Topic awaiting preservation: On a lighter note... (Page 1 of 1)

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Two fish are in a tank.
One says to the other "You drive. I'll man the guns."

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Two parrots are sat on a perch, one says "Can you smell fish?"

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A Polar Bear goes into a bar and says, "Can I have a gin and.......... (several minutes later) ........tonic please?"
The barman serves him and says, "Sure, but why the large pause?"
The Polar Bear replies, "Don't know, I've always had them."

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Oooh... it hurts...

A horse walks into a bar, and the barman says to him "Why the long face?"

A white horse walks into a bar, and the barman says to him "You know, we've got a whiskey named after you." And the Horse replies, "Really? A whiskey named Eric?"

You can lead a horse to water but a pencil must be lead.

Asians eat chicken, but sometimes the fish talk back.


Stich in time saves nine, but dollar in my pocket buys soda.


Germans had soldiers, Americans had muffin men.


Man walks into salad bar, then he gets desert. Where is the waiter? Went to ally to get chickety china.


Take the bread from a fig newton and you have fig, take the fig from a fig newton, do you have a newton??????????? I must know. I makes sense, why not? Perfect sense, stop making fun of me. MMMmmmmmm....uhhhhhhhhh.... It taste like burning.

A man walks into a bar.......... OUCH!

Three men walk into a bar, now you would have thought that the third guy would have seen it.

Three guys are sitting at a bar... an Irish priest, a Rabbi and a lawyer.... the bartender says "Is this a joke?"

Two birds are flying in the sky. One falls down. The other one had a gun, too.

lOl, I like your joke kuckus. It works in so many ways to: To monks walk into a bar, one has the shits, the other ex-lax. lol.

A lady cop arrests a drunk driver and says "Anything you say will be held against you" the drunk says "tits"



.:[ Never resist a perfect moment ]:.

OK, bitdamaged, that made me laugh out loud.

RazorX: Um, no offense, but are those jokes? I don't get them. Then again, you thought kuckus joke was funny, and I didn't get that one either. Must be having a bad day...

No, suho, I'm with you.

Bits' is the only one that made me actually laugh... =)

No offense taken bohemiousstragmagler. The point was they made no sense. I was just playing around. And now back to the fridge, I need my blanket(see no sense, lol).

I loved bits and the one about the fish in the tank... it was so stupid it had me laughing for hours...


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Skaarjj walks into a bar and sits down and has a Bourbon..........bullshit mate, ur kidding me!

"You don't know how paralysing that is, that stare of a blank canvas, which says to the painter: you can't do a thing." - Vincent Van Gogh

Not many asylumites are going ot get that one...I htink I'd better explain it.

See...I don't drink...I don't drink becuase I'm allergic to alcohol...Luxo lives about 5 mins form me and has known me for 5 years now..se he knows it...and now you all do to

5-year ex-alchy...

December 5th..

sucks, don't it?


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[This message has been edited by Petskull (edited 02-21-2003).]

I don't know, never having been drunk I'm not really in a position to know what I'm missing out on, so I don't mind. During what has become widley known among my friends and family as the 'Year of Hell' (ie: last year when working for a high school that didn't give two squirts of piss about me, but were all ready to go legal on me if I broke my contract with them by quitting), I wanted many itmes to go out and get totally smashed and make it all go away for a while, just ot sink into the blissful haze of drunkeness...but I decided...no...I like breathing more.

I read somewhere that breathing is important, but can't remember why.

Two nuns walking down a beach and a naked man walks past. One has a stroke but the other couldn't reach.

___________________
Emps

FAQs: Emperor

^rim shot. <lol>

So one saggy tit says to the other: "If we don't get some support soon we're gonna be nuts."

And I know this isn't in the grand scheme of the thread but it's nasty nonetheless:

Two bums are walking along some railroad tracks when the first bum smells a terrible aroma.

To the second bum: "Did you shit your pants?"

"Nope."

They continue walking when he smells it again.

"You sure you didn't shit your pants?"

"Yes, I'm sure, now leave me alone."

After about 30 minutes of enduring the smell the first bum has finally had enough.

"Alright, take down your pants I don't believe you!"

The first bum takes down his pants and his drawers are covered in shit. We're talking caked on here.

"I thought you said you didn't shit your pants!!!"

"Ohhhh, I thought you meant today!"

"dyslexic man walks into a bra" <- no offense to anyone btw.

" What goes ooooooooohh ? .. .. .. . a cow with no lips "

.. you know those "yo momma so fat ... ..." jokes ?
The perfect retort: "Your moms so fat she sits at home crying about it !"

Did you hear about the magic tractor ?
.. it turned into a field.

Skaarjj: You're allergic to alcohol?

Wow. I don't know what to say. I can tell you from personal experience that getting rip-roaring drunk is not the most fun thing in the world (although there was a time when I thought it was), but I still like to have a drink with friends from time to time.

I guess if I ever get down to Australia we'll have to go out for rum & cokes--minus the rum.

[Edit: mood swing...]

[This message has been edited by Suho1004 (edited 02-26-2003).]

Q: What's the ultimate form of rejection?
A: When you masturbate, and your hand goes to sleep.

A saleswoman is driving toward her home in Northern Arizona when she sees a Navajo woman hitchhiking. Because the trip had been long and quiet, the saleswoman stops the car and the Navajo woman climbs in. During their small talk, the Navajo woman glances surreptitiously at a brown bag on the front seat between them. "If you're wondering what's in the bag," offers the saleswoman, "it's a bottle of wine. I got it for my husband." The Navajo woman is silent for awhile, nods several times approvingly and says, "Good trade."

and...

What's God's favorite pick up line? 'Remember my name, because you will be screaming it later.' (Oh God, Oh GOD!)

[This message has been edited by Wolfen (edited 02-26-2003).]

You can lead a student to college, but you can't make him think.



Maskkkk

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