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Maniac (V) Inmate

Insane since: May 2001

posted posted 06-06-2003 16:51

I don't like to bring my personal business into the board but I don't have many friends in this state to talk to personally (come to think of it, I don't really have too many friends that I can talk to at all)

Heres the deal. For 10 years Kelly and I were together. One day when I came home for work I got one of those "We need to talk" speaches. Ends up that she doens't want to be engaged anymore. She wants me to leave and then think about thigs.

Ends up that we are selling our house, and splitting everything up. Her excuse. . .
Tired of the way I am! Says that I am moody and am, get this. . . a clean freak!

So, that was about 2-21/2 months ago. The other day, I went out of town and she watched the house and my two dogs. When I got home, the computer was on and her email was there. So, I got nosey. Turns out that her and some guy that she was working with have "started a relationship". The plot thickeneth! Looked back through some older emails (this may have not been good etiquit, but what the fuck, I was pissed). Finally, the start of this was at the end of April, about 1 week after I left!

Boy, talk about 10 years of my life that could have been used doing something different. But then again, hind sight is 20/20!

OK, I think I feel somewhat better. Back to creating things to release this anger before I do something stupid!



~Binary is best~

Bipolar (III) Inmate

Insane since: Feb 2003

posted posted 06-06-2003 17:06

Be glad that you broke up with her. -__-;; If she started a relationship this early right after that happened, it probably means that she was likely seeing the guy before that. You don't need someone that unfaithful.

I am asexual, neither male nor female.

Maniac (V) Mad Scientist

From: Long Island, NY
Insane since: Jun 2000

posted posted 06-06-2003 17:10

Thats awful news C:/

I'm sorry to hear a 10 year relationship ended that way. If you guys were together for that long I assume things were good for a while. Be glad that the relationship didn't go further then it did. If either of you were unhappy it could have caused real problems.


Bipolar (III) Inmate

From: Orlando, FL, USA
Insane since: Dec 2002

posted posted 06-06-2003 17:12

C:\, that was incredibly insensitive of her. Have you talked to her? Are you going to? She won't appriciate that you snooped through her mail, but that's done and now you deserve some closure and an explination. Was there a reason you two just stayed engaged and didn't get married? Maybe that's what led her to this other guy? Chances are, whatever feelings she has towards her coworker started way before she asked you to leave. Girls like to feel secure, so unless I'm way off base, she wouldn't give up something as comfortable as a 10 year relationship unless she already had a major trust for this guy. If you choose to fess up and admit to letting your eyes wander through her mail, try to get her to finally be honest with you and tell you the real reason she called it off, you deserve at least that. There's probably a reason why this engagement never progressed into a marriage, so going your own ways is probably a good thing - but her dishonesty is unfair. You deserved to know the real reason she wanted to break up with you.

[This message has been edited by lovedove (edited 06-06-2003).]

Paranoid (IV) Inmate

From: Nairobi, Kenya
Insane since: Mar 2002

posted posted 06-06-2003 17:13

I feel for you Cprompt but stumbling across those emails was prolly the best break for you, I mean now you know that it isnt 'YOU and being the clean freak', true there could be some strains and all the normal domestics in a relationship. Clearly she wasn't honest with you the first time she told you, that you guys needed to think things through.

Hope things work out for the best.

Maniac (V) Mad Scientist with Finglongers

From: Cell 53, East Wing
Insane since: Jul 2001

posted posted 06-06-2003 17:29

CPrompt: Sorry to hear about all you problems but at least you have now seen through the poor quality excuses. Whether you should mention the emails is a tricky one but as she left her email open on your computer in your place (I assume she has moved out) might be a way for her to leak the truth to you without having to tell you directly - its not like you had to hack into her account or bug her phone. Also lets be honest I can't imagine that if the tables were turned that she'd let anything like that go without mentioning it. I might give her the opportunity to come clean first.........

