Preserved Topic: Moral Question

Alright, heres a question I could use some help with.

My best friend from high school has been dating one of my best girl friends for almost two years now. Anyway, since we're both home on winter break, we were hanging out last night as usual and he started telling me about his college girlfriend. I suppose he figured since we're real close I wouldn't say anything, but now Im in a very bad position. Im supposed to be his girlfriends friend too.

Now my question is, should I tell his girlfriend or keep it hush-hush? I really don't want to hurt either of them, but Id feel terrible knowing hes cheating on her and Im telling her he's not.

Any opinions?

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cheers.jay

You got any balls man? I guess he would be pretty mad if you told him... but that aint right.

. . .

simple.

you tell HIM: "listen here, you worthless piece of trash - no girl should ever be treated on."
i'm sorry, just voicing my opinion.
but SERIOUSLY:
tell him: "YOU tell HER by <<insert date here, no more than one week>>, or I WILL. period."

chances are, she WILL find out. and SHE is allowed to not like you for lying to her, but if he gets annoyed at you for telling the truth, then he's not worth the effort.

ultimately, he should work it over with her, but if he is too gutless, then she still has a right to know.

- - r e i t s m a - -
(tifkab)

:insert two thumbs up slimie for reitsma:

well put. exactly what i was thinking.

take chance on her

Your "friend" has put you in a pretty awkward position.

If you don't tell her and she finds out you knew, you'll lose her as a friend.
If you do tell her and he finds out, you'll lose him as a friend.

I feel that you should definitely tell her. He obviously has no respect for his relationship with her. He has no respect for your relationship with her by putting you into a position to lie to her. Therefore he probably has little respect for his relationship with you. It doesn't sound like he's going to be you lifelong friend anyhow. Cut the ties with him and strengthen your friendship with her.

Of course I would probably just keep my mouth shut even though I know I shouldn't.

Would it be possible to arrange an "accident" meeting for the 3 of them?

"...Id feel terrible knowing hes cheating on her and Im telling her he's not."

Do you actually consider lying to her face an option?!? I don't think you should do that. If she asks, go ahead and tell her the truth. Otherwise, I wouldn't offer the information because it's really their business.

But if they're just dating, what's the big deal? Isn't the point of dating to not be an exclusive relationship? Or when you say they've been dating for 2 years, do you mean they've been pretending to be committed as if they were married? I think if they were married I would favor warjournal's approach Muhahaha.

If I were you, I'd strongly encourage this guy to make a choice, and right away. If you can at all get him to be the one to straighten things out, do so. There are definitely going to be some broken relationships here, and the only guaranteed one is between him and one of his girlfriends. So try to convince him to do the right thing, because that way there will be more of a chance of the relationships that get broken healing later.

If you end up needing to tell the girl, make sure it's clear to her that you're telling her not because you're mad at your friend or because you want them to break up, but because you think she has a right to know the truth.

These things are always fun, aren't they?

The way I see it, you need to tell him that he's got to do soemthing about the situation, and that he's an asshole for putting you in the position of having that knowledge on your conscience.

Going and telling her outright can end up as a lose lose sitution. She may think you're just jealous and trying to break them up, and he ends up hating you too.

Tread lightly, but don't lie. Honesty is good.

{{edit - oops...slime - just read the last half of your post and realized I said basically the same thing as you...}}



[This message has been edited by DL-44 (edited 03-07-2002).]

: Repeats what DL-44 and Slime said :

Can't give better advice than that, but just remember that it is much easier (on all of you) to be honest

sounds like you have him by the nuts!

time for some immoral extorsion!

even the score.
he's cheated on her, so now it's time for her to cheat on him, and who better with than you?

you will be teaching them a valuable lesson - in the end, he will learn that being cheated on is not nice, and not do it, and she will learn that revenge doesn't fix anything, but that doesn't matter anymore, because jestah is one fantastic kisser!
not that, uh, i would, like know or anything.
because i wouldn't know.
seriously.
yeah.
*phew* covered that one up well, adam.

- - r e i t s m a - -
(tifkab)

I agree with DL and slime. Tell this guy to make a choice.

The only way I would have reservations is if they are real close as a couple. If they both think they are in love with each other and its more than going on a few dates and messing around occasionally, I'd keep my mouth shut.

I had a similar problem once with a friend of mine. We (several other friends and myself) knew his girlfriend was cheating on him. But, they were in "love." She was also a close friend.

My group of friends and I (those who knew she was on the make) decided we wouldn't tell him.

We did this because if we told him, they got into fight and then worked it out, they would hate us for screwing with their relationship.

When people are in that into each other, they'll get pissed off at anybody that gets in their way, regardless of the person's intentions.

thats my 2 pennies

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tikigod

I was thinin about what I said... and I cam back here, and it had already been said. So i say it again. Talk to ya friend. Tell him that you don't wanna be involved here, but what he is doing is down right wrong, and if she askes about it you are not going to lie to her. Period. That is what I would do.

Period

Comma

Semicolon

Sorry, just funnin'

But seriously, he shouldn't have ever put you in this situation in the first place, and if he were a true friend, he would so everything he can the extricate the situation before you get into the shit with her as well.

... modulus.

Just to add the unanimousity of things; yes, tell Mr. Friend that he's being a poopy-head, and needs to fess up. There is no way to go about telling him so without being a little harsh, but you certainly can use some fluffy vocabulary to make things go smoother-ish... I will tel you though, most likely, if you tell your Ms. Friend that her boyfriend is cheating on her, she will not be happy that you had to be the one to tell her; and I would use that as a big defense when telling Mr Friend how to handle his situation.

edit: tikigod has a point..

[This message has been edited by Bmud (edited 03-13-2002).]

Jestah: I'm cuaght up in an even more complicated but similar situation. My best friend was going out with a friend of ours and (searches for polite phrase) sleeping with another friend (from slightly different chains of association but everyone knew each other well). I told him he had to make a choice - he wanted to dump the girl he was going out with and start going out with the second girl but she wasn't that interested. I got criticised by a number of close friends for interfering. It eventually all hit the fan. Now 3+ years later things only seem to be getting worse with various friends no longer feeling comfortable going out. I even had one good friend who had criticised me in tears the other week about how bad things had gone and I had to tell him it is far too late now to fix things (it should have been dealt with 2 1/2 years ago but no-one backed me up). So to cut a long story short do what Slime and DL-44 say but make him listen and do something. Once things start spinning out of control it is often too late to fix it (hmmm came close to mixing my metaphors on a number of occasions). The longer you leave it the nastier things get.

Emps

hey buy them tickets for jerry springer show or get them both there, he is going to be so phased out he gonna fess up just in case!!!

job done and you dont even have to say a word