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norm
Paranoid (IV) Inmate

From: [s]underwater[/s] under-snow in Juneau
Insane since: Sep 2002

posted posted 05-08-2003 03:27

Once , while working for a developer just outside of Atlanta, I was laying out foundation for a building with a new crew member. I was becoming upset over the fact that we could never seem to come up with the same measurement two times in a row and asked the new guy what the problem was. Was the length twenty five feet 2 and 5/8 inches or 2 and 3/16 inches?

He stared blankly at me for a moment, examined the tape measure for a bit, then looked back up and asked " Exactly how many eighths would you say are in an inch?"

Without missing a beat, or batting an eye, I told him that there were 10 eighths in an inch, as we had converted to metric back in the '70s.


Ok, let's hear some really good ones...

warjournal
Maniac (V) Mad Scientist

From:
Insane since: Aug 2000

posted posted 05-08-2003 04:02


You gonna eat that?

Moon Dancer
Bipolar (III) Inmate

From: The Lost Grove
Insane since: Apr 2003

posted posted 05-08-2003 04:30

"How do I get to Chicago?"

This was asked while I was working in a gas station 70 miles south of Minneapolis... (which for those who don't know quite where these locations are, the two places are about 8 hours apart)

Lacuna
Maniac (V) Inmate

From: the Asylum ghetto
Insane since: Oct 2002

posted posted 05-08-2003 04:47

"can i borrow a cigarette?"

....like i want it back when you're done with it....

__________________________
Cell 1007::SST

Raptor
Paranoid (IV) Inmate

From: AČ, MI, USA
Insane since: Nov 2001

posted posted 05-08-2003 04:50

"You awake?"
- What, like I'm going to say "no?"

"Hey, do you plug tires?"
- Asked while I was at a former job, plugging a tire for another customer...

"What do you mean I can't smoke here?"
- Same job. I refused to fill a customer's propane tank until he put out his cigarette.

"Do you like mountain dew?"
- ...

"Do you play guitar?"
- No, I keep two guitars in my room because they look good.

My personal favorite: "What about hockey, do you play that?"
- Nope. I think it's cool to wear a full set of hockey gear around campus.

I could go on forever with more of the same...



[This message has been edited by Raptor (edited 05-08-2003).]

Pugzly
Paranoid (IV) Inmate

From: 127.0.0.1
Insane since: Apr 2000

posted posted 05-08-2003 04:53

"Is that gun real?"

krets
Paranoid (IV) Mad Scientist

From: KC, KS
Insane since: Nov 2002

posted posted 05-08-2003 04:53

While working the drive-thru at KFC:

"How many pieces of chicken are in a 15 piece bucket?"

Also while working the drive-thru:

*gives order then...* "I'd like that to go please."

:::krets.net:::

silence
Maniac (V) Inmate

From: soon to be "the land down under"
Insane since: Jan 2001

posted posted 05-08-2003 05:36

My buddy calls me on the phone and says:
"Hey, where are you at?"

Yannah
Paranoid (IV) Inmate

From: In your Hard Drive; C:
Insane since: Dec 2002

posted posted 05-08-2003 05:40

"Did you cut your hair?"
-duh, it was so obvious.
"Did you get new shoes?"
-Duh again.

reitsma
Maniac (V) Mad Scientist

From: the bigger bedroom
Insane since: Oct 2000

posted posted 05-08-2003 06:15

i have a whole list of them right here.





[This message has been edited by reitsma (edited 05-08-2003).]

[This message has been edited by reitsma (edited 05-08-2003).]

krets
Paranoid (IV) Mad Scientist

From: KC, KS
Insane since: Nov 2002

posted posted 05-08-2003 06:41

^^ HEH

:::krets.net:::

Ruski
Paranoid (IV) Inmate

From:
Insane since: Jul 2002

posted posted 05-08-2003 06:52

LOL reitsma haha...*wipes tears*

Perfect Thunder
Paranoid (IV) Inmate

From: Milwaukee
Insane since: Oct 2001

posted posted 05-08-2003 06:57

reitsma, you are the both the hard core and the cutting edge. I salute you!

Dufty
Paranoid (IV) Inmate

From: Where I'm from isn't where I'm at!
Insane since: Jun 2002

posted posted 05-08-2003 08:04

Bwah!

Nimraw
Paranoid (IV) Inmate

From: Styx
Insane since: Sep 2000

posted posted 05-08-2003 08:44

"A whisky on the rocks, please. Oh, could I get some ice in that as well?"

