Preserved Topic: She loves me... (Page 1 of 2)

I love her not.

I've met a girl last week (at school) , we had a little chat about everything and nothing, and we've met several times, and we're emailing a lot. The girl's 15, I am 17... she gave me some obvious hints she liked me a bunch, and had a serious crush on me. I mailed her to tell her I was not in love with her (which is true) but I liked her a lot... and she replies with

quote:

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I am in love with you. Madly, totally, completely...

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She understands that I'm not in love with her... But I want to ask you: How do I make it as painless for her as possible? She's a nice girl, but should I stay away from her some days? Should we talk it over? Any help / suggestions would be welcome. I've never been in love... I don't know what to say or do.



[This message has been edited by mahjqa (edited 02-01-2002).]

mahjqa, i know exactly in what situation you are. on the one hand you dont "love" her but on the other hand you cant be so rude to tell her that from person to person. i know how it feels. had that already... sorry pal, i cant help ya out, but im also interested in any suggestions....

well, my current relationship started somewhat like that...
I started a relationship with her (since I was solo at that time) and before I knew, I fell in love with her. (But I liked her very much beforehand).
We just celebrated our year-an'a-month yesterday :-)

Guess that wasn't much of an advice. sorry.



Tyberius Prime

Just like a bandaid - one swift motion.

End it all immediately if you truly want painless. You've only known each other a week...15 year olds are notorious for falling in love. end it now she'll be over it in a couple days.

DL-44 got the idea if you just don't go for it now and tell her then she will think you are leading her on and that will make things even worse. So don't hesitate and just do it she may not like it but I am sure she will get over it. I am in the same situation right now...and I can't let it progress any further, I have only know this girl for about a week and she really likes me and I just don't want a relationship right now and sometimes it can be hard to tell them but if you don't do it soon you will regret it, maybe regret it...hehe..I don't know if this will help you but just felt like rambling on :O

I agree that if you don't make it clear to her, then she will think there is still a chance. Whatever you do, don't act on the basis of not wanting to hurt her feelings. That has gotten me into a lot of trouble in the past because I was too weak to be honest with the other person.

And on the bright side, be thankful that there is a girl that likes you... some guys rarely have that happen to them.

I agree with DL-44 - you should kill her now (that was one of the options wasn't it?).

It depends on what you want to do (which wasn't clear from your post). She really (really) likes you and you like her a lot. I don't see the problem there. Don't rush into things, go out a few times and just see how it goes. Just make sure she knows what is going on and that you are trying to keep the pace slow. That way you stand a good chance of staying friends if things don't work out.

Emps

Ive never really had that provblem b4.... hmm.... Yah.... let her know man... She will probably decide she hates your for a few weeks... then everyone will forget... I have seen it happen many times... Let us know what happens oy?

Oh for the love of all things holy, DO NOT "GO OUT A FEW TIMES".

Sorry Emps, but that's some bad bad advice right there. 15 year old girls are notorious for infatuation. Sadly that notoriety comes from an eagerness to read into any form of attention as being greater than it is, and any form of approval as being "love".

If mq goes out with her a few times to decide if he even wants to hang out with her, she's more liable to see that as an act of desire than an act of survival.

Cutting the cord right now as far as laying down the law on how he feels and what ISN'T going to happen will help out in the long run. The worst thing that could be done right now is to send mixed messages. Remember, this isn't a fully matured adult woman we're talking about here.

After all...she likes Mahjqa.

hehe

Bandaid...friendly, but not "nice"...yep..that's sound advice right there.

DG: I suspect you may be right - my knowledge of 15 year old girls needs was pretty limited when it was legal for me to even consider such matters and hasn't got any better with distance.

Oh and don't take advice of the heart from me for God's sake - that road only leads to trouble (perhaps I should have said that earlier).

So I agree with the Ds (DL and DG) tear one of her plasters off - that'll teach her for liking you!! Actually more painful would be one of those joke disguise beards.

Emps

DG is right on. I'd never lead someone on. It's tough sometimes to break it gently to someone that is in so called "love" with you, but she's 15 and like DG said it's most likely a infatuation. So I would not e-mail her again, I would set her down and make clear that you don't want to hurt her, but that this can't continue as is anymore. Tell her that you are willing to be friends with her, but you are not in love with her.

