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Phil
Bipolar (III) Mad Scientist

From: Eastbourne, UK.
Insane since: Mar 2000

posted posted 02-25-2001 00:37

<opens door>
M/T since the 4th of Jan....kinda sad really.
No one got anything to say here.....like is this place in hibernation?
Shut down for the Winter or something?
To be or not to be.......That is the question?

...leaves note for ~vp~...
</opens door>


vogonpoet
Maniac (V) Mad Scientist

From: Mi, USA
Insane since: Aug 2000

posted posted 02-25-2001 01:21

*pokes head round cell door*

hmmmmm.... this wing of the forum seems to be abandoned?... *digs around in napsack.. produces a nice big feather duster*.. just needsa bit of sprucing up ready for spring time me thinks....

.......might help if Doc turned on the heating in this wing.. hmmmm....... echo...... echo.. echo... wow... nice acoustics...

*closes door quietly and heads off down the corridor whistling softly and dragging damp mop*

~Vp~

Slime
Lunatic (VI) Mad Scientist

From: Massachusetts, USA
Insane since: Mar 2000

posted posted 02-25-2001 02:32

...jumps around to put more slime where the floor was cleaned...

docilebob
Maniac (V) Mad Scientist

From: buttcrack of the midwest
Insane since: Oct 2000

posted posted 02-25-2001 06:43

<enters in dark, trips over nice big feather duster>

Hello ? is anybody home ?

<turns to leave, slips in slime bangs head on wall, sees pretty flashing lights>

Ah, that`s better...

< walks toward pretty lights>

Phil
Bipolar (III) Mad Scientist

From: Eastbourne, UK.
Insane since: Mar 2000

posted posted 02-25-2001 13:22

<opens door>

...sniff...sniff...sniff....~vp's~ been around, smells kinda cleaner than before....

<!--Leans on wall, lights a Prince, inhales deeply.-->

Yuk, wtf is on this floor! Jeez, that Slime's got some dirty habits.

<!--Shakes of excess Slime from boot, flicks up jacket collar and turns to leave.-->

Hears a deep groan from behind. Looks around, see's nothing. Listens again, nah, must be the wind.....

</opens door>

Shiiizzzam
Paranoid (IV) Mad Scientist

From: Nurse's Station
Insane since: Oct 2000

posted posted 02-25-2001 15:29

~walks in and sees big booboo on docilebob's head so pokes a black pill in his mouth ~man that's a strange look in his eyes~ Thinking perfect time to test my batteries so shines pen light in his eyes... ooooooooooh wow ! they look just like a kaleidoscope! major coolness~

~shakes slime off my heels and gives him a stern look~


~hears a deep moan grunt kinda thing and freaks...grabs toemuncher and runs out the door~



Boudga
Maniac (V) Mad Scientist

From: Jacks raging bile duct....
Insane since: Mar 2000

posted posted 02-26-2001 18:55

is everything still on for the Ozone's Dot Con?

twItch^
Maniac (V) Mad Scientist

From: the west wing
Insane since: Aug 2000

posted posted 02-26-2001 19:51

EVERYONE NEEDS TO GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY ROOM!

DarkGarden
Paranoid (IV) Inmate

From: in media rea
Insane since: Jul 2000

posted posted 02-26-2001 19:54

Oh..well if it's like that....

~packs rubber doll, finds shirt, and heads out~

Oh, and this had damned well better be Slime, or cleaning fluid on the floor, freaks.

And stop looking at me.

eyezaer
Lunatic (VI) Mad Scientist

From: the Psychiatric Ward
Insane since: Sep 2000

posted posted 02-26-2001 21:23

I love the gothic decor and the.... what tha... spiderwebs? this kinda reminds me of a meterred thingy.

ewww... thats NOT right... i guess i better go now... **shivvers** **gackk**

vogonpoet
Maniac (V) Mad Scientist

From: Mi, USA
Insane since: Aug 2000

posted posted 02-27-2001 01:16

*stops whistling and listens, turns head slightly to the left and strains ears*

".. fuck out of my room... fuck oouttta my room...." *listens to the strange echo coming from up the corridor from whence I came* hmmm.. very strange.....