Actually happened when I was working in a bar several years ago. Poor silly guy...

WebShaman
Maniac (V) Mad Scientist

From: Happy Hunting Grounds...
Insane since: Mar 2001

posted posted 05-08-2003 09:17

A superadministrator who called up and asked 'How do I logon to my system?'

How in the hell did you get into a position of superadministrator without knowing how to logon to your own system??!!??

Customers that call me up 'Am I by SAP?'...where did you get this number? Crackerjack?

Yannah
Paranoid (IV) Inmate

From: In your Hard Drive; C:
Insane since: Dec 2002

posted posted 05-08-2003 09:27

that's the most stupidiest question that I've ever heard...except for mine.

Yannah
Paranoid (IV) Inmate

From: In your Hard Drive; C:
Insane since: Dec 2002

posted posted 05-08-2003 09:28

that wasn't funny Reitsma, hahaha.

Nimraw
Paranoid (IV) Inmate

From: Styx
Insane since: Sep 2000

posted posted 05-08-2003 09:41

Oh, I've got two more.

We got these emails to the webmaster mailbox at work with these terrific questions:

"What is the URL to www.spray.se?"
Well, take a wild guess!!

"I can't recieve any emails. What's wrong with my computer?"
This email did not contain any contact imformation besides her email address. If she's right about not being able to recieve emails, it makes it a bit hard to respond to...


binary
Bipolar (III) Inmate

From: Under the Bridge
Insane since: Nov 2002

posted posted 05-08-2003 10:02

Customer: "My computer crashed!"
Tech Support: "It crashed?"
Customer: "Yeah, it won't let me play my game."
Tech Support: "All right, hit Control-Alt-Delete to reboot."
Customer: "No, it didn't crash-it crashed."
Tech Support: "Huh?"
Customer: "I crashed my game. That's what I said before. Now it doesn't
work."
Turned out, the user was playing Lunar Lander and crashed his spaceship.
Tech Support: "Click on 'File,' then 'New Game.'"
Customer: [pause] "Wow! How'd you learn how to do that?"



Yannah
Paranoid (IV) Inmate

From: In your Hard Drive; C:
Insane since: Dec 2002

posted posted 05-08-2003 10:10

f888888 he's a tech. support...
LOL...

Wes
Paranoid (IV) Mad Scientist

From: Inside THE BOX
Insane since: May 2000

posted posted 05-08-2003 11:20

When I worked as a telephone operator in college:
"What's the number for 1-800-COLLECT?"

And, although not technically a question:
"Yes, I'd like to make a collect call to my daughter, but I'd like to reverse the charges back to me."

I used to write all these down. I've always mean to create a Web page out of them.


Emperor
Maniac (V) Mad Scientist with Finglongers

From: Cell 53, East Wing
Insane since: Jul 2001

posted posted 05-08-2003 12:24

'Are you a man or a woman?'

Variants I've overheard include:

'Mummy is that woman?'
'Well, of course, it... oh shhhhhhhh'

or a favourite:

Guy walks up behind me and asks:
'Have you been served yet love?'

I'd love to have a witty remark like 'No I'm standing here at the bar without a drink for fun - and don't call me love!!' but by the time I've turned my head and opened my mouth to start talking they are already backing away and apologising

etc.

I would have thought the beard and being built like a brick outhouse might be a give away (this side of the Russian womens shotput team) unless the circus was in town and there were an awful lot of bearded ladies around.

___________________
Emps

FAQs: Emperor

binary
Bipolar (III) Inmate

From: Under the Bridge
Insane since: Nov 2002

posted posted 05-08-2003 14:06

Emperor...u sure made Suho's day....im sure right now he is catching a flight over there...


Suho1004
Maniac (V) Inmate

From: Seoul, Korea
Insane since: Apr 2002

posted posted 05-08-2003 14:41

What are you talking about, binary? Just because I have a naked picture of Emps set as my desktop background doesn't mean I'm in love with him... geez.

However, if you were to tell me that you were home alone, wearing silk lingerie, then I would be catching a flight. Stop fighting it, binary. You know you love me.

Wakkos
Maniac (V) Mad Scientist

From: Azylum's Secret Lab
Insane since: Oct 2000

posted posted 05-08-2003 17:31

Should I give him my pills?

