Preserved Topic: i need to get fit for summer because.... (Page 1 of 1)

so, anyone out there wanna help me get fit?

our work is offering a 3 month membership to a local gym to the 3 people who can complete that sentence the best.

"that sentence" being: "I need to get fit for summer because _________________"

"the best" being the most original or amusing answer.

soooo.... does anyone out there have any ideas?
just thought i would see what the asylumnites are capable of....

"I need to get fit for summer because I am tired of hearing lamentation and mourning, mixed with cries of 'Dear God, what is that thing?!', every time I put on my bathing suit."

Although, if the above sentence applies, somehow I don't think three months is going to cut it...




Cell 270

[This message has been edited by Suho1004 (edited 11-05-2002).]

the funniest responses are usually regarded as such because they have something in common with their target audience.

So it's probably best to poke fun at a colleague or boss(who can take it) or some aspect of your business.

Perhaps if you told us what business you are in.

... even using all the power of Photoshop I cannot make myself look handsome.

because I fear Greenpeace will discover I am not actually a beached whale, and I can't sustain this weight without their funding.

wow genis - sounds like you're really thinking about this!
umm... i work for an insurance company.
and the Group Public Relations department is judging the answers.

sorry, i don't think there's really all that much comedy ammunition there!

heh - i spose there's always room for incorporating a 'your mama' punchline into this too.... *shudder*

i need to get fit for summer because when i lie around the house, i lie around the house.
...because last week, i was allocated my own postcode.
...because me and my butt are in two different timezones.

because my butt makes the crack of dawn look like a paper cut.

because I look best in a moo-moo.

because I can`t afford Omar the Tent Maker underwear on what you pay me.

because 2 hours for lunch is just not enough anymore.

...Because I look like Ray?' Nah, that's not good...hmmm...

...Because I look like Austin Powers? Hmmm...

Because Greenpeace has marked me as an endangered species?

Because Weight-Watchers has banned me from their products?

"because I needs to git laid" ?

because my boobs are bigger than my girlfriends and I have more chins then a chinese phone book.




.:[ Never resist a perfect moment ]:.

it's a stretch, but...

"I need to get fit for summer because I've always wanted to play ice hockey but whenever I go on the ice I fall through."

thankfully you work for an insurance company?

or, "I need to get fit for summer because you don't pay me enough to eat for three."

Let's keep it simple...
"I need to get fit for summer because I live the American Lifestyle"

Because scientists have discovered a new species of intelligent bacteria inhabiting the spaces in my fat rolls.

Because I haven't seen my penis in so long that I sometimes forget that I'm a man.

Because my hands are too fat to fit into my cookie jar for another cookie.

Because the last time I went to the zoo, I was shot with a tranquilizer gun and awoke in the Elephant pen.

Because people won't even have sex with me out of pity any longer.

Because my gravitational pull has attracted me my own small satellite.


[This message has been edited by St. Seneca (edited 11-05-2002).]

.. I'm too hairy.

because Japanese whaling ships have started lurking next to my bath

because I can't get my ass in the booth at the 'all you can eat' restaurants

because people mistake me for a Siamese twin

because I want to donate my trousers to an earthquake relief charity for emergency housing

because when children push me over they have to get a crane to pick me up

because I'm too heavy to achieve my lifetime ambition to be Sumo wrestler

because I caused two eclipses last month

___________________
Emps

FAQs: Emperor

rofl!

because last time someone asked me my waist size I had to answer, "Equator".

because... well... I'm fat.

because I'm tired of putting deoderant under my man-boobs on hot days.

because Wierd Al Yankovich is thinking of re-writing "Fat" so it applies to me.



GrythusDraconis
Prince of Gold - Lord of Dragons

nice work guys!
i'm digging mikey's 'not paying me enough to eat for three' one...

and olssonE - nice one, but i AM an aussie.... and us sydneysiders don't really live the deep-fried fast-food lifestyle...

Ooh ooh!!

I need to get fit for summer because the dingos ate me baby!!

cuz my fullsized van automatically turns into a low rider when I get in it.

Hippos keep trying to mate with... eh... nevermind... thats... disgusting.

[This message has been edited by eyezaer (edited 11-05-2002).]

...because my effect on the tides has begun disrupting the food chain starting at the phytoplankton level.



Offbeat, roadside Texas attractions. (A little Google bombing doesn't hurt.)

*smacks genis*

i'll fedex a dingo to your place, and then we'll see how funny that is.
heh, well, it actually would be kinda funny then.

~tries to think of a more summer related line....~

"I need to get fit for summer because i seem to have two waistlines. Perhaps only another mother of four can understand this baby pouch thing...?"

*L*

...becuase I blocked off the inlet to Summer Bay when I sat on the beach?

...because the Sydney Harbour Bridge can no longer support the weight of my lunch.

[This message has been edited by Skaarjj (edited 11-06-2002).]