Good luck with rebuilding things.


FAQs: Emperor

Maniac (V) Inmate

Insane since: May 2001

posted posted 06-06-2003 17:30

Thanks for the quick replys and understanding.

The main reason that we never got married was due to money. We would save up a ton of money and then something drastic would happen (her dad having a heartattack and she moved in with them for a while, one of the dogs needed $2500 surgery, layoff from jobs, etc. . . ) Shit happens.

It was a thought in the back of my mind that her and this guy were getting close (too close) while we were still together, but she assured me that nothing was there (~best Fletch voice : "Oh I assure you. . . "~

I am somewhat of a depressed person anyway, and this just led to more depression. I felt like I wasn't much of a person anyway, and then when that happened, hell I thought I was the lowest of the low. Now, things come clearer and I don't really feel any better. Now I kind of feel like I was the bad person that I couldn't even hold down a relationship of 10years!

No, I haven't spoken with her since I found this out but I will eventually. Her brother used to host my website and one day he decided to redirect my page to say "Curtis Adkins is a twit!" Well, that is no longer along with the relationship. Some people are childish.

Take care, I off to go sell something and make some $$$$$$$$$



~Binary is best~

Paranoid (IV) Inmate

From: Greensboro, NC USA
Insane since: Jun 2002

posted posted 06-06-2003 17:39

Have you thought that she might have left her email up on purpose? However subconsciously that might be - maybe she wanted you to know, but couldn't tell you herself. It's a possibility.

Clean freak - what a stupid reason to give for breaking up a 10 year relationship... I married a clean freak, and that was one of the reasons he was better than any of my previous boyfriends! I don't know about any one else, but I happen to like a clean house...

You have my deepest sympathies C:\. Long term relationships are hard to get over for any reason - but when the person you've loved and trusted for so long betrays you like that, it's even harder. Drop me an email (the new one's in my profile)sometime - maybe we can go have coffee one afternoon. We are in the same city you know - I've been told I'm a very good listener.

In the long run - better for you to find out now then after marriage. Both marriage and divorce are expensive. At least this way, you aren't losing thousands of dollars as well as having your heart broken. (I realize that may not matter at this point, but it will later!)

Take a deep breath. Or 3 or 10 even. Time heals all wounds.

edit: You beat me to the post! Don't ever sell yourself short that someone else couldn't get it together and had to hurt you in the process. The fact that she couldn't make up her mind before this happened is all on her - and has nothing to do with you or what kind of person you are. She didn't make an effort to save the relationship either, and in fact assured you nothing was wrong. Is it your fault you believed her? Trust in what your significant other says is a big part of living together! If she'd told you what was going on and expressed a desire to work things out with you, you would have had half a chance to make it ok again. But she didn't do that. Do not blame yourself for that!

Bodhi - Cell 617

[This message has been edited by bodhi23 (edited 06-06-2003).]

Paranoid (IV) Inmate

From: [s]underwater[/s] under-snow in Juneau
Insane since: Sep 2002

posted posted 06-06-2003 17:58

I feel for you....the place you are at right now sounds so painful. Just don't give up on communication, it is the only thing that stands a chance of easing the pain.

For 10 years, I imagine this woman has been your closest friend, as well as your lover. Don't lose that friend. Talk with her. And listen to her. Let her know what you feel and what you want. Ask her the same, and make a commitment to work toward her happiness, even if it means turning away from your own wants and needs for a bit. If you are lucky, she will do the same..... Be sure and let her know the place she has in your heart, and exactly why you love her.

The relationship will never be what it once was, you can never step in the same river twice. All you can do is concentrate on making what it will be somthing positive.

I hope all of this moves towards happiness and harmony in your life and in Kelly's.

