Topic awaiting preservation: Work Adjustments

I really don't get this...

I worked the two past employers and nothing I did could ever be "enough":

- First place was a Non-Profit that eventually had no other people in the IT department than the CEO (technically not part of the IT department), my boss (whom I'm pretty sure was terrified of leaving the area since he's never lived anywhere else, I'd be surprized if he'd ever left the town), and myself.

- The second place was a HelpDesk where over 60 people worked around the clock and none of these people would EVER actually become full-time employees, unless of course you tried to leave like I did, in which case what they would offer to pay you wouldn't keep you away from any other job offers as it did not keep myself from leaving.

I worked really had at both of these places trying to keep my job, no matter how insane the demands or the hours were.

Now I work at a place with what I would call a healthy life-work-balance and culture, given the last two jobs I've had, I can't even believe this place exists in 2019 in the United States.

I haven't seen any crazy people at the company so far (knock on wood), and the IT department is surprizingly well staffed.

Anyway, my wife and I just bought a house and I'm horrifed of losing this job, (ya know cause mortages aren't really meant to be paid off, rather they're meant to be someone else's perpetual source of passive income) given what the last two jobs were like. I'm exempt (salaried) and I like to be, I don't like all that dramma that comes with breaking a budget, I'd rather just do my work and be ensured I know how much money I'm gonna make for the month, I don't really want a raise, I've learned that I'm lucky enough to just have a job at all; I'd just like to pickup as much experience as I can, while I can, and I love to learn, code, etc...

Our new house isn't setup yet, and it kind of sucks here, it's hot, the airconditioners aren't in or aren't working, it's hard to find a place to type, as I write this I'm in my kitchen typing on a cheapy island I picked up at Walmart in 2005. Any friends I've made at the other two jobs are too far away to see, and I don't really know too many people around here, so the friends I make at work inn the IT department are really great to have around.

But, given the culture of this new job, with it's work-life-balance and actual people that you can talk to, it's like I don't know how to react to it; I'm so used to living under a business-dictatorship that I just keep going long after I'm supposed to; it seems to be making my co-workers and boss un-easy.

And I don't mean to do this, I'm just so afraid to lose my job and my house and or to end up on some damn slaveship again that I don't stop. At the other two damn jobs this wasn't an issue, but at this one, if you're on a roll, if you've got some good flow going, ya get yelled at for staying too long even though the work isn't done; which to me is like "certain death"; if you're not moving you'll be eliminated; but at the same time, they're telling me not to stay late to finish things and such.

The best way I can describe the signal I'm getting on this is a crossing guard holding up his left hand to tell you to stop at the same time his right hand is telling you to go.

I'm confused as hell, I'm fairly sure this is one of those diagrams like the koch curve where there's a happy medium in the middle somewhere, but as of yet I haven't found it and honestly I don't know how to, but my future depends on it so what do I do?



- AIM: MASKKKK

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Sounds tough. I offer advice too freely. Take it with a grain of salt. See if it makes sense to you.

Communication.

You'll need to discuss this with your boss. Explain where you're coming from, that this job is important to you and ask for advice. Ask for a meeting/ private conversation, definitely one on one.
Are they really yelling or could it be that you're interpreting something else as yelling? If they're yelling and it bothers you then it's best to speak with that person one on one and tell them that this is how you're perceiving it.
If the environment is truly hostile and talking doesn't help then you need to keep your eyes open and keep looking.

However there are also other things that may be going on here. To me it sounds like maybe your job performance / speed isn't great. Are you spending enough time educating and improving yourself? Perhaps instead of doing overtime your time could be better spent reading some books, doing some online courses, experimenting with technology etc to boost your confidence, efficiency and the value proposal you bring. Ask your boss about your performance and advice on how to improve it if necessary.