*catches a glimpse of a reflection of light refracting from a bald head as a figure disappears in the opposite direction dragging what suspiciously looks like a deflated, somewhat polymer skinned human figure?* wierd.....

*turns back around , chirps up a merry tune of 'whistle while I work' and scurries away*


o O (this place is very , very odd!!!)

~Vp~

JKMabry
Maniac (V) Inmate

From: out of a sleepy funk
Insane since: Aug 2000

posted posted 02-27-2001 04:37

:: farts ::

whoops-a-dasiy, excuse me

Wes
Paranoid (IV) Mad Scientist

From: Inside THE BOX
Insane since: May 2000

posted posted 02-27-2001 07:30

Hey, did we ever get an informational site up for the con?

When all the posts got cleared outta here, we kinda lost any reference for people who might want to attend.


DL-44
Maniac (V) Inmate

From: under the bed
Insane since: Feb 2000

posted posted 02-27-2001 18:07

Wes -- why'd you fuck up a perfectly good thread by disucssing *reality* ??

sheesh, some people.

~regains consciousness and looks franticly for his rubber doll~

the ROY
Paranoid (IV) Inmate

From: Ft. Worth, Texas
Insane since: Sep 2000

posted posted 02-27-2001 18:19

:: peeks around the corner down the long empty coorridor ::
:: hears a faint whistling from somewhere within these abandoned catacombs of the asylum ::

ummmm.....
maybe not

:: turns around and goes back the way she came ::

what's that sticky crap anyway??


Phil
Bipolar (III) Mad Scientist

From: Eastbourne, UK.
Insane since: Mar 2000

posted posted 02-27-2001 23:30

Con? What Bloody Con?

~vp~ Giss a hand to loosen Wes's jacket, blood flow's severely restricted or he's od'ing on those Black Bombers Shiii keeps giving him........

<!--both get interrupted by farting noise from further down corridor-->

Phil ...that JK again?

<!--Both peer into gloom-->

~vp~ ....nope only DG. Say what's he up to over there....

Phil .....is that life saving stuff he's at or what.....

~vp~ ....sheesh, she's a skinny bitch.....hehe..... <!--Caress's mop handle lovingly-->

Phil .....now what's he doing.....

~vp~ .....bloody hell he's stuck a bicycle pump up her nose..... <!--Clutches mop to chest-->

Phil ....man that guy is weird.......



[This message has been edited by Phil (edited 02-27-2001).]

bunchapixels
Neurotic (0) Inmate
Newly admitted
posted posted 02-28-2001 00:58

<opens door>
<looks in>
<closes door>
<keeps on walking>

DarkGarden
Paranoid (IV) Inmate

From: in media rea
Insane since: Jul 2000

posted posted 02-28-2001 01:51

~stops pumping......on the bike pump.....swine~

~hears a faint whistling sound....realizing it's coming from penelope (don't blame me, it's DL's feckin' doll)~

~gets out the duct tape, growls low, then letting out a bellow~

VOGON, IF I HAVE TO DUCT TAPE ONE MORE FUCKIN' MOP PUNCTURE IN THIS THING, I'M GOING TO GIVE YOU THE ABILITY TO CLEAN THE FLOOR JUST BY DOING THE TWIST!

~hears DL....ducks and runs~



[This message has been edited by DarkGarden (edited 02-28-2001).]

vogonpoet
Maniac (V) Mad Scientist

From: Mi, USA
Insane since: Aug 2000

posted posted 02-28-2001 03:08

*takes mop handle and pokes Wes in the eye* DOINK

*leans over and whispers to Wes.. oiy dummy... change your posts to view over last 20 days!* doh!..