Maniac (V) Inmate

From: The Pool Of Life
Insane since: Feb 2003

posted posted 06-06-2003 18:29

Hi CPrompt, I'm sad to hear that you are going through the "slings and arrows of outrageous fortune" my friend. I know you must be hurting, and there is nothing I can add to what has already been said, that I think may be of "use" to you.
Just to say even though we don't know each other, sometimes it is good to get things out of your system. Please feel free to email me if you feel like a further rant one to one. I am an old, nay, ancient boy whose emotions have been tested in the same battlefield as yourself. Get in touch, we can compare scars.

Maniac (V) Inmate

Insane since: May 2001

posted posted 06-06-2003 18:37

Well, I may be contacting you guys later bodhi, check your email

I thought I would go about this the question way. Called her just a few minutes ago to ask a few questions. Went ahead and flat out asked her if she was seeing or had been seeing anyone. She said she was appauled that I would even ask such a question. We spent 10years together and for me to think that in a couple of months she could find someone else was ridiculous!

Hahahahaha! Muuuuaaaaawwwww! I got what I needed. No need to further this. Time to move. I'm outta here!

You all take care I am going to get my head together.



~Binary is best~

Bipolar (III) Inmate

From: Orlando, FL, USA
Insane since: Dec 2002

posted posted 06-06-2003 21:34

Blah, reading that left a sour taste in my mouth. When girls pull stunts like that, it gives the rest of us bad names.

Paranoid (IV) Inmate

From: Raleigh, NC
Insane since: Jan 2003

posted posted 06-06-2003 22:08

Damn Cprompt. thats all i gotta say.... damn.

we should have coffee sometime!


Paranoid (IV) Inmate

From: in media rea
Insane since: Jul 2000

posted posted 06-06-2003 22:19

It's over.

she might want me back you know.

No, she wants to move on. She wants change.

but I'm pretty sure she still loves me.

But it doesn't matter, because it's done, and nothing can change the fact that it happened. it's over?


But what do I do now?


You make it sound so simple.

It just hurts.


You shouldn't have read the mail. Invading anyone's privacy is just that...invasion. It's a rape of their trust.

Reread that: A rape of their trust. The same way she seemed to be raping yours. Two peas, two separate pods it seems.

I'm sorry that you're going through this, but the 10 years was hardly a waste. You felt, that's something to be lawded, not ashamed of. She stayed with you, maybe it was inertial toward the end, but there had to be a reason for her to be there initially. She changed, you changed, she wanted something different, you weren't it. Sorry, I can't feel bad about someone wanting something else...but I can feel bad that she didn't love you enough to let you know that, or show you how she was what she wanted was changing.

Trust is the biggest casualty it seems. For that I hope you can at least heal's hard to love anything, including yourself when you have none left.

Good luck...but I hope the lessons learned weren't isolatedto ones of anger and distrust.

Bipolar (III) Inmate

From: Maine
Insane since: Aug 2002

posted posted 06-07-2003 01:04

Hey bro...Sorry to hear about this happening to you. 10 years seems like a long time but I am sure that good times were had in that decade and bad times as well. I can't give any advice that has already been given.....but if you want to you can contact me. I am here most of the time just hiding in my corner healing my wounds. It's too bad that if things are happening wtih another person and she can't admit to it that is just not very truthful of her and gives you more of a reason to pick things up and live again. I just hope that you do well in the future and get yourself back on your feet and back to being happy again. Good luck C

Bipolar (III) Inmate

From: Maine
Insane since: Aug 2002

posted posted 06-07-2003 01:06

Opps double post

[This message has been edited by Indus (edited 06-07-2003).]

Maniac (V) Inmate

From: out of a sleepy funk
Insane since: Aug 2000

posted posted 06-07-2003 06:05

we all come to the end of [insert long timespan here] periods that we look back on and say "what a waste", life is brutal like that, especially when it involves another person, a love. But this is life and man, it can get weird, best thing you can do is try not to sweat it too much. Hope this thread has been theraputic and the new horizon is becoming visible, it's a good thing that new horizon.


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