From: Rochester, New York, USA Insane since: May 2000
posted 01-20-2007 03:53
I am considering a life change.
I have a very good job, as does my girlfriend of 4 years. We are making good money, and living a good life.
I am one of the younger inmates. I have been here for about 7 years. I am now 25 and am considering the life I have in front of men.
The problem is that I am not happy. I do not think that the life I am living is the life that I will ultimately want.
I can see the future. Over the next couple of decades not much will change for me. I will keep living, and life will keep moving faster and faster. I might get married, have a child or two. But the stories I will tell will be boring and about very ordinary thing.
I am considering giving up on what I currently have. Just selling everything I own, and moving on. Going from town to town and living day by day. I do not know if this is the right choice, but it is something that will give a little variety and spice to what my existance may be. I do not expect happiness or love. I just see difference, change and hardship.
Would any of you out there, witch much more experience than I, place your advice against this, or for this.
There are may of you here who I greatly respect. DL-44, Twitch^, Darkgarden, DocCyber, Webshamman, HumanShield,Dracos,MikyMilker,Tyberius Prime, Mr. Max,Eyaezer, Doc Ozone and others. I would appreciate your opinions on life and living. I have a good deal of life ahead of me, and I would like to know how you believe it could be lived to the fullest.
I have an idea of just wandering with the money I have in the bank, traveling across the country/world and meeting as many of you as I possibly can. This might be a completly horrible idea, or it might be a good one.
I do not think the standard life will sufice me, but I am too old to think I know everything, but too young to have a static plan. I would appreciate any life advice you could give me.
I know I can easily survive the day to day, but I do not think survival is all there is to life.
From: buttcrack of the midwest Insane since: Oct 2000
posted 01-20-2007 07:24
Well, I did a very similar thing. The circumstance were diferent, but the result the same. Didn`t have any money to start out with, however. The hardships may be more severe than you imagine. And even though you will have some cool stories to tell, when you get older you may find that getting back into the life you have now will be more difficult than you think.
I wish now that I had stayed stable and saved the joy ride part for now instead. But that may just be me. I have lots of cool stories to tell, but I find myself now at 52 years old and having a hard time finding a job that will support me. The economy is WAY different than it was when the world was younger.
Go with your gut. Have fun doing whatever you do. Maybe it`s just the hunman condition to be unsatisfied with where you are.
And trust me, you can`t see the future.
Good luck.
From: Darwin, NT, Australia Insane since: Dec 2003
posted 01-20-2007 08:03
Not much to add to what 'e^ said, and I'm a bit older even than db..... but ya do come to realize that while you need to fulfill some of your dreams..... the grass will always be greener over the proverbial fence
Good luck.... and never worry about the past..... it's too late... but that's not ta say that ya can't learn something from it!!
I am 23. I just quit a career job of nearly 3 years to go to school (art) and get a BFA. I would agree with the grass is greener... but there are exceptions. I had a hard time wrapping my brain around quitting and going back to school, and about once a week I question the decision, but I never doubt it was the best thing for me to do. I am dang glad I did it. The world is pretty big. I think exploring it is a good idea. Especially if you have a focus or reason for said exploration.
I think DL is spot on whis his advice.
It is also very freeing to get out of the rut. If you are there long enough to start to get bitter and jaded, you need out. Life is to short to be bitter about it and your lot in it.
DL's got two good points. They're the ones you need to keep track of when you're taking stock of your life. Is it a rut you want to get out of, or is it a lifestyle you want to get out of?
Life's good for me these days. I've got a boyfriend who I love and who loves me. I've got a home I truly can call a home. I sip coffee from a French Press and work every day for good money doing fun things. Could change in any moment. The temptation to run during the calm before the storm... strong.
First time it occurred to me to run off and try to follow a dream was back in the late 90s. Wanted to go to New York, study music and theater. Wanted to be the next big thing. Wanted so much. What kept me from following that dream was not thinking I couldn't do it. Wasn't that I was afraid (I was). Wasn't that anyone dissuaded me from it (everyone thought it was a grand idea). No, what kept me was I hate giving up. Tenacity. I wasn't finished working on this life. I was doing too many drugs, shooting thousands of dollars into my arms. Wasn't miserable, just realized my lifestyle wasn't what it should have been. Wasn't what my mother raised me to believe was 'the good life.' So, I figured out what it was that needed changing, and changed it.
A decade later, I'm really quite pleased I didn't jump ship and follow a half-baked dream of adventure. Sure, it would've been fun--it would've been a LOT of fun. Up all night, work all day, run ragged to the bone, pushing the limits of what my psychology could handle. That sort of intensity, it's a tempting thing. And I am sorry I never got to do it. That sorrow, however, doesn't outweigh my general love of how my life turned out.
