Topic awaiting preservation: Inmate Limericks!

Lets have some more Limericks !!!!!!!!


*cough*

there once was a Man named VogonP.
who once had to drink some poisoned Tea.
It made him a little crazy,
His world became a bit hazy?
And abstract art became his forte

In a drowsy state I wondered the other day,
And I saw something that made me say, Hey Hey.
His sig my eye did catch?
For he has no match
And I knew it was VPs new baybay

*blush*


from yonder came a man called Izzy
who more often made me dizzy
his ps groove is amongst the best
but dont be fooled by his fiery vest

Fire is his passion, his hobby
but pyrotechnics can be very dodgy
has he got flame or two to spare
not likely, cos hes busy with his pairs!

Pairs are Izzy's favourite fruit
Dont steal his, cos hes a brute
ask nicely and I am sure he'll share,
some of that fire and an occassional pair.


(seriously bad vogonpoetry!) ~Vp~

Not bad vp, but technically those are rhyming couplets.

I would love to contribute something, but I'm feeling terribly uninspired at the moment and I've got work to do. Maybe something this evening...

[Edit: OK, this just came to me as I was, um, never mind...

The Doc is a wonderful fellow,
Who's usually really quite mellow,
But mess with our heads,
And he'll alter your meds,
And have you crapping bright yellow.

Eh, that was spur of the moment, and sorry for the subject matter, but for some reason limericks tend to lend themselves to this sort of thing. ]



[This message has been edited by Suho1004 (edited 05-29-2002).]

Limericks must have 9, 9, 5, 5, 9 syllables, I believe. Lines with same number of syllables must rhyme with each other. If you want to get really specific, I believe the stresses must be on syllables 2, 5, and 8 of the 9 syllable lines, and on syllable 2 of the 5 syllable lines. I'm not sure if that's all exactly correct.

Slime, Slime, Slime... shut up and write some rhyming things... that ah... just ryme. (=


Very technical is Slime
We all owe him a Dime
But instead we cut his medicine
And made him sleepy in his headicine
Oh what a crime.

Slimes coding is the best
but his humour is a test
backend he cant be beat
well not til the Doc turns up the heat

Suho is so very technical
that he forgets how to be acceptable
but as a newbie he seems quite fine
perhaps he splash out and buy the wine?

hehe

limerick: A short form of comic and usually bawdy verse having five lines of three or two feet and usually rhyming aabba

Technically (*ahem*), the feet should be anapaestic, with three feet in the first, second, and last line, and two feet in the third and fourth lines. This would give us 9-9-6-6-9, with the stresses falling on the third, sixth and ninth syllables in lines 1, 2, and 5, and on the third and sixth in lines 3 and 4. The meter, however, is often far less regular, and I'm not one to crucify someone for less than perfect meter (especially when my meter doesn't fit the bill either!). I have, however, been known to crucify people on occasion for writing rhyming couplets.

(Incidentally, no limerick starting with "There once was a..." fits the traditional meter--so I say screw traditional meter )

To VP with love:

There once was a bloke named VP,
who wrote some unique poetry,
Though he was a great sport,
His limericks stopped short...

*cough* Suho *cough*

courtesy of Emps
http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/h2g2/alabaster/A302374

I thought I had told vogonpoet
his lim'ricks were wrong - and you know it
But he didn't care
Didn't think it was fair
and made more incorrect ones below it!

=)

roflrofl Slime! touchez!

HAHAHa... im tearing up over here... heheheeheeeheehee....

man... hah.... Good one 1004!

There once was a Doc from Nantuckit
who found some slime in a bucket.
as he bent down to say,
Oh slime, good day,
he slipped, and fell in the muck-it...

Came the fellow VP from top
who immediately got out his mop.
He said with a flair
Oh my, a mess, I swear.
Then proceeded to mop up the gop...

VP: Thanks for the link, but I'm well aware of what vogon poetry is... and I hate to burst your bubble, my friend, but you've got a ways to go before you reach that level of hideousness. Your little rhyming couplets barely had me squirming in my seat!