Emperor
Maniac (V) Mad Scientist with Finglongers

From: Cell 53, East Wing
Insane since: Jul 2001

posted posted 05-08-2003 17:35

Wakkos: Thats probably the stupidest question I've been asked when the him=you

___________________
Emps

FAQs: Emperor

Wakkos
Maniac (V) Mad Scientist

From: Azylum's Secret Lab
Insane since: Oct 2000

posted posted 05-08-2003 17:36

Him=me, not you......
So, stop taking credits, MY credits :P

ME=WAKKOS=JENI DIFFERENT THAN EMPS

Emperor
Maniac (V) Mad Scientist with Finglongers

From: Cell 53, East Wing
Insane since: Jul 2001

posted posted 05-08-2003 17:48

Should I give you the pills?

you=Wakkos=Jeni=Doc != (Emperor &#0124; &#0124; (Micahel = taxon))

___________________
Emps

FAQs: Emperor

Wakkos
Maniac (V) Mad Scientist

From: Azylum's Secret Lab
Insane since: Oct 2000

posted posted 05-08-2003 17:51

Should I give you the pills?

I=Shiii=Nurse=Doc != Wakkos

You = Wakkos = Jeni = Me = You != Doc

Pills = Ahhhhhhhhhh

Rubber Pill = Ouch!

and I'm back.....

Emperor
Maniac (V) Mad Scientist with Finglongers

From: Cell 53, East Wing
Insane since: Jul 2001

posted posted 05-08-2003 18:02
quote:
and I'm back.....



Woooooooo - now I can put some clothes back on.

___________________
Emps

FAQs: Emperor

DL-44
Maniac (V) Inmate

From: under the bed
Insane since: Feb 2000

posted posted 05-08-2003 18:23

Hmm...there've been so many that are off the charts....to bad it's so hard to remember them now.

hmm...similar to raptor's - "how come I can't smoke on the forklift...we're outside...."
hm, maybe because you're strapped to a propane tank? (this has been a commonly recurring question...not a one time thing...)

the driver of the car in which I was a passenger - "I don't understand why I need to use a blinker....I already know which way I'm turning"



Rinswind 2th
Maniac (V) Inmate

From: Den Haag: The Royal Residence
Insane since: Jul 2000

posted posted 05-08-2003 18:44

What?

__________________________________________
"Art has to be forgotten. Beauty must be realized."
Piet Mondriaan

tj333
Paranoid (IV) Inmate

From: Manitoba, Canada
Insane since: Oct 2001

posted posted 05-08-2003 19:00

"Are you cooking with that stuff that smells like cinnamon again?"

Yes we were useing cinnamon in the panckes.

__________________________
"Show me a sane person and I will cure him for you."-Carl Jung
Eagles may fly high, but beavers don't get sucked into get engines.

bodhi23
Paranoid (IV) Inmate

From: Greensboro, NC USA
Insane since: Jun 2002

posted posted 05-08-2003 21:40

I work in the Cashiers Office of a state university:

A student calls our office at 10 minutes to 5 on the final payment deadline:

"What's the latest I can pay this bill?"

Right now...


Bodhi - Cell 617

synax
Maniac (V) Inmate

From: Cell 666
Insane since: Mar 2002

posted posted 05-08-2003 22:10

We have the dumbest servers at work. They'll ring in orders like

"Beef nachos with no beef" --> when we have cheese nachos on the menu...
"Garlic bread with cheese, no cheese" --> again, simply garlic bread...

I figure they're either stupidier than dirt, or just crooked.

sib
Bipolar (III) Inmate

From: lala-land
Insane since: Jul 2002

posted posted 05-08-2003 23:26

"Question?"
Guy I work under starts of with "Question Sib?" He pauses then - looks into the air for a few seconds then asks me the question. Then he carries right on and answers it the way he thinks the answer should be.

Guess that is why he is a manager and gets the big bucks.

sib

BiGCaC
Nervous Wreck (II) Inmate

From: Hartford,Ohio,USA
Insane since: May 2003

posted posted 05-09-2003 00:06

I went to the movies this one time with a bunch of friends, and the ticketmaster was a person I knew from school we talked a few times. So I order my ticket and then when she gave us all our tickets she asked me,
"So what movie are you guys going to see?"
Hello I just bought the ticket from you! Sometimes I think people are just her on earth to make a fool of themselves.

BiGCaC

[This message has been edited by BiGCaC (edited 05-09-2003).]

Wangenstein
Maniac (V) Inmate

From: The year 1881
Insane since: Mar 2001

posted posted 05-09-2003 00:14

"Does anybody what cartoons here?"

Lacuna
Maniac (V) Inmate

From: the Asylum ghetto
Insane since: Oct 2002

posted posted 05-09-2003 00:17

^^heheheh^^

__________________________
Cell 1007::SST

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