Communication can be pretty hard too if it doesn't come naturally (I know). You may be misunderstanding people and people may be misunderstanding you. And you may not notice it yourself. Keep that in mind and by default assume that peoples intentions are good and friendly. Many conversations and relationships can be ruined quickly by always expecting the worst.

Approach the day and the job with a smile, expect the best of people, improve yourself constantly, stay professional, be honest and open, strive to be efficient and let the excellent quality of your work speak for itself. This is how you get ahead. Of course there are other things that can be done as well but these are the basics. You could also be proactive in suggesting improvements but the time and place can be important and falling in love with your own ideas can be a source of friction.

Dear Mask,
I realized some time ago that if you fulfill these criteria,
all is well:

- You need to be friendly
- You need to be punctual (ie. do what you promise and on time).
- You need to be good at your job

If you posses all three (at least in Germany), you will prosper.
If you have any two of them you won't be fired.

(You might still be caught up in major company restructures,
but those are hazardous no matter who or what you are).


Lengthy treatise below that's probably not helpful, but I'm unwilling to delete:


Stockholm syndrome is real and not limited to strict kidnapping situations.

You've been damaged by cooperations that have been infected by a strain of the puritan
'if you don't work you don't eat' virus so extreme that it mutated into 'if you don't do exactly as we say, you don't eat'.

The good news is: you're out of the cult now. Go and claw back your sanity.
I don't know why you're on this globe - but it is not to be chewed up by this machinery.

Unfortunately, almost all English speaking countries actively allow such evil AIs (companies)
to prosper. The us is worst, but the UK with it's 0-hour contracts isn't that far behind.

You wouldn't add a bathtub to a car. But in human societies, everybody is the bathtub at times.
Decent culture setups recognize this and treat kids, the elderly, people going through rough
personal times etc accordingly and with patience.


You know what's the surest sign capitalism - as has delivered prosperity like nothing else
before - is in it's final stages? Germany accepts one million mostly young, skilled and desperate
refuges from Syria and co, and we simply can't find something useful to do with that additional
manpower...

I think it's unfortunately more of a mixed bag than this, and capitalism itself is not the culprit.

I had an experience recently where a dad is German. A mom is from Asia. A child was born in Asia. The couple were unmarried, so immigration was - denied.

But paternity also has been denied by the German authorities.

They are now at the end of their wits getting DNA tests for a dad to be allowed to merely parent their child - and live with them every day.

I saw another situation, where a parent was shocked that their "normal" child would be mixed with "children with special needs" in the classroom.

Because the dad's vision was that competition elects the finest and the best.

But the reality is different. Research says: classes where students are mixed in this way perform far better - globally and at the level of individuals - than classes with "similar mental dispositions", so to speak. Because the difference promotes understanding, understanding promotes cohesion, and diversity promotes evolution.

We all have either dated points of view. Or we have lost fundamental values.

That is not, I believe, a matter of political regime.

As for ethics: yes.

As for America being dreadful, in that it cultivates competition and dehumanizing levels of control, apparently.

But not exclusively.

As for a society that is cohesive, it is something deeply, deeply different.

(Edited by argo_navis on 08-18-2019 18:30)

Hi there Maskkkk. I hope you are well.
It's good to sound off for a while isn't it. The Asylum has always been a wonderful place to do just that. I know I've done it myself a few times. Often times it is good to say (or type) what's on your mind as I think the process of gathering your thoughts to express what it is you want to say helps in crystallizing the issue. In this way we are better able to find a better way to deal with it.

You've received some good advice above and I can only add that to talk to your boss or line manager or HR personnel looks like the way to proceed. That is what they are there for. Help them understand how you are trying to deal with your experiences in your previous employment and how you feel that is impacting on your performance now.

Outside of work be gentle with yourself. You have come a long way and it sounds like you have a lot to deal with in moving to a new area and buying a house that needs work doing to it. All of these things are renowned to be the most stressful life events a person has to deal with in their lives.

Time to ease back on that throttle and take in the view.