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reitsma
Maniac (V) Mad Scientist
From: the bigger bedroom Insane since: Oct 2000
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posted 11-05-2002 06:00
so, anyone out there wanna help me get fit?
our work is offering a 3 month membership to a local gym to the 3 people who can complete that sentence the best.
"that sentence" being: "I need to get fit for summer because _________________"
"the best" being the most original or amusing answer.
soooo.... does anyone out there have any ideas?
just thought i would see what the asylumnites are capable of....
![](http://www:rosebud@charlie.it.uts.edu.au/~areitsma/images/reitsma_sig.gif)
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Suho1004
Maniac (V) Inmate
From: Seoul, Korea Insane since: Apr 2002
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posted 11-05-2002 06:10
"I need to get fit for summer because I am tired of hearing lamentation and mourning, mixed with cries of 'Dear God, what is that thing?!', every time I put on my bathing suit."
Although, if the above sentence applies, somehow I don't think three months is going to cut it...
Cell 270
[This message has been edited by Suho1004 (edited 11-05-2002).]
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genis
Paranoid (IV) Inmate
From: Dallas, TX Insane since: Aug 2002
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posted 11-05-2002 06:11
the funniest responses are usually regarded as such because they have something in common with their target audience.
So it's probably best to poke fun at a colleague or boss(who can take it) or some aspect of your business.
Perhaps if you told us what business you are in.
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viol
Maniac (V) Inmate
From: Charles River Insane since: May 2002
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posted 11-05-2002 06:11
... even using all the power of Photoshop I cannot make myself look handsome.
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genis
Paranoid (IV) Inmate
From: Dallas, TX Insane since: Aug 2002
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posted 11-05-2002 06:16
because I fear Greenpeace will discover I am not actually a beached whale, and I can't sustain this weight without their funding.
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reitsma
Maniac (V) Mad Scientist
From: the bigger bedroom Insane since: Oct 2000
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posted 11-05-2002 06:43
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docilebob
Maniac (V) Mad Scientist
From: buttcrack of the midwest Insane since: Oct 2000
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posted 11-05-2002 07:17
because my butt makes the crack of dawn look like a paper cut.
because I look best in a moo-moo.
because I can`t afford Omar the Tent Maker underwear on what you pay me.
because 2 hours for lunch is just not enough anymore.
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WebShaman
Maniac (V) Mad Scientist
From: Happy Hunting Grounds... Insane since: Mar 2001
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posted 11-05-2002 07:51
...Because I look like Ray?' Nah, that's not good...hmmm...
...Because I look like Austin Powers? Hmmm...
Because Greenpeace has marked me as an endangered species?
Because Weight-Watchers has banned me from their products?
![](http://www.nullinterrupt.de/grafik/indianfaceoa.gif)
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DL-44
Maniac (V) Inmate
From: under the bed Insane since: Feb 2000
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posted 11-05-2002 15:48
"because I needs to git laid" ?
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bitdamaged
Maniac (V) Mad Scientist
From: 100101010011 <-- right about here Insane since: Mar 2000
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posted 11-05-2002 17:39
because my boobs are bigger than my girlfriends and I have more chins then a chinese phone book.
.:[ Never resist a perfect moment ]:.
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mikey milker
Paranoid (IV) Mad Scientist
From: Insane since: Apr 2000
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posted 11-05-2002 17:56
it's a stretch, but...
"I need to get fit for summer because I've always wanted to play ice hockey but whenever I go on the ice I fall through."
thankfully you work for an insurance company?
or, "I need to get fit for summer because you don't pay me enough to eat for three."
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OlssonE
Maniac (V) Inmate
From: Eagleshieldsbay, Sweden Insane since: Nov 2001
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posted 11-05-2002 18:17
Let's keep it simple...
"I need to get fit for summer because I live the American Lifestyle"
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St. Seneca
Paranoid (IV) Inmate
From: 3rd shelf, behind the cereal Insane since: Dec 2000
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posted 11-05-2002 18:22
Because scientists have discovered a new species of intelligent bacteria inhabiting the spaces in my fat rolls.
Because I haven't seen my penis in so long that I sometimes forget that I'm a man.
Because my hands are too fat to fit into my cookie jar for another cookie.