There are no easy answers here. We all stumble. We all look to the horizon and ponder what heaven's really like. We think about futures we'll never see, battles we'll never fight, people we'll never meet, and dreams that will never see the light of day. And we get up every morning anyway.
I don't have any intention of dissuading you from polishing off the remaining 'young' years of your life with constant travel and excitement. I have no desire to stand on someone else's dreams and proclaiming, for all the world to hear, that it's not a good idea and shame on you and why won'tyouthinkaboutyourmother.
No. I won't be that guy. I will remind you, delicately--oh so delicately--that the decision will affect you for the rest of your life. Life will never, ever be the same. You'll see things, you'll do things, and you will change because of it. Of course, we are capricious, we humans. Always changing anyway.
Live life to its fullest? That just means you go to sleep without the weight of the world on your shoulders, and wake up in the morning, greeting the sun with a smile. You ever want to talk about that in more detail, the ICQ (8520632) is never too far away from me.
From: Happy Hunting Grounds... Insane since: Mar 2001
posted 01-21-2007 13:05
Hmmm.
I have often pondered this in retrospect.
Here are my thoughts and feelings on pursuing...LIFE.
First of all, you are in the enviable position to be young enough to actually do it - go off on grand adventures in search of yourself. As you get older, it will be harder and harder to do, until sometime along the way, you will no longer be willing to subject yourself to taking those kinds of risks anymore (nor will you necessarily have the energy to do it). So if you are going to do it, do it now.
The main question to ask yourself is, will you regret having not done it later? I can imagine no greater sense of despair and regret as that of one who lived a comfortable, easy existence and comes to the end of their life bitterly wishing they had done the opposite as they had the chance. Perhaps some see this differently, but I personally see it like that.
I would suggest heeding the advice that DL gave. It is pretty good advice. I would also suggest that you thoroughly read what DB posted. Wise words, those. With that, I would suggest that you do the following :
SAVE YOUR MONEY! Seriously, if you are going to go off into the wild blue yonder, then most of the money that you have I would suggest putting in a very safe place, and let it earn more money for you, in the years that you are wandering. You will kiss yourself later for doing this, believe me. It is the only thing that I regret not doing, as I had the chance.
Before you decide to do anything, I want to relate some experiences that perhaps will be useful to you.
I did not really choose my life of...adversity, although I know now that I am responsible for it (back then, I had a HELL of a chip on my shoulder and enough rage against the world to power an army of raving lunatics - I guess in a way I probably still do, but I am more comfortable with that beast these days). One could say that I was hell bent on destruction, probably my own. My path led me down a number of...really scary places and experiences. Many who either tried to accompany me or were met along the way fell hard - death, jail, drugs, broken dreams, broken wills...the risk of running astray is f**king HUGE!. I cannot stress this enough - adventures are DANGEROUS and RISKY! Yes, they are tests of your character, resolve, and will. Surviving them will make you both stronger and more aware of who and what you truly are. But you need to keep in mind, that you can also fail. And this type of failure is extremely hard for most to deal with, and depending on the type of failure, can lead to things that are permanent - like landing in jail, killing someone, or worse, being seriously injured (loosing an eye, limb, or life). End of adventure. I know many that fell along the wayside like this - I am still here, but they are long gone.
I guess that my incredible tenaciousness, and indomitable will, combined with an amazing amount of luck got me through. There are times, when I reminesce through the past, that I do find it hard to believe that I was the one that went through all that I did, and survived with hardly a scratch (ok, a few scars, but hey, I can accept that).
Do I have stories to tell these days? Yes. Can I handle myself in a fight? Yes. I have won a very firm grasp of what I am capable of, and what I am not capable of, of who and what I am (both good and bad) and I have come to peace with that. As far as I could push the envelope, I have.
There are not many things left that I really feel that I want to do.
These days, I have a rather humble job, I have a fantastic wife (after going through more than a few women who were really bad for me) and I have one child (a daughter, age 11 from a previous marriage) and two twin sons on the way. Despite the rather humble financial state of things, we live fairly well - my wife is a wonder with money (I must admit, I am not - although I don't throw money out the window, I am a horrible manager of the stuff) and it is mostly through her abilities that we do rather well financially.