*goes back to poking holes in DG's lubberly friend* o O (ahh he wil never notice the splinters.. he's got tough skin).. *wonders why Phil is talking to himself and assuming my identity??.. hmm well it is an asylum I guess!*

*grabs a lump of the sticcky carp just by Roys foot and hold it up for her to view..... ITS SLIME!!!! Seee! hehe*

*eyes become glassy as the slime oozes between fingers.. reminds him of Twitch^.. oops.. darn..secrets out!.. shiver*

TURN THE HEATING UP DOC! ... *falls to belly and slithers into the darkness......................* ~Vp~

Phil
Bipolar (III) Mad Scientist

From: Eastbourne, UK.
Insane since: Mar 2000

posted posted 02-28-2001 23:36


<!--Stops at door and listens. Low growl coming from inside and a voice screaming..’Get the F*** off ma mop you smelly, flea ridden lil rat’…
Realising ~vp~ has got his hands full with Toe Muncher, I slowly open the door.
Shiii comes running down corridor shouting….’No ~vp~ don’t hurt my baby’….with that, DG comes out of anti room and lands Toe Muncher hefty boot up rear, launching the hapless creature (still clutching a mouthful of ~vp’s~ mop head) onto the inebriated form of DL-44, who’s cuddled up to a plastic doll that’s covered in duct tape and passing wind loudly every time he moves in his sleep.

DG (now in fits of manic laughter) realising that his Doc Martens are useful after all, proceeds to jump up and down on ~vp’s~ mop, whilst ~vp~ (now totally enraged) launches contents of bucket (containing puse ridden Slime) in DG’s direction. Having, slipped on some Slime that our illustrious janitor missed, DG crashes against door and - realising his survival depends upon it – exits and disappears toward ‘E’ Wing.

Toe Muncher – being unceremoniously dumped on DL – proceeds to attack said inebriated fellow, finally running off down corridor with ‘Penelopes’ left leg in his mouth and several strands of ~vp’s~ mop head dangling from his collar with Shiii and Krets in hot pursuit.

Gently ushered into corridor by Eyeman who is followed in by the man himself bedecked in white coat and arse about face baseball cap.
He grins warmly from behind his specs and surveys the scene as a hush falls and the only audible sound being that of ~vp~ sobbing over the destruction of his beloved mop. 'hehe' he mutters.

Taking my cue, I slip quietly out the door, lifting one of Boudgas pears as I go, and amble on past The Roy, twitch and Mikey playing poker for meds. -->

'Gotta find Steve and sort out these fake outworker passes for a week fishing in the mountains'

DocOzone
Maniac (V) Lord Mad Scientist
Sovereign of all the lands Ozone and just beyond that little green line over there...

From: Stockholm, Sweden
Insane since: Mar 1994

posted posted 03-03-2001 00:43

Sniff? Sniff? What's that funny smell? Tiptoes back out, <slowly I crept, inch by inch, step by step...>

Your pal, -doc-

DarkGarden
Paranoid (IV) Inmate

From: in media rea
Insane since: Jul 2000

posted posted 03-03-2001 01:26


"However, my hapless partner didn't know what I knew (about E Wing)....that this.....was bat country...."

~ambling down the corridor smelling of freshly laquered pine solvent, and sweaty nylons, the realization hits like a windshield through a bug's arse....~
"That overgrown rodent crapped on my boot."
~Stopping for a moment to ponder this predicament, it becomes blatantly clear that the "guests" of E wing are little more than a huddled heap of catatonics drooling a mess of mashed peas, and mashed, mashed peas onto each other. What a sad, sad sight before me. Once proud humans reduced to little more than saline bags of liquid was....~

"Oh, hey buncha"
"Hi DG"

~now where was I? Right.....saline bags of liquid waste. A moment of compassion gripped at my heart.....wait.....no...that's gas, nevermind. Ripping the spittle bib from a particularly nasty young patien...~

"Oh, hey again buncha....using this?"
"Not really, I stopped drooling since the high colonics.....my spleen hurts, DG."
"Right then, there's a good soldier..."

~Taking the useless piece of fetid asbestos, and stealing a pencil from Julio, the epileptic conductor, I began writing up a bill for Shiii to pay for twenty minutes of Elian Gonzales' time to polish my toes. Cheap Cuban labour was no laughing matter, as my old friend Janet used to say. Rounding the corner toward A block, I was stricken with fea.....nope, gas again......no wait..fear. A block was where the sturgeon lived. The great silver fish that left his mark on my forehead.