Izzay: glad to see someone appreciates my work *sniff*

And WS joins the fray!

[Edit: Oh yeah, I'm trying to get some work done here, so if you guys wouldn't mind keeping it down... I keep finding myself coming back in to see what all the ruckus is about ]



[This message has been edited by Suho1004 (edited 05-29-2002).]

Hehe...I see suho is concious again...hmmmm...should I, or should I not? Whoops! Silly fingers....bye-bye, suho...WHOOOOSH!

There once was a person named suho
that at the touch of a button went boo-hoo.
he hit a corner and a wall
and that's about all
and we all said the same toodlyhoo!

Once lived a man named Liotta
He survived off only fritata
Resembling a 'Shaman
The taunts were quite common
Get a facelift he might surely oughta

There once was a man named VP
He lived in a purple tee-pee
His hair was all shaggy
His eyes were so baggy
He always looked awfully creepy

For ages an inmate named Slime
Posted silly rules all the time
Although we all know 'em
Its a bitch to show him
That he breaks his own rules all the time

There once was a doctor named Doyle
Who only prescribed castor oil
He said with shagrin
As he wiped off Slime's chin
"Begone! With your rules I shan't toil!"

From England comes a loonie called Emps
Who scoffs at these non-standard simps
"Your table's agape!"
"It breaks in Netscape!"
"You Dreamweaver cronies are wimps!"


[This message has been edited by kretsminky (edited 05-29-2002).]

There was a tall fella called krets,
Who took on ludicrous bets.
He threw and otter
at Ray Liotta
and was left with terrible debts.

___________________
Emps

FAQs: Emperor

Lol...

There once was a kretsminky
whose clones were quite stinky.
Then along came wakky
and had a quick snacky
and left krets there with a winky.

There once was a doctor named Ozone
who decided he needed a home.
It was filled to the rafters
with insane laughters
'but its fun' he said 'I can't moan'.

A man called Suho1004,
once knocked at the Asylum door,
'get in here
you man from Korea'
and he was never heard of no more.



[This message has been edited by Emperor (edited 05-29-2002).]

There once was a man named Emps
who looked down on everyone like shrimps
'I'm Ming' he said,
'The King', and his head
was bigger than the Goodyear blimps!



[This message has been edited by WebShaman (edited 05-29-2002).]

WS: pretty accurate but you get the prize for worst rhyme yet (apart from vp and that is to be expected!!).

Emps -> shrimps -> blimp

___________________
Emps

FAQs: Emperor

Those have to be some of the worst limericks i have ever heard.

There is a young inmate named krets
O'er his hair he constantly frets
He swears he's not gay
And to us thats ok
Even though when the soap drops he sweats.

One day in Germany I did see
A particularly adept Cherokee
Rippers always steered clear
Of the Tomahawk they did fear
If Hindu he would do doubt be Brahman
For he is our good friend WebShaman

Good one, Bugs!! And yeah, Emps, I noticed that...fixed it, too...

The limerick to end all...

There was a ShootingStar that hogged
the bandwidth with sigs but got bogged.
He siad, with a shout,
'I know nothing about...'
and noticed his[ip logged]


[This message has been edited by WebShaman (edited 05-29-2002).]

Bugimus played guitar on his fender,
His location is just right of the center,
He's a christian indeed,
He helps friends in need,
And his DHTML skills can't get any better

*sigh* about the fender but I had to get it started

edit: damn brasilian keyboards, i wish i were a brasilianaire


[This message has been edited by InSiDeR (edited 05-29-2002).]

Now SB is a merry old fellow
He would always greet others with hello.
Then there came the day
When he didn't pray
Instead his briches are now brown and yellow!

[This message has been edited by WebShaman (edited 05-29-2002).]

SB is merry with never a frown
but one day his plane went down,
things got scary
and a little hairy
and his pants were forever brown.

WS: The Doc's change in IP logging notation has rather spolied your Shooting Star limerick.

___________________
Emps

FAQs: Emperor

Yeah, it was great while it lasted...oh well.

