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Interview with Dr. Feelgood

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life.
Is this true?

A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it.
Don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually.
Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like
saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster.
Want to live longer? Take a nap.

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Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat?
Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables.
So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of
delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken.
Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable).
And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily
allowance of vegetable slop.

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Q: Is beer or wine bad for me?

A: Look, it goes to the earlier point about fruits and vegetables.
As we all know, scientists divide everything in the world into
three categories: animal, mineral, and vegetable.
We all know that beer and wine are not animal, and they are not
on the periodic table of elements, so that only leaves one thing,
right? My advice: Have a burger and a beer and enjoy your liquid
vegetables.
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Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

A: Well, if you have a body, and you have body fat, your ratio is
one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.
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Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular
exercise program?

A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain = Good.

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Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?

A: You're not listening. Foods are fried these days in vegetable
oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more
vegetables be bad for you?

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Q: What's the secret to healthy eating?

A: Thicker gravy.
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Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around
the middle?

A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger.
You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

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Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

A: Are you crazy? HELLO... Cocoa beans ... another vegetable!!!
"It's the best feel-good food around!"

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Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have
had about food and diets. One more thing... "When life hands you
lemons....ask for tequila and salt."

Love it! Add something about how good caffein is in there and I might be declared healthy

_________________________
"There are 10 kinds of people; those who know binary, those who don't and those who start counting at zero"
- the Golden Ratio - Vim Tutorial -

quote:

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Q: What's the secret to healthy eating?

A: Thicker gravy.

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Ha ha, absolute genius.

Veneficuz is right though, add something about caffeine being good for you and I might be considered healthy

Nolp

(Edited by Nolp on 07-03-2004 13:03)

I like that a lot. lol

The second question/answer reminded me of the following. Anyone want to know something interesting about rabbits?

Now, a human has a tiny little appendix, incapable of processing significant amounts of raw vegetable protein. You absorb a fraction of the nutritional value that a raw vegetable actually contains - therefore, uncooked vegetables are practically useless, and while steaming them is a good idea, cooking them traditionally drains them of valuable nutrition.

A rabbit, being a herbivore, has an appendix that is massive in comparison to its size, and yet it would starve to death if it did not recycle its own droppings!

You got it - rabbits eat their own shit. Their natural diet, even if they ate constantly, would not provide them with the nutrition to actually survive. By re-consuming their waste, they extract more nutrition from an inadequate diet - a sort of externalised cud-chewing system, if you will, where cows simply keep regurgitating and re-chewing the same food.

Now, if you were to eat nothing but rabbit meat, you too would starve. It imparts so little in the way of food value, that you would eventually die of malnutrition. I tell you no lie.

Make of it what you will.

(Edited by White Hawk on 07-03-2004 15:42)

So with christmas you eat cooked rabbit droppings right?

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