Hang on, that can't be right....how would a fish use a bonesaw....and whose underwear are these?

I carried on. The relative silence was only broken by the occasional sound of some horrid type of thunder from the wing I had been in before. Odd thunder though it was, with an almost wet sound, and mumbling. I steeled myself against the visual and moved on.

The doors of A block just in front of my outstretched hand suddenly ripped a flashback through my brainpan. A huge silver fish, 599 rats with keyboards for hands, and a freakish assistant named Al Doughbay ejecting airborne spittle in waves as he shrieked at me about my lobes and the texture....DEAR LORD THE TEXTURE!!!

I came to, wandering through those selfsame doors, and noticing the faint trickle of a far off fountain drizzling it's cool cascade into the concrete pond below. As my eyes adjusted to the light, I suddenly realized it was Petskull urinating off the window ledge.~

"Hey Petso, think you can do me a favour?"
"aahghj hgha h buh ah cahnk fink do goot"

~The lad was obviously saying yes...I could tell from the toothless grin, and vacant stare~

"I need you to give this note to Shiiizzam..can you do that?"

~I watched his hand motions beside his thigh~

"Yes, Pet..that's the one...with the short skirt...uh huh."

~His sudden plethora of mucus was as much affirmation as I needed. As he reached out his rotovirulent paw toward me, I, again, felt compassion...lifting the bill etched, soiled bib up toward him, and then stabbing it in place on his forehead with Julio's pencil.....or tracheotomy tube....I wasn't sure, though it would explain the wheezing, but what did it matter. It was a sunny day in the Asylum, and it was Lime Jello Friday.

As my grin spread, I noticed my erstwhile messenger slumping to the ground, seemingly unaffected by the rigorous embedding of the "pencil". All was well, though two questions would linger in the back of my mind...~

What the hell is that smell?....and who the hell are twitch and milker poking for meds?

and whose underwear are these?

one plus one is two plus one.


vogonpoet
Maniac (V) Mad Scientist

From: Mi, USA
Insane since: Aug 2000

posted posted 03-03-2001 02:34

*walks up to the window, places hands on the bars, leans face forward til the cold metal touches both cheeks, and draws in a deep breath of fresh air... lets eyes focus on nuttin in particular, vaguely absorbing the blue sky*


*shivers, as the cool early evening breeze snaps him back to reality*

"HEY! who stole my underwear?????????" darn is nuttin sacred?

~Vp~

Shiiizzzam
Paranoid (IV) Mad Scientist

From: Nurse's Station
Insane since: Oct 2000

posted posted 03-03-2001 02:37

Cuddles Toe Muncher whispering....Mama's baby....~kissy~ don't let them upset you ~puts pill in his mouth and rubs his throat so it goes down~

Now ~tap'in foot~ looking around for DG *and* VP ..... grrrr I am gonna rOcK their world !

DG.. "Ya looking for me Shi"

"Uh huh .... know the underwear you don't know who they belong to?"

DG...."yeah and that smell it's familiar"

"Does rubber doll ring a bell DG?"


DG.... "Shi, you can just tear that bill up " ~wink~


~struts out of the room with Toe Muncher looking like it's half time at Woodstock~

DL-44
Maniac (V) Inmate

From: under the bed
Insane since: Feb 2000

posted posted 03-03-2001 18:31

~mmm, penelope...that was wonderful. I'm so gald I saved from that horrible DG....

wait....why do you have fur on you now?

~sits up, rubs eyes...adjusts to the darkness.~

toe muncher?? what are you doing here?
where's penelope??

oh %$@**!! what have I done?? ewwwwwwwwww!!!!!!!!

......and where the hell are my underwear??