I must say I am very, very satisfied with my life so far. I never thought that I would get the chance to be a loving father, with an amazing woman at my side, that loves me. Of course, family is one of the most important things to me, so perhaps that accounts for most of my satisfaction with things. Also, due to my life of adventure and adversity, I have learned that it is actually easier and happier to live with less - I am not very material. Oh, occasionally, like everyone I suppose, I imagine it would be nice to win the lottery, or something. Thus, my suggestion financially to you before. If I had done that as I had the chance (and I did), then my life would be a little easier financially. Not that we live in poverty, or anything, but sometimes it is nice to let ones thoughts drift.
Whatever you do, my suggestion and advice is to follow the path with a heart. It might lead to sorrow, it might lead to adversity - but one will never regret later not having of walked it.
From: there...no..there..... Insane since: May 2001
posted 01-21-2007 21:56
I just wanted to jump in and chat about this for a minute.
I think we all have, to some degree, wanted to do something like this. Just drop everything and go out into the world to see what was there. One thing you said that could make your decision :
quote: WarMage said:
The problem is that I am not happy.
If you're not happy, then nothing you do,other than what you really want, will make it any better. Like when you have a craving for chocolate and you don't have any. Eat some peanutbutter but it still doesn't satisfy the craving. I was so unhappy a few years ago. I was a sales rep and making real good money. I was living with a girl that I had been dating for around 10 years. I had a lovely home. I wasn't happy. All that ended in the blink of an eye. She was gone, my job sucked and I hated my house. Since then, I now have left sales far behind, I am married to a beautiful lady and have a great home. It's what I wanted all along.
Point is, you have to find what it is that you want. Right now it seems that you don't really know.
Also, I wanted to say that it is a pleasure to see twItch^ posting again. Always a joy to read his posts and view points. Even though finding the ^ seems to illude me everytime
Ah, for the life of the bounding main..or the high plains drifter
It is romantic but ..getting married, having a few children...making a stand is heroic in a very good way..
Also, remember you may lose professionally if you leave the field..Resumes matter and the computer field is changing rapidly.
Unless the quest you intend to undertake is powered by some sort of spirtual seeking ,there is a very downside too,
when "drifting with the tide."
THERE BE DRAGONS..in those uncharted seas
quote: WebShaman said:
My path led me down a number of...really scary places and experiences. Many who
either tried to accompany me or were met along the way fell hard - death, jail,
drugs, broken dreams, broken wills...the risk of running astray is f**king
HUGE!. I cannot stress this enough - adventures are DANGEROUS and RISKY!
Yes, they are tests of your character, resolve, and will. Surviving them will
make you both stronger and more aware of who and what you truly are. But you
need to keep in mind, that you can also fail. And this type of failure is
extremely hard for most to deal with, and depending on the type of failure, can
lead to things that are permanent - like landing in jail, killing someone, or
worse, being seriously injured (loosing an eye, limb, or life). End of
adventure. I know many that fell along the wayside like this - I am still here,
but they are long gone.
I'll use the fact that you included "others" in your respected persons list as an excuse to post. Here are my thoughts on the subject.
When I was a few years younger than yourself, I decided to take a big chance with my life. I was about to graduate from university and wasn't too happy with my options--either go directly into graduate school or attempt to get a job with a major in English and Creative Writing. So I chose a third path: leave the country on little more than a whim and a prayer and see where they took me. In short, I decided to come to Korea to teach English. I had no real plan, and things were very rough at first (you can read the longer version of this story on my website if you want). Now, ten years and change later, I have a much more stable life here, and I'm glad I took the road I did. I can't imagine how my life would have turned out if I had stayed in the States, but it probably would have been far less exciting (and maybe not as painful).
Considering the path I have taken, I'll be the first person to say "follow your dreams!" But I'll also be the first person to say this: finding happiness and contentment in life is not about following your dreams. You can indeed find happiness by following your dreams, but the former doesn't necessarily follow from the latter. True happiness comes from being able to accept who you are as a person and where you fit into this world. If you can't do that, you will never be content, no matter how many dreams you chase after.
When I left the States I had problems. Not big, life-threatening problems like the stuff WS talks about, but things that were preventing me from being happy nonetheless. I wanted to leave everything behind and make a fresh start, so I did. But after the initial excitement of being in a new place subsided, I was faced with a chilling realization: my problems had followed me halfway around the world. It was a moment of utter despair for me, to realize that no matter where I went, my problems would always be there. I've met people in my travels who can't stop hopping from one place to another because if they stay too long in one place their problems catch up with them. So, rather than face their problems, they travel around the world and tell themselves that they're "living their dreams," but all they're really doing is trying to stay one step ahead of their nightmares.
