go! Here, peacepipe! *sticks peacepipe in orifice* Toke up! *carooms off towards pub with Njuice puddle*

The fat lady yells from behind 'Hey, love, where are you going? Don't forget me!'

Yeehaw! Asylum Air, the only way to fly! 'The first round is on Emps, since he drank the last drinks trolley dry...'

Man, would be great if we could all get together once a year at a pub somewhere...

*Staggers after the other towards the pub - Hey! Wait for me, I'm not dead yet, I think ?!*


-= Veneficuz =-
"Mundus vult decipi. Ergo decipiatur."

*smoke plumes from many openings as the puddle I now am slithers towards the pub leaving a slime trail... much like a slug...*

I think my wallet is somewhere back there guys, you're picking up the tab, right?

njuice42
icq 957255

Didn't Emps say the drinks were on him? I could've sworn I heard him say that...

[Edit: Nope, that was WebShaman. Eh, good enough for me ]




[This message has been edited by Suho1004 (edited 05-08-2002).]

A peacepipe AND a round of drinks? Shammy you the man!

*asks the bartender for a bottle of Pusser Blue Rum, since money's apparently not an issue *

njuice42
icq 957255

Just to clarify (before I get a tomahawk in my skull), it was WebShaman who said that Emps would be paying for the drinks. Not that it matters much to us, since we're not paying, right?

*sits down at the bar and gestures with a sweeping motion at the bottles stacked against the wall* I'll have a shot of each, and I want 'em lined up in front of me.

*thunk!* Too late!! *Dammit, it's stuck fast...* Braces leg against Suho1004s back...'c'mon guys, help me out here'...*tugs on tomahawk..* 'Oh, yeah, a bottle of Cap'n Morgan for me, please....quit squirming around Suho1004, that's only making it worse...oh, god, no! The fat lady followed us here...quick, do something Njuice42!'

Webshaman releases one hand from tomahawk to take the said bottle, downs about half in one go...'Ahhh, now that's the ticket...want some, Suho1004? *pours a bit in open wound on head* 'That'll kill any germs...now drink up!' Finally manages to remove tomahawk as he hands Suho1004 the bottle...

*tosses back the near-empty bottle of Pussers, rolls up sleeves (wait a sec... I don't have sleeves... I'm goo) and slithers over to the fat lady*

Blob sex warning, peeps, get your drinks down and get something in ya, cause this ain't gonna be pretty.


*hopes VG doesn't come in and mistake him for an ordinary smokin' pile of goo... at least before he's finished...*


njuice42
icq 957255

[This message has been edited by njuice42 (edited 05-08-2002).]

I'm not buying another round if njuice42 keeps doing that.

~wonders who's wallet he has. Rummages through it, wonders who would have a picture of a mop where people usually keep pictures of their loved ones....~

Emps

*accepts the bottle from WebShaman with an unsteady hand as the alcohol slowly trickles directly into his brain*

Hey guysh... I zhink I fund a noo way to git jrunk reeeeeal kwik-like...

*grabs vp's darts and starts tossing them at the fat lady*

Bullzheye!

[Edit: Heh... had to go find the darts ]



[This message has been edited by Suho1004 (edited 05-08-2002).]

Oh, that's really difficult...throwing darts at a fat lady...how could you miss? *Grabs darts, aims, throws* Oh, sorry Njuice42! Didn't see you there. Man, that's gotta hurt! Oh, well, what the hell, Bullseye! *starts on second bottle*

Uhh...Emps? You gonna pay da man? He's starting to look at us funny-like...the nerve...as if straightjackets aren't the current mode...stop sloppin' about, Njuice42! After that jump from the plane, a coupla darts ain't gonna make much of a difference...

Oh yeah? Wul you go an' pour shome alc'ol d'rectly on yer brain and shee how sthraight you kin trow dese zhings...

*steps forward, slips on njuice and lands flat on back, throwing dart into an innocent passerby*

more... alc'ol... on.... brain... puhleeeeeze!

'Oh no! That was Emps! Emps, buddy, talk to me!' Nope, he's out cold...Now who's gonna pay? *rumages thru Emps pockets...ahhh...pays barman* 'Whoah, is vp gonna be mad....that cost a whole lot...slinks away quietly...*

what's the record for number of posts for one topic here?