[This message has been edited by DL-44 (edited 03-04-2001).]

eyezaer
Lunatic (VI) Mad Scientist

From: the Psychiatric Ward
Insane since: Sep 2000

posted posted 03-04-2001 16:17

after ushering in the Doc i played my usual role... wall flower. it was fine untill the dagon dog peed on my leg.... quite suprised by this turn of events... i must be taking wall flowering toooo seriously... i start to wonder if his pee will glow under a black light, but i am soon brought to the present as i realize that the dog is repeadedly running its head into the wall. My gosh! this is ONE messed up dog!! twitch^? I wonder if he needs to eat a pear.... hmm.... i start to tap my foot to the beat... suddenly i hear a scream oh %$@**!! what have I done?? ewwwwwwwwww!!!!!!!! huh! i snap out of trance... trip over dog and see, out of the darkness *gasp* a precious 2 liter bottle of Dr. Pepper! I MUST SAVE IT! as i slip and slide across the .... slimy?.... floor i trip again over some one with really nappy hair.... Shiiizzz! you oka? speak to me! AHGH when did your hair go white???? i wish it was lighter in here so i could see you better..... what is taht smell.... cleaning stuff???? Shiiizzz... NO! VP used you as a MOP?????? say its not so! hang on i got a splinter.... and.... :::cough cough::: *turns a shade of red* YO VP! I FOUND YOUR MOP! EHhehehe..... back to the D.P. what is that mutterin i hear.......blablabla...and whose underwear are these? one plus one is two plus one. ah... just DG... **CRUNCH** AAAAAAUUUUUUUUGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! Not the Doc Pepper! **THUD**.......


Babamba
Paranoid (IV) Inmate

From: my mother
Insane since: Aug 2000

posted posted 03-04-2001 20:40

do those underwear happen to have a racing stripe on em?

<!--Opens door....odd, what the hell'm I doing in here? Striped underwear, this guy's gotta be sick or something.....

hmmmmm...kinda cosy in here though.....wow, you can really see some weird things inside someone else's post hehe.....

Oiii You! hehe, lulu reckons it's Babamba...lol.....

Hey ho, what's twitch doing trying to put underwear on Toe Muncher.....

Uh Uh, here comes Doc O.............Phew that was close.........

Better go before Babamba wakes up.....

Steps outside, closes door quietly-->



[This message has been edited by Phil (edited 03-04-2001).]

Allewyn
Maniac (V) Mad Scientist

From: Solitary confinement
Insane since: Feb 2001

posted posted 03-05-2001 06:53

~pokes nose in~
Ooooooooo, I smell flapjacks!
~slips and falls on slime left by some furball~ Thankyou berry much.
~shoves hands in pockets and looks around~
Coulda swore I heard somebody in here... shuffles back out into the asykum hall...
~/pokes nose in~

twItch^
Maniac (V) Mad Scientist

From: the west wing
Insane since: Aug 2000

posted posted 03-05-2001 15:36

~like a gazelle, he leaps onto the scene. coughing mildly from a mixture of cigarettes and dank air, he looks around to survey his surroundings.~

"odd," he says, as he almost trips over a very large, very drool-happy inmate without a patch of hair on his head, surplanted by pieces of metal. "i don't think we're in kansas anymore." which was good. he had very, very bad memories of kansas. it involved a teacher...and some ky.

shrugging that feeling off, he went deeper into the morbid scene that had unfolded mere hours (or perhaps days) before his return this instant. the carnage was beyond what he was accustomed to, being nothing more than a big-city designer locked away for unfair reasons. the baby was already dead...and he will always stick to that story.

passed out in the far corner he saw what looked to be an important person. his hair was tossled into a unique facsimile of the planet earth, complete with continents and oceans--a film was coating the sphere. a film that, at first our intrepid explorer didn't want to touch, but soon couldn't resist. he touched...the ozone.

[This message has been edited by twItch^ (edited 03-05-2001).]

docilebob
Maniac (V) Mad Scientist

From: buttcrack of the midwest
Insane since: Oct 2000

posted posted 03-08-2001 07:14

...and he walked on down the hall...

Drakkor
Maniac (V) Inmate

From: Seatte, Warshington, USA
Insane since: Dec 2000

posted posted 03-08-2001 21:15

*Standing outside the door warning everyone passing by*

Don't go in there, It's haunted!

DocOzone
Maniac (V) Lord Mad Scientist
Sovereign of all the lands Ozone and just beyond that little green line over there...