When I came to this realization, though, I couldn't just continue on my merry way. I only had a one-way ticket to Korea (and I had to sell my computer to buy even that) and no funds. I was stuck here for the time being. Fortunately, by the time I had enough money to move on I realized that I needed to stop running and face my problems. I realized that if I was going to be happy, I needed to be happy here and now. If happiness for you is some distant goal, know that you will never reach it--if you're not happy where you are, you will never be happy.
I'm not saying that I've necessarily found true happiness and complete contentment, or that I've reached some lofty place of enlightenment. It's an ongoing process for me, and will probably continue until the day I leave this earth. But it's important to come to this realization, and it's important to remind yourself of it from time to time.
So there you have it. Maybe it doesn't apply to you, and maybe I'm just talking out of my butt, but that's my two coppers. I wish you the best of luck in whatever you decide to do.
From: buttcrack of the midwest Insane since: Oct 2000
posted 01-22-2007 04:55
Man, there is some REALLY good advise here.
Where the f*ck were you people when I was being stupid ?
The 70s and 80s might have turned out very different.
From: Darwin, NT, Australia Insane since: Dec 2003
posted 01-22-2007 05:10
quote:Where the f*ck were you people when I was being stupid ?
Aww db, I reckon ya memory might be goin'..... if ya was anything like me, the advice was there but... hell... who wanted ta listen to advice..... go hard right now...... tomorrow might never come.... remember :D
I put some things in a backpack and walked out the door..with about $200 ..left the signed pink slip in the glove compartment of my car..and all the furnishings to a roommate...
It was hard..at first but just when it was getting very bad...it can get really really rough when anyone is that vulnerable..I met some people who were very...realistically spiritual and I bailed out into a very good place..ashrams, zen centers, and never regretted a moment of it. I herded sheep, worked on ranches..fell into the beautiful..found honesty and hard work to be a form of redemption..
BUT many of the wanderers I met are dead...Had a friend who lost a leg in Mexico..another who prostitutes himself for a few dollars..It is possible to become too poor to get a job..Who will hire someone off the road? Another friend was seriously beaten by some Spaniards in Madrid
It is like sky diving..and some don't find the right chord..and it can go very bad..very fast...without any way back up or out
I'll do like Suho and slip in my 2 cents, if that's ok.
I think people in general tend to categorize life as comprised of "either or" propositions.
Either you will be happy by doing X or you will be miserable by doing Y.
I don't agree. Life offers many options, and sometimes you can have your cake and eat it too..if you plan right.
What you're contemplating to do can be "eased into". In other words, rather than sell all your belongings and hit the road whole hog, why not plan to leave for 6 months or 18 months rather than "forever". Visit another country, another continent - hedge your risk this way. You will gain insights and memories that will last a life time: the exciting stories to tell your kids and grandkids.
The bad news now is that you are feeling unhappy, unsatisfied. The good news is thankfully you are thinking about doing something to change that - but this doesn't have to be drastic. you can make the changes in phases...or not...that's up to you.
You are only 25 - that's still very young - now's the time for a significant life change..no kids, no huge responsibilities, your whole life in front of you. So if you do it, then do it now. But hopefully plan it out first, at least as best you can, try to have a plan B in case what you were looking for was already there.
...give it lots of thought, measure the costs vs the benefits (in human and monetary terms)....but remember that you do have lots of choices ranging from taking a long vacation, a very long vacation, or just selling everything and starting from scratch.
Just remember though, that whatever you do you can't go back to Kansas by clicking your shoes. Things will never be exactly the same as when you left. Like the novel from Thomas Wolfe, You Can't Go Home Again.
It's ultimately your decision, your choice, your adventure, and I wish you the best of luck.
Either way i really doubt you will end up without a leg or selling your body for drugs like some cheap crackwhore.
quote: SleepingWolf said:
It's ultimately your decision, your choice, your adventure, and I wish you the best of luck.
Either way i really doubt you will end up without a leg or selling your body for
drugs like some cheap crackwhore.
Livin' on the road my friend, is gonna keep you free and clean
Now you wear your skin like iron
Your breath as hard as kerosene
A friend just told me there are jobs with the UN and other international organizations..doing things like installing satellite equipment in foriegn countries..The engineer I know works in Africa..and Latin America, speaks 7 languages and travels 6 months of the year ...
He started wandering after college with a backpack ..traveled solo until he started working on satellite receiver installations
There are options for qualified people other than solo ventures
The friend who was beaten in Spain is now in the Peace Corp
Those are many options...
From: Rochester, New York, USA Insane since: May 2000
posted 01-22-2007 22:50
I really want to pop in and say thank you for the advice. It is appreciated.
I am mulling it all over, and will have more to say, when I have more time to write.