Nice one, Emps...much better than my lame attempt...however

quote:

---

'get in here
you man from Korea'

---

here and Korea don't rhyme....however, diarria does...

One day a few inmates wrote limericks
Filling them with nothing but gimmicks
They wrote and they wrote
As each other they smote
Proving only they're a big bunch of dim pricks

lmao krets,...

edit: whos sb?



[This message has been edited by InSiDeR (edited 05-29-2002).]

That would have to be Schitzoboy. What happened here kind of well... stuck

. . : slicePuzzle

What happened there bugs?

there once was a graphical forum
whose members lacked grace and decorum
the inmates were lame
the newbies they'd flame
as dyslexics wrote ipsum lorem


[IP Flogged]

There was an inmate named krets
with a terrible case of Tourettes
one say he said 's**t
p**s f**t s******m t*t
m****y f*****r b*****k sweats'

InSiDeR: Read the thread and/or look up SB in the FAQ.

___________________
Emps

FAQs: Emperor

An eager Mad inmate named Jestah
policed all the threads without rest-ah
to trollers he warned
you'll likely be scorned
if Doc logs your IP i'll arrest yah

I once met a monster called Skaarjj,
He stank and weighed more than a barge...

Oh wait, that's cruel, isn't it. I'll have to think of another one, quick!

I'm crazy, mad, psychotic,
Insaniac, neurotic,
My voice is quite robotic,
And I never Shut Up!
Sung to the tune of "The Addams Family"

My goodness, I miss a day and look what happens. If I didn't know any better I would have thought I had stumbled into a vogon poetry open mic night (with all due respect to VP!). Keep up the good work!

Please, don't encourage Rameses Niblik the Third...that last one was...bad.

vp: your spelling of "pears" as "pairs"... is that a little freudian?

we have a dear inmate named ini,
who could make a webpage very skinny,
"of bytes, you know,
mine's less than five-one-two-oh!"
- he said, and gave a proud grinny.



...and then there's that guy, vogonpoet,
who writes rhymes that suck - and you know it,
but before you tell 'im "stop"
remember: he has a mop,
and he's lookin' for somewhere to stow it.



ok, i'm done - for now.

____________
reitsma

not bad reitsma
LOL

Inmate Suho One thousand and four
Accosted an old Asylum whore
but thought of his wife
then feared for his life
he wisely decided not to score

A lunatic kid called InSiDeR
Got stoned watching old Easy Rider
He lit up a cig
Set flames to his sig
And washed it all down with cheap cider

the hardest part of these limer-dicks
is counting to nine....duh, one, two....
[counts on fingers like moron]

A coder who went by the name Slime
Reputed to be ?head of his time
Slime?s code was sooooo tight
His math was sooooo right
But he never tipped more than a dime

Hey, ShootingStar, those are good! Some of the best stuff here, IMHO.

Thanks Suho.
The syllables are ok, but the flow is not quite right
I'm still in awe at that guy, Anon E . Mouth who
wrote the Nantucket...the one with the grin and the chin.

I'll keep my day job for now.... writing the Penthouse letters
just in case.

eyezaer is our resident pear-lover,
with more talents than we are yet to discover,
although his spelling ain't the best,
he's still got one thing o'er the rest:
we've got two thumbs - he's got another!

i've an analogy, it's not really that hard:
were his talent fire, you would be charred,
good at sigs? he'll take ya,
for his name is Mahjqa,
and in our BSA forum he has starred.

hmm... i like the izzay one better.

____________
reitsma

There once was a guy with a razorblade
who cut apart every graphic ever made.
Then came the day
Those cut came to pay
Him back for all those cuts that were laid.

ShootingStar: I hear you. The meter is the toughest thing to get down. My personal take on limericks is that the 9-syllable rule isn't hard and fast. It isn't really the syllables that matters, it's the feet, and that's where the flow comes in. My limerick (way up at the top) doesn't fit (at least I didn't try to make it fit), but I think the flow is OK.

Hmm... if I was feeling inspired I would write something...

I'm obviously not feeling inspired right now.

*Hand hovers over lever* This inspire you, suho?