Just another note in the chorus -- I've been on both sides of this problem, and there's absolutely no profit in dragging it out. It'll suck for you and for her if you do. For her, the uncertainty will get more and more painful as she goes along, and for you, you'll feel like more and more of a shit the more love she shows you.

How do you get a 15 year old girl to fall out of love with you? Here is the secret:

All you have to do is burp and fart. A lot. Trust me, it will work.

I was a 15 year old girl once.... so take my advice as from someone who has been there!

There is no painless way to tell someone that you don't their feelings. Trying in any way to spare them pain only leaves open windows of hope. I don't condone being evil, but you must be honest.

It sounds, however, that you have already been honest. So now all you have left is to cut it short.

After all, someone who, after hearing that the object of her affection is not in love with her, replies with, "I am in love with you. Madly, totally, completely... " sounds a little obsessive and unstable. Not crazy, mind you. Just someone who'll end up causing you a terrible amount of grief if you don't and it now and end it clearly.

Bugimus: "And on the bright side, be thankful that there is a girl that likes you... some guys rarely have that happen to them."

I must admit I was surprised and flattered (in that order) when I read it... Thanks everyone (especially DL & DG), I think it's settled... Your help is appreciated.

For some reason I always thought you were a girl. Not that a girl loving a girl is bad. Nothing wrong with gays. I just thought you were a girl.

For a start, you should not take advices about it, even less asking for them. I've actually been "targeted" more than once by younger girls, and asking other people for their opinion often only serves the purpose of bringing more confusion to the already strange situation.
Errr.... i'm sorry, i'm actually giving you the advice of not asking for advice, but i'm really saying what i'm thinking (for a change).

note: this comes from someone that lives alone at the age of 19 and dislikes sharing himself with others (aka, never asked a girl, never accepted when asked)... so.... you should probably disregard this also

lol @ lotiss!!! Yah, they have these electronic fart machines.... way coolll... you can fart on command... hehe!

hah! I used to take them over to my friends house when he had his girlfriend over. I would put it under his chair and he in the next room with the remote making it fart! It had like 5 diffrent sounds and they all sounded real, he was like .. "It's not me!"

- Jon

ok, now... i'm no cassanova, but i find i get on with girls as well as i do with guys.
funnily enough, they all seem to want the same thing out of a relationship (of any level) that i do:
HONESTY.

first - okay, you've awknowledged the fact that you don't 'love' her right now, do you 'like' her, and want to go out with her?
if so, tell her!
"i'm not sure of my feelings for you right now, but i think you are a fantastic person, and would love to go out and catch a movie with you sometime - but perhaps, we should just start as friends."

if you don't want to go out with her, then tell her!
"i'm sorry, but you smell."

-------special announcement-------
i think i'll take this opportunity in a thread about dating to announce:
i have now been going out with the most amazing woman for just one day over 6 months.
so you can just call me the luckiest guy alive.
-----end special announcement-----


___________________
b u n c h a p i x e l s

This is all some pretty good advice, but let's be realistic. You're 17. No one expects you to handle this as a mature adult and you don't want to dissappoint them. She's 15. She thinks she's in love with an older man and will believe anything you tell her. This is how it's going to go down.

You're going to start seeing her. Eventually you will tell the girl that you love her because you want to get her in bed. You will then sleep with her as often as possible for a few months. Then when you feel that she's becoming too 'clingy', tell her that you never really loved her and that you never want to see her again. This will crush her (that's why they call them 'crushes') and emotionally scar her for life.

This will be her lesson in "all guys are pigs, unless they're gay which makes them even more attractive because of their unattainable status". Every girl needs to learn this at some point and you will be doing her a great disservice by treating her honestly and compassionately at this pivotal moment in her life.

Learning to make these difficult decisions is what it means to become a man. It'll be a positive growth experience for the both of you.

Seneca; My conscience won't let me.

I indeed expected someone to tell me to exploit the situation, but right now my rusty sarcasm detectors hope that you're kidding me.

Seneca- That's the most fucked up advice I've ever heard in my life.