Because the last time I went to the zoo, I was shot with a tranquilizer gun and awoke in the Elephant pen.
Because people won't even have sex with me out of pity any longer.
Because my gravitational pull has attracted me my own small satellite.
[This message has been edited by St. Seneca (edited 11-05-2002).]
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Wolfen
Paranoid (IV) Inmate
From: Minnesota Insane since: Jan 2001
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posted 11-05-2002 19:15
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Emperor
Maniac (V) Mad Scientist with Finglongers
From: Cell 53, East Wing Insane since: Jul 2001
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posted 11-05-2002 19:19
because Japanese whaling ships have started lurking next to my bath
because I can't get my ass in the booth at the 'all you can eat' restaurants
because people mistake me for a Siamese twin
because I want to donate my trousers to an earthquake relief charity for emergency housing
because when children push me over they have to get a crane to pick me up
because I'm too heavy to achieve my lifetime ambition to be Sumo wrestler
because I caused two eclipses last month
___________________
Emps
FAQs: Emperor
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counterfeitbacon
Paranoid (IV) Inmate
From: Vancouver, WA Insane since: Apr 2002
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posted 11-05-2002 21:05
rofl! ![](http://grail.ozoneasylum.com/images/slimies/smile.gif)
![](http://www.imagemagician.com/images/counterfeitbaco/radiosig.gif)
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GrythusDraconis
Paranoid (IV) Inmate
From: The Astral Plane Insane since: Jul 2002
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posted 11-05-2002 21:27
because last time someone asked me my waist size I had to answer, "Equator".
because... well... I'm fat.
because I'm tired of putting deoderant under my man-boobs on hot days.
because Wierd Al Yankovich is thinking of re-writing "Fat" so it applies to me.
GrythusDraconis
Prince of Gold - Lord of Dragons
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reitsma
Maniac (V) Mad Scientist
From: the bigger bedroom Insane since: Oct 2000
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posted 11-05-2002 23:17
nice work guys!
i'm digging mikey's 'not paying me enough to eat for three' one...
and olssonE - nice one, but i AM an aussie.... and us sydneysiders don't really live the deep-fried fast-food lifestyle...
![](http://www:rosebud@charlie.it.uts.edu.au/~areitsma/images/reitsma_sig.gif)
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genis
Paranoid (IV) Inmate
From: Dallas, TX Insane since: Aug 2002
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posted 11-05-2002 23:22
Ooh ooh!!
I need to get fit for summer because the dingos ate me baby!!
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eyezaer
Lunatic (VI) Mad Scientist
From: the Psychiatric Ward Insane since: Sep 2000
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posted 11-05-2002 23:33
cuz my fullsized van automatically turns into a low rider when I get in it.
Hippos keep trying to mate with... eh... nevermind... thats... disgusting.
[This message has been edited by eyezaer (edited 11-05-2002).]
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Wes
Paranoid (IV) Mad Scientist
From: Inside THE BOX Insane since: May 2000
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posted 11-06-2002 00:25
...because my effect on the tides has begun disrupting the food chain starting at the phytoplankton level.
Offbeat, roadside Texas attractions. (A little Google bombing doesn't hurt.)
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reitsma
Maniac (V) Mad Scientist
From: the bigger bedroom Insane since: Oct 2000
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posted 11-06-2002 00:38
*smacks genis*
i'll fedex a dingo to your place, and then we'll see how funny that is.
heh, well, it actually would be kinda funny then. ![](http://grail.ozoneasylum.com/images/slimies/tongue.gif)
~tries to think of a more summer related line....~
![](http://www:rosebud@charlie.it.uts.edu.au/~areitsma/images/reitsma_sig.gif)
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ettie
Bipolar (III) Inmate
From: Arlington, Virginia, USA Insane since: Oct 2002
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posted 11-06-2002 02:54
"I need to get fit for summer because i seem to have two waistlines. Perhaps only another mother of four can understand this baby pouch thing...?"
*L*
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Skaarjj
Maniac (V) Mad Scientist
From: :morF Insane since: May 2000
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posted 11-06-2002 02:56
...becuase I blocked off the inlet to Summer Bay when I sat on the beach?
...because the Sydney Harbour Bridge can no longer support the weight of my lunch.
[This message has been edited by Skaarjj (edited 11-06-2002).]
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