I think .... just a tad over 200

. . .

~stumbles to feet~

5,000 ..... HORSES ... BARBARA

~collapses~

Gah! shorry, Empzzz...

*passes out in a pool of his own--no, wait, that's njuice*

*collects self, regains composure and straightens tie...*

Ahh, much better...

*pulls dart out of neck*

All this drinking has made me thirsty.

*notices wallet sitting on bar*

Another round anyone?! Woo hoo! To-ga! To-ga! To-ga!


....


*after one drink, returns to slime puddle form*

njuice42
icq 957255

'Oh look! A mumu toga!' *Puts on mumu toga* Now no-one will recognize me..hehe...'Njuice42! NO! I am not the fat lady!! Leggo of my leg!!' *Begins leg-shaking process, dances about wildly, mumu toga falls off...revealing WebShaman in all his glory...slips on Njuice42, falls down in goo...* 'Get offa me, Njuice42! Get offa me!!'

Is there no end to the embarressment...?

*continues his rythmic thrusting blob action, not even taking the time to look at what is being humped*

Mumu toga... fatty... mmmm... *drool, thrust*

njuice42
icq 957255

*comes to, looks around, decides unconsciousness is far better than what he just saw, and passes out again*

*notices halfway through it's actually Shaman's leg he was humping, not the fat lady*

Oh... dang... sorry about that... lemme umm... err... VG? Where's VG when you need a mop?

*slithers away... taking the mumu with him*

njuice42
icq 957255

'Thank god!!!' *cleans leg* Hey, look, Suho1004 is unconscious! *Takes out marker, proceeds to mark-up face...* 'Now he looks like Graucho Marx!!!' 'Hey fat lady...do you like Graucho Marx? Yeah? There he is...'

Runs after seeing the look of pure lust spread across the fat jowls of her face...poor, poor Suho1004....

*This next scene has been edited out for the more sensible of our viewers...*

*smiles and sits back to watch the fatlady take full advantage of Suho and rolls the mumu up into a beachball*

Shaman! Heads up!

*volleys mumu ball to WebShaman*

njuice42
icq 957255

*suddenly wakes up to find himself half smothered by an amorphous blob of love pudding*

Gaaaaaahhhhh!

*whips out his sword of vengeance, slices the fat lady in two, then gets nailed in the head with the volleyball*

Ow... the pub sounded like such a good idea at the time...

WebShaman whips out his tomahawk and shouts 'BAR ROOM BRAAAWWWLLL!'...and is promptly hit by one of the collapsing halfs of fat...'mrfffgh!' (translated as 'Oh shit!!!')

*catches a hefty leg in mid air*

She was a goooood woman, but now she will serve a better purpose: weaponry. On Guarde', Shaman!

*wields te leg as though a sword*

njuice42
icq 957255

ZEBRAS EVERYWHERE

~collapses~

hehe...anyone tried reading the thread through, from start to here? Man, that always makes me start laughing...my co-workers think I'm nuts...

*crawls out from under fat...* 'Ok, Njuice42, en garde!' *prances around like ballarena...notices that he still doesn't have any clothes on....drops hands to cover valuables...slowly slinks to side...* 'uhhh...hehe...' *skins fat lady, and makes temp clothes* 'that's better...now, where were we?' *sees look of lust in Njuice42s eyes, and realizes that he looks like the fat lady, in her skin and all...* 'uhhh...Njuice42? Not again...'

Ooh... pretty Zebras!

*collapses on top of Emps*

*crowds past Suho's dazed expression of bewilderment and approaches WebShamen carefully*

Shh... shh... it's okay, baby, let the Juice take care of allll your worries... shhh...

*grins*

(Yeah, it certainly is a riot. I must have sent the link out to at least a dozen people who've all gotten quite a kick out of it, hehehe)

njuice42
icq 957255

[This message has been edited by njuice42 (edited 05-14-2002).]

*WebShaman panics, lets fat lady skin fall, graps Emps, sticks him in skin, and hands over the booty to Njuice42...* 'Here you go man!'

*Whew! WebShaman takes out peacepipe, and lights up...* 'Ahhh, that's better...' *Floats away on pink clouds...'