- Jon

If you need a second, I detected that as pure sarcasm. Props to St. Seneca on the dry humor tip.

damn... that's like something I'd expect out of twitch or mikey milker...

ok, how's this?

I'm in pretty much the same situation but not exactly as extreme....

I met this girl at college and she's way rad, I love talking to her. However, I too get the distinct impression that she's falling for me... she's 20 and I'm 19 so it's not like we're kids like at the start of this thread. It's also, as I said, not as extreme...

I'm thinking I should just talk to her. She'll probably deny it, but at least it'll be clear...
Don't want to fuck up our awesome friendship (And, oh brother, can I fuck something up.), bad idea?


Harmonizing new illusions...
ICQ: 67751342

*looks at st seneca's post*
woah!
now that is ONE jaded person!

petskull: i would suggest an angle which confirms the level of your relationship as a friendship, instead of any approaches that would deny the level of your relationship as 'anything more'.

does that make sense? i'll spell it out - saying this sort of thing: "i love having you as a friend, i feel like i can tell you anything..." is much better than: "hang on gal, this is only a *friendship* thing, right? i mean, i think you're great, but i just dont have those feelings for you, if you know what i mean."


___________________
b u n c h a p i x e l s

I have been accused of being cynical a time or two.

Petskull, perhaps she just wants to be friends w/ benefits. There are a lot more college chicks who are like that than 15-year-old girls. I don't think you have nearly as big a problem as our poor friend here does.

I'm not looking for the whole 'friends w/ benifit's' thing right now... maybe some other day, but not today...


yeah, probably should be subtle about it... don't even know if she really likes me.. just a feeling, I guess..


Harmonizing new illusions...
ICQ: 67751342

[This message has been edited by Petskull (edited 02-05-2002).]

The poster has demanded we remove all his contributions, less he takes legal action.
We have done so.
Now Tyberius Prime expects him to start complaining that we removed his 'free speech' since this message will replace all of his posts, past and future.
Don't follow his example - seek real life help first.

The poster has demanded we remove all his contributions, less he takes legal action.
We have done so.
Now Tyberius Prime expects him to start complaining that we removed his 'free speech' since this message will replace all of his posts, past and future.
Don't follow his example - seek real life help first.

InI: Now who has been accussing me of being a girl? They are very manly and imperial robes don't you know, nothing at all like a dress and the underwear came with them and is traditional (and oh so lacey too!!). It tends to only be small children in the street who mistake me for a woman much to their mothers horror ('mummy is that a woman?' 'well yes of course it .... oh ... shush now')!! Technically there aren't many people who look less like a woman than I do except perhaps:
www.nicolebass.com

Emps

Ahhh.... Excellent!

It should have been easy enough for someone with a few neurons firing to determine that my intended advice was the complete opposite of what I actually said based on the words I carefully chose.

The fact that you didn't get it tickles me to no end. Rest assured I will be having a good chuckle for the rest of the day at your expense. Thank you.

tools

Nice mini skirt there DG!

*cough*
i'm sorry darkgarden, i'm a little slow, and need things explained:
exactly what do you mean by:

quote:

---

tools

---

??
i'm not entirely sure that would solve either mahjqa or petskull's problem... powertools fix appliances, not relationships.
the last time i brought an orbital sander into an intimate situation, i was kicked out, and called a 'sick kinky bastard'.
is there a more subtle way to use tools?

___________________
b u n c h a p i x e l s

Yes, the most subtle way to use tools is to keep talking at them while they fake understanding.

dah... I still dont know what it means. But im thinkin it probably is not a good thing.

The poster has demanded we remove all his contributions, less he takes legal action.
We have done so.
Now Tyberius Prime expects him to start complaining that we removed his 'free speech' since this message will replace all of his posts, past and future.
Don't follow his example - seek real life help first.

Nah..."tools" is a generality.

You'd really have to ask Wead...err..taxon...err...twitch.

Yeah..ask twitch.

Don't feel picked on..if I mean you, I'm not too shy to say "you"

The poster has demanded we remove all his contributions, less he takes legal action.
We have done so.
Now Tyberius Prime expects him to start complaining that we removed his 'free speech' since this message will replace all of his posts, past and future.
Don't follow his example - seek real life help first.