From: Stockholm, Sweden
Insane since: Mar 1994

posted posted 03-08-2001 21:26

AGGHHHhhh!!! Fire!!! FIRRRRRRE!!!!!!!! Blowing smoke into people's boxes, will anuone notice? Stay tuned!!!

Your pal, -doc-

Phil
Bipolar (III) Mad Scientist

From: Eastbourne, UK.
Insane since: Mar 2000

posted posted 03-09-2001 00:27

Slowly I open the door and peer in.......

......the last haunting echos of an inmate running somewhere in another place shouting Fire!....Fire, trip away and die amidst the maze of insanity.......

.....gently pushing the door a little wider I survey the scene. My eyes slowly adjusting to the dark, dank room as the early morning sun pushes past me from behind the bars of the broken window in the corridor.

....dust motes dance lazily across the shafts of light, refracting from timeless gloss paint that now peels from the far wall......gossamer shards of an unfinished rainbow.......

.....the echoes of madness that once were, have gone, replaced now with a cloying stench of sweat and stale cigarette smoke........I retch, and strain my inner being for sanity........

......something begins materialising in the distant corridor. I push hard against the wall, the hairs on my neck bristling........it grows larger, swirling, misty.....the reality of it dawns.....
The perceived conflagration by another was but the Ozone.......the mythical pathway to sanctuary……

Closing my eyes I feel a gentle breeze brush lightly across my face........somewhere, far off, the soothing sound of water and the soft sloshing noise of waves breaking on a sandy beach appease my soul......
Opening my eyes, the surreal vision is gone........I start at the soft sloshing sounds coming from the corridor.

The solitary figure of ~vp~ on his morning chores jolts me back to reality. I turn again and stare at the emptiness where moments before I beheld a dream.....now only the dust motes playing in the sunlight fill my vision.......

Turning, I walk doggedly along the corridor towards ~vp~, my footfall echoing through the emptiness.....I stop beside him as he looks up. The dark liquid pools of his eyes asking the question.....

"The Ozone is within!.......I am the Ozone!" I answer.

He lowers his gaze.......

Empty I walk away........




[This message has been edited by Phil (edited 03-09-2001).]

Drakkor
Maniac (V) Inmate

From: Seatte, Warshington, USA
Insane since: Dec 2000

posted posted 03-09-2001 00:56

"It's Haunted, Haunted I tell yoU!!"

*Stop to check my pockets...*

"What the hell?" *I ask my self as I realize my stash of Sativa and LSD has gone missing*

twItch^
Maniac (V) Mad Scientist

From: the west wing
Insane since: Aug 2000

posted posted 03-09-2001 01:20

having eaten all my vegetables, i am alotted one piece of pie. for this, i am pleased.

~snarf~

eyezaer
Lunatic (VI) Mad Scientist

From: the Psychiatric Ward
Insane since: Sep 2000

posted posted 03-11-2001 03:10

out of the darkness and muck breaks a scream....


WHERED THEY PUT THE @!# *&! @#@*!! C*****N BATHROOM!!!?????!?!?!?

Babamba
Paranoid (IV) Inmate

From: my mother
Insane since: Aug 2000

posted posted 03-11-2001 05:26

take 5 left turns, 4 right turns, watch out for the spilt slime, take 17 giant steps backward, 34 half steps froward, and wait for VP to pass by. he'll let you use his bucket.

Spam is yummy
~babamba

vogonpoet
Maniac (V) Mad Scientist

From: Mi, USA
Insane since: Aug 2000

posted posted 03-11-2001 06:19

**slips you the bucket**

wanders off silently up the corrodor as if riding on a mat of invisible and silent ball bearings

Quarath
Bipolar (III) Inmate

From: Magna, UT
Insane since: May 2000

posted posted 03-14-2001 22:01

opens door and steps in..... foot slips in slime falss to one knee and places hand in slime. Curses loudly and retreats to hallway. ...Finds emergency firehose and breaks glass. Pulls hose to door and releases nozzle. Yells ...NO MORE SLIME... as torent of stall water is released across the floor of the room.

[This message has been edited by Quarath (edited 03-14-2001).]

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