From before the asylum was founded,
vp was the man who hung round it,
although not on his 'list',
i know he'll be missed,
and the asylum's problems will just be compounded.

Hear, hear! This is a sad day and I hope this "retirement" is only temporary.

. . : slicePuzzle

There once was a ripper named Spock
Who's been living for years under rock
They come and they stay
Without any pay
Just watch for the ol' tomahawk...

(though I can't think of anyone named Spock... or one being a ripper, no less...)

njuice42
icq 957255

There once lived a person called Yannah,
Who was a die-hard Pink fan (err?)
She put up dumb posts
And we gave her the roasts
And she's much quieter now, duh!

Haha, I've dug up another ancient thread. Victory is mine! Mwaa ha ha!

I'm glad you're all having a good time
putting me down while you try to rhyme
but if you had been
in that DC10
I bet your pants would look just like mine

Well, Rameses, you've set a new record... I don't think anyone has ever dug up a thread over a year old...

[Edit: Then again, this thread does bring back some good memories...]

[This message has been edited by Suho1004 (edited 07-15-2003).]

I do try my best.

[edit]record, eh? call Guinness.[/edit]

[This message has been edited by Rameses Niblik the Third (edited 07-15-2003).]

Rameses Niblik the Third: How much time do you spend rummaging through old threads looking for something interesting?

___________________
Emps

FAQs: Emperor

(A PS-Pong/RP Limerick)

Docile Bob's voice was heard in the halls.
Yeah, so loud that it rattled the walls,
"It's no fun ... I'm real sick ..."
"I'll whack Trib with a stick ..."
"...'Cause he laughed at my big shiny balls."

==============
In the deep basement dark there's a glimmer
It's a lone candle flame all a'shimmer
and sat round, in its glow,
are Ruski ... and Suho ...
and some crumbly old fart with a zimmer ....

==============


[This message has been edited by trib (edited 07-15-2003).]

just last week Axle gave us a shock,
when he punched a big hole in his cock.
"You don't see", Pink retorted,
"he can't pee ... it's distorted ...
but at least now ... in bed ... well ... he rocks !!"

So she went out and got one done too,
but ... smart kid ... she can still use the loo.
coz it ain't in her bits,
and it ain't in her tits,
's-in her BB (that's "navel" to you) ...

But a navel ring's no substitute
for a palang stuck right through your flute.
so now pink's in a tizz,
because Axle's the biz,
and she's still no more horny ... just cute.

"A tongue bar..." pondered Pinkie one day,
"might enhance my blowjobs when we play ..."
but whilst trying it later,
our erstwhile fellater,
became welded to Axle's PA.

They spent hours up in Axle's bedroom,
piercing new body parts, but quite soon,
it got Axle's confused
about what should be used
to do what, and with which and to whom ...

I, for one, have been always intrigued
by the labia/dick piercing league.
I just ponder on this ...
when they go for a piss ...
do they encourage metal fatigue ??

must they cover their inserts with grease?
must they cotton-bud deep in each crease?
When they finally die,
and in coffins they lie,
should we say "Rest" or say "Rust" in Peace?

[This message has been extended, mutilated, altered, atificially enhanced with vitamins and minerals, poked, prodded, tortured and finally locked in a basement cupboard for three years and recycled as firelighters by trib (somewhere around 07-15-2003).] ... in other words ...

[This message has been edited by trib (edited 07-15-2003).]

[This message has been edited by trib (edited 07-15-2003).]

The inmate Rameses Niblik the Third,
Always had to have the last word.
He'd dig out a thread,
which was long dead
and add another post - the terd!!

Sorry I struggled at the end with another ryhme for third

___________________
Emps

FAQs: Emperor

Poor ol' Emperor - give him the bird ...
'coz his rhyme-making skills are absurd,
Ryhming Rameses Niblik
may've well gotten Trib licked,
"terd"s spelled "turd" Emps ... or haven't you heard.

=====================================

This worthy electronic emporium,
which at best is an art auditorium,
can oft be a laughable
digital, graphical
wannabe masturbatorium.

[This message has been edited by trib (edited 07-16-2003).]