Those not on the list were definitely a part of the other category, and your advice is equally valuable. There are just so many of you on this forum whose advice and opinions I value. At this time I could easily come up with a dozen different names of people who I would like to hear from. It just is not easy where there are so many passionate people located in one place.
From: there...no..there..... Insane since: May 2001
posted 01-23-2007 02:53
quote: docilebob said:
The 70s and 80s might have turned out very different.
but then again, you may not have turned out to be the person you are today I guess that's kind of a double edged sword there
You know WarMage, it might not be that you need to just wonder around. It could be that you just need a change. Move somewhere, get a different job...that kind of thing. Talk it over with your girlfriend. But that might not go over so well, depending on how that relationship is going.
From: Underneath a mountain of blankets. Insane since: Jan 2007
posted 01-25-2007 06:13
Here I am, a casual observer. Who signed up last week. Giving advice to a senior member.
Hindsight is 20/20. If you do this, and realize it is a mistake, you'll sit and see everything that went wrong. It'll be good to do this, so you don't screw up again, but be warned that if something big comes up, it'll get bigger over time.
Futuresight is at best, looking through one eye thats squinting and covered with mud. So to be cautious, we always think of worst case scenarios. Don't get too caught up in that either.
If I were going to do something like this, I'd set and end point of my wandering: a time or resource limit. That way, I won't wander so much, all my resources are squandered and it'll be so very difficult to walk all the way back up the mountain.
Talked to the girlfriend yet?
And finally... I feel like a bit of a snob, because I'm 18 and lecturing someone with a girlfriend! Go talk to some older folks, as in old enough to be your parents. They've been through more'n I have!
From: Rochester, New York, USA Insane since: May 2000
posted 01-25-2007 19:02
I have talked to my girlfriend a great deal about this. She is someone I love, respect. She is there to talk with me about all of my crazy ideas.
She is not for the idea of me going on such a trip. She would rather I take a long vacation and do some searching and then come home two or three weeks later. She is very much for the do it slowly approach, go out and do what you have to do, but come home shortly afterwards. On a trip of adventure would she come with me? yes. On an extended venture from our current existence? That might be doubtful.
At then end of things if I am truly looking for a life changing experience she might have to be part of the equation that would keep me where I currently am instead of on the other side. This is something that I will have to account for. It is difficult, but many decisions in life are difficult.
What I am trying to do right now is take a deep breath and look at all of my options. I am asking advice from others and weighing that against my own feelings and desires. In that advice maybe there will be options to consider that I have not thought about. Maybe there will be advice that I can learn from, as to not make the same mistakes, or to take as a path to attempt to emulate.
Not being happy is not a horrible thing in this case. It is a warning that indicates some form of change is required. At the time of the original post I was in the grips of a *bang wow inspiration* moment. It was a moment of powerful insight into myself. During those moments there are a rush of what appear to be great ideas, and some might be but they need careful consideration.
I really do appreciate the advice going both ways. I am using it to full effect in my considerations. I am not sure at this point what will happen, but I am doing some very hard thinking on it.
Dan.
I'm 40+ and of course looking back there is a multitude of things that I whish I did before getting into a family, mortage and all that. All things considered, there is one thing that I've learned over the years, and yes, it happens to go hand in hand with most of the advise above...
Happiness is not something someone else can provide, or you find on a trip, in a family, in another job, in more material things, in adventure etc...
Happiness is something you find in yourself and something you carry with you wherever you happen to go in life.
Personally I believe your girlfriend seems very wise.
If you have the financial ability, take a month or two off from work, travel to distant corners of the world, try new things, then go home, sit down and evaluate what it gave you before doing anything rally drastic. As long as you don't have children dependant on you, the possibillity to radically change your life will still be there.
Nothing in my life has made me unhappier than trying to be happy with being content.
You're 25...I was 19 when I left...a two week vacation that led to me becoming Kerouac. I miss those moments...and yet I don't.
NOONE here can tell you what to do...but maybe a couple people can tell you what not to do.
Nothing in life was EVER gained by regret...and you'll never regret the things you tried. Be young...be stupid...because you are...both. If you want to find out how to live, then go find out what your life is, and isn't. I don't give life advice anymore. I'm a traveler. I smile and nod on occasion...and do the stupidest shit ever seen. But I enjoy it. Hell I wait on a project because i WANT to. I travel down and meet folks of all walks...because I WANT to. Nothing else is worth the time.
Nothing ever worth having came from having it safe. Fuck your mortgage and your days, if your dreams suffer. Be young, be stupid...because they don't last. Always and forever...will ever be yesterday.
posted 01-20-2007 03:53
I guess that's kind of a double edged sword there